Strange scenario

[gerkin]

Me and this girl hit it off straight away after meeting her on a night out in university. we would talk to each other everyday for hours and would often be doing things together, with me staying round hers or her staying round mine. This went on for about a month, but we agreed we'd just "stay friends".

 

Over the holidays we stay in contact, being on the phone for hours and texting daily. We admit we have feelings for each other, but say that we're just going to be friends as she was going to work abroad for a few months soon. She told me she has never since her ex spoke to somebody as much as me.

 

We get back to university, ends up going back to normal. But she drops a bombshell that she slept with her ex over the holidays. With her ex they had a bad breakup,

Developing anxiety and had panic attacks for months after splitting up. Over the course of the next year, she'd sleep with him every month or so. I began to think that she never got over her ex.

 

One night I see he texted her while I'm at hers. I end up leaving and she tells me that she doesn't have feelings for me. I was like I'm done with this, decided if she doesn't have feelings now she definitely won't ever. I cut off contact with her for a week. i slept with somebody that week and told her when she asked if I had. She said she was upset by this but I continued giving minimal contact. At the end of the week I get a call begging for me to come round to hers saying how much she misses me. I refused for a couple days but said I'd go for a drink with her. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with her round hers. She told me that I don't realise how much she cares and we had a good night. She was going away in a week for a few months so I was just whatever happens before she goes it doesn't really matter.

 

Once again a few days later she tells me she has no feelings for me, almost as if she's pushing me away constantly. Once again I was just like whatever. Rings me up the next day and we end up on the phone for 4 hours. She tells me how it's "scary" how well we get on.

 

Yesterday was the day before she went away. I went round hers for a couple hours, just chatting in general and things. She refused to kiss me, telling me it's "pointless". I left and she's now away for the next few months.

 

I came to a few conclusions about this:

-she really still cares about her ex, and didn't give a **** about me

-she began to really start caring about me, so backed off because of how **** her past was with somebody she gen cared about

-she's a mess

 

I guess there's no point worrying about it now as I won't see her for a few months. But any thoughts?

Edited May 20, 2015 by gerkin

[preraph]

She may just feel very alone and her friend leaving on her mad her sad and kind of desperate. She slept with you so you wouldn't leave, but she keeps saying she doesn't have feelings, so for her it was only sex and probably only to make you happy so she doesn't lose you as a friend. Probably does still like her ex. But even if she does, if she had any "feelings" that way for you, she wouldn't say she didn't.

 

She just sounds vulnerable to me. So please tread lightly with her.

[gerkin]

She may just feel very alone and her friend leaving on her mad her sad and kind of desperate. She slept with you so you wouldn't leave, but she keeps saying she doesn't have feelings, so for her it was only sex and probably only to make you happy so she doesn't lose you as a friend. Probably does still like her ex. But even if she does, if she had any "feelings" that way for you, she wouldn't say she didn't.

 

She just sounds vulnerable to me. So please tread lightly with her.

 

I guess so. I didn't make it clear that we slept together straight away, and we did many of times. The first time we met we slept together and like everytime i was round hers. It moved incredibly fast. We just agreed to say we were just "friends", even though we never were from the start.

 

Its hard to think that shes lonely, given that she has a tonne of friends and she is seriously attractive. I know she gets alot of attention but she did focus so much of it on me originally.

 

Dont get me wrong in these next months I will be looking for something new and when she's back I will make sure to treat her as a friend and nothing more.

Edited May 20, 2015 by gerkin

[AGoodFriend]

Luckily for you you two will have some space for the next few months. This will be enough time for you to recapture yourself. I say recapture because I think that you were starting to develop some feelings for her.

[gerkin]

I was definitely starting to develop feelings. It all moved so fast. She's still in constant contact with me but I've been avoiding most contact for now.

 

I'll simply just be friends with her when she comes back and go from there, do not want to jump straight back into the ship of where it was. in a world where her ex wasn't around we'd probably be together. If I put myself too deep into the friend zone I know I'll never get out!

 

It was so good at first but then I think reality set in in that I wasn't her ex. Her sleeping with him probably brought back a tonne of feelings and put a stop gap into anything going further.

 

I'll keep my options open constantly though and will not be getting too hung up on it. Will definitely be avoiding anything more than friends for at least 6 months, if I'm still in contact with her by then.