Strange things said during drunken night

[4givrnt4gtr]

So, I am not one to drink too much. If I do drink its usually one or two drink max at any one time. College was probably when I drank the most and that was just maybe one summer of hanging out with friends and I was done.

 

From those days I know I tend to be an emotional drunk so soon after that realization I stop drinking to the level of getting drunk. The past few years I've been drunk twice, counting the last unfortunate adventure.

 

So in any case, last weekend I was at a friend's get together. I had been in a bad mood earlier in the day and I just wanted to relax. Unfortunately that meant I had one (or three) too many and I don't remember most of it.

 

My husband who never drinks was there with me. The next day he was concerned because of what I had said the night before. Apparently I went from the most happy, joyous person to the most devastated, sad and heartbroken.

 

He said I said my family didn't love me, that I was unwanted and that knowing that hurt so much. I also said that he deserved better, that he should leave me and go find someone that fits him better than me.

 

Apparently, I also said I wanted to die.

 

Now....NONE of those things are true...like NONE. My family adores me, and though, sure, I was "unexpected", my mom risked her life for me. I acknowledge that my family life has not been perfect, but I am not aware of any conscious feeling of being unwanted.

 

What scared me the most was that I said I wanted to die. I have no idea whatsoever where that came from. I don't want to die at all. I love my life, I love my husband. I have a wonderful future up ahead. I am a little anxious about a lot of it because I want to make sure I can live up to it, but aside from that, I want to live my life.

 

Now I am frightened that some part of me is profoundly unhappy and that I feel unloved to the point of wanting to die. This scares me to no end but I can't bring up any of those negative emotions so I don't know how to deal with them (if they are actually there).

 

Has anyone ever experience something like this before??

[Tayla]

alcohol is a depressant , magnified. Hard to even compell "genuine happiness" when under the influence.

 

I wanted to die many a time when tanked.,, the nausea and distorted thoughts... augh!

 

Heres my words to you, we have dark sides.., not to tempt us but to acknowledge that we are not so pure... I think ultimately you do love life and your family... concentrate on the reality, not on some dark thoughts.