Any Good Advice please?

[relention]

hi

 

Im wandering if anyone out there could help me. To be honest I can only help myself but abit of guidance would really help. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4 years, we love each other so much. We had big problems for alot of time as I hurt him alot mainly over my feelings. Back at the start of our relationship whenever I hurt him I would always try and make up for it and be nice, but now I just get defensive and i shout, i be nasty even if ive done something wrong.

 

Mainly because im afraid of going back to how it felt at the bad times in our relationship. I dont know how to stop this as its something that happens and I dont realise it so much. Whenever I hurt him I should be there for him, to hold him and to help him, not to make him worse by shouting at him etc, he said i have no compassion and he feels lonely. I dont mean to be like this and i care for him deeply and love him but im just so afraid of things going back the way they were that i get definesive and tighten up.

 

Sorry if you dont understand but anyone that does, good advice would be great. I want to be a great girlfriend, and to help when I do things wrong, or when something goes wrong whatever the case

 

Thanks

[Pocky]

Why don't you create a plan to follow so that you know the best steps when you encounter a problem? Instead of just reacting to the issue, you need to solve the issue. Shouting matches and cruel words may help keep your wall up and wound the other person more than yourself, but it certainly isn't going to solve the problem is it?

 

When you're not angry and the two of you aren't fighting, why don't you sit down and devise a plan for issues that come up in the relationship? Have you boyfriend communicate how he would prefer you respond to these issues and you communicate how you would prefer he respond to these issues. If he is approaching you in an aggressive manner then it is natural that you'll respond just as aggressively as he does. Learning how your significant other responds to your approach and vocabulary when arguing is imperative to good communication. If you don't know how the other person expects to be spoken to or treated during an argument then you don't know how to argue successfully. Not all arguing is hurtful and demeaning in my opinion. Sometimes an argument is just a debate if you learn how to handle the other person.