Help Me Change My Life

[El Diablo]

Okay folks this is a long one but hang in there, I really need your help. I met this girl a few weeks ago and have spent a great deal of time with her recently. She has been with me 24-7 for the last five days. We slept together everynight (not having sex). I really, really like her; to the point of it being undescribable. The night before last she slept with me topless and last night fully nude. I get the feeling that she likes me a great deal as well, but I haven't had a serious realtionship since middle school (I am in college now...GIG'EM AGS). Even then it wasn't THAT serious. I have shut myself out for so incredibly long that I don't even know where to begin with her. I don't really know how to turn her on. I want to know how to kiss her and touch her, basically i want to know how to make her feel good. Not just in a sexual manner but in totality. I want her to feel good about me and being with me. I realize that many of these questions could be answered by asking her but she is not really that type. She has been hurt emotionally, and very badly I'm afraid. I think she is afraid to get emotionally involved. I need help very desperately. I am an inexperienced individual who needs to gain a wealth of knowledge and very quickly. Everytime I see her it brightens my day. If I could bottle up what happens to me when we kiss I would be a millionaire. She appeals to me on an emotional level as well as a physical level and it has been so incredibly long since I have felt that. I cannot let it go now. I need to know how to ensure that she likes me and how to appeal to her how she appeals to me. All help is appreciated. If you wish to reply privately you can e-mail me at <e-mail address removed>. I can't go back into the dark, not after her. I want this lonliness to end, for me and for her.

[Newgirl]

Dear Diablo,

 

I am happy for you that you have found someone that makes you so happy. She sounds like she is jumping right into things, though. Surprising that you guys are not yet intimate, yet she wants to get "naked" in bed with you. Let me let you in on a little secret: I am just like her, because I seek the approval of whatever man I'm with (currently in a long-term relationship), I tend to try and sleep with them too early. So if she has been emotionally troubled in the past, give her time. If she tries to have sex very soon, turn her down gently, and explain to her that you want the time to be right for both of you. I think she may try to rush into things and then wish she had taken it more slowly. Anyhoo, when the time IS right, here are a few tips from an amateur/pro:

 

1. Communication is the key! I can't stress this enough! Always in any relationship, trouble comes when communication breaks down. Always tell her honestly how you feel. If it is negative, be gentle, and if it is positive, be SURE to mention it! Lots of little things that most guys think are stupid are REALLY important to girls. We need positive reinforcement: "I love the way you dressed today.... You are so beautiful....Thank you for your help, etc." Of course, only say things you really believe.

 

2. Love is patient, love is kind, love is not selfish or boastful. Go to the index (concordance) of any bible and read up on the meaning of love. This will give you some excellent ideas, and I personally believe they are all right on.

 

3. When you DO want to get intimate, try and create a comfortable atmosphere. Light candles, turn the lights off, maybe burn some incense and play some quiet romantic music (jazz tends to be just right). Begin slowly, and take turns doing things for the other person. There may be some awkwardness, because you don't know each other perfectly yet, but that is a great thing to be enjoyed! Love each other for your imperfection and humanity! Savor every moment. If you aren't comfortable asking her what she likes, just start doing things and try to get a sense from the looks on her face, noises she makes, how she moves,etc. Body language can tell you a lot! She will appreciate your concern. Some girls like it when guys take charge in the bedroom and are somewhat rough, while others like to be wined, dined, and romantically loved. (Not that rough engagements aren't romantic). This is something you will have to determine about her.

 

4. Don't forget about yourself. Romantic excursions are so much better when both parties are completely satisfied! Don't be afraid to ask her to do things for you! Now, don't hurry to get out the videocamera and handcuffs, but she will probably not hesitate to do what you want if she realizes how you care for her.

 

5. Keep it between you two. Never share the details of your intimacy with ANYONE else (other than this message board, because it's anonymous). If you do, it will eventually come back to haunt you in one form or another.

 

That is Newgirl's guide to a happy and healthy relationship part I. Now, of course you must take this all with a grain of salt since I am not in the perfect relationship myself, but we are just human, right? Let me know how things turn out at <e-mail address removed> please!

 

Newgirl