Past, Present and Future ?

[Floveet]

Hello everybody,

 

Nice to meet you guys.

I would like to leave here my experience, and actual relationship and hopefully seek for some advice...

 

Here it goes..

 

Past :

I had a long relationship of 5 years where i cheated on her most of the time for many different reasons. Lack of attention, she was selfish, i was young and stupid. Well classified i know why, and what i did was wrong.

 

Then i had a new relationship of two years where she was playing with guys, i had to ask her to stop when it went too far. Finally our relationship didn't work out and she broke up a year ago.

 

FYI i live in China and the 2 years relationship was chinese.

 

THen i met this new girl, chinese also, but different. Western mind, crazy, listening to me. We started as sex friends, i mean she wanted that. I already knew that i wanted to be with her. Love at first sight ? I don't know.

We got along, it was nice. But she played. An other one ... Played with a guy, i expressed my unhappiness without blocking her because in a way ... If she ****ed up what we have because of her mistake it's not partially my fault, she did it. I can't force her not to talk to anyone, and i am someone pretty open minded.

 

Then there were this other guy, i was on a business trip for a week end and she went out with my friends, i knew him a bit since we worked together for a music festival. They talked that night, then the day after he asked her to go to his place to watch a movie. She told me the truth right away. But i was far, a bit worried and told her better not. So she invited some friends and him over to her place.

 

During the night i called her around 3am and told me she was alone. But her voice was weird. In fact she didn't wanted to tell me that he was still there and lied to me making me a fool front of that guy.

Telling me : "No one is here" With the guy beside even if nothing happened ...

 

Later on, i checked her message. Because fooled once, not twice and discovered that he slept at her place, and was heading Tokyo the day after. Nothing happened, he tried but she refused. However lied to me and hided me that.

 

When he was in Tokyo they continued to talk, first friendly, then he started asking personal questions that she would answer to.

I found that mostly not respectful for me.

She finally quit talking to him and deleted him from Wechat (Chat APP similar to Snap Chat )

 

In my opinion, she went too far and she knew that i knew but for her, it was just trying to understand his mind even if we both knew that he just wanted to **** her... Clearly.

 

I can't understand that even she knew and that it was hurting me, she wouldn't stop till i put an ultimatum.

 

Till now everything went pretty smoothly, she finally told me all the truth about what happened.

 

But here's my fear. Even if she tell me the truth, she;s probably still willing to play . I don't know her much about that, but beside that she's fantastic, the first girl to understand me (and i swear i dated ... a lot ... had sex with so much different girls, met so much different minds) this one care about me really take care of me and that's why it scares me . To lose her for something i can't control. Her ability to play and go further.

 

So i turn to you guys/girl, get some advice. Try to understand what i can do, what it signify for her.

 

We actually live together, but i know that many guys hit on her, that she tells me not always everything, but she do.

But deeply in her mind, she 's still willing to play . I don't know if she could go further and i don't know for the future what to expect.

I really don't want to get hurt, i really don't want to ****ed up all that work i did on myself.

 

I feel sometimes that it's that karma sh** which just came back to me saying : "Hey u were an ******* when u were young, now those girls that u fell in love with will hurt you for all that **** you did"

 

If anything is unclear, feel free to ask any questions. Ill do my best to answer.

 

Thank you.

[TaraMaiden2]

I hate to tell you, but Karma, in the sense you are meaning it, doesn't exist.

Karma, strictly speaking, just means Action.

Voluntary, deliberate Action.

The consequences are often unknown, and hardly ever considered.

 

You can call it what you want.

Fate's revenge, the universe pay-back, Life's weird a$$-kicking, whatever.

 

but it's not Karma.

 

We make the life we make, by the choices we make.

 

You're with someone who clearly finds it hard to commit, or is actually not as in love with you as you'd like.

And that's ok.

This is who she is, who she has decided she wants to be, and it's what she lives like.

 

You see things differently, and that's ok too....

 

Break this relationship off, because the issue will always repeat.

And what's more, you don't trust her.

 

Karma has nothing to do with this at all.

 

But her actions now, are telling you what you should do - Now.

[No Limit]

I guess your girl radar is just broken. Definitely don't get attached to your current girl, she might "understand you and great sex" and everything but her behavior is a dead giveaway that she considers you an option, not a priority. The moment some other guy gives her this great feeling like she gives to you it's over.

[kendahke]

China?s ratio of boys to girls is still dangerously high?and it?s the Chinese government?s fault ? Quartz

But one of the biggest problems it created was China’s yawning gender gap. The cultural preference for boys meant that, for many years, parents used various ways to avoid having a daughter. That meant that many more boys were born than girls; in 2004, the highest year on record, 121.2 boys were born for every 100 girls. As a result, by 2020, there will be between 30 million and 35 million more Chinese men of marrying age than women.

 

You're in China? It's a woman's market there and they have their pick and choose of men and really don't have to settle on any one man until they're ready to; and living with you isn't even a factor in that. I think that, more than anything, is what you're up against there. She doesn't have to stop playing and it looks like she's not going to. Yeah, karma could be coming back to bite you and then again, she could be of the mind that she doesn't have to settle at this time in her life.

 

You can always stop seeing her and find another girl who may be more of the mind to settle down.

[ExpatInItaly]

Contrary to your assertion, she doesn't understand you very well if you found it necessary to give her an ultimatum to get her to stop flirting with other men.

 

Her actions are screaming that she's not into you as much as you are into her. You are right to be concerned. If she really wanted you and respected you, the other guys wouldn't be in the picture at all. I wouldn't go any further with this relationship. You're going to get even more hurt.

 

You say you are living together - do you share expenses? Whose name is on the contract/lease/rental agreement?

[Floveet]

Hi guys !

Thanks for your replies.

 

So in order to answer, i might have been a bit negative and not explaining everything well.

 

So to answer, we share expenses of course, she earn good money, the lease is at our names, but in China it's not a problem. My ex dumped me and everything was at her name, no problem at all, she was even really nice and helped me to get back my deposit.

 

Right now we had a good conversation this week end, being fully honest about future, things coming, playing with people.

 

She said she doesn't want to play, might happen, but she will talk to me about that and figure out a way to change things.

 

I asked her if she was seeing a future for us, or if she was just trying to see one.

She answered that she really wanted something for us because it was working great.

At first she was not thinking that we could settle things together, because she was not expecting to meet anyone but she did.

 

She's quite different from other chineses i dated, usually there's this thing about money, family, expensive goods which she don't care. She left her parents early because of that and hate this way of thinking.

She's even pushing me so that we move somewhere else together. Japan, Korea to live there.

 

Anyway, that conversation was good and made me realize that i was so afraid to get dumped or betrayed that i forgot to know what SHE was really thinking about all of that.

 

It appears that she was really comprehensive, took time to answer to all my questions without at any time complain or avoid anything.

 

Well i think i might have to work on my trust on her and my trust in general.

 

So it makes me think that she was working things out in her mind also and she starts to get answers.

 

Before she never fall in love with anyone, and for me i already did .. 2 times. Long times.

I know how it works, i know how much it hurts but for her she still discover that.

She dated mens, had sex with them, but never had feelings for them. It's really new to her and could be scary.

 

IN any case i'm trying to be as much comprehensive as i can, while not being betrayed. I'm putting my distance try not to get that much attached till she does.

 

Breaking up would be the easy way in that situation of course... Maybe the expedite way.

Well if im stupid enough to do again and again the same mistake ... haha.

[Floveet]

It's always good to close a story so here I go :

 

So finally, after two years of relationship, I realised that she was mean to me and that was what got her wet.

 

I started to take some distance as she was making me feel like **** while having pressure at work after a promotion.

 

Finally, I went on a business trip for 3 days. 3 Single days, she found out a way to cheat on me.

As I know quite some people in my city, my friend that own the bar she was at told me about the fact she was with a guy on a "date"

 

I snooped on her phone, discovered that she cheated and dumped the **** out of her. BUT I never told her that I knew about it

I just told her I didn't love her anymore.

 

She is still crying trying to get me back, but seriously.. Most satisfying thing i've done in my life.

 

Well.

All to say, I think most of you were right to say, you should leave her. But I still feel it was a nice experience to have and as long as there are good memories it still count as something nice.

 

Now im back to being single, ****ing around and it feels good.

 

So as a conclusion, I would say : Enjoy life as it comes and don't stay with someone that makes you feel unhappy. Run !

[road]

It's always good to close a story so here I go :

 

So finally, after two years of relationship, I realised that she was mean to me and that was what got her wet.

 

I started to take some distance as she was making me feel like **** while having pressure at work after a promotion.

 

Finally, I went on a business trip for 3 days. 3 Single days, she found out a way to cheat on me.

As I know quite some people in my city, my friend that own the bar she was at told me about the fact she was with a guy on a "date"

 

I snooped on her phone, discovered that she cheated and dumped the **** out of her. BUT I never told her that I knew about it

I just told her I didn't love her anymore.

 

She is still crying trying to get me back, but seriously.. Most satisfying thing i've done in my life.

 

Well.

All to say, I think most of you were right to say, you should leave her. But I still feel it was a nice experience to have and as long as there are good memories it still count as something nice.

 

Now im back to being single, ****ing around and it feels good.

 

So as a conclusion, I would say : Enjoy life as it comes and don't stay with someone that makes you feel unhappy. Run !

 

She was over due to be dumped.

Better late then never.