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BF is going for an overnight I know he loves me but I'm feeling insecure. Help!

Orca89

By Orca89,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Orca89

Orca89

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DID HE INITIALLY GET BUSTED IN THE AFFAIR OR DID HE CONFESS?

 

DID HE LEAVE OF HIS OWN ACCORD OR DID SHE THROW HIM OUT?

 

DO THE KIDS KNOW HE CHEATED ON THEIR MOTHER? IF THEY DO? MAYBE THEY DON'T WANT TO MEET YOU AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO HURT YOU BY SAYING THIS.

 

A few questions on caps above.

 

He was caught and she kicked him out. Not sure that makes a difference, he was going to leave her eventually.

The kids are 6 and 10 do im not sure they understand what happened, but I don't know I've never met them..

 

I used to find out that he hooked back up with his ex Bc she would text and tell me and he'd look guilty. This past weekend for the party they were all at a hotel together with other friends too.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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He was caught and she kicked him out. Not sure that makes a difference, he was going to leave her eventually.

The kids are 6 and 10 do im not sure they understand what happened, but I don't know I've never met them..

 

I used to find out that he hooked back up with his ex Bc she would text and tell me and he'd look guilty. This past weekend for the party they were all at a hotel together with other friends too.

 

I have a feeling it's not exactly over with his ex.

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Jessie1231

Jessie1231

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From the way you've described it, it really sounds like he wanted you as an affair partner and hoped he wouldn't get caught because he wanted to stay married.

 

He did get caught though, and he found himself homeless. So you've provided a place to live and someone to have sex with until he can work out his marriage which it sounds like he's doing during this time he spends with his wife.

 

If not, why hasn't he introduced his kids to his girlfriend of a year that he intends to have a future with? You say it's because of the psycho wife and I agree with you, except I think he knows once he introduces the kids to you his wife is even less likely to take him back.

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Orca89

Orca89

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I think I put earlier that it's been a year but that was a typo its been 2 years, I'm pretty sure he's not going back. Plus we have a great relationship otherwise.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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I think I put earlier that it's been a year but that was a typo its been 2 years, I'm pretty sure he's not going back. Plus we have a great relationship otherwise.

 

How does he explain cheating on you, then?

 

I think you are not on the same page with him. If it's been two years and he hasn't once brought his kids around, or made your presence in his life known, there's a reason. Do his children even know about you? (ie. Do they know that Dad has a girlfriend?) Where do they think their dad lives? I understand that his ex probably doesn't want them around you, but they are his children too. I'm not sure how finalizing a divorce is going to change anything here, to be honest. What stage are they at in the divorce process?

 

He might not go back to his ex, but I don't believe they're totally over either. He was caught in the affair; he didn't leave her. She kicked his cheating ass out. Then they carried on anyway. And yes, this matters because I highly doubt he would be liiving with you now if he hadn't been caught. Celebrating his daughter's birthday (even if ex is present) is understandable. Staying overnight in a hotel with said ex is something different.

 

If you are ok being kept in a totally separate world, then proceed. He already knows he can mess around on you and you'll stay. You're teaching him how to treat you.

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sandylee1

sandylee1

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. And yes, this matters because I highly doubt he would be liiving with you now if he hadn't been caught. .

 

Spot on.

 

That's the reason I asked the question. They always say they will leave eventually. It seems you got him full time by default.

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Spectre

Spectre

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If he has cheated on you with her since you have been together then I am sorry he absolutely does not get to go have an overnight with her. Sucks for the kids, but that is their fathers fault.

 

Of course since he left her for you that tells me he cheated on her with you so I dunno, maybe you two deserve each other? Why would you get with a man who starts out cheating on his wife? This guy must be a total prize. Oh wait, no..no not at all.

 

Anyways, this is a mess, but him cheating on you with her AFTER you had been together means he does not get any overnights with her. Tell him either he doesn't go or you kick him out. I have a feeling he will go anyways which is kind of what I want for you because this man is slime. Of course if you willing porked a married man you aren't much better, but it is no reason to waste the rest of your life with this guy who feels he can cheat on you with her and still go have overnights. Oh I'm sure he championed about how it is "for the kids" but oh well, Daddy should of kept his pecker in his pants...in BOTH relationships.

 

Yeah see, DUMP the bastard. He's now put you in a position where he has an excuse to be around the person he cheated on you with. If someone cheated on me and I forgave them? They would not be able to so much as be anywhere near them ever again, but he forever has the "I got kids!" excuse. So yeah, he DID play you.

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