Author RobbieA Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 I am doing the best I can, given the circumstances. I do have plenty of distractions from every day life, but deep down inside in the pit of my stomach I have this feeling that something is missing. Now, in reality, what really is missing is the devil reincarnated. But the frail frame of a relationship without the insides of infidelity and wrongdoing is missing. I talk to my friends, I am taking each day as it comes. Not easy. Not easy at all. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Even when you've handled things flawlessly - and so far, WOW! Perfect! - it won't speed things up. It's only natural to grieve over losing what you thought you had. Someday it will just click and you'll be over it, and then you can finally really look for someone who is on your wavelength. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I am doing the best I can, given the circumstances. I do have plenty of distractions from every day life, but deep down inside in the pit of my stomach I have this feeling that something is missing. Now, in reality, what really is missing is the devil reincarnated. But the frail frame of a relationship without the insides of infidelity and wrongdoing is missing. I talk to my friends, I am taking each day as it comes. Not easy. Not easy at all. Stay with no contact, spend time with friends, and continue counseling. Stick with this plan and you'll be feeling much better each day. Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 As long as refuse to argue with her, talk to her, engage her ... she can't win. Actually, there's one way in which she truly could win, and it involves letting Robbie win too: She could chalk this latest experience up to wisdom and not cheat in any future relationships. And I think that Robbie's reaction to her cheating gives her the best opportunity to learn something. Thankfully, of course, it's not his responsibility whatsoever if she learns anything. -10th Engineer Harrison. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 So, whoever the poster was that predicted she would write me a letter, they were correct. A letter was stuck in between some newspaper advertisements and it was from her. Well, I took that letter, put it on the BBQ outside and burned it. I don't want to read her words, it would only poison my brain and thought process. Additionally, it took me about two hours cleaning up my Facebook page removing any and all pictures of her and I together. This is it folks, it has hit me like a freight train, I am single and alone. Called it! Man, cheaters are so predictable. I know that you blew up in another post stating that the decisions you make in your life are YOURS and not because someone on here told you to do something. Well, you are absolutely right. This is your life. However, I kind of disagree something else you said. I don't believe that people here are reliving their experiences through you and having you do the things that THEY would have done differently. I just feel like we've been there and done that and we kinda know what's coming. And it would be remise of us to NOT tell you or give you advice on what to do that would probably have the best outcome FOR YOU, because what we did may not have turned out so well. It's kind of like we see you standing on some railroad tracks and we see a train coming. We kind of feel responsible enough to say , "Uh dude? Train's coming. You might want to step off the tracks" Now, don't get me wrong. Your story might be triggering some people and their post feels more like a vent than a post. Hell, I even triggered on your thread! But, I let you know that I was. So, that should have been and indicator that my post probably was more of a vent than advice and maybe not take so seriously. I mean, it happens to all of us that were burned. You sometimes trigger, even years later and it make you angry that you see something similar happening to someone else. So, I wouldn't put too many people on blast here because they might be triggering. It's not their fault. Just ignore those posts that feel like a vent and take away posts that you may think that are beneficial to your current situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Called it! Man, cheaters are so predictable. I know that you blew up in another post stating that the decisions you make in your life are YOURS and not because someone on here told you to do something. Well, you are absolutely right. This is your life. However, I kind of disagree something else you said. I don't believe that people here are reliving their experiences through you and having you do the things that THEY would have done differently. I just feel like we've been there and done that and we kinda know what's coming. And it would be remise of us to NOT tell you or give you advice on what to do that would probably have the best outcome FOR YOU, because what we did may not have turned out so well. It's kind of like we see you standing on some railroad tracks and we see a train coming. We kind of feel responsible enough to say , "Uh dude? Train's coming. You might want to step off the tracks" Now, don't get me wrong. Your story might be triggering some people and their post feels more like a vent than a post. Hell, I even triggered on your thread! But, I let you know that I was. So, that should have been and indicator that my post probably was more of a vent than advice and maybe not take so seriously. I mean, it happens to all of us that were burned. You sometimes trigger, even years later and it make you angry that you see something similar happening to someone else. So, I wouldn't put too many people on blast here because they might be triggering. It's not their fault. Just ignore those posts that feel like a vent and take away posts that you may think that are beneficial to your current situation. I think you are correct, triggering is what I actually meant to say. Any advice that was given here has come from a good place, from good people. Great bunch of posters on here. And I don't blow up, I was just making a statement. It was not my intention to put people on blast, if I did, my sincerest apologies. Link to post Share on other sites
star gaze Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 RobbieA, I was in your shoes almost half a year ago. With the support from good people here, my family and friends, I somehow survived. I kept myself busy in my studies and hobbies. The episode, at least made me a passable photographer from a very green newbie. I struggled from the trust issues for a few months and read a lot about infidelity, until I allowed the realization that everybody is different and that those bridges in future will be crossed in their due time sink in. You are already doing what I would have suggested, so I’m just posting to wish you good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 Me and 4 buddies made a out of the blue decision to go to Punta Cana. I am not feeling the most social but I can certainly use the beach, the pool, and fruity drinks. Actually I credit my friends, they were planning this to get me to get my mind off of things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 The most important thing in recovery is to be with yourself, just noticing how you feel, and asking yourself what you need. Being with yourself, is about being your own caring companion, making sure that you get what you need to heal. Other people can help us, but we have to get into the right relationship with ourselves. Treat yourself the way you would treat your most beloved friend, and you'll do well. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I think it's a great idea to get away for a nice vacation. One thing for sure, it can't hurt and being with your buddies will help you in a big way. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Me and 4 buddies made a out of the blue decision to go to Punta Cana. I am not feeling the most social but I can certainly use the beach, the pool, and fruity drinks. Actually I credit my friends, they were planning this to get me to get my mind off of things. Getting away with your buddies will be a great way to take a break from everything, you certainly need to have some fun. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Me and 4 buddies made a out of the blue decision to go to Punta Cana. I am not feeling the most social but I can certainly use the beach, the pool, and fruity drinks. Actually I credit my friends, they were planning this to get me to get my mind off of things. that is a great idea. A long multiday hike in the mountains is great. Work out at the gym punching a heavy bag is good. Hitting the range and shooting a few bricks of ammo helps too. Burning her letter was an EXCELLENT way to kill any lingering doubts about her in your subconscious! The imagery of it burning will kill those thoughts of her eventually Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) I love this thread, I really and truly do. I am not saying this to offend the OP, it is awful what happened. The reason I love this thread is because it delivers a textbook example on what should happen to people who do this, the cheaters. Your friends find out, and look at you differently. Your family finds out, and look at you differently. You overall life comes crashing down around you. That is why I love it. Everything that SHOULD of happened to her, did happen. Her own father having to be told she had an abortion because she was cheating? Her own friends turning her in? Her own friends HUNTING DOWN proof? Just, mods..sticky this thread. Let anyone even thinking of cheating? Read it. Read every damn page. They need to read every page. They need to see this woman's attempts to salvage what she destroyed, as it slowly falls apart, all the way until her friggin Dad gets his heart broken due to finding out about her actions. I'm sure her parents love her, but they will also never look at her the same again. Though I would of taken a photo of you burning the letter she sent and posted in on Facebook. That would at least teach her to finally leave you alone, since I'm not convinced yet she is going to leave you alone. But you know the true tragedy here? No, it wasn't the potential life these two could of shared that was destroyed, though that is awful. No, it isn't even the innocent child this person killed because she was too dumb to use contraceptives whilst engaged in an affair. It is the fact she learned NOTHING from this ordeal. Look at everything that happened, this should be a wake up call..something to make her never ever treat another person like that again. But what do we find out? She is still seeing the boss. No lesson even learned. That is the sign you are dealing with something truly horrid. Speaking of the boss, did you ever tell his gf what he is doing? Also here is something to consider, does whoever got her pregnant..know she got the abortion? I assume it was the boss, does he know? If you mentioned this already my bad, but it is a long thread. Edited June 4, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 Well, her boss found me on Facebook, how I have no idea. And he sent me a message with his cell phone #, he wants to talk. I want this to be over with, no more loose ends. He stated in the message that he had no knowledge of the engagement, and thought I was a "friend". He claims to not have a wife or a girlfriend. Why would he want to talk to me ? For what its worth, the pregnancy never came up or anything about an abortion. My ex was is quite the liar/manipulator. I also found out she was booted from her company location to another one, farther away after the chit hit the fan. She is losing friends, and the respect of others. So, I think I am going to call this guy and compare notes. It is going to be a touch conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 On the one hand, you may as well listen to what he has to say. On the other hand, there's no reason why you should believe any of it. On the third hand, nothing he says will change the situation between you and your ex, so if he lies, that's fine too. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Robbie, will you tell him about the abortion or ask if he had knowledge of it? Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 RobbieA, when you call her boss, just be prepared for a mix of truth and lies from her boss, especially if she's still employed with the company. Just be on guard. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I am not sure I would talk to him. I mean honestly all your going to hear is a combination of lies and stuff you already know. I could see if if you had some reason to use this information against your x but other than that I think I would just push forward and move on. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 You know what? Talk to him. Given how god awful this woman is I doubt she told him about the abortion. Also lol@ her getting booted to another location. Like I said, STICKY THIS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 Alrighty, so I had a long conversation with her ex-boss. We spoke about so much. So I will make bullet points about what we spoke about and what he said. It was sort of cathartic. * When he first arrived at the company, my ex's co-workers would always ask about me, how I was doing, when I am coming home. According to him, she stated I was just a very good friend from high school. He did say he saw pics of me in my cubicle, but then at some point they were gone. (Jives with what her friends said). * He claims that he had no idea that she was in any sort of relationship, or him for that matter. He claims he has no significant other. He claimed that she misled him just as she misled me. He never met her parents and kept her friends away from him. He said that this was a red flag and caused tension between them. I believe him. * He claims to have a cousin who died in Iraq 2004, 1st Mar Div, I looked the name up and that checks out. * Now, the pregnancy/abortion. I blindsided him with that, and he broke down into tears. She never told him. At first he thought I was trying to hurt him because of the situation, but I assured him that it was the truth. He seemed genuinely devastated. If all this is true, my ex is a sociopath at the very least. From what he said and how he said it, it seemed like she tried to live two lives from what I gather. I do believe he didn't know about me, the wedding, etc. He has never been to her place, she always went to his, she had an excuse for everything. I think I poked the bear telling him about the pregnancy. Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Well you played that one perfectly The chickens are certainly coming home to roost aren't they? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 Well you played that one perfectly The chickens are certainly coming home to roost aren't they? Yes, they certainly are. And I don't feel the least bit bad. She made her bed, she has to sleep in it now. We all consciously make choices in life, good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 If everything is as you have reported it, "sociopath" does not even begin to characterize your ex. You're going to need to find a whole 'nother word for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 Think about all the personality traits it would take to pull off what she did. I am no doctor but she has something seriously wrong with her. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Truth is stranger than fiction. I just don't understand how a person could be in a relationship with another person and be kept at such a distance. I mean, I believe him(the boss), but certainly makes you question his sense of boundaries. As for her, well...she has a long road ahead of her. Link to post Share on other sites
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