DKT3 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Hope, you know I think the world of you and you are a strong woman. You can get through this and walk with your head high. I'm proud of you for understanding this wasn't something you could handle and did what was best for you. You are a great friend to me and helped me a lot in my situation. Just keep being the wonderful woman you are and in time you will find the man you deserve, more importantly one that deserves you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 At least you had the balls to admit it to everyone (not that you owe us squat but you know what I mean). I am a little surprised, I could sit here and say "haven't you learned anything?!", but if there is one thing *I* myself have learned, it's that it's a lot easier to give others advice and guidance than for us to follow our own. I do hope this time you have really learned, though, for your own sake. You've been through enough. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Thanks WWIU. But I walked in with eyes wide open. I knew there was a SO, he told me she knew. I'm to blame. Yes and no. Yes because maybe you should have known better and not believed him. No because he led you on, I'm sure he was quite convincing too. Just don't be so hard on yourself. You feel bad enough and there's no point now in continuing that as it's just going to make you feel worse. Painful lesson but hopefully it's been learned. The man picker is off (can't remember which poster used to say that about herself, if I remember I'll post it because she gave some great advice on how get over doing that) so take time to heal and do soul searching. I think you're confusing the first and the second guy. No, I'm not. I know Hope's previous situation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Agree or not, men who lie and say they are separated or in an open marriage are taking a chance by playing the field. This guy is scum, he's been lying to his wife and he totally mislead Hope, gave her a false truth. His wife is being fooled by her own husband. Now if Hope went in knowing full well he was married and never leaving his wife and it was just an affair, then she would know what's what. She didn't and his wife has a right to know that her husband is out there cheating and misleading women. Who knows if Hope is the first one he's done this with, though I doubt it... Gently I say this, maybe take a break from dating for a while. Just enjoy being single and bond with your women friends, get some TLC from them and your family and be happy. Don't beat yourself up over this anymore. What's done is done, put it behind you. Listen, they were BOTH cheating. This OP and the husband. It wasn't her place to suddenly find a conscience about it (and this isn't her first rodeo in cheating with taken men) and suddenly feel compelled to "apologize" to his wife to out him. She's just as culpable as he is and then to potentially destroy an un-suspecting wife to punish her now ex lover is simply BS.. Sorry.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mazerati Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 (edited) Agree or not, men who lie and say they are separated or in an open marriage are taking a chance by playing the field. This guy is scum, he's been lying to his wife and he totally mislead Hope, gave her a false truth. His wife is being fooled by her own husband. Now if Hope went in knowing full well he was married and never leaving his wife and it was just an affair, then she would know what's what. She didn't and his wife has a right to know that her husband is out there cheating and misleading women. Who knows if Hope is the first one he's done this with, though I doubt it... Gently I say this, maybe take a break from dating for a while. Just enjoy being single and bond with your women friends, get some TLC from them and your family and be happy. Don't beat yourself up over this anymore. What's done is done, put it behind you. Yes, scum. I admire Hope for having the courage to share this. One can only imagine the strength it took to admit she was misled. For someone to lie, and misrepresent marital status in the attempt to bed another is sick. It may have been an EA but... Hope fortunately woke you before the EA became something else. And to use my words from another post: In fact... I wish we men could be as honest as her Best wishes Edited May 24, 2015 by Mazerati 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Listen, they were BOTH cheating. This OP and the husband. It wasn't her place to suddenly find a conscience about it (and this isn't her first rodeo in cheating with taken men) and suddenly feel compelled to "apologize" to his wife to out him. She's just as culpable as he is and then to potentially destroy an un-suspecting wife to punish her now ex lover is simply BS.. Sorry.. So his wife should be kept in the dark? If you were married and your H did this to you, would you want to know? Even if it was the OW who confessed it to you? This wasn't revenge, Hope did this she had 2nd thoughts and because his wife deserved to know the truth. She realized it was wrong and tried to make amends. Let's agree to disagree in this case.. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 So his wife should be kept in the dark? If you were married and your H did this to you, would you want to know? Even if it was the OW who confessed it to you? Unless sought out and asked by a spouse, the OP shouldn't out the BS, certainly not by seeking them out to tell them. In my opinion, regardless of who the people involved are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I'm a BS and I agree with disclosure. Everyone is entitled to the truth about their life. I feel like if you disclose, you should be willing to walk away clean. I've said this in every thread similar to this one and it applies here as well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope Shimmers Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 1) There is no husband or wife involved in any of this, on either side - or I would not be here, you can be sure of that 2) Please can we stop debating about whether to 'tell' the other person. As I have already said, she knew. I apologized. End of story. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 So his wife should be kept in the dark? If you were married and your H did this to you, would you want to know? Even if it was the OW who confessed it to you? This wasn't revenge, Hope did this she had 2nd thoughts and because his wife deserved to know the truth. She realized it was wrong and tried to make amends. Let's agree to disagree in this case.. Wait, she KNOWINGLY got involved with a married guy. Again, this is the SECOND time she has done this with a married guy. She suddenly has an conscience about "what she did was wrong"? Yea, the timing of contacting his wife was convenient as well since she did it after they ended.. If my SO cheated and the guy who was banging her made me aware, my only thought would be he got jilted by her and he's outing her for revenge. I think the vast majority would think the same.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope Shimmers Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Wait, she KNOWINGLY got involved with a married guy. Again, this is the SECOND time she has done this with a married guy. She suddenly has an conscience about "what she did was wrong"? Yea, the timing of contacting his wife was convenient as well since she did it after they ended.. If my SO cheated and the guy who was banging her made me aware, my only thought would be he got jilted by her and he's outing her for revenge. I think the vast majority would think the same.. Again. There is NO married guy involved here. And no 'banging' going on. Please cease and desist. Your point has been made. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Wait, she KNOWINGLY got involved with a married guy. Again, this is the SECOND time she has done this with a married guy. She suddenly has an conscience about "what she did was wrong"? Yea, the timing of contacting his wife was convenient as well since she did it after they ended.. If my SO cheated and the guy who was banging her made me aware, my only thought would be he got jilted by her and he's outing her for revenge. I think the vast majority would think the same.. FIRST OF ALL......... the dude wasn't married. AND SECOND OF ALL... his significant other ALREADY KNEW because it was an open relationship -- she just didn't know the extent of the A. the rules of that game are a little different. Hope didn't make her "aware" - she was already aware. pay attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 FIRST OF ALL......... the dude wasn't married. AND SECOND OF ALL... his significant other ALREADY KNEW because it was an open relationship -- she just didn't know the extent of the A. the rules of that game are a little different. Hope didn't make her "aware" - she was already aware. pay attention. Ok, I'll step aside and let all you continue to enable a person w/a seriously broken moral compass.. Enable on.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Ok, I'll step aside and let all you continue to enable a person w/a seriously broken moral compass.. Enable on.. Wow, nice parting shot. Nobody is enabling her, people are just trying to make her feel better as she feels like shi.t right now, so why kick someone when they're down and out? Whatever side of the fence one is on doesn't matter, it's not cool to poop on someone's open wounds. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope Shimmers Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Wow, nice parting shot. Nobody is enabling her, people are just trying to make her feel better as she feels like shi.t right now, so why kick someone when they're down and out? Whatever side of the fence one is on doesn't matter, it's not cool to poop on someone's open wounds. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 (edited) Ok, I'll step aside and let all you continue to enable a person w/a seriously broken moral compass.. Enable on.. spare me with the moral talk. giving someone USEFUL advice & support especially when they're on a road to healing isn't ENABLING, it's called f*cking helping. you're kicking someone who is already down, someone who knows made a mistake and someone who is already giving herself enough kicks because i guess your moral compas is never wrong & you like to feel superior over other mortal sinners. that's really all there is to it. and on top of everything - you didn't even bother to actually read because the OP wrote like 10 times that the dude's significant other knew of the A & you keep writing about "unsuspecting" spouse... pls. Edited May 24, 2015 by minimariah 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AngeliqueC Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Hope, you did the right thing. End of story. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GypsumSatellite Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Look at your mistake as you growing out of a bad behavior. You know what led you to get involved, you recognized it was unhealthy, you got out - you even apologized to his SO. You'll keep getting better at this until one day you will no longer be susceptible to unavailable people. Take from the experience what you need to, go a little gentle on yourself, and realize you're recovering. You're learning better behaviors. You're owning up to your actions. You're even coming forward here and being accountable. One step and one day at a time. It will get better, you will make better choices,and you will become stronger against these sorts of advances. I have faith in you. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Great way to end another splendid Saturday evening. So we rest. Link to post Share on other sites
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