len51 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I have been treated for depression on and off for the last 15 years. I can say that it does not make you want to have an affair as that will only add to your stress and problems. Then there is the guilt you would feel. Nope, depression has the opposite effect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 I have been treated for depression on and off for the last 15 years. I can say that it does not make you want to have an affair as that will only add to your stress and problems. Then there is the guilt you would feel. Nope, depression has the opposite effect. You can't speak for everyone who has or does suffer from depression, just yourself, but I appreciate the input on your first post. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 The strongest statement that I'd agree with, based on what I've read and on the examples I've seen among people I know, is that depression has a significant affect on interpersonal relationships, and that the precise nature of that affect varies based on the person and the situation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I'm sorry you went through that; I watched a friend do the same. He was clinging to everyone he could, trying to forge a connection, as it was only those connections that made him feel life was worth living. Thanks, RoseVille. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 ... affect ... Drives me nuts when people don't use "affect" and "effect" correctly, particularly when discussing this topic. Even if I'm the people in question. Maybe especially then. Sorry, everybody! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
violet1 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Can having depression and anxiety "cause" or make it more likely than one will engage in infidelity? If one is suffering from depression, are they in greater danger of cheating? My experience was a little different. In my case, my H (the BS) was very depressed. Years before my A, my H was severely depressed. He had a hard time keeping a job, he felt useless and unable to take care of his family. Instead of letting this motivate him to try harder, he fell into a deep depression. He withdrew from everyone, constantly slept, ignored me and the family, etc. I made him doctor's appointments, but he would never take his meds regularly and at the time refused therapy. I became very unhappy and resentful. Our therapist has stated that my H was so depressed that he gave up on himself. When he gave up on himself, he gave up on everything else. I wasn't depressed when I cheated. I was resentful and unhappy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
violet1 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Of course, everyone is different. I personally believe affairs happen more because of built up resentment than depression. Most people (not all) who are severely depressed don't have the self confidence or energy to embark on an A. I'm not saying a depressed person won't cheat. I just personally don't believe that depression is the factor in the majority of affairs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
violet1 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Roseville, Although, I don't believe depression is a cause for most affairs, I certainly believe that depression can hurt and/or destroy a relationship. I'm sure there are cases out there in which a person used an affair to boost their self-esteem or to help pull them out of a funk. Is that the type of affair you are referring to? Link to post Share on other sites
star gaze Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I was diagnosed with depression during my late teen years. I have been reading about it since then. I know a lot of people who were/are suffering from depression. From what I think (I could not find any papers on depression being causative to infidelity, though there are some papers on concurrent depression and infidelity, and many papers on infidelity causing or largely contributing to depression in WS and/or BS), most of the time, depression actually is NOT conductive to affairs. Every secret, the sense of injustice or unfairness, timing, and demands and other minutiae of common affairs should be making a depressive patients even more unwilling to step out of their room, IMO. So, if a unfaithful spouse claims that affair help them feel happy, most of the time it’s something else in his character, for example extreme paranoia or narcissistic tendency that’s feeding on affair and not depression itself. This is my opinion and is not based on any studies, though the study would be pretty tricky job in itself and would more likely to be surveys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Roseville, Although, I don't believe depression is a cause for most affairs, I certainly believe that depression can hurt and/or destroy a relationship. I'm sure there are cases out there in which a person used an affair to boost their self-esteem or to help pull them out of a funk. Is that the type of affair you are referring to? My thoughts are that one of three things happens: (1) a WS' depression causes a breakdown in a relationship, leading to an affair to fill in the broken parts for the WS; (2) breakdown in the relationship triggers depression for the WS, leading to an affair, which gives the WS a "fix" of feeling good; (3) some combo of 1 and 2. Not in all A's obviously, just where depression exists (and please see previous posts about this, specifically those I posted about symptomology - it need not be severe nor do all symptoms need to be present). Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseVille Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Of course, everyone is different. I personally believe affairs happen more because of built up resentment than depression. Most people (not all) who are severely depressed don't have the self confidence or energy to embark on an A. I'm not saying a depressed person won't cheat. I just personally don't believe that depression is the factor in the majority of affairs. Yeah, I'm not talking about frequency of this happening, just that it can happen/be a cause/factor, especially since so many cases of depression go undiagnosed, even more so for men who are less likely to seek help and whose symptoms present differently than women. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I am a chronic depressive. It isn't obviously situational as I have had it since I was in my late teens (only diagnosed after me second baby). H had the affair.I firmly beleive that my condition contributed to my H's A - depression is a selfish condition and it cuts you off from others. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 And regarding the desire for sex? Not a hope! I desired to curl up in my bed and pull the covers over my ears and stay there. However I had 3 kids and a full time job so that wasn't an option. I would have loved someone to have held me and made me feel safe and loved - H wasn't able to do that thanks to his FOO issues but to go out and find someone... not a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 My husband is a diagnosed depressive and yes, that was a contributing factor- destructive behavior and self soothing are part of the package-however, it is not an excuse- there is medication, help, family and plain old being a good person all of which were better alternatives to allowing himself to do what he did- his condition is his responsibility-he is an adult- Link to post Share on other sites
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