RoxStar Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 Does getting back together after 5 years of no contact happen and work? After a bad break up, several years of no contact and then all of a sudden reconnecting it seems as though the guy I was with for the last 2.5 years is chatting and hanging out with his ex. She is in the process of getting divorced because her husband committed armed robbery to keep his coke habit going. She has a 5 year old and a 5 month old and recently spent the night with the guy I WAS seeing. He claims it was innocent. He is 37 and she is 32. They didnt work out the first time around - no kids - no baggage back then and now she is going to have an ex husband to deal with and kids and all the reasons they broke up in the first place. Can they make it this time? I dont even know if they are trying to get back together but the whole spending the night with each other has me thinking its a thought in their heads. Anyone have any stories of people getting back together years after their first break up??? Link to post Share on other sites
iwishiknewthen Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 i think getting back together after all those years is the exception not the rule. but i will tell you this.... i think lots of people will come to this post looking for those answers because so many of us want to think that after a long time of NC its possible to get back together with the one you love/loved. people will seek encouragement along those lines so they can have hope that after beaking up and being apart so long its possble to go back! they will want to hear stories like that. but i dont think the stories will pile up. in your case...you were with him for 2.5 years. are you still with him? why am i not clear on that? she was with him 5 years ago? if you are currently with him, i would seriously ask him how he thinks his contact with her might affect you guys as a couple? how does he feel about worrying you by staying over night with her??? i would tell him i wasnt comfortable with a past lover and him spending time with them. but remind him that doesnt make you insecure..its just doesnt seem appropriate after all this time. if youre not with him and you want him back and hes back in contact with her... you need to open the doors of communication with him....somehow. if he harbored feelings for her over the years while she was married and shes now free..so to speak...he might want to try to see how things will work out with her again. honestly she doesnt sound too hot to me...too stable. just a hunch. i need more info. do you and he get along? talk? date? that would help me get a better sense of things. sorry its 1:45 AM and cloudy thinking. all i can say is if he wants her he sounds like hes headed for trouble and if you want him..there needs to be some form of communication.... what is your current status? Link to post Share on other sites
jen03 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Don't be discouraged by a lack of posts here in regard to that, Roxstar. It could very well be that those people are happy now and have no need to refer to this website anymore Things DO have a way of working out once each person is willing to take time to look inside themselves and change the negative that was interfering with making the relationship work in the first place. Sometimes it can take time. A lot of time! And true, maybe people move on, but as long as you keep an open mind, you'll find yourself moving on too. I believe everything is interconnected, and NATURE will present a second chance, you can't force it (once you've done what you can to show how you feel, sincerity, etc.). Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar Does getting back together after 5 years of no contact happen and work? My cousin. They had no contact for something like 3-4 years I think. They've been happy for over 10 years now. Another cousin. No contact for 8+ years. Got together, now happily married for 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 I reunited with my ex after about two years of NC with my ex. Thing is I wanted him back so bad because It was NC after the break up and I felt as if I didn't have closure. And The person I envisioned was the guy I fell in love with whom I had always seen through Rose colored glasses. Well 2 years later I reunited and we tried it out but I realized I had changed...I finally saw him without the rose colored glasses and saw a very ugly person. I received the closure I needed and was Finally able to get over him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 My friend I know and went to school with dated a guy her whole senior year. They broke up probably 6 months after Graduating. They somehow hooked up again 15 years later, and dated some more for 6 months then got married. They have one kid already and another one on the way. I think in this case it was being too young to stay together forever and both needed to be with other people, experience life apart before finding eachother again. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup My friend I know and went to school with dated a guy her whole senior year. They broke up probably 6 months after Graduating. They somehow hooked up again 15 years later, and dated some more for 6 months then got married. They have one kid already and another one on the way. I think in this case it was being too young to stay together forever and both needed to be with other people, experience life apart before finding eachother again. that is so beautiful, i think i'm gonna cry....*sniff* *sniff* Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale that is so beautiful, i think i'm gonna cry....*sniff* *sniff* Alpha? Has someone hacked into your account?!? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 that is so beautiful, i think i'm gonna cry....*sniff* *sniff* Smartass! Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Since alpha is huddled in a corner somewhere crying, I figured I'd answer and say sure this is possible, but as someone said earlier, those people don't come here and post as much as the distraught ones do. Don't pay too much attention to the naysayers here. They're looking for comfort by trying to create a bond with others over their negative experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by lost_in_chgo Since alpha is huddled in a corner somewhere crying, No, i'm done weeping now, LOST_IN_CHGO I figured I'd answer and say sure this is possible, I would agree, you can definitiely hook up with an old flame decades later but you both have to carry the flame (or at least the pilot lite still has to be lit). Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 That's a good way to put it. See alpha, crying seems to have helped you. Next thing you know you'll be buying some girl flowers and picking out rings. Your new name will be Mr Sensitive Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Your new name will be Mr Sensitive Yeah right! I'm sure there's one part of his body that's sensitive, and that ain't the head on his shoulders! you can definitiely hook up with an old flame decades later but you both have to carry the flame (or at least the pilot lite still has to be lit). True, and that is why my little sappy story about my friend and her beau worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
60sdreamgirl Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 well what is your situation like honey? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveAlways Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Watch the notebook!!! Link to post Share on other sites
60sdreamgirl Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 the notebook is a movie that IS what ur referring to right love? Link to post Share on other sites
Nicholas Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 or better yet, read it. Link to post Share on other sites
Auz Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Not wanting to give anyone false hope or anything but, ... Couple 1) Went out with each other on 3 seperate occasions and are now married for aboput 5 years Couple 2) Are going out for the 3rd time now after having bf/gf in between each time..1yr break between each time - currently been going out 2 years, and I'd place money that theyll be getting married Couple 3) Proposed to his gf on a Backpacking tour around Europe - ring and everything...she said noway does she wanna get married. They stayed together still. Two or three years later he proposed again, she said yes, they been married about 5 years now, and have a kid. All are close friends of mine. All are happy. I guess it shows anything is possible, up to you whether you want to take that risk though... Auz PS i hope they have a lucky effect on me:P Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by Auz Not wanting to give anyone false hope or anything but, ... I don't think this is false hope. Only becomes that way when someone relies on it. The reality is that if the fires of attraction have burned brightly once, they often can again. Not always, but often. However, this is probably a good moment to remind those having a desperate moment that the best strategy is *always* to get on with the rest of your life. Not to hang around waiting for them. This makes you way more attractive as well as.... helping you get on with the rest of your life if (as is most likely) you never get together again. Link to post Share on other sites
heart2heart Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 I and an ex reconnected after 10 years of being apart. He was my 'first love' and I his. We had a long relationship that began in our mid teens into our mid twenties. He'd come searching for me via the web, found me and we began emailing and stuff. While it was fantastic to catch up and remember and reflect on old times, we didn't however get back together, I'd changed way too much for his liking I think, LOL!! He'd expected to find the same girl that was once totally and utterly besotted with him, the girl that would've walked to the ends of the earth with him and for him, the girl that would've once upon a time fallen into his arms at the blink of an eye.......he didn't find her. What he found was someone that had moved on (not surprisingly after 10 years), a girl now happy and fully content with what life had dealt her, with a great job, a hectic social life, etc. Didn't seem to make me any more attractive to him, the fact that I'd moved on, etc, etc........infact I reckon he felt totally and utterly 'rejected' and it was a complete blow to his ego that he was no longer 'centre of my world' anymore. He's likely still licking his wounds....... Anyone thinking of contacting an ex from long ago? Think twice........things are never the same as they were and you may find a very different person these days, than the one your ex once was. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 I tried reconnecting with an ex (friend) from ten years ago and found her very much the same as I left her. But she is not interested. Time is a big barrier I think. Link to post Share on other sites
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