We broke up... saw it coming...

[Merin]

Originally posted by SoleMate

Wow, Merin...

 

I haven't seen your recent posts and didn't know that things were looking down... I am so sorry.

 

If this individual saw even 10% of the Merin that we see here on LS, then he must have known how superior an person you are. Your personality, intelligence, compassion, humour, good sense, and strong-mindedness come through clearly. Not to mention you good looks etc. Either he couldn't see that (moron??) or didn't want it (bad judgment??) or couldn't handle it (wimp??). Not to get kinky on you, but if I weren't the 110% hetero female that I am, and were looking for a woman, I would want someone like you...

 

I don't understand this breakup...it sounded pretty cool on BOTH sides. Is there a chance that neither of you was truly into the other? It sounds like you're hurting, please let us take a little of that off of you.

 

Sole... Thank you so much.

 

It's a wierd thing... I know/knew he had a lot of issues.

We had talked about them...

 

His Friends had told me on several occassions they had not seen him this happy (when he was with me) in over 2 years... HE himself had told me that I kept his mind clear and was good for him.. that he was happier now then he had been in a long time... BUT when ever he started to feel "too good" he would look for a reason to fight with me...

 

I guess in a lot of ways I always felt he was trying to fullfill his own prophecy that he would/will end up alone.. because he is to afraid to love someone or to let someone else love him..... he is to afraid to lose... but I guess what he doesn't see (or maybe he does now) is he DID lose.. and in his struggle to make sure he would fullfill what he saw for himself, I lost too.

 

Last thing thats played in my mind is the fact that he told me often that he felt I was out of his league... I never understood this and I know it wasn't me that made him feel that way....

 

I am hurting... had a bunch of wierd dreams about him last night.. woke up to rain coming down and for a minute couldn't remember why we're no longer talking to one another

 

From the bottom of my heart Sole... Thank you.

 

Merin

[Merin]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Wow babe, I missed this too. OK, well I feel even better now cuz I made you laugh earlier today! I'll just have to keep on doing that.

 

It's his loss in the end. He didn't get who you are and he isn't giving enough. Oh, I could go on and on and on and on like the durcell bunny but I won't. (For once, the BUNNY not being used for a sexual statement!LOL!)

 

 

 

Yup. He knows he's just lost a wonderful person. He isn't ready to be with you. He has TONS of growing up to do in so many ways...That and some serious f**k'n therapy! I mean that whole holiday thing that just happened too! Freaky!

 

Try not to be too sad, stay busy, love your little people (I love how you call them that...I don't have kids yet, but I have two nieces, 6 and 3, who to me, are LIKE my kids - I call them Mini Me's. They LOVE it!) and spend time with friends...AND ofcourse just hang out on here!

 

Anyway, I think you did the right thing for now. I think inside you knew in your gut something wasn't working out and yeh, the signs were coming faster and faster.

 

Hang in there and try to have a good sleep!

 

Hugs!

 

PS I shall try my best to make you laugh again. I got TONS of odd, unique and just well, typical WWIU stories to keep ya on yer toes!

 

Thanks Girl... LOL You know I loves ya

 

He does have a lot of growing up to do... for Godsake he's 29 years old!

BUT he's got a lot of issue's that no matter how much I tried to make things right for him, I couldn't...

 

I tend to look at ME and what I might have done differently... but honestly I don't think there was anything more I could've done here.

 

I chilled with my Little Peeps this weekend... LOL thank God for thier crazy little butts! I don't have time to sit often and dwell.... and now it's Monday (g'damn it!) and I'm back to work again...

 

So much change going on in my life right now... so yeah it's comforting to me in a lot of ways to come here and see my LS buddies.. the one thing that never seems to change is the compassion and laughs I find here.

 

Love ya honey.. thank you.

[Merin]

Originally posted by Nubemeister

I really admire you, from the posts I have read and I know that you are an awesome person...

I know things will be ok, because you are awesome lol

Take care and reach for the stars...

 

Thank you...

 

I know I'll be okay again too.. LOL it just takes tiempo.. something I've got plenty of right about now.

I plan to go out with my GF's this next weekend and get my drink on (a little LOL) AND for real get my dance on! LOL My EXBF didn't like to dance and I love it.. so it will help me out and make me feel mo betta!

 

Thanks

[Merin]

Originally posted by Impressive1

Merin,

Sorry to hear about this. You are a beautiful girl with a good head on your shoulders you deserve better than this as I am sure you know. Although, that doesn't really help the way you are feeling now. I am certain he will call, but if he does what will your reaction be?

 

Thanks Girl... I know I deserve better... after I had spent 2 years with another Man who was incapable of giving anything I just couldn't go down that road again for anyone....

 

One thing I've learned (wow I learned something ) is life is to short to be mad...

 

I don't know if he will call or not... everyone else thinks he will, but I guess my own insecurity makes me question... however I am the kind of person who NC is not hard for me... (when it comes to me NOT contacting another) because in my mind it's just easier for me... I actually woke up this morning thinking about the song "Don't Speak" LOL I am that girl who doesn't want to hear hurtful things so I tend to withdraw...

[Merin]

Originally posted by Israfil

((((((((((Merin))))))))))

 

Just read this thread. How are you doing today, girl? I hope you are hanging in there.

 

He's not good enough for you. Period. Finished.

 

You deserve someone so much better! I mean, c'mon! The guy, because of his own insecurities, breaks up with you on a whim and leaves your stuff on his porch without so much as a attempt to save the relationship???

 

Two words:

 

Rat Bastard.

 

Thanks Girl... I'm hangin in there... about to go get ready for work.

 

He is insecure... but yeah I'm paying for it too.

He had asked me not to come and get my things to wait until the next day... but honestly I couldn't see any reason to prolong the agony.. I like someone else had said here... tend to rip the bandaid right off LOL thats just who I am...

 

I gave him the opportunity to say something different before I came over... he came up with "I alread regret this" and "I don't know if I'm doing the right thing" to "I'm having second thoughts" BUT when I asked him what he wanted from me he said "I don't know... I don't want you to see other people, but I don't want a relationship" SOOOOO I said good to go... put my crap on your porch and I'll be there to get it.

 

He asked on the phone if I would come inside to talk about things.... BUT again I felt that if he had nothing to say or offer other than he doesn't want me to see other people and he wasn't willing to give anything that there wasn't any point... I had my little peeps with me and I wasn't going to put them in that place, know what I mean?

 

It sucks... BUT I'll be okay and happy again with enough time...

 

Thanks Girly...

[CurlyIam]

To tell ya the truth... I didn't like him since the beginning of your relationship. He has issues and he isn't willing to admit or solve them. IT's so much better that he had the courage to tell you this right now, 'cause a lotta men would have just lied to string you along.

 

I'm very sorry you're hurting right now, but I'm also pleased this happened (and no, it's NOT because Spain is about to legalize gay marriages ). I'm pleased because the man I see near you is someone who treasures you, who understands who he's got on his side, who's willing to do things for you, for your happiness.

 

Giving is great, but receinving ain't that bad anyways . Take your time to heal, Merin. I'm sure that no matter what he'll say, there's no chance you'll ever come back to him. Don't know what to tell ya, sister. Hang in there and we're here for you, if you feel like ... just wambling .

 

VERY BIG HUG,

 

Curly

[EC]

Hey Merin,

 

Well after the Mexico post and what he did I was already kinda worried.. but you are beautiful, you are smart, and dammit ou have a great personality and set of boobs!! lol You do not deserve 'crumbs' thrown you way girl! You need a real love/man in your life and why settle for anything else?

 

He obviously was trying to make you feel bad about leaving him and switch the roles but don't let him play mind games with you. you know your smarter than that! I think you did the right thing in leaving him and demanding a little more respect. You have your little peeps to worry about now and you need something serious. Why settle for him when you could be getting treated like a f*cking princess! Freak that his loss.

 

He will eventually call,..but I too have a feeling when he does he will probably change for like a week and then it'll be the same thing over again. I truly believe you will be ok!!!

 

Love,

MiniMerin:)

[LittleMiss]

Merin,

 

I'm so sorry chica! He's an ass and doesn't deserve a girl like you. You've made yourself available to him all the time and now when you ask for that in return he treats you like crap. Now he doesn't want a relationship. How convenient? He wasn't saying that when you were feeding him, cleaning up after him, washing his clothes was he? He is just a selfish jerk. I most definitely think he will come crawling back. He's going to realize how much you did for him when you are not around. Don't give in! Be strong, we all know you are and in time this will pass. Someone else will come into the picture and hopefully he will be able to appreciate you and your girls and show yall nothing but love.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by g_tabatha

I most definitely think he will come crawling back.

I dont' think so G_TABATHA. Guys like him don't come crawling back most of the time. I know I don't.

[NiCoLe20]

hey girl-

 

it sucks what happened b/w you guys... i just read through this thread and just wanted to add in some things...

 

seems to me like he took your kindness for weakness and he just turned into an ass. i guess thru his eyes he always expected things - things you would do for him. your right about the commitment phobe! guys always do this... they back off, then they come back to you, and back off again... you shouldnt have to worry about him doing this you know... even if you guys got back together again, he could pull this off one more time... and you shouldnt have to worry if he's going to break up with you again further downt he road. "you never know what you have till what you have is gone." he'll realize this and come back ... but if i were you, i would think long and hard about being together again you know?!! you dont deserve to be hurt, and in some ways, he isnt worth your tears.... i know it sucks right now but try not to talk to him for a while... let him know he hurt you and leave it at that... keep us posted as to what happens... keep ya head up and take care!!!

[tiki]

Hey Merin, I hate that you're having to go through this. I'm sure it will all work out for the best.

 

Just say no to assclowns.

[moimeme]

Guys like him don't come crawling back most of the time. I know I don't.

 

Interesting, [color=orange]ALPHAMALE[/color], that you liken yourself to this jerk-with-issues.

[Mz. Pixie]

I will say once again, I hate not having internet access at home!!!

 

I was with the Little People this weekend and missed all of this!

 

Merin-

 

I'm so sorry doll! I was feeling the down slope after Mexico but I was willing to see you give him one more shot! He's blown it now!

 

First of all- I had no idea that he wasn't into spending time with your little people! To me, that's just wierd. Is it me or does it seem like he liked to have you around to help out with his wee ones but then when it was his turn he would be busy?? Sort of like a live in nanny??

 

Second of all- what's with him always making plans with his boys and not spending time with you? You know with my exh he was always running off to the woods or the lake with his "boys" - my bf that I have now was like, "There is something wrong with a man who wants to be away from for that long!"

 

This hurts me for you because this weekend, I had my kids and my bf had his son(except for yesterday) and he came down and went to church with me and had lunch. Then he just hung around watching tv and hanging out with me and my kiddos until he had to go to a work thing. Nothing exciting was going on, he just wanted to sit on the couch and hold my hand!

 

You soooo deserve to be with someone who's willing to give you everything you want and need! You're beautiful, smart, funny, sweet, a good mom, and you rock ass as a girlfriend IMO.

 

I have a feeling that he will be back. Thing is, I'm not sure you will want him, unless he's prepared to do a 360 and keep it that way. Jerk! I know you really loved him, despite his issues- and you were willing to help him work on them. Does he know how rare of a thing he had there??? If not, he will soon I'm sure.

 

Hang in there hon, Hugs!

[Merin]

Tiki, EC, Tabatha, Nicole, & My Girl Curly...

 

OMG Girls Thank you soooooo much!

 

LOL I just got into work...

 

So as you guys know I deleted his number (I never learned it since it was on speed dial.. LOL) So there wasn't anyway for me to call him even if I had wanted too...

 

Well My phone has a crap load of song clips for ring tones.. I only assign ringtones for the people I love Well this morning (actually about 15 minutes or so ago) I heard a chime (not a ringtone) that a new text message had been recieved.... I actually thought it was from my one of my Guy friends Chris... he just got a new number and I hadn't assigned a ringtone yet...

 

BUT

 

It was from my Now EXBF

 

He had taken a test at work last week and was worried about how well he would do... so he text messaged me and said "I did well on the test. Just letting you know"

 

WHY is he letting me know?! Omg!

 

I text him back said I was happy for him.. that was it.

 

Alpha.. it isn't a matter of crawling back... I don't want or need someone who crawls... it is in deciding that perhaps you're wrong, that you missed that other person and being MAN enough to suck it the hell up and say I was wrong, I miss you, what can I do to make this right?

 

Anything less isn't okay....

[CurlyIam]

<<Big hug>>

 

I don't think it will ever happen, Merin! He can't give you that. I don't even think he knows that you need or want that. I'm sorry, Little M! That's exactly why he's history, right?

 

Well, at least you have an instinct and he was a gentleman enough to tell you the truth. YOu're lucky, who knows how much time you'd have waisted if he didn't tell you the truth!

 

Oh, well, tell us what else you've been doing, what else you've been thinking of... what's on your mind, now that Mr. B. is out of the picture !

[Merin]

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

I will say once again, I hate not having internet access at home!!!

 

I was with the Little People this weekend and missed all of this!

 

Merin-

 

I'm so sorry doll! I was feeling the down slope after Mexico but I was willing to see you give him one more shot! He's blown it now!

 

First of all- I had no idea that he wasn't into spending time with your little people! To me, that's just wierd. Is it me or does it seem like he liked to have you around to help out with his wee ones but then when it was his turn he would be busy?? Sort of like a live in nanny??

 

Second of all- what's with him always making plans with his boys and not spending time with you? You know with my exh he was always running off to the woods or the lake with his "boys" - my bf that I have now was like, "There is something wrong with a man who wants to be away from for that long!"

 

This hurts me for you because this weekend, I had my kids and my bf had his son(except for yesterday) and he came down and went to church with me and had lunch. Then he just hung around watching tv and hanging out with me and my kiddos until he had to go to a work thing. Nothing exciting was going on, he just wanted to sit on the couch and hold my hand!

 

You soooo deserve to be with someone who's willing to give you everything you want and need! You're beautiful, smart, funny, sweet, a good mom, and you rock ass as a girlfriend IMO.

 

I have a feeling that he will be back. Thing is, I'm not sure you will want him, unless he's prepared to do a 360 and keep it that way. Jerk! I know you really loved him, despite his issues- and you were willing to help him work on them. Does he know how rare of a thing he had there??? If not, he will soon I'm sure.

 

Hang in there hon, Hugs!

 

Thanks Honey...

 

I'm all okay.. doing okay.

 

He just text me... so who does Merin call.. her Dad! LMAO

 

He (my Dad) was like "Uh huh... I told you! He wasn't wanting to really let this go to begin with but you called his bluff and now he's trying to come off like no big deal *just letting you know* uh huh.. the fool! He's *just letting you know* now that he isn't ready to let go of this.. the question is... are you willing to let him come back?"

[Merin]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

<<Big hug>>

 

I don't think it will ever happen, Merin! He can't give you that. I don't even think he knows that you need or want that. I'm sorry, Little M! That's exactly why he's history, right?

 

Well, at least you have an instinct and he was a gentleman enough to tell you the truth. YOu're lucky, who knows how much time you'd have waisted if he didn't tell you the truth!

 

Oh, well, tell us what else you've been doing, what else you've been thinking of... what's on your mind, now that Mr. B. is out of the picture !

 

Whats been on my mind since...

 

Uh... I've been hangin in there ya know? Listening to my Friends tell me he's an idiot.. LOL that he'll call...

Chillin with my wee peeps for the weekend... I don't have time to dwell when I'm with them...

 

He just text me again....

 

Said he was sorry....

[LittleMiss]

If I were you I wouldn't respond to his messages. Just let him think about this for a while. Stay strong and think about things. Like your dad said, Are you willing to let him come back?

[CurlyIam]

I bet he didn't say what he was sorry for...

 

Merin, he's not emotionally ready for a relationship. Why can't you see that? I'll tell what I was thinking after the Mexico issue. I thought you'll cook and clen and cook and clean untill you'll be full of it. And then you'd leave.

 

What is he giving you in return? How does he say he's sorry? By SMS? Hell, I sent my mom's ex flowers once because of a misunderstanding. Stop giving M, and start asking. Ask. And see if whomever you're dating can give you what you need in order for YOU to be happy.

[Merin]

Curly it isn't that I can't see... IF that was the case I would've just kept quiet you know?

 

Am I willing to allow someone to continue to treat me the way he has.. No I'm not.

Is this hard on me.. yes it is.. but it's harder to be with someone when you're not sure if it's the right thing.. or when you become the only one willing to give anything...

 

I know I have problems.. a lot of them... I do give a lot to people and I do have low expectations of others.. I'm working on it... it's a work in progress for me always.

 

Right now I feel tied up.. and although I want to tell him "It's okay" I won't.. because it's not.

[Pocky]

Will you be implementing NC?

[Merin]

Originally posted by Pocky

Will you be implementing NC?

 

On the night we broke up I told him I didn't want to talk to him or see him anymore...

He asked why we couldn't still talk..

 

I told him because I didn't want to... he asked if he could still call me even if I didn't want to call him, I told him No I didn't want to hear from him...

 

That for ME to be done.. I need to be DONE.. no more calls or anything...

 

BUT yeah he did text me this morning...

I have deleted his number and all that.. and like I said NC isn't hard for me (when it's me not calling) but it does make things harder for me when he calls (texts)

[Bubbles]

Merin,

 

I'm really sorry to hear about what has happened. But then again I'm NOT sorry......I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. Yes, we do take a bashing while we are in relationships but......there are certain things that we decide that we are NOT going to put up with and we stand by our decisions no matter how much it may or may not hurt!

 

I too had a boyfriend that did not make time for ME. He loved me to death when his son was around but that's so that I would be around and do everything (that he should have been doing). My ex was also fresh out of his marriage (by one year) and said - with his mouth - that he was ready for a relationship but I should have listened to his heart because that is where the true answer was...........he was not ready/willing or able to make a committment and have now come to find out......EVER! He is a selfish man. That's o.k......he's going to die a selfish old man. Alone.

 

I feel that your ex b/f is trying to feed on your sympathies now ( as did my ex ) with his text to you on his 'test results' You see Merin?.....people like us are too quick to build up other peoples' self esteem without any regards to ourselves. There is a saying within the group of girls that I hang with......"if your feeling bad about yourslef? just call bubbles........she'll make you feel like you can take on the world once you talk to her!" We are motivators......we motivate people by doing and listening and empathising.

 

We all know that there are ups' and downs' to every relationship. I think your ex b/f preferred to stay in the "down" zone and that is not healthy for YOU. I feel that as long as he is in the spotlight all was well and good but gawd help the attention may need to be on you? He would find a way to turn it around so that the attention would be on himself again........just like the situation that has happened.

 

He knew that he should be spending quality time with you and you were hurt. When you communicated YOUR feelings to him he should have taken the ball at that point and said to himself "geez - she is really hurt because she needs me and I'm going to make her feel better" but NO......he turned it into a "HIM" issue did'nt he?

 

You did the right thing gurl........some people just NEVER grow up!

 

Sending you lots of love,

 

 

bubbles

[fyrwyfe]

[color=darkblue]Merin, I am sorry to hear about your troubles. You are a great person and very deserving of the best treatment in every relationship. It's funny how we can be so angry with someone, yet second-guess whether we made the right decision in breaking up... I understand that completely; been there myself many times. I'm certain that if you had stayed with him you would very quickly realize that you would be letting yourself down by accepting less than you deserve....

 

You made the right choice - hang in there

[/color]

[Mz. Pixie]

Yeah, I'm thinking that if he's truly sorry he'll do more than text.

 

I'm thinking flowers, jewelry, as well as a statement written in blood about how he's ready for a relationship and what he's willing to give YOU in return for all you give him.

 

I was thinking along the lines of what Bubbles is talking about. I gave so much of myself to my exh- am I going to make the same mistakes??? I do things for my bf and he's totally appreciative of it and he does things for me- like balancing my checkbook and taking my car for a oil change. Yet- I'm always afraid I'm going to give more than I get just like I did in the past with my marriage...........

 

Merin- I don't think you have any more issues than anyone else! I've always said that virtually anyone can benefit from therapy!

 

As more experienced people, we each bring things to a relationship that's left a fingerprint so to speak on our souls. I guess it's all about finding a way to deal with what we carry.........