MM's Wife Pregnant

[circe221]

Well, this paragon of virtue you describe sounds just like the MM of the OP. Just wants to keep getting it on the side while acting like a complete hypocrite and pretending to the world he's Husband and Father of the Year.

 

OP, guys who cheat on their pregnant wives are about the lowest life form on this earth. You know you can do better.

 

Oh I realize this, I really do. It was a shock to me, actually.

[circe221]

I'm a lurker who registered just to comment on this thread. Please listen to the above poster.

 

My MM's wife got pregnant during our affair too. Like you, we had been having a long-term physical affair. I was very unsure and torn up about what to do, about whether to continue the affair. He was less confused - he wanted to continue through the pregnancy and beyond. So we did. I was totally torn up about this at the time, even being in the affair fog. But I did it anyway, and I own that. We ended up having a D-Day when his wife was 6 months pregnant. It was completely traumatic and devastating for her, for me, for him (though we had it coming, and she did not). I deeply regret not exiting the affair when I found out she was pregnant. It felt like an impetus at the time and I pushed it out of my mind because I was selfish and still wanted him. Please strongly consider parting ways now for the good of the little family-to-be. It does not matter if he's happy about the baby or how planned it was. His attention and support is needed elsewhere right now. Bow out gracefully and don't risk an implosion at literally THE most sensitive time in a family's life.

 

MinnesotaGirl - thank you for sharing your story, and for the insight.

I have thought about it a lot. And MM has contacted me since he sent that message - just "How are you?" text, which is unusual because we didn't really text like that before.

 

I was already starting to think about ending things, to try to put my energy into meeting someone that I can have a real relationship with. Up until now, I didn't want one. Dating is exhausting to me, and I really do not enjoy it. But, I don't want to be an OW for the rest of my life either.

 

I am going to take your advice and use this as an opportunity to end it.

Because it was purely physical, I don't think I will go through as much heartbreak as some of the other OW's, which is good, but I will miss him and our trysts.

 

Thank you again for sharing!

[circe221]

I will never understand this... after all, I look, act, AM a 'good girl', just not in the bedroom. Men who have this complex should look for.someone more well rounded. Nobody would have any idea what kind of freak I am.

 

This.

 

I think this is why MM and I "clicked". We were compatible sexually and I would do things his wife wouldn't. It definitely seemed like a madonna/whore complex to me. And I agree, men and women should seek partners with whom they are compatible in all ways - including in the bedroom.

[circe221]

they should look for a good therapist, finding someone more well rounded doesn't solve that problem. it's an interesting complex - some men just can't "reconcile" the mother & wife image with the filthy slut in the bedroom image, especially those who like to slut - shame & who are raised in the way to see sex as something filthy. they're unable to see a woman in more than one role, one dimension. they'll have fun with a "slut" but don't want their kids to be raised by a "slut" - the OP's lover married a "wifey material" (that's how they see it) & keeps the "dirty girl" around but she isn't "clean" enough to be a proper girlfriend. men with that complex tend to always cheat because they need 2 women at least, in 2 different roles.

 

 

This makes sense too. My guess is that he was raised in a religious household, as was his wife, and that is what he was raised to want in a wife. I am not religious at all, don't want kids, and am more adventurous sexually than his wife. I think the pregnancy was a surprise to him, although I am sure that they fully intended to have a family at some point.

[circe221]

I'm not judging or anything but please leave him be now. Please stop having an affair with this person, for the baby's sake. This young mother now needs ALL the love and attention she can get from her husband, and the baby is going to need even more. It would be even more devastating for her than it would be for any of us to learn her husband is screwing around on her while she is pregnant. If you have any love in your heart, please stop making this about you and how you feel, and focus yourself on HER and the baby, their well-being, and how they will feel. Please. There are many, many single, available men out there for you to have sex with. Give this young man the best advice for being a great father that you can muster, and then walk away. It is the right thing to do.

 

I get it, and that is what I intend to do.

 

The pregnancy was an unexpected "curve ball" that I did not see coming at all. I would never have intentionally started an affair with a MM whose wife was pregnant with their first child. And I don't know if MM would have either, but I could be wrong about that. He seems just as shocked and is at least trying to do the right thing by stopping things with me.

 

He did send me a text that said "How are you?", which I did reply to with a simple "Great! Hope all is well with you too!" and left it at that.

 

As for making it "all about me" - isn't this a message board to discuss our experiences with A's and get some insight? If I really was a horrible, awful person, I wouldn't even be asking or seeking insight.

Edited September 7, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Tayla]

Short and to the point: We give out reality checks, free of charge.

 

 

Insight: Defined: an understanding of the motivational forces behind one's actions, thoughts, or behavior; self-knowledge.

 

So when someone "judged"the behavior and your actions, they were giving insight.

[minnesotagirl]

MinnesotaGirl - thank you for sharing your story, and for the insight.

 

 

I am going to take your advice and use this as an opportunity to end it.

Because it was purely physical, I don't think I will go through as much heartbreak as some of the other OW's, which is good, but I will miss him and our trysts.

 

Thank you again for sharing!

 

You're welcome, I'm glad it was useful to you!

 

I think you're making the right call ending things now. You will miss him and your trysts for sure. I still miss my MM and our fun. That's the way it goes. I dream about him and fantasize about him. Unfortunately I also have bad dreams about D-Day still, it was very traumatic devastating a pregnant woman's life like that.

 

It's just a really good time to get out of the affair. Pack up those good memories and go. Good luck to you!