whichwayisup Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Well, her boss found me on Facebook, how I have no idea. And he sent me a message with his cell phone #, he wants to talk. I want this to be over with, no more loose ends. He stated in the message that he had no knowledge of the engagement, and thought I was a "friend". He claims to not have a wife or a girlfriend. Why would he want to talk to me ? For what its worth, the pregnancy never came up or anything about an abortion. My ex was is quite the liar/manipulator. I also found out she was booted from her company location to another one, farther away after the chit hit the fan. She is losing friends, and the respect of others. So, I think I am going to call this guy and compare notes. It is going to be a touch conversation. It's obvious she lied to him about you and the status of your relationship, minimized it and made herself be 'available' and single to him. Selfish and sickening behaviour, shame on her! The consequences are coming back to bite to her, maybe after this she'll get counseling and fix herself into a better human being. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Think about all the personality traits it would take to pull off what she did. I am no doctor but she has something seriously wrong with her.OP, sorry, how old is your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 Truth is stranger than fiction. I just don't understand how a person could be in a relationship with another person and be kept at such a distance. I mean, I believe him(the boss), but certainly makes you question his sense of boundaries. As for her, well...she has a long road ahead of her. In my mind, all I care about is our roads NEVER intersecting again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 OP, sorry, how old is your ex? She is 32 years old. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Not that you should be thinking about such things, but if you had to speculate what the source of such behavior was, what would you say? It sounds like her parents are loving, responsible, giving people. Did she have some string of disruptive relationships before meeting you? Link to post Share on other sites
Morbius Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Truth is stranger than fiction. I just don't understand how a person could be in a relationship with another person and be kept at such a distance. I mean, I believe him(the boss), but certainly makes you question his sense of boundaries. As for her, well...she has a long road ahead of her. RobbieA, thank you for your service, and after reading your poignant thread, you are most assuredly a man of honor. I cannot offer much advice that would match what others have already given. Despite the emotional turmoil your ex heaped onto your able shoulders you have been stalwart in your handling of this sad and sick situation. Based on your discussion with her boss, I doubt she will be employed much longer. For him to discover his child was aborted, and coupled with his response his anger and pain must be devastating. Your ex deceived many, and deserves her fate. I don't understand the boundary issue. Why would people question his boundaries? He initially believed her as RobbieA believed. Neither knew the truth. He had no clue, but did see red flags that probably gave him pause. He thought she was a free agent. I guess you could argue boss/employee violation, but if he was attracted, and she was willing, then what is the issue with him. He was played too. Your future will get brighter and thank the stars you dodged a major bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 OK Robbie A you can take it to the bank that this guy is going to have a conversation with her and let him know what took place with your conversation and so you better keeps you feelers turned on to high because you going to be getting another visit from her and or phone calls/text messages galore. It's obvious that she isn't prepared to shoulder all the blame and for that to happen she's going to hurl some at you so keep your eyes peeled for another ambush. If it's me and she does it again, before she opens her mouth let her know that she can either walk away or you call the cops and file harassment charges against her and do it if need be. One more thing. As you well know you can't trust her but I wouldn't trust anything that this guy says either. He isn't that stupid and if he's a normal guy in a office romance, what he wants is sex and the last thing he would worry about is meeting Mumsy and Daddy. What for? He's getting what he wants and not giving up anything in return. Made in the shade. Just sayin' Rob. Don't trust him. Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 OK Robbie A you can take it to the bank that this guy is going to have a conversation with her and let him know what took place with your conversation and so you better keeps you feelers turned on to high because you going to be getting another visit from her and or phone calls/text messages galore. It's obvious that she isn't prepared to shoulder all the blame and for that to happen she's going to hurl some at you so keep your eyes peeled for another ambush. If it's me and she does it again, before she opens her mouth let her know that she can either walk away or you call the cops and file harassment charges against her and do it if need be. One more thing. As you well know you can't trust her but I wouldn't trust anything that this guy says either. He isn't that stupid and if he's a normal guy in a office romance, what he wants is sex and the last thing he would worry about is meeting Mumsy and Daddy. What for? He's getting what he wants and not giving up anything in return. Made in the shade. Just sayin' Rob. Don't trust him. Or, Just a thought, He may have been thinking that this relationship was real, and was hoping for marriage or something more. I think RobbieA, should be the judge, of what type of man he is from the conversation. Looks like he made contact, because he needed to know what was going on. It does take guts to contact the guy he has wronged, it would be what I would like my sons to do if they found out they were the OM. It does happen, if you were in his place would you not take the girl at her word when she states she is single? RobbieA, I am amazed at how you show compassion, even to the OM. Looks like you have helped him get over her as well. You do the Marines credit. She has hurt too many people. 2527 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Not that you should be thinking about such things, but if you had to speculate what the source of such behavior was, what would you say? It sounds like her parents are loving, responsible, giving people. Did she have some string of disruptive relationships before meeting you? Good questions, but along with these, I would wonder whether this was the first time she did anything like this, or just the first time she got caught. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Alrighty, so I had a long conversation with her ex-boss. We spoke about so much. So I will make bullet points about what we spoke about and what he said. It was sort of cathartic. * When he first arrived at the company, my ex's co-workers would always ask about me, how I was doing, when I am coming home. According to him, she stated I was just a very good friend from high school. He did say he saw pics of me in my cubicle, but then at some point they were gone. (Jives with what her friends said). * He claims that he had no idea that she was in any sort of relationship, or him for that matter. He claims he has no significant other. He claimed that she misled him just as she misled me. He never met her parents and kept her friends away from him. He said that this was a red flag and caused tension between them. I believe him. * He claims to have a cousin who died in Iraq 2004, 1st Mar Div, I looked the name up and that checks out. * Now, the pregnancy/abortion. I blindsided him with that, and he broke down into tears. She never told him. At first he thought I was trying to hurt him because of the situation, but I assured him that it was the truth. He seemed genuinely devastated. If all this is true, my ex is a sociopath at the very least. From what he said and how he said it, it seemed like she tried to live two lives from what I gather. I do believe he didn't know about me, the wedding, etc. He has never been to her place, she always went to his, she had an excuse for everything. I think I poked the bear telling him about the pregnancy. If it's all true, you also saved his life since it's very unlikely he will ever end up with her again at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Did you asked how he found out about you? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Robbie, I am so proud of you. :love: Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I still find myself wondering what the heck she was thinking when she got the abortion? if this guy was unattached and they were really into each other, why wouldn't she have kept the baby, cut off the engagement to you, and *continue* to make a life with the OM? It is nuts. -10th Engineer Harrison. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I'll say for the 100th time: Thank goodness that this came out before you married. Take care, Robbie. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Not that you should be thinking about such things, but if you had to speculate what the source of such behavior was, what would you say? It sounds like her parents are loving, responsible, giving people. Did she have some string of disruptive relationships before meeting you? The most supportive parents breed the best liars out there. If a child is raised with their ego being stroked constantly, they can do no harm attitude [and we all know some parents who do that], you end up with children who pull crap like this as adults because ... they can. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I don't understand the boundary issue. Why would people question his boundaries? He initially believed her as RobbieA believed. Neither knew the truth. He had no clue, but did see red flags that probably gave him pause. He thought she was a free agent. I guess you could argue boss/employee violation, but if he was attracted, and she was willing, then what is the issue with him. He was played too.Boundary issues, yes. A mature adult in a romantic relationship with another person for 10 months??? would consider not being allowed to meet the friends and not being allowed to go to the residence of their mate a dealbreaker. This man has boundary issues. The employer/employee thing is just the cherry on top. I would hope, after this, he draws some lines in the sand for himself. Getting burnt usually urges such things. Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 She is 32 years old. Nice. By cheater math she's about four years away from tricking some guy into making her a baby and then supporting it for the rest of his life Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I don't know about her affair partner. One part of me wants to believe that he was being genuine. But, another part of me thinks that he was conducting damage control to stop a Marine with combat experience from hunting him down. Blah, who knows! One thing is for sure. This dude is going to blast her on the pregnancy. Would love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 To answer some of the questions that were asked: How did the boss find out about me ? Social media. Twitter message that the wedding was canceled. He also stated that she hid her friends list on Facebook, and found out she was blocking him from seeing certain posts and pictures, I guess they had a mutual friend in common from work. As far as the employer/employee violation, I don't know the companies policy nor do I want to delve down that road. Yes, she is a cheating harlot, but enough has been done for her to open her eyes, I am not the type of person to kick her when she is down. She might have done that to me, but I would like to think that I am the better person, taking the high road. Did she have any tumultuous relationships prior to me? That is a good question. I really don't know. We didn't get into specifics about her relationships, I took what she told me and believed her, at the time I had no reason not to. Her last relationship didn't work out so she said, but we didn't have the "how many people have you slept with" conversation. We both go tested for STD's early in our relationship, she was clean, that was all that mattered. I do not believe in knowing someones number or having extensive conversation or knowledge about someones past will do any good for the future. As far as her coming from a loving family. Yes from what I can surmise she indeed did come from a good family, no dad issues, no mom issues. Unless she blatantly didn't tell me she had a mental illness, I don't know what trauma if any in her life caused her to be so callous and cold hearted, nor do I want to waste brain cells figuring it out, it won't do me any good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 I don't know about her affair partner. One part of me wants to believe that he was being genuine. But, another part of me thinks that he was conducting damage control to stop a Marine with combat experience from hunting him down. Blah, who knows! One thing is for sure. This dude is going to blast her on the pregnancy. Would love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. He did kind of seem scared. But in all my experience in life, my gut feeling tells me that he was misled by her just like I was. It is not my job to judge the whole office romance angle boss/employee, yes that is wrong but ultimately it takes too to tango. If he sincerely did not know about me and what he said is in fact true, I cannot blame him. As for the abortion, I have a feeling she will deny it deny it deny it. Link to post Share on other sites
Morbius Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Boundary issues, yes. A mature adult in a romantic relationship with another person for 10 months??? would consider not being allowed to meet the friends and not being allowed to go to the residence of their mate a dealbreaker. This man has boundary issues. The employer/employee thing is just the cherry on top. I would hope, after this, he draws some lines in the sand for himself. Getting burnt usually urges such things. Valid points, and if indeed the OM was played he will draw deep lines in the future. Would also like to be fly on wall for the confrontation if any. Who knows in this day and age. Cherry on top? Lol Just glad OP is free of this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I still find myself wondering what the heck she was thinking when she got the abortion? if this guy was unattached and they were really into each other, why wouldn't she have kept the baby, cut off the engagement to you, and *continue* to make a life with the OM? It is nuts. -10th Engineer Harrison. She was selfish and assured of marriage with Robbie She didn't love the OM , Robbie or herself . She thought she'd get away with it. If not for her friends she would have Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 Since I basically limited my ex's choices of communication to sending me smoke signals, she made a fake Facebook profile and sent me a message berating me for speaking to her former boss. Looks like from what I read and how angry she seemed, he really ripped into her. Oh well, that's life. Being an adult isn't easy. She called me a liar, accused me of trying to ruin her life, and called me a "Jarhead loser". No offense taken, I am very confident in the decision I made to serve my country. I wasn't a "Jarhead loser" when I slipped a very expensive ring on her finger was I ? Bitterness all around. And no, I did not respond and blocked that profile. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 She said you tried to "ruin her life"? WOW. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 You may want to complain to the Facebook gods. Fake profile + harassment = not good. Link to post Share on other sites
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