Bobbi7 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Is this true for guys? Say, a guy finds a girl attractive that he does small talk...and the girl does small talk-also finds the guy attractive and the talk is just talk and she leaves it up for him to do the talking because she wants to be chased. Well, isn't that what guys are suppose to do-chase women regardless if the convo is boring? I've been told that the reason why I can't find anyone is because I don't "talk" to guys. Number one-I never get approached. If a guy talks to me-I talk, but I don't push for a flirty conversation. Is conversation really important? Sounds like b.s. Because if guy wants me, he will want me, no matter what. I never thought I have to work this hard to get a guy. Looks are the only thing that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 It's a combo. If one person finds you outwardly attractive, they will want to talk to you but if you sit there like a bump on a log & talking to you is like talking to rock, the other person will most likely get bored & leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Buck Turgidson Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Looks are the only thing that matters. Beauty fades. Dumb is forever. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 So, if a woman doesn't know how to carry on a conversation, that's a dealbreaker? Is this true for guys? It being a dealbreaker varies from man to man. Some men like to dominate, not their women necessarily exclusively, but rather everything in general, so tend to be loud, aggressive and opinionated and a woman conversing ends up being an annoying bug in their ear and could be a dealbreaker where a woman who shares space in a more quiet manner might be more compatible. At the other end, a quiet man may find a woman who is talkative to be a real asset as she can carry conversations and draw him out. IME, most people (men) fall somewhere in the middle. I tend to build intimacy through communication and interactions related to communication so it would be difficult, personally, to build intimacy with a lady who was non-communicative. However, my interactions with women historically focused on intimacy, long-term relations and marriage. Other men may have completely different goals so being talkative could be important or irrelevant to them. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Most guys want to talk to someone that responds to them... and nice to have talk go both ways. If one is like talking to a brick wall, it's pretty hard for things to progress. I really prefer an intelligent lady, with her head screwed on straight, but not an aggressive talker. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Sometimes I have wondered how well good of social-skills a woman needs to have, because one of the most powerful tips I learned almost 2 years ago about becoming a better conversationalist, is being a better listener, in this sense, listening doesn't just solely mean hearing everything the person is saying, but it is expanding on the words, sentences that are coming out of the other persons mouth, instead of just asking question after question, which is interview mode, that is not a true conversation, it's making comments, statements, telling stories or asking questions related to what the other person is saying, but it can be very hard to do when the woman is not responding much in conversation not saying much, most people say that means she is not interested, while I can believe that I have sometimes also wondered if it is because I am NOT asking the right questions or saying the right things to get the conversation flowing, that maybe she is open to conversation but is expecting me to say the correct things to keep it alive or get it started Link to post Share on other sites
misspond Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Conversation should be a two way street. Both parties should be able to converse; share anecdotes, be funny, instigate topics, agree or challenge depending upon their personal view-points all the time listening and expanding upon what the other has said. But if one or other dominates the talking then personally I get bored if I'm not allowed to interact, and I'm sure as hell boring to the other person if I get on my soap-box and don't allow them to be involved. And if the conversation is not flowing? Well then, that could be down to lots of things; someone may have had a *****ty day, has something on their mind that is distracting them, is very socially awkward. The "chase" comes from other aspects of the interaction to my mind. It's about the body language, eye contact etc as well as wanting to keep a conversation going. We're social creatures after all, and we need interaction in order to function socially. I'll both instigate and respond to conversation with new people. If they don't want to or can't respond because they're not socially skilled then my interest will drop, as should theirs if I'm not responding to them, and this is less about being asked the right questions as someone having an open and relaxed attitude when chatting/talking. Being open and relaxed is something you can learn, or fake-it-till-you-make-it if it doesn't come naturally. Like anything else, overthinking any situation will kill it dead before it's started. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Yes. I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody I don't enjoy talking to. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Sounds like b.s. Because if guy wants me, he will want me, no matter what. I never thought I have to work this hard to get a guy. Looks are the only thing that matters. Are you being serious? Who really wants to be with someone they cannot have a conversation with? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I'm scratching my head here.. Most people will expect whoever they are talking to to engage in conversation. Conversing and flirting aren't all one sided, they have to go both ways otherwise the one doing all the carrying is going to get bored really quickly whether they are male or female. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Is this true for guys? Say, a guy finds a girl attractive that he does small talk...and the girl does small talk-also finds the guy attractive and the talk is just talk and she leaves it up for him to do the talking because she wants to be chased. Well, isn't that what guys are suppose to do-chase women regardless if the convo is boring? I've been told that the reason why I can't find anyone is because I don't "talk" to guys. Number one-I never get approached. If a guy talks to me-I talk, but I don't push for a flirty conversation. Is conversation really important? Sounds like b.s. Because if guy wants me, he will want me, no matter what. I never thought I have to work this hard to get a guy. Looks are the only thing that matters. If a guy just wants to have sex with you then maybe the conversation doesn't matter. I'm not sure where you get these ideas that men should chase you even if you bore them to death or that you just simply have to exist for a man to want you. I mean, some men are desperate (just like some women) and have no real standards and want anyone...but other men actually want a woman they can talk to, who is interesting, who makes them want to know more...not just a boring lump who can't carry on a conversation. Many men are attracted to wit, intelligence, personality, other things besides looks. Most men do not fall in love with a woman simply because she is good looking but undoubtedly her personality, conversation, other aspects that make her her is what they love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 As a side note on this, the notion that all men have to use some strategy to get women to talk about themselves is silly. I mean, it may work for some shallow women, but guess what, most women are't shallow and dumb and self-obsessed. That means you'd better be ready to have a two way conversation where you're able to put forth thoughts of your own and elaborate on them, not just say "oh yeah, what else?" You'll fall flat pretty quickly doing that, in general. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 As a side note on this, the notion that all men have to use some strategy to get women to talk about themselves is silly. I mean, it may work for some shallow women, but guess what, most women are't shallow and dumb and self-obsessed. That means you'd better be ready to have a two way conversation where you're able to put forth thoughts of your own and elaborate on them, not just say "oh yeah, what else?" You'll fall flat pretty quickly doing that, in general. I know, I find all those male strategies, must be for women who are either very shy, very young, very naive, very stupid or very drunk maybe. Most women I know can talk the hind legs off a donkey. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 In all my years, I've never even met a woman who's shy. There were plenty of invisible ones in school because they weren't great beauties. I've met more clammed up men than I can shake a stick at, but they weren't all shy. They mostly just had some kind of chip on their shoulders and acted like everyone else was wrong. I have a shy cousin, but he didn't start off that way. Some parental emotional issues. Link to post Share on other sites
misspond Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Most women I know can talk the hind legs off a donkey. Ah. That'll be me then 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 would love for her to ask me questions back in return Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 If you want a man of substance, you need to have interests and things you can talk about. Keep a conversation flowing. For me there's nothing worse than a man who has nothing to say back to me. No matter how he looks. The guy that wins my heart makes me laugh, I can make him laugh, he talks and I listen, I talk and he listens. You sitting there being dull with no opinions, waiting to be chased, should put any quality man off. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 If she can cook and loves to give a good BJ she's still got crucial skills. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Theres a difference between being boring and not being talkative. One can have a lot of interests, hobbies, experiences and just not be talkative. Guys never know what to make of me since im not stereotypical loquacious female. Im quite introverted. Id say that the social aspect is more implrtant than the smart aspect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fardaxel Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Because if guy wants me, he will want me, no matter what. I never thought I have to work this hard to get a guy. Looks are the only thing that matters. You know, if I was a guy, I would be so insulted by this. Are guys not allowed to be more complicated than "Me man. You woman. Let's mash bits." Are guys not allowed to want personality, or shared interests? Are they not allowed to spend time talking to a woman, to decide if their morals and worldview mesh with theirs? You should want to work hard for a relationship. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure the dildo industry has it covered if you want sex and no talking. Link to post Share on other sites
fardaxel Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Ah. That'll be me then Me too. Then I met my guy. I can forget trying to get a word in on the phone, he's Mr Have-A-Chat. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I've yet to meet a woman who can lead a conversation that is about anything other than herself. Men are expected to organise things and pay for them, no surprise we're also expected to carry the convo as well. Such is life. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 would love for her to ask me questions back in return Majority of the time they won't give a sh#t. Get use to it. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I've yet to meet a woman who can lead a conversation that is about anything other than herself. How many women have you actually met? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Majority of the time they won't give a sh#t. Get use to it. Would love to hear comments from.about that, do women also expect men to prevent or fill in awkward silences, pauses during conversation? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts