ZA Dater Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I think as people age, the leagues can change. Some smokin' hot girl in her 20s can look pretty ordinary in her 30-40s and some girl who was pretty nondescript in her 20s can look stunning in her 30-40s. Similarly that ripped guy can turn fat and bald in his 30s and the dorky teenager turn into a successful good looking 40 yo. Some gain confidence as they age and some without the boost of their stunning looks, lose self-esteem. If at 20 they are attracting the pick of the crop, looks wise, I guess most are not going to be willing to set their sights lower, unless perhaps experience has taught them to change their criteria for a long term mate. But if looks is high priority, as it is for some, I guess it still trumps all If at 20 you chose personality/intellect over looks I doubt that would change much either. Most just want the best they can get, whatever age they are. Probably spot on when I think about this logically and remove emotion frm the thought process. Its just sad me to be that if one is decent looking its impossible to win people over on intellect, even if you get on well with them, the conversation flows and there is laughter. I always thought intellect and intelligence would help but it seems they actually count for very little. That for me is the sad realisation. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 This is simply false Toodaloo. Women most definitely care about physical aspects and most have thresholds. (To revisit an old peeve of mine, just the sheer number of women on online dating sites who say 'don't message me if you're under this height' disproves your personality theory.) Remember, you are not women; you are one particular woman. So don't try and make universal extrapolations from yourself. Do you actually want to date shallow women though??? THis is a very good way for your to weed out those that have personality traits that you find unattractive... In general men and women are not bad people. Its just weeding out the dross that is the problem. Many good people get married every day. I also have many wedding pictures of people who are very happy where one is proportionately far better looking than the other... Choose the people you associate with carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Probably spot on when I think about this logically and remove emotion frm the thought process. Its just sad me to be that if one is decent looking its impossible to win people over on intellect, even if you get on well with them, the conversation flows and there is laughter. I always thought intellect and intelligence would help but it seems they actually count for very little. That for me is the sad realisation. It does help when you meet someone who is in tune with YOU! They count for a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 It does help when you meet someone who is in tune with YOU! They count for a lot! I did once and I still got flatly rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I did once and I still got flatly rejected. Then they are not the one for you. It really is that simple. I know it sucks and is harsh, but if a woman is not as interested in you as you are them then its not worth wasting your time, energy or emotions over. I get rejected all the time. I just wallow for 5 minutes, lick my wounds, then pick myself up and get on with it. No point crying over spilt milk and I sure as heck am not going to waste time on self pity and moaning about something that actually is not my god given right! The 11th commandment is not thou shall fancy Toodaloo. Life isn't a pretty little game in the school yard. Life is tough and it is hard. Finding some one that you can live with for the next 50 years is even harder! Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Then they are not the one for you. It really is that simple. I know it sucks and is harsh, but if a woman is not as interested in you as you are them then its not worth wasting your time, energy or emotions over. I get rejected all the time. I just wallow for 5 minutes, lick my wounds, then pick myself up and get on with it. No point crying over spilt milk and I sure as heck am not going to waste time on self pity and moaning about something that actually is not my god given right! The 11th commandment is not thou shall fancy Toodaloo. Life isn't a pretty little game in the school yard. Life is tough and it is hard. Finding some one that you can live with for the next 50 years is even harder! I would just settle for a friend to take to events and take to dinner, someone who can dazzle with the right degree of class and intellect and looks presentable. Furthermore I think one gets hit differently, if like me you rarely meet anyone of interest it just hurts considerably more when you do and they aren't interested. Sex, I realised I am never going to get then unless I decide to pay for it so really the relationship idea I realised is just impossible for me. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 It must be lovely to live in utopia but as someone else said you fail to acknowledge that some people are inherently shy, for example I wouldn't dream of talking to some random female. Why, simply because one needs to assess as far as possible if the person is actually single. Enjoy the utopia world of meeting females, having sex while some of us cannot even get into the friend zone but to come say "its easy" doesn't sit well with me because for a great many people its not easy at all. Well, if you're so debilitatingly shy that you can't make yourself talk to someone, then why in God's green world do you want to have sex with them, which is a hundred times more intimate? Either realize you can control your own actions if you are willing to not always be at your most comfortable or stop worrying about it and find something else to focus on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 (edited) I think we need to differentiate between "shy" and "paralyzed at the thought of rejection." One is an actual character trait that everyone has to some degree on a continuum and the other is fear that is learned. Both have to be handled by doing it anyway! Life isn't always easy. Edited May 27, 2015 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 It's just kind of the way humanity is. If women were doing the approaching, then men would be shooting them down for their looks by the boatload and they WOULD be on here whining. um it's EXACTLY the same for women, whether we do the approaching or not, if we are fat and/ or ugly there won't be any approaching done on us. You have no idea what it is like to be a fat or ugly or old woman or a "hot" woman who is looked at as a THING and the way you are so darn sure you have it so bad compared to ALL women on earth is just pretty telling. a guy would not make a good partner to a woman unless they get rid of that attitude no matter what he looks like. If you are not able to relate to any woman as an individual person so why would any enjoy that?? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 You have no idea what it is like to be a fat or ugly or old woman or a "hot" woman who is looked at as a THING and the way you are so darn sure you have it so bad compared to ALL women on earth is just pretty telling. Exatly. Imagine how all those "fat" and "ugly" women are feeling right now when ZA Dater "liked" them, but he never responded when she liked him back. A woman who is not getting many "likes" is going to be gutted when her "match" is really just ZA Dater doing some "research". She, despite being "fat"and "ugly" and not "hot" is a human being with feelings, hopes and dreams too. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 (edited) um it's EXACTLY the same for women, whether we do the approaching or not, if we are fat and/ or ugly there won't be any approaching done on us. You have no idea what it is like to be a fat or ugly or old woman or a "hot" woman who is looked at as a THING and the way you are so darn sure you have it so bad compared to ALL women on earth is just pretty telling. a guy would not make a good partner to a woman unless they get rid of that attitude no matter what he looks like. If you are not able to relate to any woman as an individual person so why would any enjoy that?? Like I told you the last time, GO BOTHER SOMEBODY ELSE. You redrag out a post that's three days old where I EXPLICITLY said that men are just as shallow as women in order to try and desperately re-ignite a gender war. I bet you also missed my posts where I was sticking up for heavy women saying most of them are attractive and that I find women who are 5'5" 190 to be hot as others were calling them obese. There's plenty of male posters who are here with the sole purpose of arguing with people like you. Go find them. You're on my ignore (if I can find it). Edited May 27, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts