Silent Treatment from Girlfriend again

[ryane5798]

I have had this long distance relationship with this girl online for about year and we talk everyday and have a met a few times too. We both have busy careers and not able to take time off to meet very often. She has children too.

She gave me the silent treatment about 3 months ago when my sister visited me and I didn’t text her for a couple of days. But she didn’t text me either. She didn’t respond to me for 5 days after that and only when I apologized to her several times. But the thing was she didn’t text me for the 2 days either but somehow I was at fault. When I questioned her about the silent treatment she said she didn’t feel like talking not just to me but everyone including her family and it was because she was upset I didn’t text her for 2 days. I know her grown son moved out of the house after he had a suicide attempt. And she told me her children don’t even wish her happy birthday. At that time I used to think he children were terrible but after her behavior I know it is her.

Now about 10 days ago, we had a very trivial argument and she has started the silent treatment again. She won’t respond to any of my texts. I have apologized hundreds of times and even begged her to talk to me but no response. I don’t know what is going on. I still care a lot for her. I am feeling terrible and feel guilty and feel like I don’t exist . I am constantly thinking about her.

Is this Silent Treatment or am I dealing with a “psycho” here? After reading about Narcissist she fits the description in a lot of ways.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

End it. You're not in a real relationship.

[lil hoodlum]

Text messaging is a poor means of communicating with someone especially when in a LDR.

 

 

Drop the text messaging and use the phone as a means to stay connected to someone.

[Satu]

I have had this long distance relationship with this girl online for about year and we talk everyday and have a met a few times too. We both have busy careers and not able to take time off to meet very often. She has children too.

She gave me the silent treatment about 3 months ago when my sister visited me and I didn’t text her for a couple of days. But she didn’t text me either. She didn’t respond to me for 5 days after that and only when I apologized to her several times. But the thing was she didn’t text me for the 2 days either but somehow I was at fault. When I questioned her about the silent treatment she said she didn’t feel like talking not just to me but everyone including her family and it was because she was upset I didn’t text her for 2 days. I know her grown son moved out of the house after he had a suicide attempt. And she told me her children don’t even wish her happy birthday. At that time I used to think he children were terrible but after her behavior I know it is her.

Now about 10 days ago, we had a very trivial argument and she has started the silent treatment again. She won’t respond to any of my texts. I have apologized hundreds of times and even begged her to talk to me but no response. I don’t know what is going on. I still care a lot for her. I am feeling terrible and feel guilty and feel like I don’t exist . I am constantly thinking about her.

Is this Silent Treatment or am I dealing with a “psycho” here? After reading about Narcissist she fits the description in a lot of ways.

 

The 'silent treatment' *can* be a form of emotional/mental abuse.

 

 

Psychological abuse can look like:

 

1. Humiliating or embarrassing you.

2. Constant put-downs.

3. Hypercriticism.

4. Refusing to communicate.

5. Ignoring or excluding you.

6. Extramarital affairs.

7. Provocative behavior with opposite sex.

8. Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.

9. Unreasonable jealousy.

10. Extreme moodiness.

11. Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.

12. Saying “I love you but…”

13. Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”

14. Domination and control.

15. Withdrawal of affection.

16. Guilt trips.

17. Making everything your fault.

18. Isolating you from friends and family.

19. Using money to control.

20. Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her.

21. Threatening to commit suicide if you leave.

 

Source here.

 

Take care.

[stillafool]

Definitely end it. She is trying to control you through her silence. I had a friend like her and the more you beg them to talk the worse it gets. This is sick behavior. Do not contact her again. She sees your begging as a weakness.

[coryreply]

You've met up a few times in the last year. Are you attracted to her physically? Or is she just fulfilling an emotional need for you?

[ryane5798]

You've met up a few times in the last year. Are you attracted to her physically? Or is she just fulfilling an emotional need for you?

Well, we had a emotional connection. But I have decided to go NC not to get her back but to move way. She actually did me a favor by showing me her true colors. What if I had married her or something and had kids. Life would have been hell living with her. She was married two times and very short ones. That should have been a red flag to me.

[ryane5798]

Definitely end it. She is trying to control you through her silence. I had a friend like her and the more you beg them to talk the worse it gets. This is sick behavior. Do not contact her again. She sees your begging as a weakness.

Well I am done with her. Won't go back even if she begs me.

[Satu]

Your life belongs to you.

 

Make it a nice one to live.

[stillafool]

Well, we had a emotional connection. But I have decided to go NC not to get her back but to move way. She actually did me a favor by showing me her true colors. What if I had married her or something and had kids. Life would have been hell living with her. She was married two times and very short ones. That should have been a red flag to me.

 

You are so right. Being a married woman myself I can tell you that communication is key to a happy marriage. I wouldn't be surprised if her silence played a big part in her divorces.

[loverboy69]

Yes the silent treatment is punishment and immature. It's exposes poor communication skills on the part of the giver and meant to make the receiver feel pain.

[justwhoiam]

we talk everyday

Do you really talk to her on the phone or only text her?

 

She gave me the silent treatment about 3 months ago when my sister visited me and I didn’t text her for a couple of days.

This is my advice as a woman: before you start criticizing a woman for her female reactions, start dissecting your own behavior.

What special things do you do for her?

Do you ever romance her?

Do you send her gifts?

How often do you pick up the phone to talk to her?

Do you ever show her your love through surprises?

Do you ever try to impress her? If yes, how?

 

she didn’t text me either. She didn’t respond to me for 5 days after that and only when I apologized to her several times.

So what? Are you complaining because she was unavailable when you yourself were unavailable to her in the first place? Quite illogical.

 

But the thing was she didn’t text me for the 2 days either but somehow I was at fault.

Maybe she was waiting for you to look for her. Hopefully, she didn't see you on facebook or something, because that'd be mean (of you).

 

When I questioned her about the silent treatment she said she didn’t feel like talking not just to me but everyone including her family and it was because she was upset I didn’t text her for 2 days.

It can make sense. I don't know all the details, and I'm hearing just your version. But to me, it can make sense.

 

she told me her children don’t even wish her happy birthday

I guess that has a lot to do with how they have been raised, and how close the family members are to one another.

 

I used to think he children were terrible but after her behavior I know it is her.

I don't know her, so I can't tell, but that's some mean thing to say about the woman you claim you love.

 

we had a very trivial argument and she has started the silent treatment again. She won’t respond to any of my texts. I have apologized hundreds of times and even begged her to talk to me but no response.

Did you try to make up for what you said or for the way you behaved?

 

Is this Silent Treatment or am I dealing with a “psycho” here?

Hard to tell, as we don't know much about her. I'd say: stop thinking about women giving silent treatment. It's offensive.

[ryane5798]

Do you really talk to her on the phone or only text her?

 

This is my advice as a woman: before you start criticizing a woman for her female reactions, start dissecting your own behavior.

What special things do you do for her?

Do you ever romance her?

Do you send her gifts?

How often do you pick up the phone to talk to her?

Do you ever show her your love through surprises?

Do you ever try to impress her? If yes, how?

 

So what? Are you complaining because she was unavailable when you yourself were unavailable to her in the first place? Quite illogical.

 

Maybe she was waiting for you to look for her. Hopefully, she didn't see you on facebook or something, because that'd be mean (of you).

 

It can make sense. I don't know all the details, and I'm hearing just your version. But to me, it can make sense.

 

I guess that has a lot to do with how they have been raised, and how close the family members are to one another.

 

I don't know her, so I can't tell, but that's some mean thing to say about the woman you claim you love.

 

Did you try to make up for what you said or for the way you behaved?

 

Hard to tell, as we don't know much about her. I'd say: stop thinking about women giving silent treatment. It's offensive.

First of all don't take this personally against all woman. There are a lot of wonderfull woman out there. It is not a man or woman but a person. I know there are a lot bad men out there too.

Well I did everything special for her. I sent her flowers on every occasion, when we met I got her the most expensive gift and took her to a nice restaurant, overall I treated her like

a princess. I would wish her good morning and good night every night even if I didn't get a response. And of course she got gifts for Christmas which she didn't reciprocate, but a gift is given unconditionally.

And after the argument, I have offered her a thousand apologies and even sent flowers, which she had not contacted me.

Well, nothing is going to make sense to you as you think all men are mean and all woman are nice. I don't know what world you are living in. You must be feminist or something living all alone.

[stillafool]

OP, you are fine, it's your gf who has the problem. What does she do special for you? She is not a child and if she has a problem she should open her mouth and say what it is. You are not a mind reader. Dump her and find yourself a real woman who knows how to communicate.

[coryreply]

Well, we had a emotional connection. But I have decided to go NC not to get her back but to move way. She actually did me a favor by showing me her true colors. What if I had married her or something and had kids. Life would have been hell living with her. She was married two times and very short ones. That should have been a red flag to me.

 

Thanks for the update. Good luck to you in the future!

[justwhoiam]

First of all don't take this personally against all woman.

Well, you brought up the "silent treatment". And it's popular belief among men that women give "silent treatment". That's some easy stereotype to me. I guess you don't even realize, but the verbiage you used comes from the culture you're imbued with.

 

nothing is going to make sense to you as you think all men are mean and all woman are nice.

That's nonsense! I'm not sure how you came to those conclusions for telling you to pay attention when talking about the so-called silent treatment.

 

I don't know what world you are living in. You must be feminist or something living all alone.

Nothing further from the truth. But you believe what you want. You don't leave room for discussion. Maybe you have the worst girlfriend in the world, but after your last post, I must question your judgement, as you only depict your perfection and her defects.