Is this a slippery slope?

[slipped halo]

My on off boyfriend (we are both students ) has always got really wasted when he drinks and I know he's got into the student nightlife clubbing scene and is taking ecstasy on nights out. Says he doesn't see anything wrong. I also heard from a friend that he was smoking weed one morning before a lecture and that another time he was inhaling laughing gas at lunchtime with his friends . I know he has an addictive personality anyway and always takes things to extremes. I thought the drinking was enough it was only on nights out before university but he always had to go hard. Think he'd tried weed before university but nothing else. Should I be worried for him or is it something that will pass after uni ? We 're both in our early twenties. Thanks! I know some of his friends at uni do coke too but I havent found out about that ... Yet .

[TaraMaiden2]

slippery slope...? Aligned with on/off...?

 

Good grief, you're more tenacious than I.

 

This guy is a mash-head. He's a loser.

But hey, if you believe he's the kind of quality individual you want to be associated with, stay in on/off mode.

 

Remember: People are often judged by the company they keep.

It may be wrong, but mud sticks.

 

And he's not mud, he's crappoola.

 

In your shoes, I'd put a good pair of hiking boots on, leave the slippery slope, and use them as intended.

 

In the opposite direction.

[slipped halo]

Hey thanks for that ... So the relationship issue aside does the drug use sound like it could become a problem I've no idea x

[TaraMaiden2]

Recreational drugs are addictive substances.

Other than a perceived benefit, which always wears off, the side-effects (both hidden and manifest) are almost always highly detrimental and negative.

 

The guy is taking mind-altering substances, the long-term effects of which will almost certainly cause problems.

 

Look: You're a student: This would imply that you have a good degree of intelligence.

 

Could I venture to enquire why you're asking such questions when all the evidence around drugs abounds, and you already KNOW the answers?

 

What kind of comfort are you looking for?

That he will miraculously come to his senses and become the love of your life you've always wanted?

Drugs destroy.

They kill.

And their attraction is stronger than any emotional bond could ever be.

 

Stay with this guy and you open yourself up to nothing but heartache and hurt.

[slipped halo]

Thankyou so much for your insight. We were high school sweethearts but uni had tore us apart but neither of us can let go . He is studying medicine (!) and under tremendous pressure to succeed from his overbearing father who is a surgeon . He studies hard and plays hard. still care about him but his personality is definitely changing . He's lied to me (said he couldn't see me he was studying but was in a club , probably high) I've had ranting messages in the night and he flips at the slightest thing. He also has become very selfish , couldn't see me last wknd because it was a 'big' club night . My friends say I should stay well clear because he will end up with a habit of some sorts.

[TaraMaiden2]

He already has.

He's choosing his current lifestyle over you.

 

As I said, drug-taking (and I am loosely including alcohol here) is a stronger pull than any emotional tie.

it's a chemical alteration of the mind-state and there's nothing anyone can do about it, other than the person in the thick of it.

 

I'm sorry, I think this is one on/off that should definitely have the lever pushed to the right.

 

Listen to your friends.

And you're young enough, savvy enough and clear-headed enough to knock this one on the head.

The past is over.

What counts now, are his ACTIONS now.

And no matter what his background, provenance or influences, he's making choices.

And those choices don't include you.

[slipped halo]

Thanks ? there is another girl

He spends a lot of time with though snd she goes to the same social events as him so maybe she's more tolerant of his lifestyle ... I'm sure she will soon get fed up too though thanks again

[TaraMaiden2]

She may be more of an attraction to him, because (1) she's closer and (2) she may even be enjoying or sharing his 'lifestyle'....

 

This is one old habit you would be wise to completely rid yourself of.

 

Go No Contact, and stay that way.

Let him drop off your radar completely.

You're not responsible for him, you owe him nothing, and life, my dear, goes on....

[slipped halo]

Much appreciated ????

[nadalix]

Judging by what you tell about him, he will almost inevitably turn into an alcoholic or a drug addict - or both. I'm sure any narcologist will be agree with me. Unfortunately.

[LifeNomad]

it depends how often and what exactly he is doing, ive known people that have drank till they pass out, don't ectasy and weed and it passes like a phase

 

 

 

 

Its the cheap addictive drugs like crack and heroine that should cause more of a worry.

 

 

 

 

I personally wouldn't worry about the weed unless its a 24/7 always stoned type of deal, its not THAT bad, (remember some states he legalized it and more are coming)

[NGC1300]

Drugs destroy.

They kill.

 

Hahaha, sounds like you've been indoctrinated by one too many D.A.R.E. sessions.

 

Drugs do occasionally lead to misery, but pleasure is clearly the norm. If this wasn't so, people would have stopped taking substances thousands of years ago.

 

A lot of people take drugs, and all that ever happens is a good time. But if someone winds up addicted, stealing, or homeless in a back alley, we're told this is what drugs do. It's disingenuousness applied to the extreme.

[RainDown]

Thankyou so much for your insight. We were high school sweethearts but uni had tore us apart but neither of us can let go . He is studying medicine (!) and under tremendous pressure to succeed from his overbearing father who is a surgeon . He studies hard and plays hard. still care about him but his personality is definitely changing . He's lied to me (said he couldn't see me he was studying but was in a club , probably high) I've had ranting messages in the night and he flips at the slightest thing. He also has become very selfish , couldn't see me last wknd because it was a 'big' club night . My friends say I should stay well clear because he will end up with a habit of some sorts.

 

I'm not a drug addiction expert, so I'm not touching that. So, leaving aside the drug situation, all the things I've bolded paint a pretty clear picture that this man/boy is not relationship material at this time.

 

I'd steer clear of further involvement with this person. Nothing good will come of it at this time.

[TaraMaiden2]

Hahaha, sounds like you've been indoctrinated by one too many D.A.R.E. sessions.

No, I've known people close to me die of their drug addictions. They too seemed to think others were 'indoctrinated', it couldn't possibly happen to them, and of course, they were in it for the pleasure...

 

I repeat: I have first-hand knowledge of this. Drugs kill.

Drugs do occasionally lead to misery, but pleasure is clearly the norm.

 

I'd dearly love to see some statistics to back this up.

People begin taking drugs because of the rush, and the high.

People carry on taking drugs because thet become addicted.

I have honestly yet to meet a drug addict who finds 'pleasure' in their addiction....

 

If this wasn't so, people would have stopped taking substances thousands of years ago.

No... If people didn't become sadly addicted - they would have stopped long ago.

It's their very addiction which keeps them hooked to their miserable, constant and costly (in a lot more ways tan one) addiction...

 

A lot of people take drugs, and all that ever happens is a good time.

Try telling these 'a lot of people' that they must immediately stop taking those drugs that give them a good time, and I assure you, most of them will resent and resist the suggestion.

Why? For two reasons:

 

Either (like you) they see no harm in it, it's pleasurable, and they enjoy it, or

 

They actually can't stop even if they wanted to because they've become addicted to the high, and can't stop.

 

Sometimes, the two reasons actually overlap...

 

But if someone winds up addicted, stealing, or homeless in a back alley, we're told this is what drugs do. It's disingenuousness applied to the extreme.

So if it's not the drugs, what is it then....?

[NGC1300]

So if it's not the drugs, what is it then....?

 

The drugs could well indeed have been a catalyst of sorts. But people can abuse all sort of things. Food, porn, sex, gambling, etc. I hate to say it's a defect in them, but maybe it is.

 

I used to smoke pot every day. I did it because I enjoyed it. Now some would say that's "addiction", but I disagree because I had no trouble giving it up.

 

Same with cigarettes. I enjoyed them for some time. When I told people "I can quit whenever I want" I was told I had the typical mentality of an addict. But lo and behold I quit cold turkey, no patches or gums or meds, and it wasn't a problem.

 

Did I overcome an addiction? Some might argue that; but I would maintain I was never addicted at all.

Edited July 5, 2015 by NGC1300

[TaraMaiden2]

The drugs could well indeed have been a catalyst of sorts. But people can abuse all sort of things. Food, porn, sex, gambling, etc. I hate to say it's a defect in them, but maybe it is.

I've never heard of anyone being addicted to food, porn, sex or gsmbling being out on the street, penniless and destitute, eagerly doing whatever they can to get their next fix.

Gamblers possibly. But gamblers tend to recognise when they've hit rock-bottom.

By the time a person is a drug addict, they go below bottom, and still can't stop.

Spo really, I say again. Dugs kill.

Drugs are not a catalyst. they are a direct and connected cause.

 

I used to smoke pot every day. I did it because I enjoyed it. Now some would say that's "addiction", but I disagree because I had no trouble giving it up.

Then you weren't addicted, were you?

 

Same with cigarettes. I enjoyed them for some time. When I told people "I can quit whenever I want" I was told I had the typical mentality of an addict. But low and behold I quit cold turkey, no patches or gums or meds, and it wasn't a problem.

Then you have what's known as an 'anti-addictive personality.

You have a mental 'switch' that enables you to cease a habit that is normally addictive to others.

 

Why did you quit smoking and pot, BTW...?

 

Did I overcome an addiction? Some might argue that; but I would maintain I was never addicted at all.

Well at least we agree on something....!

[NGC1300]

Why did you quit smoking and pot, BTW...?

 

Cigs I knew were simply unhealthy. Although I maintain I wasn't addicted, I suppose for some time I felt the feeling they gave me outweighed the negative health effects. Looking back, this wasn't a smart belief, and it's why I eventually did quit. On top of that they're now about $11 a pack in my state.

 

 

Quitting pot was mainly to pass pre-employment drug tests. Although at present I wouldn't say I've quit completely. I still partake, but not daily as I have in the past.

[RainDown]

The drugs could well indeed have been a catalyst of sorts. But people can abuse all sort of things. Food, porn, sex, gambling, etc. I hate to say it's a defect in them, but maybe it is.

 

I used to smoke pot every day. I did it because I enjoyed it. Now some would say that's "addiction", but I disagree because I had no trouble giving it up.

 

Same with cigarettes. I enjoyed them for some time. When I told people "I can quit whenever I want" I was told I had the typical mentality of an addict. But lo and behold I quit cold turkey, no patches or gums or meds, and it wasn't a problem.

 

Did I overcome an addiction? Some might argue that; but I would maintain I was never addicted at all.

 

I think you have a valid point. For instance, last night I went downtown for the 4th of July celebration/fireworks thing and witnessed literally thousands of people using one of the most addictive, lethal drugs out there - good old alcohol. While I imagine a certain percentage of them will someday find themselves in the gutter or on the liver transplant list, the vast majority were enjoying their drug of choice - and will continue to do so - with no consequence at all.

 

To say that anyone who uses a substance will most certainly become addicted and have their lives utterly devastated isn't really reasonable. Some will, most won't.

 

But more to the point, for the purposes of keeping this thread on track, I'm more concerned about the way the bf is behaving - drugs or not. He is not a safe person to be in a relationship with right now and I still think the best approach is for the OP to keep her distance and just watch this guy for the next year or so. Whatever happens, the OP does need to avoid becoming collateral damage.

[Auspecial]

Hey thanks for that ... So the relationship issue aside does the drug use sound like it could become a problem I've no idea x

 

To me, its not the facts that he uses this stuff as much as that he has an addictive personality (as you said). That's the part of drug use that moves recreational use to life destructive behavior.

 

So yes, you should be concerned about him as a human being with self destructive tendencies.

 

But you also should be much more concerned with yourself and keeping out of harms way.

 

Harm includes being poorly associated with him, being physically injured by an accident caused by him, getting an std because of his sex addiction (large majority of people with addictive personalities have this along with drug addictions), wasting time, energy and oxygen when it could be used pursuing positive life actions.

[almond]

No, I've known people close to me die of their drug addictions. They too seemed to think others were 'indoctrinated', it couldn't possibly happen to them, and of course, they were in it for the pleasure...

 

I repeat: I have first-hand knowledge of this. Drugs kill.

 

 

I'd dearly love to see some statistics to back this up.

People begin taking drugs because of the rush, and the high.

People carry on taking drugs because thet become addicted.

I have honestly yet to meet a drug addict who finds 'pleasure' in their addiction....

 

 

No... If people didn't become sadly addicted - they would have stopped long ago.

It's their very addiction which keeps them hooked to their miserable, constant and costly (in a lot more ways tan one) addiction...

 

 

Try telling these 'a lot of people' that they must immediately stop taking those drugs that give them a good time, and I assure you, most of them will resent and resist the suggestion.

Why? For two reasons:

 

Either (like you) they see no harm in it, it's pleasurable, and they enjoy it, or

 

They actually can't stop even if they wanted to because they've become addicted to the high, and can't stop.

 

Sometimes, the two reasons actually overlap...

 

 

So if it's not the drugs, what is it then....?

 

Drugs definitely do kill. However, a quick google search will show that the large majority of people that use drugs recreationally do not ever become addicted.