solostand Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 (edited) So I told about our 2.5 year affair to ex-MM's adult daughter. She was always involved anyway, even telling him many times "Mom thinks you have a girlfriend". Somehow I felt better that his betrayal has come out. But I feel bad about the hurt as well. However, I think the [bS] has a right to know and she had been suspicious and asking for a long time, and he had been lying. I am trying to move on, have moved away, and have had no contact with ex-MM since I moved. Edited May 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Do not tell...it's not going to benefit anyone in the situation 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 You've had some kind of discussion with her daughter where you've admitted it. That conversation got ugly. I'd leave it at that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Why did you do that Solo? Since you have moved away now you could have just kept silent. Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Really, leave it alone. You've done enough. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 well, the daughter asked. And like many others, I felt it was not fair for ex-MM to just waltz off into the sunset with no consequences for his behaviour. I know whether to tell or not is often a controversial issue, but I feel if it was me I would want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I don't get the vitriol. We can debate whether or not she should have stayed quiet, but the daughter sought her out to ask her. And they apparently already knew to a degree. Solostand didn't initiate this particular drama. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 i wouldn't tell. time to move on, you know? that's not your business anymore and it's not on you to "open the BS's eyes" - so just leave it alone. try to block them if they want to contact you & work on you and on moving on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Don't. I don't know your story but try this on. You act as if this is one sided. That you were not a party to breaking a man's marriage vows for 2.5 years. Your actions speak to your dishonesty and wonton disregard for others. Perhaps your XMM should tell your boss and coworkers. I mean, don't they have a right to know who they're working with? Or maybe your parents or siblings? Or female friends even. I mean your actions say you're a threat to their relationships. I hope you see the absurdity of this argument. Put him behind you. Move on. You've done enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I don't get the vitriol. We can debate whether or not she should have stayed quiet, but the daughter sought her out to ask her. And they apparently already knew to a degree. Solostand didn't initiate this particular drama. Solo, as a member of this forum, should be allowed to ask whatever she likes without being treated like the LS pariah. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 well, the daughter asked. And like many others, *I felt it was not fair for ex-MM to just waltz off into the sunset with no consequences for his behaviour. I know whether to tell or not is often a controversial issue, but I feel if it was me I would want to know. *So you exacted revenge, by upsetting his completely innocent and blameless daughter? By what feat of mental gymnastics do you justify that to yourself? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 I don't get the vitriol either. It's not like I tied this guy up and forced him to have an affair with me - in fact, he was the pursuer. I read all the time on the infidelity forum that BS want to know the truth. I gave a small part of the truth. Who knows what ex-MM is saying to rug sweep it all away? I'm not happy it was the adult daughter who I told, but it was she who asked. She already knew anyway. How much she knew, who knows? If the BS asked me today, I would tell her the entire truth. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I read all the time on the infidelity forum that BS want to know the truth. I gave a small part of the truth. but you don't know if your MM's BS wants to know the truth, you don't know what is she thinking - you only have assumptions. you didn't force your MM to have an A - but no one is forcing you to interact with his family either. it's really time to move on. what goes on inside of their family -- it's none of your business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 No, I am gone. His daughter asked and I told the truth. And yes, I think we can all agree he was a POS and a liar who actually talked about killing his BS, so I don't care if he gets his. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 but I feel if it was me I would want to know. Of course you would, so would any other W. She asked and YOU TOLD THE TRUTH. Good for you. There is nothing wrong in telling the truth. Also, it is not as if his BS asked. Adult daughter may never tell her Mom. If BS asks you questions in the future, just be honest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I don't know the backstory, but I'm having a hard time understanding why any xOW, when asked about the nature of her relationship with a MM, by someone who has an interest in knowing the truth about that relationship, shouldn't be honest and answer honestly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 What next? Are you going to tell his dog? You're seeking revenge on him by hurting everyone around him that he has betrayed. That's wrong. Please stop this destructive behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 well, the daughter asked. That's all that really matters here, IMO. After that, call it a day and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 You know the info will get back to her mother verbatim. I wouldn't engage anymore. I don't think you are settled emotionally enough to have a civilized conversation with her. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 What next? Are you going to tell his dog? You're seeking revenge on him by hurting everyone around him that he has betrayed. That's wrong. Please stop this destructive behavior. I don't think telling the dog is a good idea. She just roams the neighborhood gossiping to whomever will listen. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 It really doesn't matter. Tell. Don't tell. None of it makes a difference at this point. You have lied to the BS so many times. She calls you for the truth, you lie. You have helped MM gaslight her backing up his ridiculous stories when the BS communicated with you. There is absolutely no reason for this BS to believe anything you say.. Not even if it comes directly from your mouth, certainly not anything she gets 2nd hand from info you told her daughter. Solo she won't believe you now if you confirm the affair. She won't believe you if you deny it. Due to your own actions you have no credibility with her. Leave it alone. IF someone else from their family calls hang up. (and I am a former BS who always advises outing an affair to the BS but not in your case, you burned option to the ground long ago.) IF she calls tell her you have nothing left to say to her. At this point you are not exacting any effective revenge. You are just stirring up drama and giving him another excuse to tell his wife you are crazy. STOP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 I don't really want revenge. I just want the truth to come out. And I can prove it if it is required. But I do really want to move on. It's just hard, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Don't make it any more difficult than it already is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Well it is a forum for the OM/OW and it was a bit of a big deal for me to finally confess. There's no one else I could talk to about it, so I guess that's the point of this post. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 OK, folks, a post from a member moderated out of this thread starter's previous thread brought me here and I've already suspended one member and sanctioned a couple others. Here's how it's going to go.... take shots at this thread starter or other members and your access to this forum will be temporarily or permanently removed. Most who take the shots have a long history of same so we know, you know and we know you know. The other moderators may have the time to play games with you but I don't and, unfortunately, I got the draw on this thread. For those who actually answered the title question and didn't add rhetorical comments or personal insults, the staff of this web site thanks you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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