Making it obvious that you like a woman without being creepy?

[utilisateur]

Is there a way to drop some obvious hints to a woman that I like her, without it coming off as creepy?

 

Every idea that I come up with seems like it would freak the hell out of me if I was the woman and not attracted to the guy. Here are some possible ideas I thought of:

 

- stare at her, even after she turns away, and wait until she notices that you're still staring

 

- Following her around, or finding reasons to bump into her at random times in the week

 

- Giving her less personal space when you're talking to her in person, and pointing your body toward her.

 

- Straight up saying, "Hi Jess, we've been friends for a while and I want to confess that I've always had a crush on you and find you attractive."

 

Needless to say, I haven't tried any of these because they all sound creepy to me.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Is there a way to drop some obvious hints to a woman that I like her, without it coming off as creepy?

 

Every idea that I come up with seems like it would freak the hell out of me if I was the woman and not attracted to the guy. Here are some possible ideas I thought of:

 

- stare at her, even after she turns away, and wait until she notices that you're still staring

 

- Following her around, or finding reasons to bump into her at random times in the week

 

- Giving her less personal space when you're talking to her in person, and pointing your body toward her.

 

- Straight up saying, "Hi Jess, we've been friends for a while and I want to confess that I've always had a crush on you and find you attractive."

 

Needless to say, I haven't tried any of these because they all sound creepy to me.

 

Try and kiss her. But really anything can work.

 

If she thinks it's weird or inappropriate and you guys have been friends for a while, then her loss for writing you off for something trivial.

 

This is IF you know her. If you don't, then get to know her first, rinse, and repeat.

[preraph]

You're right, OP, all those indirect approaches either don't work because they're too subtle or can be creepy if you're now confessing all this time she trusted you as a friend, you're actually wanting more.

 

The friendzone trap is a tricky one, there is no doubt about it. We have all, male and female, ended up in it for one reason or another. Those who have the best luck avoiding it don't use friendship as a way to get close to a woman, not for very long anyway, and begin flirting or asking her out as soon as they have her attention. Yes, you could get shot down, but we've all been shot down multiple times, even women. To me, it's important to be friendly and social with a group of people and out in public so you're not seen to just be this lone wolf who's zero'd in on one girl. You need to be seen as social and having a good time being friendly with people in general. You start talking to a woman and ask her what she likes to do, find out if she's dating someone, etc. Then if she seems comfortable and interested in all that, you ask her out. If you are not sure about it, then invite her to a party or a group outing and then talk to her and see if she is interested or not.

 

There's no certain formula, but it's important you don't totally try to conceal your interest. You don't have to say anything sexual or even compliment her or anything like that to show interest. Just talk to her about what she likes to do or about whatever is around you at the time.

[La.Primavera]

Or just cut to the chase and say "Hey Jess, do you want to go out for a coffee?"

 

Not creepy, just upfront.

[dyna85]

OP, I think each of your ideas are good. I think those are good ways to go about demonstrating interest.

[GravityMan]

This has generally worked well for me:

 

1) Chat with her for a little while like a normal human being. Try to open up with some sort of icebreaker to help both of you ease up, without thinking too hard about it. The topic(s) don't really matter, as long as they aren't overly personal or sensitive. It could be about the venue, or the city, or cool things about each other, or House of Cards, whatever. Lighthearted, casual conversation is good...not just in subject matter, but also in tone and mood. Humor naturally mixed in here and there is also good.

 

2) If the conversation goes well in a "I'm still interested in her" and a "she showed indicators of interest" kind of way (and by well, I mean...did she seem engaged in the conversation and wanting to know more about me? Were there laughs from both of us? Was there any flirting or teasing? Eye contact? Other gestures often assumed to be potential IOIs? Etc...), then I just do something along the lines of the following quote...

 

Or just cut to the chase and say "Hey Jess, do you want to go out for a coffee?"

 

Not creepy, just upfront.

 

Upfront, in a casual, low-pressure, "no big deal" way. Ideally, try to segue into it, so that the moment when you make your move just "feels right". If she says yes, then great. If not, then that's fine too...it was still a nice conversation to pass the time. Gradually and politely wind it down in some natural way and then move on.

 

The main point here is to just relax, don't overthink it, pay attention to her body language, and be casually upfront. You don't have to be perfect or flawless; a bit of awkwardness is usually OK and she probably won't care as long as you let those moments roll off your back. You're not auditioning for the lead role in some blockbuster film; you're just interacting with a woman you like. It really shouldn't be that much different than talking to anyone else, aside from any romantic stuff of course.

[MissBee]

Is there a way to drop some obvious hints to a woman that I like her, without it coming off as creepy?

 

Every idea that I come up with seems like it would freak the hell out of me if I was the woman and not attracted to the guy. Here are some possible ideas I thought of:

 

- stare at her, even after she turns away, and wait until she notices that you're still staring

 

- Following her around, or finding reasons to bump into her at random times in the week

 

- Giving her less personal space when you're talking to her in person, and pointing your body toward her.

 

- Straight up saying, "Hi Jess, we've been friends for a while and I want to confess that I've always had a crush on you and find you attractive."

 

Needless to say, I haven't tried any of these because they all sound creepy to me.

 

Yes, they are all creepy or at best very socially awkward. DO NOT listen to the advice about kissing her. Please don't do that She is no your gf, you're not on a date, you do not ever initiate a kiss out of nowhere with someone, please don't do this.

 

If you like her, ask her out casually. If you are her friend or you see her around often and interact then compliment her about something, her hair, her shoes, her dress, flirt...and or find a way to bring up you two going to get dinner sometime. If she likes you back she will respond favorably, if not, she'll likely gently turn it down or make it clear you're just friends and all creepiness will have been avoided.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Here's some simple steps for asking a woman out without being creepy.

 

Watch TV Funhouse: Sexual Harassment and You From Saturday Night Live - NBC.com

[spiderowl]

I don't think guys need to be that obvious with women, at least to let the woman know they like them. Women often know. We can tell by the way you look at us, the way you act, the way your eyes roam inadvertently. From a sexual viewpoint, we have a pretty good idea if you are attracted to us.

 

There are ways you could indicate if you'd like to take it further. However, if you want a relationship, as opposed to a hook-up, you need to build a relationship. If you want a hook-up, you could try taking up time to chat, buy a drink, etc., but you could either get accepted or rejected based on personality and/or looks. The same applies to a relationship but if you are genuine, want a 'more-than-friends' real relationship with a woman, then you need to be fun, friendly, come across as a strong, independent, socially comfortable guy, but be sweet on us. There is nothing more attractive (in my humble opinion) than an attractive, interesting guy who is socially able and can hold his own, but is gentle and sweet with me. If a guy is behaving 'differently' with me than with his friends or others, I know he's interested!

 

To show you are interested:

 

- make eye contact (but don't stare for ever!)

- say hello

- come and sit with me if there's space

- chat about general things but ask about me - asking about me shows interest in me

- offer to buy a drink or (a favourite thing a guy friend of mine does) buy some crisps and snacks, open the bags and then put them in the middle of the table for all to share. I love that thoughtfulness and generosity!

- offer to help out with things

- invite me along to something he's thinking of doing

- sound different when talking to me (talk a bit quieter to me, sound a bit more serious with me maybe, but different to how you talk with others)

 

There are all sorts of ways of showing interest. The important thing is to build bridges of familiarity so that we two start to feel as if we know each other. If we start as strangers and by the end of the evening I trust you as if I've know you forever, that's a terrific start.

[ZA Dater]

I don't think guys need to be that obvious with women, at least to let the woman know they like them. Women often know. We can tell by the way you look at us, the way you act, the way your eyes roam inadvertently. From a sexual viewpoint, we have a pretty good idea if you are attracted to us.

 

There are ways you could indicate if you'd like to take it further. However, if you want a relationship, as opposed to a hook-up, you need to build a relationship. If you want a hook-up, you could try taking up time to chat, buy a drink, etc., but you could either get accepted or rejected based on personality and/or looks. The same applies to a relationship but if you are genuine, want a 'more-than-friends' real relationship with a woman, then you need to be fun, friendly, come across as a strong, independent, socially comfortable guy, but be sweet on us. There is nothing more attractive (in my humble opinion) than an attractive, interesting guy who is socially able and can hold his own, but is gentle and sweet with me. If a guy is behaving 'differently' with me than with his friends or others, I know he's interested!

 

To show you are interested:

 

- make eye contact (but don't stare for ever!)

- say hello

- come and sit with me if there's space

- chat about general things but ask about me - asking about me shows interest in me

- offer to buy a drink or (a favourite thing a guy friend of mine does) buy some crisps and snacks, open the bags and then put them in the middle of the table for all to share. I love that thoughtfulness and generosity!

- offer to help out with things

- invite me along to something he's thinking of doing

- sound different when talking to me (talk a bit quieter to me, sound a bit more serious with me maybe, but different to how you talk with others)

 

There are all sorts of ways of showing interest. The important thing is to build bridges of familiarity so that we two start to feel as if we know each other. If we start as strangers and by the end of the evening I trust you as if I've know you forever, that's a terrific start.

 

In my opinion this post is very solid advice, I myself have tried many of the above and they are each a good solid base.

[Trimmer]

OP, I think each of your ideas are good. I think those are good ways to go about demonstrating interest.

The sarcasm isn't really coming through clearly in your post...

[ZA Dater]

The sarcasm isn't really coming through clearly in your post...

 

Hahahah:rolleyes:

 

[utilisateur]

Women often know. We can tell by the way you look at us, the way you act, the way your eyes roam inadvertently. From a sexual viewpoint, we have a pretty good idea if you are attracted to us.

 

This may be true for confident guys with a healthy self-esteem, but for men with low self-esteem like me, you would never know if we liked you because we hide sexual interest as soon as we feel our attraction toward you. The only difference between the way I treat a woman I'm attracted to vs. a woman I'm not attracted to, is that I'm more nervous around a woman I'm attracted to, and I tend to avoid talking to her other than a polite "hello" or awkward small talk. No playful teasing, no flirting, no lingering eye contact or stolen glances.

 

There are ways you could indicate if you'd like to take it further. However, if you want a relationship, as opposed to a hook-up, you need to build a relationship. If you want a hook-up, you could try taking up time to chat, buy a drink, etc., but you could either get accepted or rejected based on personality and/or looks. The same applies to a relationship but if you are genuine, want a 'more-than-friends' real relationship with a woman, then you need to be fun, friendly, come across as a strong, independent, socially comfortable guy, but be sweet on us. There is nothing more attractive (in my humble opinion) than an attractive, interesting guy who is socially able and can hold his own, but is gentle and sweet with me. If a guy is behaving 'differently' with me than with his friends or others, I know he's interested!

 

To show you are interested:

 

- make eye contact (but don't stare for ever!)

- say hello

- come and sit with me if there's space

- chat about general things but ask about me - asking about me shows interest in me

- offer to buy a drink or (a favourite thing a guy friend of mine does) buy some crisps and snacks, open the bags and then put them in the middle of the table for all to share. I love that thoughtfulness and generosity!

- offer to help out with things

- invite me along to something he's thinking of doing

- sound different when talking to me (talk a bit quieter to me, sound a bit more serious with me maybe, but different to how you talk with others)

 

There are all sorts of ways of showing interest. The important thing is to build bridges of familiarity so that we two start to feel as if we know each other. If we start as strangers and by the end of the evening I trust you as if I've know you forever, that's a terrific start.

 

This is helpful, the problem is some of the things you mention are what friends do for each other. I say hello, go up to friends to talk, ask them about themselves, offer to help out, etc. The most helpful thing you said is the "sounding different" part.

[normal person]

This may be true for confident guys with a healthy self-esteem, but for men with low self-esteem like me, you would never know if we liked you because we hide sexual interest as soon as we feel our attraction toward you. The only difference between the way I treat a woman I'm attracted to vs. a woman I'm not attracted to, is that I'm more nervous around a woman I'm attracted to, and I tend to avoid talking to her other than a polite "hello" or awkward small talk. No playful teasing, no flirting, no lingering eye contact or stolen glances.

 

These threads that go "How do I get girls if I have low self esteem?" make me shake my head. It's a bit like asking "How do I get money if I don't want to get a job?" or "How do I get into Harvard if I have terrible grades?"

 

Women like confidence -- there's not much you can do to bypass it. They aren't going to give you a special pass because you can't man up. If you're a grown man who literally gets nervous around a woman and disengages, don't expect her to be too interested. It's like kryptonite to female attraction.

 

My advice is to do the exact opposite of what you're doing. Don't make her guess that you might like her. Be assertive and confident: engage her, let your personality shine and tell her you like her. If you avoid interaction with her, what exactly are you expecting her to like about you?

 

All that being said, if she likes you, or when she does, it should be/will be obvious.

[JuneJulySeptember]

These threads that go "How do I get girls if I have low self esteem?" make me shake my head. It's a bit like asking "How do I get money if I don't want to get a job?" or "How do I get into Harvard if I have terrible grades?"

 

Women like confidence -- there's not much you can do to bypass it. They aren't going to give you a special pass because you can't man up. If you're a grown man who literally gets nervous around a woman and disengages, don't expect her to be too interested. It's like kryptonite to female attraction.

 

My advice is to do the exact opposite of what you're doing. Don't make her guess that you might like her. Be assertive and confident: engage her, let your personality shine and tell her you like her. If you avoid interaction with her, what exactly are you expecting her to like about you?

 

All that being said, if she likes you, or when she does, it should be/will be obvious.

 

There's different levels of confidence though.

 

There's the confidence to talk to a woman you like when you're one on one in a room.

 

And then there's the confidence to walk up to a group of five women chatting and break into their conversation and entertain them.

 

Part of the problem is that guys always feel like they have to be on, like it's a competition. Especially young guys. Because there's always gonna be another guy who is going to talk to all of the women no matter what.

 

There's levels of everything. In one social scene, I could almost be the life of the party. In another, I would be more or less a social incompetent.

Edited May 28, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Write her a short sweet note, stating that you are interested in her, but you are too shy (her beauty leaves you tongue tied) to talk to her in public. Leave her your text app info or number. If she's interested, she'll respond. Write it as a poem for extra points. Be sure to compliment her.

[Mysterio]

Lets define Creepy. Creepy to me is putting survailence on the object of your love potential.

 

I say just talk to them and if there is a romantic vibe it will just come out. No Flowers/candy are going to get you in. At age 44. I just believe that romantic encounters are just triggered off and are beyond any calculated romantic agenda.

 

Its like friendship. Not everyone you meet is going to be friends with you. A woman that wants me to be romantic towards her, has to be warm and playful and making an effort to interact with me. Grooming herself as well is an asset.

 

I usually find that the women that come towards me, treat me better in a a romantic context. Than any woman I have tried to date and gone after.

[normal person]

Write her a short sweet note, stating that you are interested in her, but you are too shy (her beauty leaves you tongue tied) to talk to her in public. Leave her your text app info or number. If she's interested, she'll respond. Write it as a poem for extra points. Be sure to compliment her.

 

I would advise against this at all costs. My advice: remove the phrase "too shy" from your vocabulary. A guy saying "I'm a grown man who's too shy to talk to another human, so I need a woman to please grow the pair that I don't have and help me through this incredible difficult process of basic social interaction" could not be more emasculating.

 

If you're not ready to act like a normal guy and take charge, save yourself the embarrassment and wait until you are.

[MGX]

These threads that go "How do I get girls if I have low self esteem?" make me shake my head. It's a bit like asking "How do I get money if I don't want to get a job?" or "How do I get into Harvard if I have terrible grades?"

 

Women like confidence -- there's not much you can do to bypass it. They aren't going to give you a special pass because you can't man up. If you're a grown man who literally gets nervous around a woman and disengages, don't expect her to be too interested. It's like kryptonite to female attraction.

 

My advice is to do the exact opposite of what you're doing. Don't make her guess that you might like her. Be assertive and confident: engage her, let your personality shine and tell her you like her. If you avoid interaction with her, what exactly are you expecting her to like about you?

 

All that being said, if she likes you, or when she does, it should be/will be obvious.

 

It's difficult to get paid when no employer will accept you.

 

All losses and no wins makes confidence for some guys extremely hard.

 

Write her a short sweet note, stating that you are interested in her, but you are too shy (her beauty leaves you tongue tied) to talk to her in public. Leave her your text app info or number. If she's interested, she'll respond. Write it as a poem for extra points. Be sure to compliment her.

 

I would advise against this at all costs. My advice: remove the phrase "too shy" from your vocabulary. A guy saying "I'm a grown man who's too shy to talk to another human, so I need a woman to please grow the pair that I don't have and help me through this incredible difficult process of basic social interaction" could not be more emasculating.

 

If you're not ready to act like a normal guy and take charge, save yourself the embarrassment and wait until you are.

 

I agree with this. A note is a sure fire way NOT to be successful.

 

If you're interested, just ask the girl if she would want to join you for a cup of coffee when she is alone. Be ready for a rejection, but if she accepts -- hey, pleasant surprise.