Is this worth expressing to my colleague? Or should I suck it up and move on?

[Teknoe]

I feel a little hurt by her comments yesterday (Thursday) and I'

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still feeling a bit bothered by it.

So

basically, we have become pretty close colleagues. We're both naturally a little sarcastic but lately I feel she's been very liberal at me, like teasing or treating me like I'

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not as "on par" as she is.

 

We're a couple grade levels apart

so

we do reading buddies. Yesterday she stopped by and asked me what's the plan for today? I said I got a couple tricks in my bag, don't worry. She immediately said "Does this look like a face of confidence?" I know she meant it sarcastically, but it kind of bothered me.

 

I said trust me, and she was reluctant to say "alright." She leaves and calls me 30 minutes later saying "Let's just go to the field." I agreed, not wanting to stand up for myself. I actually wanted to share a story with the kids that I had done in Chapel the previous day. It's a pretty engaging story and her kids hadn't seen it yet since we split Chapel by certain grade levels.

 

Anyway, during our prep period I stopped by to just jibber jabber with her. She mentioned she has a lot of reading testing to go, about 10 students that needs to be tested in 3 days! I said "Hey, why don't you let me take over for you, leave the kids with me for the 30 minutes, and maybe you can test one or two kids during that time?"

 

"What are you going to do?"

 

"Maybe just let them play on the playground."

 

"Lame!" She said it somewhat sarcastically, but also gave a "lame" facial expression to go along with it and said "I'll be there with you to do kickball."

 

Not even a "Oh hey thanks buddy, but I think I'

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good." I would have appreciated a "thanks for thinking about me" or "thanks for trying to help out..." but a sharp quick somewhat sarcastic yet also serious lame?! It bothered me!

 

I don't know, am I being too sensitive? I just feel like she struck a nerve with me today, and as I type this out, I'

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actually getting a little bothered. It was subtle on her part, but those two incidents really do kind of tick me off. And I usually don't get ticked off. I think it was just the general lack of respect shown on her part. It made me feel inferior, and I was offering to help both times! She just kind of shot me down, and left me feeling like a bum.

 

I don't know if I'

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making too much out of this. Part of me is like "Let just it go. It's no big deal. By bringing it up you're going to disturb the peace."

 

But another part of me is like NO, I won't be walked over. I'

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tired of biting my tongue (in general... I have a very non-confrontational personality) and being scared of what others may think when I speak out. Maybe it'd be emotionally healthy for me to (tactfully) express my feelings to this colleague, and trust that she will receive it with the proper spirit intended. I don't want to make her feel bad yet at the same time I want her to know her words and actions did hurt me.

 

Any feedback or wisdom here? Thanks.

Again, we're pretty close colleagues who banter and joke around A LOT, but yesterday felt different and it just rubbed me the wrong way.

[Survivor12]

Here's the thing...you are expecting her to respect you yet you aren't willing to respect yourself enough to confidently express your ideas & stand up for what you want.

 

Respect is something you earn. "Going along" is not the same as "getting along". Going along means sacrificing your own point of view because you aren't willing to defend it. Getting along is making yourself heard and being willing to compromise, if necessary.

 

Perhaps if you had told her your plan instead of being so vague & then asking her to trust you, she may have been willing to agree, but you gave her nothing. You can't blame her for taking the reigns. Now, if you had told her your plan & she disagreed, you would have had the opportunity to present reasons why you believed it was a good idea. She may still have disagreed but you would at least have given her a reason to respect you--for having a plan & being confident enough to defend it.

 

My best advice is to work on becoming more confident. Understand that confidence comes from believing in the things you say and do, not from whether or not someone else agrees...and respect is earned by being confident.

[Teknoe]

Here's the thing...you are expecting her to respect you yet you aren't willing to respect yourself enough to confidently express your ideas & stand up for what you want.

 

Respect is something you earn. "Going along" is not the same as "getting along". Going along means sacrificing your own point of view because you aren't willing to defend it. Getting along is making yourself heard and being willing to compromise, if necessary.

 

Perhaps if you had told her your plan instead of being so vague & then asking her to trust you, she may have been willing to agree, but you gave her nothing. You can't blame her for taking the reigns. Now, if you had told her your plan & she disagreed, you would have had the opportunity to present reasons why you believed it was a good idea. She may still have disagreed but you would at least have given her a reason to respect you--for having a plan & being confident enough to defend it.

 

My best advice is to work on becoming more confident. Understand that confidence comes from believing in the things you say and do, not from whether or not someone else agrees...and respect is earned by being confident.

 

Thanks. Very strong reply/POV with lots of good points.

 

Yes, I see it especially for my first one where I was very vague and said "I got a couple tricks in my bag" I should have just said "I can share my Chapel story. I got this" and she probably would have believed me.

 

As for the playground "lame" comment, that one I don't know how else to do, though. That one seems more like her bad than mine.

 

But in the end it might just not be worth it.

[jakrbbt]

My advice (because I really really wish I'd done this in a similar situation looking back):

 

Stop engaging with her. Be polite and not fake about it, but no more banter. No more conversation. When you have to communicate, lower your voice a tad and slow down your speaking cadence just a tad-- not enough so she'd notice the difference, no need to be dramatic about it. But it conveys a "don't go there" with absolutely no cold or impolite undertone.

 

When she inevitably keeps trying to banter and be mean/clever, this next thing is very important: Silence. Uncomfortable silence is fine, probably even better. But just don't respond at all. Act like you wish it hadn't happened, you don't know how to respond, you don't think you should have to respond, and you know she would not react well to any confrontation so you're waiting for her to basically go away.

 

I say this because she's not exactly a bully, but more someone who's trying to impress and make a connection, and going about it the wrong way. So while you can "blow it off" or "confront" her, neither approach is likely to be that successful. The first one will leave you upset, the second one will probably not go at all the way you want it to. Severing the supposed friendship in a professional way, is the best approach here IMO.