BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 So, if you stop looking then you'll be less likely to be perceived as desperate, or any other adjective because, well, you're not looking. That's why I said damned if you do, dammed if you don't Link to post Share on other sites
youdunsay Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I remember a post a little while back from a lady here who said essentially "my best relationships are when I've approached the guy". I've been thinking about it and I agree. My best relationships so far have been when the girl has made the first move. Can you explain a little bit more about this relationship? How was it like that you feel the best? Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Can you explain a little bit more about this relationship? How was it like that you feel the best? I'm curious to hear that as well Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 If I stop looking, then I would be totally oblivious to what's going on around me, and that includes attention from the opposite sex. I never believed in those proverbs of "You'll find a girl if you are not looking." Being totally oblivious is part of my problem. Im getting more attention from guys now that i dont care. Its kinda pointless now. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 If I stopped aggressively looking, I would probably die without having gone on a single date. It never "just happens" for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 It's just a conversation, just like you would have with your friend or your parents. You: Can we meet for coffee on Thursday? That new place on the square beside the clock is supposed to be good. Her: Sorry, I am really busy that day. I also heard it is good, they do cupcakes too. You: OK what about Friday, I have the day off. Her: Yes, after 3 o' clock would be best for me. You: Great. I have some shopping to do first, and 3 o' clock is perfect. Yep. It's that simple. Some guys seem to think that they have to put on some sort of performance, or audition...in an attempt to "impress" the woman. Instead of just relaxing and talking to her for a bit and then asking her out (if the conversation seems to go well) or just moving on. Those guys are trying too hard and are not being themselves. If I stop looking, then I would be totally oblivious to what's going on around me, and that includes attention from the opposite sex. I never believed in those proverbs of "You'll find a girl if you are not looking." I think you're taking the saying a bit too literally. It doesn't mean that you should ignore women or be oblivious or reject their attempts to have conversation with you or something. It's healthy to get out there and interact with all sorts of people on a regular basis. The saying just means that you shouldn't be in a constant mindset of "gotta find a girlfriend" or "I'll hang out at this bar tonight and hopefully I'll meet that special woman" or similar. People who think things like that are often desperate, and others tend to easily notice. It's a mental thing. Just live your life in a non-solitary fashion, do things you enjoy, try out new interests, be yourself, spend time with friends and be open to meeting new people. That will help make you a happier and more interesting person that is attractive to others. Then when a possible dating opportunity unexpectedly comes along while you're doing whatever it is you're doing, just approach her (if she doesn't approach you), chat with her for a bit and then if that goes fine then casually ask her out. If she says yes, then great, go from there. If she says no, don't hang your head...politely end the conversation at a suitable moment and move on. It's possible she still liked the brief conversation, despite her turning you down. This is basic interpersonal human interaction, IMO. And it has been the starting point for all sorts of relationships around the world. Common-sense stuff aside, throwing in things such as "rules" and stuff just mucks up the waters and makes things unnecessarily difficult, confusing and complicated for both you and her...you're being your own worst enemy. Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 When I'm looking......no one is interested. When I am not looking, no one is interested. lol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Hmm. I'm not looking but worthy of getting "checked out" by the other sex when I'm out on the street, and enough of a threat for other girls to make them shepherd their BFs away from my direction, so I think that's decent and enough, at least for me. Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) I never understood how this particular anecdote is supposed to play out. I've had big chunks of time when I wasn't looking at all (namely a good year-and-a-half when some financial strife had myself and my girlfriend living together but were technically broken up), as well as portions of everyday life where I'm not looking for women. In fact, the only time I've had women flirt with me over the last couple of years is when I've been in a "I'm going out, hopefully I'll meet someone." mindset. Edited June 25, 2015 by impatiently_patient Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 when a woman says she's busy when you are asking her out on a date, like actually scheduling something with her, does that usually mean she is not interested? If she says she's busy on the day you're trying to schedule a date with her but she immediately proposes an alternative date/time, then she's interested. If she says she's busy on that day and DOESN'T offer another day/time, then she's not interested. Personally I have no issue telling a guy if I'm not interested in him, but I know many women will use "I'm busy" as a brush off. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 I remember a post a little while back from a lady here who said essentially "my best relationships are when I've approached the guy". I've been thinking about it and I agree. My best relationships so far have been when the girl has made the first move. This might have been one of my posts. I have certainly posted it at some stage on here as it's true for me. When a person isn't looking they are just relaxed and happy and come across as such. They don't tend to scan a room in the same way as a single and looking person does and they have less fear of talking to someone of the opposite sex simply because they don't have any expectations coming out of a simple few words or a conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
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