Morbius Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Dinner with her ex-friends was great. To my surprise, we didn't really talk that much about my ex. It did come up in the conversation during dinner that she had a penchant for emasculating her ex bf's, kind of a shock to me. I don't think I am the type of man who can be emasculated. I am very confident in who I am and I very comfortable in my own skin, how I look, etc. I think it really bothered her that she could not emasculate me. While she attempted it by cheating on me, it only will make me stronger. Her ex friends had mentioned that she always consider herself to be a strong alpha female, I almost spit out my steak. I am as alpha as they come, maybe that is why we weren't a good match. Emasculating her ex BF's was a penchant?? It appears you were a challenge for her, and when she failed, she tried a different tactic, and instead of the desired effect, it made you stronger. I don't know if I would classify her as an alpha, a few other choice words come to mind. Looking back, with eyes wide open, can you see anything that would lend credibility her need to emasculate? Your attitude and outlook is amazing. But more important, glad you didn't waste the steak! Thank your again for posting, I am sure by sharing you will help many. And again, thank you for your service. You are an honorable person. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I have to disagree with you here. After 35 years experience, I have known more military spouses that took care of the home fires while there spouse was away without cheating, than ones that did cheat. The only ones you hear about on sites like this are the negative ones and all the rest, just welcome home their spouse and just thank God that they are home safe and sound. Yes being a military spouse is hard and it takes a very special person to deal with the moves, deployments and anxieties. This is also true for police, doctors, nurses, firemen, etc. Additionally, who is to say she wouldn't have cheated even if he was in town. While this is a difficult time for Robbie, I have complete faith and confidence that he will find a woman that is looking for a good man. It is a brave new world out there. Yes this. Popsicle Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Your ex is anything but an "alpha female". And deep down she knows it too, hence why she gets off from deceiving others because it makes her think she's powerful when in reality she's just another puppet without direction or purpose. Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Thank you for all the encouragement. I am taking her ex-friends out to dinner tonight, to thank them for saving me from a life of chaos. I will tell you, reading through some other topics on this site, I am flabbergasted. The reasons people give for cheating ? Blows my mind. Maybe I am just a chivalrist but some of the reasons are ridiculous. Frankly, all reasons for cheating are ridiculous. Always. -10th Engineer Harrison. Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Dinner with her ex-friends was great. To my surprise, we didn't really talk that much about my ex. It did come up in the conversation during dinner that she had a penchant for emasculating her ex bf's, kind of a shock to me. I don't think I am the type of man who can be emasculated. I am very confident in who I am and I very comfortable in my own skin, how I look, etc. I think it really bothered her that she could not emasculate me. While she attempted it by cheating on me, it only will make me stronger. Her ex friends had mentioned that she always consider herself to be a strong alpha female, I almost spit out my steak. I am as alpha as they come, maybe that is why we weren't a good match. Interesting. I think you may have inadvertently done her a big favor by standing up to her bull. Since it's probably an inherent character flaw, she most likely will never learn from this, but who knows? -10th Engineer Harrison Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Interesting. I think you may have inadvertently done her a big favor by standing up to her bull. Since it's probably an inherent character flaw, she most likely will never learn from this, but who knows? -10th Engineer Harrison Trust me, he is hardly a "bull". I am 6'5'' and he is 5'6''. In the cuckold definition of a bull, I would say I am more groomed for that position. (Not my lifestyle though!) Very confident in who I am, what I am, and what the good lord gave me! Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Trust me, he is hardly a "bull". I am 6'5'' and he is 5'6''. In the cuckold definition of a bull, I would say I am more groomed for that position. (Not my lifestyle though!) Very confident in who I am, what I am, and what the good lord gave me! LOL, you misunderstood my meaning. I meant her bull*****, but didn't want to get "asterisked":D Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 LOL, you misunderstood my meaning. I meant her bull*****, but didn't want to get "asterisked":D Doh! Hah I feel like an idiot lol TMI I provided. Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Dinner with her ex-friends was great. To my surprise, we didn't really talk that much about my ex. It did come up in the conversation during dinner that she had a penchant for emasculating her ex bf's, kind of a shock to me. I don't think I am the type of man who can be emasculated. I am very confident in who I am and I very comfortable in my own skin, how I look, etc. I think it really bothered her that she could not emasculate me. While she attempted it by cheating on me, it only will make me stronger. Her ex friends had mentioned that she always consider herself to be a strong alpha female, I almost spit out my steak. I am as alpha as they come, maybe that is why we weren't a good match. It's stories like this that really make me believe that people never truly change during their lifetime. Most partners who suffer the pain of infidelity wouldn't be so surprised and hurt if they knew the true story behind their ex's past relationships. As it is, most people don't really know (or don't care) about their wives/husbands previous relationship dynamics. Knowing a person's true past (and not only the details they tell us about) is a sure way to predict their future behaviour. The "partner's emasculation" is a very common character trait of female cheaters. It seems to be usually associated to control issues. I suppose it's the feminine equivalent of those *******s who like to beat and humiliate their women. Some people like to compensate their inner weakness by destroying/humiliating those who are near them (partners/kids, etc). It's perverse stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 I am an open book. I just hope that if/when I get into another relationship, this story won't scare anyone away. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Its all in how you learn from in and approach your new relationship. I know for me I have been cheated on by three different women and I do have trust issues but I keep telling myself every time I really start to trigger or have doubt that my wife now is not those women and she doesn't deserve to be treated like them. When it gets really hard for me I just talk to her and tell her how I am feeling. I think you will do fine. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I enjoyed reading your thread. So much so, I think I may start the RobbieA fan club here soon. j/k First off, I would like to thank you for your service to your country. It sounds like you're a pretty honest, loyal and altruistic person and it's nice to see someone like yourself representing the armed forces. All too often, we only get to hear about the negative military stereotypes, so it's refreshing to hear that there are are still honorable people doing honorable things. Second, Man, you're my hero. Seriously, it should be mandatory that every BS read your thread before posting. You handled things in the absolute best way possible. I know it wasn't easy, but it says so much about your character as person. I can assure you that the way you dealt with this only raises your potential dating marketing value. I don't believe in karma or anything like that, but I do believe that when you're a negative, bad person you're more likely to have bad things happen to you. Your ex is pretty much doomed in that aspect and the fact that you didn't shame or humiliate her is only going to make her realize what an awesome person you really are. I have no doubt that she knows she made a huge mistake. Let's just hope she learns from it and doesn't continue to hurt more people in the future. I've noticed that throughout the thread you've felt guilty about not being able to see the signs of her infidelity. I'm definitely the same way. In fact, the one only thread I've ever started touched on that exact topic. Here's the deal - It's called a "sucker punch" for a reason. If someone shoots you in the back, you can't feel guilty for not having eyes in the back of your head. Hell, you weren't even in the same country when it happened, so there's not much you really could have done. Man, the world is your oyster at this very moment in time. You made it home safely, you successfully made out of a toxic relationship with a toxic person and you are free to do as you wish. Get out there and make the very most of it. Take comfort and your friends and family, spend some quality time doing the things you like to do and let everything fall into place. I have no doubt that a man of your integrity will not have any problems finding a nice, loyal woman when the time as right. You're just a bada$$ dude. I'm sorry you got sucker punched, but stuff like that happens. It's how you handle it that determines who you are and you handled it like a champ. Good luck with everything and I hope you stick around and post for a while. There are a lot of BS's here that could really learn something from you. I know I certainly have. Godspeed Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I just hope that if/when I get into another relationship, this story won't scare anyone away. Quite the opposite. I think the fact that you handled this disaster with such dignity will, in fact, attract women who want a strong, assertive, Alpha man. There are very few strong (in mind and spirit) and decent guys like you, soldier. Unfortunately there are also very few decent women in the world. Keep being the emotionally healthy, independent man that you're and you'll know how to separate the wheat from the weeds. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Its all in how you learn from in and approach your new relationship. I know for me I have been cheated on by three different women and I do have trust issues but I keep telling myself every time I really start to trigger or have doubt that my wife now is not those women and she doesn't deserve to be treated like them. When it gets really hard for me I just talk to her and tell her how I am feeling. I think you will do fine. Clay I usually never talk about my first marriage and xWW when I am out on dates with women. But if I get into longer relationships, the topic eventually comes up, and when they find out I was cheated on and went through a very acrimonious divorce, it is almost like I get an instant case of the koodies combined with leprosy. I almost never get to date those women again. I'm damaged goods in their minds. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I don't believe in karma or anything like that, but I do believe that when you're a negative, bad person you're more likely to have bad things happen to you. Your ex is pretty much doomed in that aspect and the fact that you didn't shame or humiliate her is only going to make her realize what an awesome person you really are. I have no doubt that she knows she made a huge mistake. Let's just hope she learns from it and doesn't continue to hurt more people in the future. My exWW has only been back to see our daughter once in the past 10 years. When she dropped by to see us she had gained at least 50 pounds, her hair was thinner and she looked like she had aged thirty years as opposed to only ten. She only stayed for about an hour, just long enough to basically be ignored by the daughter she abandoned, and to find out from me that I make about 5x what I did when we divorced and that I am thinner, buffer, happier and healthier than when we were married. She on the other hand is on husband number three, is showing early signs of diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis, and looks like she bought her clothes off a wino. She sat there and tried to tell me how "happy" she was, all the while fighting back tears. She actually tried to hug me, and was crying when she left. I pitied her. I really did feel bad for her for some reason, even though she had brought all this on herself. That was five years ago. I have not heard a peep from her since. My daughter doesn't even talk about her. Karma indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 So...I hung out with my new lady friend. We had a few drinks, dinner, and she kissed me! Of course I kissed her back. Things got hot & heavy. She wanted to come back to my place but I stopped it, as fired up as I was. I don't think I am ready. It would be weird having sex with someone else, although I want to. I am not opposed to a friends with benefits if I knew she realized the gravity of my emotional state, and realized that I am simply not available emotionally. I don't want her to feel used, I am not that type of guy. Oh what to do, what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Congrats man. When the textbook is written in how to have this crap you're going to be the first case study used. Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 So...I hung out with my new lady friend. We had a few drinks, dinner, and she kissed me! Of course I kissed her back. Things got hot & heavy. She wanted to come back to my place but I stopped it, as fired up as I was. I don't think I am ready. It would be weird having sex with someone else, although I want to. I am not opposed to a friends with benefits if I knew she realized the gravity of my emotional state, and realized that I am simply not available emotionally. I don't want her to feel used, I am not that type of guy. Oh what to do, what to do. I think your integrity and values will let you know when the time is right. -10th Engineer Harrison Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 So...I hung out with my new lady friend. We had a few drinks, dinner, and she kissed me! Of course I kissed her back. Things got hot & heavy. She wanted to come back to my place but I stopped it, as fired up as I was. I don't think I am ready. It would be weird having sex with someone else, although I want to. I am not opposed to a friends with benefits if I knew she realized the gravity of my emotional state, and realized that I am simply not available emotionally. I don't want her to feel used, I am not that type of guy. Oh what to do, what to do. Give her oral, then a kiss and wish her goodnight. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Give her oral, then a kiss and wish her goodnight. I vote for this. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I usually never talk about my first marriage and xWW when I am out on dates with women. But if I get into longer relationships, the topic eventually comes up, and when they find out I was cheated on and went through a very acrimonious divorce, it is almost like I get an instant case of the koodies combined with leprosy. I almost never get to date those women again. I'm damaged goods in their minds. I don't understand why. It's not your fault you were cheated on,and I would take it as a sign of honesty that you would open up like that. I would also take it as an indication that you knew how much it hurt and would think that, if bya ll other indications you were a decent and kind person, you wouldn't inflict that pain on someone else. Now it might be different if you were saying things like "all women cheat, it's just a matter of time" Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 So...I hung out with my new lady friend. We had a few drinks, dinner, and she kissed me! Of course I kissed her back. Things got hot & heavy. She wanted to come back to my place but I stopped it, as fired up as I was. I don't think I am ready. It would be weird having sex with someone else, although I want to. I am not opposed to a friends with benefits if I knew she realized the gravity of my emotional state, and realized that I am simply not available emotionally. I don't want her to feel used, I am not that type of guy. Oh what to do, what to do. Be honest with her so that she knows upfront what your state of mind is. you've got a lot on your plate, what with comming home and finding out about all this cr@p that your ex pulled on you.Just be honest with people, and do what you feel comfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 OP,for what it is worth, I don't think she cheated on you because of you, your job or anything else. She cheated because taht's who she is, and she would ahve done so at some point in your relationship no matter what was going on. In a way, you are so lucky you found out about this before you married her and had kids, financial ties and were even more emotionally bonded to her than you are now. Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Give her oral, then a kiss and wish her goodnight. Reminds me of a math joke... Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 I can honestly say that I am confident that her infidelity was based upon her character/personality defect rather than the circumstances and semantics surrounding the relationship. On another note, this new friend is turning out to be a good friend. (Not kissing and telling) Link to post Share on other sites
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