Fiance cheated while I was deployed

[RobbieA]

About an hour ago, I placed a plain manila envelope containing the evidence of her infidelity on her doorstep. Additionally, I placed two boxes full of her belongings so there is nothing to remind me of her at my condo.

 

She definitely knows something is up because she has been blowing up phone since last night. I have not answered.

 

So, she is going to know her friends sold her out and I think it was very courageous of them, all three of them to come to me.

 

I also removed her from FB, and other social media accounts. I am going to remove every picture of her and I from my FB page.

 

There is no going back now, someone grant me the strength to move forward.

Edited May 25, 2015 by RobbieA

[Satu]

Your own judgement is guiding you very well Robbie.

 

100%.

[bubbaganoosh]

About an hour ago, I placed a plain manila envelope containing the evidence of her infidelity on her doorstep. Additionally, I placed two boxes full of her belongings so there is nothing to remind me of her at my condo.

 

She definitely knows something is up because she has been blowing up phone since last night. I have not answered.

 

So, she is going to know her friends sold her out and I think it was very courageous of them, all three of them to come to me.

 

I also removed her from FB, and other social media accounts. I am going to remove every picture of her and I from my FB page.

 

There is no going back now, someone grant me the strength to move forward.

 

For me, when my fiance got pregnant, I was lucky that I had family around me but I had to go back to germany so in so many ways it was out of sight, out of mind. In your case I think you did right by just putting her belongings on the door step but sooner or later you'll have to face her either arranged or by accident.

 

Either way, do not let the flowing tears she has and the sob story of I'm sorry cloud your judgement. What she did is inexcusable and there isn't any good reason she can give that would be acceptable.

 

You have family that's in your corner and some people like her friends who didn't like what she did so you aren't alone in this. Just be glad that they told you.

 

That brings me to this point. I would be a good idea to inform those people that gave you the information that you gave it to your ex fiance so they have an idea what to expect if she gets nasty with them.

[writergal]

About an hour ago, I placed a plain manila envelope containing the evidence of her infidelity on her doorstep. Additionally, I placed two boxes full of her belongings so there is nothing to remind me of her at my condo.

 

She definitely knows something is up because she has been blowing up phone since last night. I have not answered.

 

So, she is going to know her friends sold her out and I think it was very courageous of them, all three of them to come to me.

 

I also removed her from FB, and other social media accounts. I am going to remove every picture of her and I from my FB page.

 

There is no going back now, someone grant me the strength to move forward.

 

Robbie you did the right thing today. No, there is no going back now. But why would you want to?

 

She knows that her secret affair has been discovered. That's why your ex-fiance is blowing up your phone. Don't let her crocodile tears fool you. Stay strong.

 

She has good friends. It was very courageous of them to come to you.

 

Removing your fiance from all of your social media is smart too. See? You've taken all the right steps towards healing already.

 

Keep posting here. Keep talking to your friends and family.

[No Limit]

As far as the distance and Marine Corps lifestyle, plenty of conversations were had and she never complained about it.

 

Of course she never complained. Having a relationship with someone who isn't around is perfect for gold digging serial cheaters. I think you just fell for a manipulator there, and there's plenty of them fishing for soldiers. Once read how a guy found out his GF cheated on him with a military guy; she left him for him as well. A few months later he drove home after getting himself and his new GF some snacks, and saw how his ex ran out of military guy's house - straight into the car of another guy and starting to kiss him. The rest is history.

 

You definitely dodged a major bullet; be glad that you're in an open environment, not around "let's just not tell him, it will hurt him so much to know"-types.

[66Charger]

Semper fi brother. You know what that means. Strength and honor.

[66Charger]

You already possess the strength within you. The same strength that you use when the pack on your back and the rifle weighs 300 lbs but you still take another step forward. The same courage that tells you putting your life on the line is the right thing to do. There are those who have honor and there are those who dont. Remember how it feels to grind it out. Remember how it feels when the running is done. The relief, the success. Dang that was hard but I finished. Just another 20 pullups, 80 situps and a 3 mile run. You will finish, shower, and move on. Take the pain.

 

2nd Air and Naval Gunfire Liason Co 2nd battalion.

Edited May 25, 2015 by 66Charger

[kenji_t]

Do not confront/face her if you don't feel like doing it.

 

Anyone who insists on that point is only doing it for you to post the consequences here and entertain them.

 

You're doing good so far! Kudos to you!

[writergal]

Do not confront/face her if you don't feel like doing it.

 

Anyone who insists on that point is only doing it for you to post the consequences here and entertain them.

 

You're doing good so far! Kudos to you!

 

+1!! I totally agree with you.

[Lunay]

You did the right thing. Good for you. It hurts like hell but you'll be happier in the long run. Keep us updated

[autumnnight]

You are one strong man. Thank you for your service.

 

My own editorial comment here: Cheating is always wrong, but it is a special kind of low to cheat on a man WHILE he is away serving our country.

[RobbieA]

Again I would like to thank everyone for their opinions and support, I am glad I have this place to vent. Especially thankful for the advice from former service members.

 

 

So, as earlier mentioned, I did what I had to do, dropping stuff off etc. Well, since then, my phone has been going off non stop, she stopped over at my condo, thank god I was not home, she stopped at my parents house (they know what is going on now).

 

 

Although I have not acknowledged one text or picked up the phone or listened to any messages, I did catch a glimpse. She said things like: "I love you, please don't do this", "my friends are lying, they have a crush on you", "I was never pregnant", and "how could you be so cruel to just throw everything away over some rumors".

 

 

I am heartbroken, make no mistake about it. But I will not me emotionally manipulated into her web of lies and deceit. A tweet was sent out as well as a Facebook post saying "Friends and family, I regret to inform you that there will be no wedding, any questions, feel free to contact me". I have gotten quite a few emails, however I have not read them yet.

 

 

I know there has been some disagreement about confronting her in person etc, I will say this, the wow factor over what has happened is still there, kind of still in shock. I simply do not want to see her, period.

 

 

As I stated earlier, the reasoning excuse etc does not justify anything and there nothing in my mind that can be done to fix it.

 

 

My friends dragged me a BBQ today, I ate a little, in between my phone being blown up. My younger sister will contact her tomorrow to get the ring back, if she hesitates, then legal action is next.

 

 

I have been through some tough adversity in my life, real pain, physical pain, but this pain trumps it all. I think it is a good idea that I see a therapist. I am trying to keep it together.

[sweet_pea]

Hi Robbie, I just wanted to echo everyone else and say thank you for your service and Happy Memorial Day. I am SO sorry you're going through this, but you are being very strong and we are all here for you! Stay strong, if you need extra support, we are here for you! Hugs.

[whichwayisup]

About an hour ago, I placed a plain manila envelope containing the evidence of her infidelity on her doorstep. Additionally, I placed two boxes full of her belongings so there is nothing to remind me of her at my condo.

 

She definitely knows something is up because she has been blowing up phone since last night. I have not answered.

 

So, she is going to know her friends sold her out and I think it was very courageous of them, all three of them to come to me.

 

I also removed her from FB, and other social media accounts. I am going to remove every picture of her and I from my FB page.

 

There is no going back now, someone grant me the strength to move forward.

You're amazingly strong right now. We all have your back and will continue to support you during your rough days.

 

She ruined what was supposed to be a beginning of a life together, and it is a big loss, so you'll be grieving this for a bit quite yet.

 

Surround yourself with loving friends and family, join a gym and punch the crap out of a punching bag. Do yoga and mediation, journal your feelings and thoughts to help get out what you'd like to say her.

[Binster]

Robbie just to say I think your playing a blinder here mate

 

keep on like this, dont answer the phone stay out of contact even if it means staying away from home for a while.

 

Going dark and staying away from her all help

[Satu]

 

*Although I have not acknowledged one text or picked up the phone or listened to any messages, I did catch a glimpse. She said things like: "I love you, please don't do this", "my friends are lying, they have a crush on you", "I was never pregnant", and "how could you be so cruel to just throw everything away over some rumors".

 

 

All this is to be expected. Beware of 'Love Bombing.'

 

Beware of 'Blame-Shifting.'

 

The only thing that matters now is your wellbeing.

 

Stick close to those who stand by you.

 

**************************************************

 

Because of the specific situation, some communication via third parties may be necessary. Receiving news is also ok at the moment. Here is my understanding of No Contact:

 

****************************************************

 

*No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

******************************************************

 

Take good care of yourself.

[Grapesofwrath]

RobbieA: Thank you for your brave service to our country. This is not the Memorial Day that you have earned or deserve. I hope next year, on Memorial Day, you have found peace and healing from this betrayal.

 

There are certain categories of cheaters that are really beneath contempt: One is a man who cheats on a pregnant wife. Another, IMO, is a woman who cheats on an enlisted man while he is deployed, serving his country.

[RobbieA]

I had a chance to sit down with two of the friends who blew the whistle, and I found out some more information, not that it matters at all.

 

My ex (no doubt in my mind we are done) has been at her job for quite some time, the boss who she cheated on me with was new. My ex took down the photos of me and us in her cubicle. There is a good chance he didn't even know I existed. If that is the fact, can I really blame him? The blame is on her. She must carry the weight of her actions.

 

I may appear strong, but I have my moments. I do belong to a Mix Martial Arts gym, so I definitely have an outlet for letting pent up feelings out. I am on a quest for a Therapist as I cannot do this alone. I have a great family and good friends but maybe a therapist's insight will help me cope better.

[Satu]

I am on a quest for a Therapist as I cannot do this alone. I have a great family and good friends but maybe a therapist's insight will help me cope better.

 

 

A therapist will certainly help, but make sure that you find one that suits you. Most will agree to a trial session, so that you can see how you feel about their approach. You'll need to feel that the therapist 'gets' you.

 

There are lots of good ones out there.

 

Even the toughest people can be hurt emotionally, so it's ok for you to acknowledge your vulnerability.

 

We Humans have incredible self-healing powers. You cut yourself, and it heals up. You break a leg, and it heals up.

 

It's the same with emotional wounds. Given the right conditions and attention they heal up.

 

Take care.

[No Limit]

My ex (no doubt in my mind we are done) has been at her job for quite some time, the boss who she cheated on me with was new. My ex took down the photos of me and us in her cubicle. There is a good chance he didn't even know I existed. If that is the fact, can I really blame him? The blame is on her. She must carry the weight of her actions.

 

The 3rd party is never to blame (unless in a case of rape). She chose to cheat, she wanted to cheat and she didn't give two rats' behinds about you when she did - she just hates having to deal with the consequences. No one is forced to get into an affair just because some stranger shows interest, it's their decision, theirs alone, and if she doesn't care about her relationship with you at all - as her actions have proven already - then you're better off without her.

 

And should you ever feel annoyed at the phone ringing, just block her. The fact that she'd waste so much time calling you instead of speaking to you face to face right away is just ridiculous in itself.

[eric1]

Robbie,

 

Unfortunately it is on you to inform your wife's boyfriend's spouse, if one exists. If karma exists in this world just think of what would had befallen you if her friends weren't kind-hearted enough to let you know. Yiu could have been like the guy who returned from Vietnam to raise someone else's child.

 

Also, you've done a great thing by going completely dark. Cheaters are selfish beyond anything and denying them closure is an honest person's small measure of revenge. Additionally, the moment that you go No Contact the healing begins, so it's the most beneficial to you, by far.

 

Keep up the good work! Oh, and TELL THE BETRAYED SPOUSE!

[Morro72]

I can never love again.

 

False. Can, and will.

[RobbieA]

She is blocked from texting/calling me. I do believe in karma, as I emailed several relatives and friends back and told them what happened, I didn't go into detail, I merely said, "She was unfaithful and the wedding is off".

 

I have her one friend looking into if the boss is married, if he is, I am not sure how to proceed in contacting his spouse and or girlfriend.

 

I cannot for the life of me figure out why her friends who have known her longer then I have would risk their friendship just to tell me the truth about her affair. I know some people would take their friends secrets to the grave.

 

My dog is acting funny, I think he knows something is going on.

[drifter777]

OP - please don't waste time and precious energy blaming the other man. Its your fiance who owns this 100%. He just didn't turn down easy, no-strings sex. Hard for any man especially when you know she talked sh*t all over you. Its all on her.

[RobbieA]

OP - please don't waste time and precious energy blaming the other man. Its your fiance who owns this 100%. He just didn't turn down easy, no-strings sex. Hard for any man especially when you know she talked sh*t all over you. Its all on her.

 

I kind of agree, hypothetically if this dude is married, he cannot hide forever, I just don't think I want to be the one to confront him or his significant other. If I see him, I don't want to get arrested.