SadAndLonely Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 My boyfriend, who was very inexperienced at having girlfriends when we started dating, broke up with me twice. After the second time getting back together I told him it was his last chance, and then if he did it again he wouldn't get another shot at me. I knew that his reasons for breaking up were stupid and because he was scared and didn't know how to handle things. That was in September, and things have been awesome since. In fact, he's been saying things lately like how he doesn't ever want to have someone else, he wants to talk about marriage, etc. My point, I guess, is that some people are worth giving second or even third chances to, but you have to know where your own personal line will be drawn, and you have to make sure they're aware of that. No matter how much I love my boyfriend, this WILL be his last chance, so he'd better not screw it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Anais Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 I am so sorry Merin that you are going through this! You deserved much more. I would say if you go back to him, you will have to deal with such issues many more times! He acts soooooooooo immature and he will never be changed. Think if you really want it. Good luck! Hugs A. Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Merin-- Wow 12 freaking pages! Who loves ya! Here is some straight forward advice. You had an inkling when you began to date and the whole moving to the new apartment deal. The guy is a loser and you deserve MUCH better, no strike that, MUCH MUCH MUCH better. It is time to move on because it seems that each time he is in jeopardy of losing you, he backpedals and you end up in this spot again. Breaking up sucks, and you need someone who will love you and your wee folk unconditionally. As hard as it migh tbe let it go! John PS WOW 12 pages--- Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Merin- Dying to know what happened last night. What I wanted to say yesterday but I didn't- Your BF and I have a bit in common. I have told a lie to my BF- something that I know will upset him when he finds out. The reason I did it at the time is because- 1. I'd just met him and wasn't sure about a relationship with him. 2. I didn't feel like I needed to lay myself bear to him at that point if we weren't going to stay together. 3. It was in my past and I didn't feel the need to discuss it. It bothers me alot. Yes, it's still in the past but it's the only thing I haven't been honest about. I worry about it. I obsess about it, but to come clean right now would be to admit I lied about it in the first place. It's not something that comes up in conversation now so it's not like I'm continually lying about it. I guess I just identify with why perhaps he hid it? Doesn't mean it's right. Just means he did it, he's sorry for it. I have issues with his treatment of you- in the whole kiddo issue and how you give more to him than he does you. I guess this is just a issue I can't bash him about because I'm guilty. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 no you're not an idiot sweetie pumpkin. you just a normal and imperfect person like the rest of us I fully agree with Alpha here! You're not an idiot at all. Don't EVER think of yourself in that way! And you are a sweetie pumpkin! OH, and you ain't normal....But that's OK in my books! ya! Now come plant that ass of yours DOWN and TELL us what happened lastnight and how YOU are doing! Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 i feel like we're all waiting to watch the next episode of a tv show lol!!! but anyways- on the other hand, i think going to this dinner will help her decide on what she wants to do. this will be a determining point of what happens next. if he's sincere and apologetic about what happend when they broke up, things might get better. or, when she's at the dinner, if he's acting the total opposite, that can be the key factor that gives her a reason to end things completely. i think going to this dinner has its good & bad points... some people wouldnt give him the chance and others would. bottom line, everyone is different when it comes to situations like this. i mean, this was a long relationship and it isnt really so hard to wash your hands clean with this guy. i could see it easier if they were together for only a couple months or if he cheated you know. well... post up on what happened!! i wanna know! lol... Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by NiCoLe20 this was a long relationship and it isnt really so hard to wash your hands clean with this guy. i could see it easier if they were together for only a couple months I thought they were together for four months. To me, that's hardly a 'long' relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 I trully am disapointed, but I don't think she'll be posting on this thread anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 ohh.. i thought it was 2 years? well if im wrong my bad Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 ohh.. i thought it was 2 years? well if im wrong my bad 24th April 2005 6:40 PM Originally posted by Merin BTW I was with my BF for 4 months... It'd definitely be different if it were 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Merin Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Let me start with I wasn't ignoring or holding grudges.. I haven't been to the computer until right now... Okay... Once again... I really do appreciate all the response I got on this thread very much... and I want to say that yeah it DOES matter to me that you guys have supported me, listened to me and given me encouragement... I understand what you're saying Tiki in not wanting to support someone who continues to make the same choices and mistakes.. and thats okay.. I've been in a place with my Sister for years of supporting her through a very disfunctional relationship/marriage to a Guy who isn't good for her... but I guess I look at things in a different way that perhaps you might... I never look at things as supporting her decision to do what she does... I always look at it as supporting HER as a person... hope that makes sense. Alpha, I appreciate it... again, I've been on an emotional low for awhile.. and for real I am very imperfect and have many issues to deal with... none the less.. appreciate what you had to say. Curly, (again) I wasn't ignoring you or what you said.. just had other things going on yesterday when I got done with work and didn't have an opportunity until now to get to the thread... I do appreciate the friendship you've given and the support of me you've shown... that doesn't change regardless of what my decisions are good or bad... BO... nothin but Love for ya... I do know what you're saying. WWIU, LOL Good that you know I'm not *normal* but ya loves me anyway!!! Nicole.. Sometimes I feel like i'm the next episode too... g'damn LOL! Soccer... who Loves ya back? *Merin does* Thanks for always offering up some good perspective Whew... been an emotional time for me... I'm sorry for letting it spill over here Thursday... Thank God for the weekends... Oh AND Miz Pixie... LOL I Appreciate you and hope you know that Damn... Didn't want to forget to say Thanks to Enigma... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 look MERIN, you're not making an academy award acceptance speech here, OK? what happend last nite at dinner and what went down?? inquiring minds want to know Link to post Share on other sites
bubblygrl5 Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale look MERIN, you're not making an academy award acceptance speech here, OK? what happend last nite at dinner and what went down?? inquiring minds want to know Haha! LMAO. Seriously tho - what happened??? Bubbly Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale look MERIN, you're not making an academy award acceptance speech here, OK? what happend last nite at dinner and what went down?? inquiring minds want to know She forgot her parents ! We're waiting!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 look MERIN, you're not making an academy award acceptance speech here, OK? what happend last nite at dinner and what went down?? inquiring minds want to know That's true. Details baby, we want them all. *WWIU will sit and pout now in the corner of the room.* Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 the more miserable a man can make a woman the more in love she is. funny how things work, is it not? one called CURLYIAM I don't think women stay with men that treat them poorly because they enjoy the drama of it. I don't think women stay with men that cause them misery because they need to experience the 'bad boy' scenario in their relationships. I think women find themselves drawn to men that seem unattainable because the ultimate validity of a woman's worth is to be able to subdue the man that was unable to be subdued. I think women are drawn to strong men because they want to see something in themselves that makes them stand out from other women and subconsciously they relate the ability to change a man from a non-commitment type to a committed type as proof that they are valuable and worth being in a relationship. I also think that the majority of women have low self-esteem and often equate their confidence to whether or not they are in a relationship. Keep in mind, that we still live in a culture that questions why women in their thirties aren't married and often portrays them as women with 'issues' since they haven't found a husband. We still live in a culture where women who haven't had children are seen as questionable and not really living up to the expectations of a woman. In my opinion, we don't like a**h***s - we just haven't come to terms with the fact that we can still be a woman and valuable without a man in our life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Merin Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 LOL It IS an academy award.. and I want to thank the little people (mine!) Okay... Dinner last night was nice.. (mostly) He had called me through out the day yesterday on the phone and text me several times as well... We had agreed to hook up for dinner around 6 last night... So he got off work early and called me to ask what I wanted to have (he said he was going to cook.. uh... LOL I doubted it a lot) Said he was going to order in so we could talk... he called me again and asked if it was okay for us to just go out for dinner and then talk... We ended up going to Chili's... (also the first place we had out first date) Anyway... he wasn't saying much at first.. just looking a lot at me... seemed almost as if he was searching for answers there... finally I asked him what was up.. what else he wanted to talk to me about... He said again how sorry he was for what he had done... that if I wanted to get up from the table right then and not see him again he would understand... he told me a lot of what had been on his mind and why his actions had been what they were... Most everything revolved around the lie he had told me to begin with... this lie had wrapped up a lot.. he had been afraid of being found out by his friends and family.. that they might say something to me not knowing he had not said anything... he said that he knew how I must've felt about him not taking time to really get to know my kids... that he adores my little peeps and that if I give him another chance he will spend at least one night on the weekends I have them with me and my kids and the following day doing things with them.. he added that he wants to do it, and wasn't doing it because he felt he had too... He told me last night that he had always felt he didn't deserve me because of the lie he had told and his actions that followed in effort to not be found out... in his mind he says he knows that had he told the truth upfront I wouldn't be sitting there with him then because (in his mind) I would've told him to get lost had I known from the start... again under different circumstances he would've been right, but it was not the same circumstance that would've made this a deal breaker.... He told me that this is really the first adult relationship he's had... he and his EXW got married and had thier first kiddo before My BF was 18... this is a very new situation for him.. he said that even though he gets scared in caring... it's to late at this point because he does and he doesn't want to loose the relationship.. good outweighs the bad... He asked me if my parents knew what had happend and what he had done... I told him they know some but not all... he said he was very embarrassed about that.... he gets on very well with my parents especially my Dad... and he said he hoped in showing them that he can and will be good to me that they will forgive him for hurting me... that although it was hard for him to swallow in seeing them again it was a risk he would have to take.... We talked about other things in his life that up till last night I had an idea of but not to the extent I do now... he asked me to please give him one last opportunity to be in the relationship... that he had been uncertain of a lot of things in his life but I wasn't one of them... that he was and is certain he wants me in his life and doesn't want me to go away.... We left the restaurant and went to his house and talked more... one of his boys that he plays cards with called and asked if we wanted to come over and play poker.... LOL He taught me how to play texas hold em in like 10 minutes! This group of people he had never introduced me to before.... we went and played cards and I met about 12 more of his friends... We left after the game.... Went back to his house and talked until about 130 this morning.... He asked for this opportunity to be there... said it's what he wants and is certain of it... told me there wasn't any other Girl for him... that he has zero interest in looking else where for who or what he wants. We agreed to some schedule changes in spending time together... he agreed that when he gets freaked out instead of being an a**hole and pushing me away we will talk... and that he wants to spend more time with my little peeps getting to know them better.... Mistake... I hope not... So there ya go... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by Merin So there ya go... did u have makeup sex?? that is the best sex, by far. Link to post Share on other sites
bubblygrl5 Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale did u have makeup sex?? that is the best sex, by far. Agreed. Link to post Share on other sites
bubblygrl5 Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 And good for you Merin. We all make mistakes - we all deserve second chances. I'm sure if this guy acts up again, it would be easy for you to say - I forgave you, I took you back, but you still aren't cutting it, so goodbye. Good luck to you both! B Link to post Share on other sites
Author Merin Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by bubblygrl5 And good for you Merin. We all make mistakes - we all deserve second chances. I'm sure if this guy acts up again, it would be easy for you to say - I forgave you, I took you back, but you still aren't cutting it, so goodbye. Good luck to you both! B I appreciate that Girl AND Alpha... sex is outstanding no matter what the occassion is Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Hey Merin, I hope all goes well for you guys, the hard thing on LS is that we dont get to see the situation face to face each of us are going through in our relationships and what we all here have to realize is that we as the individual have to assess each situation and make the best choice for us.....this place helps us to see both sides of the fence so to speak........after all we only get one crack at this life, so make it a good one......I think that we all know here, is that we all have each others back no matter what.......thats why I guess LS was created to bounce s*** off each other and everyone gives our 2 cents and hopefully each of our problems get resolved.....Well Merin keep us posted and I hope all goes for you guys......Take care Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by Merin AND Alpha... sex is outstanding no matter what the occassion is yeah MERIN, I know how it is. My ex of 5 months emailed me today and I agreed to have dinner with her in a couple wks. here we go on the merry-go-round again. oh well! i missed her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Merin Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by djones Hey Merin, I hope all goes well for you guys, the hard thing on LS is that we dont get to see the situation face to face each of us are going through in our relationships and what we all here have to realize is that we as the individual have to assess each situation and make the best choice for us.....this place helps us to see both sides of the fence so to speak........after all we only get one crack at this life, so make it a good one......I think that we all know here, is that we all have each others back no matter what.......thats why I guess LS was created to bounce s*** off each other and everyone gives our 2 cents and hopefully each of our problems get resolved.....Well Merin keep us posted and I hope all goes for you guys......Take care Thanks dJ... I feel ya on what you said... and you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Merin Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale yeah MERIN, I know how it is. My ex of 5 months emailed me today and I agreed to have dinner with her in a couple wks. here we go on the merry-go-round again. oh well! i missed her I do know you know how it is... honestly I think most everyone (not everyone) has been in a situation like this at one time or another... I really hope it ISN'T the Merry-Go-Round this time for you Alpha.. because I still really believe this is the Woman that keeps you from wanting to find love with anyone else, because your heart is with her... So I hope things look better and maybe something better between the 2 of you can work this time... AND Sex with someone who knows you like that... damn it's amazing! Link to post Share on other sites
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