lolablue17 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 There are plenty of lovely ladies who'd love to keep you company, but it's a bit too soon for that, I think. Maybe just keep surrounding yourself with lots of friends and family? Of course, we're here too. I think too that it is of course too early, but from the things he told us here, and the admirable way he handled things, his honesty, his manhood, his values, his intelligence, he definitely put himself No.1 in the top list of wanted singles... Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 It's better to start over instead of starting with something that's broken. Now that you're back in your homeland there'll be plenty of time to go to dates and so forth - only this time with a better person than her. She's out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I very much appreciate that. My family and friends are on my side, but ultimately I am the one with the tools to heal. If that makes sense. I get it. You like being alone when you're sad to sort your thoughts out. I am that way too. Just try to keep it balanced. Hopefully your friends and family invite you (or drag you) to do fun things as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Also when you feel sad or lonely and missing her, just remeber how fortunate it is that this happened before you got married and or had kids. So many people stay after discovering their spouse cheated and then it just turns into a sad drawn out mess. Be happy you get to start over (after you've grieved) with a clean slate with someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
Michael 93 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Its stories like yours that make me laugh at the rubbish I was posting over a year ago on here. You sir are a true gentleman and you have handled this admirably. Listen to the good people on this site and you will not go wrong. You should be very proud of yourself, you have done brilliantly. Continue to persevere and make positive changes to your life. This woman has made a huge HUGE mistake!! Stick to NC and grind down, go out have a good time, book a holiday maybe? This is the beginning but with the way you have conducted yourself, it will all be fine in the end. Regards Mike Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I very much appreciate that. My family and friends are on my side, but ultimately I am the one with the tools to heal. If that makes sense.It makes total sense, Robbie. What I think everyone posting sees and is trying to say is that, because of those "tools" and everything about you, we know you WILL heal and use this experience to pick the right girl next time and have a beautiful marriage and family. You're a blessing to this country in every way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Well as I was leaving to go the gym, she was outside waiting for me. This was unavoidable, and on her terms. Although I was striving for not seeing her at all, there was nothing I can do. It was a short ten minute conversation. I kept my cool and here are some snippets of what was said. * Her - There really is an explanation for all of this. You hurt me. You never pay attention to me. My friends are jealous. I love you. Lots of tears. Why would you bail on something so good. How can you hurt me by canceling our wedding. Some other things I can't recollect I am so frazzled. * Me - There is no explanation, save your breath, you will need it to blow up your date later. I never want to see you again, it is a simple concept. You are not marriage nor mother material. Please never contact me again, if you show up again, I will not hesitate to call the Police. Have a great life and best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
davidromero43 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 You hurt me. You never pay attention to me. Me Me Me Cheaters must have a handbook somewhere for this sh*t. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I kept my cool Bravo, Robbie. We are proud of you... Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 You never pay attention to me. That word never is infinite. That would mean you never talked to her, you never kissed her, you never texted her, you never took her out on a date, you never bought her a ring , you never asked her to marry you. You never helped her out at all. You never made sure she was ok.. When cheaters say this it is called BLAMESHIFTING . In other words..you made her do what she did.....ummmmm BULLFEATHERS!! Those are words of a desperate selfish person You dodged a .50 cal tracer armor piercing round with this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 English translation: "There really is an explanation for this. It's all your fault." Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Well as I was leaving to go the gym, she was outside waiting for me. This was unavoidable, and on her terms. Although I was striving for not seeing her at all, there was nothing I can do. It was a short ten minute conversation. I kept my cool and here are some snippets of what was said. * Her - There really is an explanation for all of this. You hurt me. You never pay attention to me. My friends are jealous. I love you. Lots of tears. Why would you bail on something so good. How can you hurt me by canceling our wedding. Some other things I can't recollect I am so frazzled. * Me - There is no explanation, save your breath, you will need it to blow up your date later. I never want to see you again, it is a simple concept. You are not marriage nor mother material. Please never contact me again, if you show up again, I will not hesitate to call the Police. Have a great life and best of luck. Wow, I thought she would have sent a letter! So, she admitted cheating on you and tried to blameshift. She cheated because it was your fault. Riigghht....... How could you hurt HER by canceling the wedding?!?!? IS she serious?!?! Oh sure, let's walk down the aisle and stand at the alter with some guy that "hurts" you and never "pays attention" to her and pledge her love and fidelity (which would be a lie). All the while she was probably with the other dude the night before. Yeah, that makes sense.... Sorry, triggering. Link to post Share on other sites
cgiles Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 If you continue to have issue for sleep, take a cold shower before to go to bed, it will slow down your metabolism. Sorry for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 If there's a next time you can point out that she is the one who cancelled the wedding; you just took care of the paperwork. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Well there certainly will not be a next time. I would like to think I closed this chapter and moved onto the next, healing and reinventing myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) The cheater always blames the person they cheated on. Always. She didn't do anything! It was YOU! Edited May 28, 2015 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
kylle Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Don't let her guilt trip you in any way. There's no excuse or explanation for what she has done. If she shows up again, just say a simple "go f*ck yourself" and don't even look at her face. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy43 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Eventhough you are deling with a very hurtful situation, you have handled your self with dignity and you will find someone who you can trust and who deserves someone like you. When I found out about my WH affair I told the OW's husband because I felt he had a right to know, I would like to think that he would have done the same for me if he had found out first. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Wow. Just read this entire thread. Couldn't stop reading it. Nicely done, Robbie. It seems you really kept your head about you, and made some very tough decisions. There was a time when I thought about seeking revenge against my wayward wife, and I posted an ad and met a married woman who was looking for some shenanigans. The attraction was instant, and I thought " done deal....that was easy." We got to talking, and that's when I learned that her husband was deployed. Boom. I never felt so low in my life. It was that revelation that snapped me out of my funk, and made me realize that revenge was not for me, and this whole world of cheating simply wasn't for me. I know cheating is cheating, and should be held separate from other high-drama factors, like a deployed spouse...but I couldn't separate the two. It was like taking a line I couldn't cross, and then putting it behind another line I couldn't cross. The fact that these two breezed past both of them? man....you got lucky. Who knows wha someone like that is capable of. God Speed. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMachine67 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Well as I was leaving to go the gym, she was outside waiting for me. This was unavoidable, and on her terms. Although I was striving for not seeing her at all, there was nothing I can do. It was a short ten minute conversation. I kept my cool and here are some snippets of what was said. * Her - There really is an explanation for all of this. You hurt me. You never pay attention to me. My friends are jealous. I love you. Lots of tears. Why would you bail on something so good. How can you hurt me by canceling our wedding. Some other things I can't recollect I am so frazzled. * Me - There is no explanation, save your breath, you will need it to blow up your date later. I never want to see you again, it is a simple concept. You are not marriage nor mother material. Please never contact me again, if you show up again, I will not hesitate to call the Police. Have a great life and best of luck. As difficult as this encounter likely was for you, in some very small way it could be viewed as closure for you. However, I'm sure you haven't heard the last of her. Next comes the bitter and spiteful approach from her. Be prepared for her to try and smear your reputation. You've handled this whole horrible situation very well. Even though you may not feel like it now, do not think all women are this way. When you are ready to move on and start dating again, those former friends of your Ex may be able to help you out there, if needed. Link to post Share on other sites
tippydog90 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Robbie, I can empathize with you. I was married to a soldier for over 5 years. I remember how many times he slammed some Army wives for cheating while their husbands were deployed and for marrying them just for the benefits. Come to find out when my ex "tired" of me, he told me he never loved me at all, just married me to get out of the barracks. Also had his profile up on a dating site almost our entire marriage, including during the time I was working so hard on the adoption of our daughter. This was a man I loved deeply, thought was honorable and someone I could trust. Had he deployed, I would never have dreamed of betraying his trust. His actions haunt me still, almost a year later. All I can say is she, like my ex, have no idea what loyalty, honor and integrity mean. Be strong and be glad you will have a chance to have the kind of lady in your life you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
Sticky Fingers Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Robbie, I've found that you can tell about a person's character by two things: 1. The lies they tell. A person addicted to lying will show his/her cards much sooner than later. Even when there is no reason to lie, the thrill of deceiving another person is a high they can't pass up. 2. The promises they brake. A person who breaks a promise more times than he/she keeps them is simply a selfish manipulator who uses promises to keep others believing that they can be depended on. The sad thing is that when we fall in love, we view these red flags as inconsequential and excuse them by saying everybody does it (no they don't). Just like your brothers in arms could be depended on to watch your back, so should the person who would be your spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Freakin Jodie! Sucks man, so many of us have been there that it's become a joke. Move on bro. Forgive the pain she caused, but remember the lessons. You'll be alright. I never thought in a million years she would be freaking Jodie. Turns out, not everyone is who they seem. She has a million cadences named after her. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I don't understand... She said that her friends were jealous, which mean she claims they lied. But she also said that you've never paid attention to her, that is an excuse for her cheating which she admits. So, does she admit her cheating or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Let her be bitter, she made her bed, now she has to sleep in it. I washed my hands with her and she should know that I am not messing around. I canceled a very expensive wedding. If me being so far away was such a burden on her mind, there is a thing called communication skills. I have come to far in life to be disrespected, especially the way she disrespected me. I have read stories where couples work things out after cheating, and that is their prerogative and I respect that. But me. I like to think that I deserve better. Why should I settle when I am worth a lot more ? I don't think cheating is a mistake at all. I think it is a conscious choice fueled by emotional weakness and a few other factors. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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