pizzanova Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 I have about 6 or so best friends and we all hang out on a regular basis. On about 4 occasions recently, I've acted in a really bad mood (not talking, going off by myself when I'm hanging out with them, pouting). It's frustrating because I like one of the guys in my group; he doesn't know, but everyone else does. The last incident was last week, when I stalked off by myself and upon returning, shouted at my friends. I apologized to everyone individually 3 days later, since no one seemed to dare call me or speak to me. Since that day that I was in a bad mood (keep in mind I cheered up after a while the same day, but didn't apologize till much later on- days later), my friends havent invited me out with them. Instead, they invite out my crush's ex girlfriend in my place. There's nothing going on between my crush and his ex, but they are good friends and MY best friend is also starting to get close to her. This pisses me off. In fact in the last month, this ex has been hanging around because of my best friend getting close with her. I dont like when the ex chills with us because I get really jealous- which I guess is really stupid since I'm not even going out with my crush, but I can't seem to help it. I talked to my crush yesterday and he says that he forgives me for the way I acted recently and it's absolutely no problem, but that no one wants to encourage me when I'm in a bad mood, because I'm just looking for attention it seems. Right after I talked to him, I found out (not from any of my friends) that I'd been missing out on a lot (I guess they couldnt be bothered to include me in their plans). No one inquires about my behaviour and tries to talk it out with me. It seems like it's so easy for them to decide that I'm not worth hanging out with. This pisses me off even more, because out of the years that they've known me, I've only been in a bad mood these few times. Whenever anyone else is in a bad mood, I try to find out what's wrong and I never give up on that person. Some of my friends really love giving the silent treatment when they're mad for whatever reason, but I still get through to them because I keep trying. I've kept everyone intact by doing just that. Too bad they can't do the same for me. I have other friends, so it's not like I'd be some loner, although deep down I know I don't want to stop talking to these people. However, in light of the circumstances, should I? What should I say when (if!) they call? Do I even pick up? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 No one inquires about my behaviour and tries to talk it out with me. It seems like it's so easy for them to decide that I'm not worth hanging out with. This pisses me off even more, because out of the years that they've known me, I've only been in a bad mood these few times. Whenever anyone else is in a bad mood, I try to find out what's wrong and I never give up on that person. Some of my friends really love giving the silent treatment when they're mad for whatever reason, but I still get through to them because I keep trying. I've kept everyone intact by doing just that. Too bad they can't do the same for me. Your friends should know that bad moods are rare for you and therefore they shouldn't take note of you when you're in a bad mood. We make allowances for people because we know that everyone goes through bad patches sometimes and it can be hard to be jolly and cheery when you're having difficulties. but that no one wants to encourage me when I'm in a bad mood, because I'm just looking for attention it seems This, however, sounds as though it's more frequent a situation than you make it sound. Is that the case? Do you get really miserable and hateful or are you just a little snappy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pizzanova Posted April 24, 2005 Author Share Posted April 24, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Your friends should know that bad moods are rare for you and therefore they shouldn't take note of you when you're in a bad mood. We make allowances for people because we know that everyone goes through bad patches sometimes and it can be hard to be jolly and cheery when you're having difficulties. This, however, sounds as though it's more frequent a situation than you make it sound. Is that the case? Do you get really miserable and hateful or are you just a little snappy? No, I've only gotten into a bad mood a few times. I get really miserable, go off by myself, or just plain don't talk/contribute to the conversation. It's really messed up because I bet my friends think I should always act my usual hyper, talkative self. It's just not fair that they're turning away from me now that I act different. Many of them get into bad moods and everyone just dismisses it. I would never use it against a person. I guess this is why I'm asking whether they're worth it or not. They can't seem to understand what I'm going through, whereas it's ok if they get pissy for the dumbest reasons sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 They can't seem to understand what I'm going through, whereas it's ok if they get pissy for the dumbest reasons sometimes. If you really enjoy their company, then keep them as acquaintances. If you're looking for deeper relationships with people who 'get' you (though that can sometimes be hard to find), you may have to look for a new group of friends. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 PN, Simply put, you have to control your outbursts. The reality of life is, nobody wants to go out with someone if they're worried that the person's going to go off and make a scene without explanation and without warning. There's just no way around it: get a grip. All of us gets temperamental from time to time, and the good friends who know us well, will be able to work with you to a point, but don't expect that from people who don't know you very well. And even good friends have their limits, so don't push it. The bottom line is, whatever is bothering you to make you get so moody is something you have to deal with. Talk to a good friend about it when you're not angry so that you don't let it build up inside of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Firesqueak Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Why don't you take a little break from them? Maybe you all are spending too much time together...sometimes, when you get too close to people, bad things happen. Especially in a group setting. Also, that situation is volitile at best. It seems that he does not return your feelings. When a man wants to be with you, he will let you know. I know that sounds sexist, but it's the truth. Sometimes, you want what you can't have, and it's easy to get very emotional about it. It is a waste of energy to get jealous over someone who does not feel the same about you. Just hang out with other people, and stop worrying about what they're doing with out you. It sounds like they are weaning you out of the group, I'm sorry to say. About your hot- cold emotions- have you always been this way, or are you just this way around him? IF you are that way only around him, he's probably just toxic for you. Be glad, that if he is affecting you like this now, how hard it would be if you dated him and broke up. In that case, I would suggest space as well. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Yeah, get a grip, in real life no one really cares. You're lucky if you have 2 real friends. The rest of them is what you call "having a social life". Link to post Share on other sites
Firesqueak Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Curly, you are so right! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pizzanova Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 Somewhat of an update: My best friend called me twice yesterday, but I missed the calls. Called her back within an hour, but I guess she was busy too. Ended up talking to her on msn later on in the night for a long time, just about totally normal stuff. I also talked to another friend in our group, being my usual self. Today, I tried calling my best friend in the morning. She always gets back to me right away, and I know she's at home. Now I feel out of the loop. Every day we usually touch base at least a few times by nightfall. Link to post Share on other sites
lolly Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 the way you are acting, especially the pouting, is a way to get attention from the guy you like. maybe they don't know this, but they can see what you are doing, and no one wants to be friends with the "crier" of the group. they are seeing right through it, and they choose to ignore it. i would too. i had a crybaby friend too, and it got really old. you're looking for attention in negative ways, and you're getting it. sympathy has to be genuine, and you're not going to get it from these people when they know you're looking for. deal with it in other ways. Link to post Share on other sites
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