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To bust or not to bust

zinger

By zinger,
in Infidelity

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turnera

turnera

Posted
Posted

It is crazy that they are taking her part. It would make sense if it was her family that was behaving like this.

Well, that's what I said. He obviously plays a role in his family of the one it's ok to crap all over. They had a hand in it, but he unwittingly probably did too, by accepting it at some level.
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m.snow

m.snow

Posted
Posted

It is crazy that they are taking her part. It would make sense if it was her family that was behaving like this.

 

 

from the start Zinger stated he was never close to his family.

WW was responsible for reconnecting Zinger with his family again.

with that your probably getting some picture.

 

from the get go Zinger has been a bit odd to me.

knowing with a mature age and success has no kids.

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Spectre

Spectre

Posted
Posted
Zing,

 

Looks like you need to put your foot down with your family in the same way that you do your employees.

 

And the overdose thing is manipulation. If she has any issues with substance abuse then the chain of being responsible is like

1. Her family

2. Her boyfriend

3. The mailman

4. Random people walking down the street

5. Santa Claus

6. Anyone else on the planet

7. Never you even if the OP is the last person on Earth besides this horrid woman

 

Seriously, you spent months living with her because of her mental health due to stuff that she freely chose to do. At some point you need to ignore it because it will NEVER go away unless you do.

 

I fixed your list a bit for you.

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ShatteredLady

ShatteredLady

Posted
Posted

M.snow. Zinger stated very early on in this thread that he DIDN'T want to discuss the fact that he doesn't have children! This doesn't make him or his relationship "odd". There are many reasons why couples don't or can't have children. I think we should respect his wishes.

 

He is a principled man who is living an emotional nightmare whilst trying to retain his dignity.

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Spectre

Spectre

Posted
Posted

I also don't get the children thing, not everyone wants to raise a kid..some find them obnoxious. I hate when people act like you are doing something wrong if you don't want kids. ESPECIALLY in this country with the way women can royally screw men over when it comes to kids, custody, and child support? Can't blame a guy for not wanting kids.

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blu3

blu3

Posted
Posted

Hi Zinger

 

I have been following your post and I'm in the midst of filing for divorce for my WH's infidelity with his co-worker.

 

It has been almost 6 mths from 1st DD (I forgave and "we" worked on R) since end April and 4 mths from 2nd DD (busted and I left the house with my daughter after I got my car 1 mth from 2nd DD).

 

Till now.. I feel like sh*t while he is happily dating with his OW. How do you let it go? How do you able to overcome your emotion? I feel so feeble in settling my mental and emotion.

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zinger

zinger

Posted
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Blue,

 

It is hard for me to give any advice, especially because you're a lady and I do believe (call me a sexist if you like) I believe men and women have different "code(x)" e.g. expectations, strengths and weaknesses in life.

 

However I'll say this:

1. I'm a fan of simplicity, I prefer to simplify not to over complicate things. Your X cheated on you 2 times, that's 2 times more than a man can afford. You left. That removes any uncertainty and complexity. That totally clears the way forward.

 

2. Feeling uncertain, powerless and dependent on things beyond your control is the worst case. You have eliminated that. The rest - finances and everything else material or spiritual can be easily solved with a certain and consistent physical and intellectual effort. (Im quoting myself, pathetic ). So your feelings are like a pain from removed tooth. Apply effort consistently - e.g. work, make your child happy, do other things ladies do to make them happy - and it will inevitably pass.

 

3. His loss.

 

This probably lacks the depth of other advices here but at least I'm taking my own medicine.

.

 

 

 

Hi Zinger

 

I have been following your post and I'm in the midst of filing for divorce for my WH's infidelity with his co-worker.

 

It has been almost 6 mths from 1st DD (I forgave and "we" worked on R) since end April and 4 mths from 2nd DD (busted and I left the house with my daughter after I got my car 1 mth from 2nd DD).

 

Till now.. I feel like sh*t while he is happily dating with his OW. How do you let it go? How do you able to overcome your emotion? I feel so feeble in settling my mental and emotion.

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eric1

eric1

Posted
Posted

Now you're the one giving out advice.

 

How times change :)

 

A testament that discovering and sticking to what is true to yourself is the quickest path to healing

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zinger

zinger

Posted
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Now you're the one giving out advice.

 

How times change :)

 

A testament that discovering and sticking to what is true to yourself is the quickest path to healing

 

I'm not "giving advice" I'm "sharing the experience" ;)

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eric1

eric1

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Get ready to share that experience some more. A wounded but stable and successful European in the US?! Every MILF is going to line up for a piece of that.

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  • 1 month later...
Krashi

Krashi

Posted
Posted
if you can C block the affair now, even thought you have no concrete proof, I would do it. it is much easier to reconcile from an EA only.

 

 

If you can cancel the business trip you would have more time to keylog her computer and phone, do some VAR stuff, GPS her car, try to have SOMETHING to hang your hat on.

 

 

When you do confront her now, she will just say the standard "you are crazy, we are just good friends....." and be gaslighted. AND the affair might just continue in a more underground way that you will never find out about. so getting a little proof will help you immensely.

For me, I would hold off confronting. I feel it is the intent to cheat vs the actual cheating that is the real cause of the harm.

Again, this is just my own value system. I would not want to live with someone who intended to betray me, but only refrained because I busted her. I could never trust that person with my heart. I would always be on edge and it would show me, with clarity, that I was a backup plan.

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zinger

zinger

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zinger - I haven't forgotten about you and am wondering how you are doing.

 

Thanks drifter. Still alive and kickin':

1. Moving to US as planned.

2. Officially divorced (expedite process because of my move).

3. Long road ahead bit there is a slim probability I'll not be alone for a long when I land in the States next year.

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eric1

eric1

Posted
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All great stuff, Zing. Do what makes you happy. Look me up when you're in the States and if we're withing 300 miles we'll have some beers together.

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zinger

zinger

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Thanks everyone for support and kind words. My support to those of you who is going through tough times themselves.

 

Will gladly stay in contact with anyone who PM's me.

 

Zinger

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