Author RobbieA Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 I don't think anyone here is making light of what she did. Maybe she actually did want to end it, that this was not just some cry for help. If she is that low and that depressed that she was ready to die, then she is very, very mentally ill and it will take her a lot of doctoring and therapy to get back to normal. My brother killed himself several weeks ago and how I wish I had seen the signs, jumped on him, tied him up and kept him in a closet until the cops got there, but I didn't. I couldn't save him. I'm glad you told your dad to wait until after she gets out of the hospital; to give her that letter. Now that you have, just back away and let her doctors and family take care of her. You have reached out and that's all you needed to do. Attempting to go see her would have been futile. I am truly sorry for your loss. Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I'm sorry for what you're going through Robbie. It really does show what a broken person she is. What she did to you was the second most selfish thing that you can do to someone. Taking your life is the most selfish. What you went through would have been a cakewalk compared to what her parents would have had to go through if she had been successful, and I don't mean to minimize what happened to you at all. It sounds like she has a support network in place. Let's hope that she gets some help and heals herself. Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Her behaviour and her "attempt" is textbook of her personality type, and reading your story I could have predicted this happening. First of, let me say this. Suicide is serious, I know that it is serious. I had two friends kill themselves and know of a few others who have. It is not a matter that should be taken lightly. Having said that, I do not believe that your ex fiancé's suicide attempt is genuine. As CarrieT and other posters have pointed out, it is just another form of manipulation. You're a good, compassionate guy and obviously you feel bad about it, it speaks to your nature. However, this is your first time encountering something like this, you're a novice to people with personality types similar to your ex. I know five girls, one of them an ex, and three guys who have behaved the exact same way as your ex fiancé'. All of them cheaters and with personalities traits and behaviour similar to your ex. Could everything have come full circle and she legitimately thought that there was no way out, did she realize the extent of how messed up she was and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel? I doubt it. Most people who want to kill themselves take extreme measures (hanging, jumping off a high platform, using a weapon) and don't broadcast their intentons on social media and then take a bunch of pills. Suicide by overdose has a 4% success rate, even less when it's with people in proximity or aware and able to call for help. This is just another form of manipulation by her, plain and simple. It paints her in a sympathetic light and removes the focus off of all the s*** she has done. Listen to your sister, do not visit her. I don't think the letter was necessary but if that's what you needed to do then I understand. Her care is in the hands of her family and friends, you should continue to move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 (edited) Her behaviour and "attempt" are textbook of her personality type, and reading your story I could have predicted this happening. First of, let me say this. Suicide is serious, I know that it is serious. I had two friends kill themselves and know of a few others who have. It is not a matter that should be taken lightly. Having said that, I do not believe that your ex fiancé's suicide attempt is genuine. As CarrieT and other posters have pointed out, it is just another form of manipulation. You're a good, compassionate guy and obviously you feel bad about it, it speaks to your nature. However, this is your first time encountering something like this, you're a novice to people with personality types similar to your ex. I know five girls, one of them an ex, and three guys who have behaved the exact same way as your ex fiancé'. All of them cheaters and with personalities traits and behaviour similar to your ex. Could everything have come full circle and she legitimately thought that there was no way out, did she realize the extent of how messed up she was and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel? I doubt it. Most people who want to kill themselves take extreme measures (hanging, jumping off a high platform, using a weapon) and don't broadcast their intentions on social media and then take a bunch of pills. Suicide by overdose has a 4% success rate, even less when it's with people in close proximity or who are aware and able to call for help. This is just another form of manipulation by her, plain and simple. It paints her in a sympathetic light, makes her sort of the victim and removes the focus off of all the s*** she has done. Listen to your sister, do not visit her. I don't think the letter was necessary but if that's what you needed to do then I understand. Her care is in the hands of her family and friends, you should continue to move on with your life. Edited June 23, 2015 by World's.Edge Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Tomorrow, I leave for vacation so I will not be posting for a week or so. Anyway, I read everyone's responses, advice, etc however this is my life and trust myself to make the right decision and course of action. One poster called it by writing her a letter, which is what I did. I called her father (he is presumably upset at the situation) and met him to give him the letter. I told him not to give it to my ex until she is out of the hospital. In the letter, I told her that I forgive her, even though she did the unthinkable. I didn't make it a point to put any vitriol in my words. I told her I wanted her to get better, change her life, and be successful and happy. I did not insinuate anything that would make her think there would ever be a chance. I am a compassionate person. Yes, in reality it is her problem, but everything is not so black and white. I do forgive her, however with that being said I would never take her back. She is hurting, and I make zero apologies for being a caring person. And for all of you who think taking 30 ten mg pills of Ambien is just a smoke show, it really can kill you, shut down your central nervous system. Just a thought. Anyways, I hope she gets better and moves on, I don't hate her, I hate what she did to me. Yes, you are a compassionate person and handled it exactly as you needed to. This is what I hoped and figured you'd do. But the warnings needed to be sounded as well. Thank you for posting before leaving. Relax and enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I have been in this situation before, with fellow Marines, who were diagnosed with PTSD and either committed suicide or tried. Maybe it was a cry for help on her part ? If it was a cry for help on her part, then she's in the right place for her to get the care that she needs. Now, go enjoy your vacation! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I just found out from my ex's former friend that my ex attempted to take her life. I feel horrible. She posted something on her Facebook wall and took about 25-30 Ambien pills. She is currently in the hospital under psych watch. Yes, her actions gutted me, but how can I not feel bad ? I would not wish harm on anyone, even her. I feel horrible that as bad as things are going for she chose to try and hurt herself. Life is precious, life is short, I cannot wrap my head around her wanting to not be around anymore. Yes, what she did to me was horrid, but she could change if she wanted too, therapy, etc. I am wrestling with the notion of going to visit her. My one sister says no. Should I send a card ? I am very upset. This isn't your fault. She created this mess and as awful as this is, her trying to kill herself, just shows how unstable she is and what a bubble she was in before by cheating on you. She cannot face what she's done and went downhill quickly. Of course you feel bad for her, you loved and cared for her, she was going to be your wife. You are compassionate. Send a card to her parents, not to her directly. She needs to be looked after by the Dr's and hopefully can get on meds and do some counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Hey everyone, I am back from a wonderful vacation. I spent time with some of my best friends. I might of gained a few pounds from the food and drinking. Overall, I felt really relaxed and cleared my head. The only update I have to report is I am getting better and I heard my ex is out of the hospital and moved back home w/her parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Robbie, is there any chance your ex had some sort of serious mental illness dating back to before her cheating started? I'm not suggesting this as justification for what she did, just wondering whether it may have played some role. Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I consider selfishness and immaturity to be serious mental conditions. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 So her entire 'adult' life she spent cheating on her partners to purposely wound them/their masculinity and the first time it doesn't work she tries to kill herself? I can only repeat what I wrote pages ago - you dodged one hell of a bullet. Hopefully her parents will keep her at home for at least 5 years and keep her in therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 To my knowledge, she didn't have mental/personality disorders. Then again, she probably had them all along and probably didn't recognize it. At this point, I want her out of my mind. I do not wish her any harm, with that being said I don't need to hear anything else from the past. Even if she was diagnosed with a mental illness, it still would not change the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Glad you had a good trip Robbie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Glad you had a good trip Robbie. Thank you very much. I needed it. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenixashes Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 How are things, Robbie? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 How are things, Robbie? Things are going very well, thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 (edited) Unlike everyone else here, I do not warm up to people like you Robbie. She met you when she was relatively young and did not know what she can and cannot live with. Apparently, she could not live with a guy who lives elsewhere for most of the time. Often we think we can do something when we are young (or even later in life, we develop all the time) and we find out that we actually cannot. Another thing is that I would never ever be with a guy who takes a gun and goes to another country to force his country's view of the world onto other people, running countries' economies, getting oil so that Americans can drive cars that spend 8 gallons per second, and killing fathers of the kids, who merely stood up to defend their country or were forced into it. Often kids get killed too as a "collateral damage". Not really trying to offend anyone, but Americans are so brainwashed when it comes to what their government does in the rest of the world and why. I lived in NYC and my room mate who was a cool guy had no idea what was going on, he thought every intervention was to help other people. Jesus. How ignorant one must be. On 50th anniversary, a sanitized Vietnam War | NewsCut | Minnesota Public Radio News Sorry for this rant, I am a pacifist and this might be a good point for you to consider now that you are changing your life. This is not a religion, it is not about what you believe for me to respect it, we are talking about facts here, and fact is that weapons kill people, and that everyone who goes to war is another poor soul used by their governments for their own purposes. It could have been a thing when I was young, to support those who "defend us" but then I got my two masters and two doctorate in international law... and changed my mind. Education does wonders. IMO, if you had balls and any TRUE compassion you would help out your ex, if you had any TRUE kindness you would understand her at least to a point that you can get that giant ego of yours. Now, if you have ever really truly loved her and wanted what's best for her, if you ever were her friend, you would deal with things differently... If you ever were in true pain after breaking up you would not hook up with another woman few weeks after the break up. But you are a cold and calculated self interested individual who only knows what is right and wrong because he heard about it... your feelings are not feelings of a great human being. I feel for your fiancée who did something I never would do to anyone, but does not deserve to be in hospital with attempted suicide on her list of things. People often do not have proper awareness of things. I am sure she did not calculate the consequences when she did what she did. I think I would have more respect for you if you actually went and told everyone about her A and did things out of anger and hurt... the way you reacted was to think about your own reputation, calculate, completely ignore her even though she was hurting too, etc. Then you implemented the calculated plan. At best, you might have deserved it. People feel real feelings as opposed to forged feelings. Your feelings for her, dearest, were not deep enough, and she was not your priority in life. She was a woman who was left to eternally wait for you while you fought your wars and played soldiers with other boys. She probably longed for some affection and human touch. Not justifying her, just trying to understand. People forgive people for affairs if there is enough love and understanding of what went wrong. Often it is a shared responsibility and your lifestyle has certainly been a major factor that pushed her into it. Again, if you ever truly loved her you would be different to her especially now that she is in hospital, poor girl. You would definitely be a bigger man if you forgave her than if you didn't. But do leave her alone now. She learned her lesson, she will eventually find someone who will be there for her and a real friend. She will wonder one day why was she sticking around waiting and why was she going through all this now. Mental breakdown happens to people, no need to try and give her diagnosis which is so common on this site. Crisis will come and go. Good luck finding someone who is a psychological rock of a person. You got enough of "there there" on this site, so here is a different point of view to think about. Hello Winterina, thank you for taking the time to share how you feel. I very much disagree with everything you said because it seems you have an agenda to push, but I respect your right to share your opinions. At the end of day, I am 100% confident that I am a man, I made the right decisions in life, and I am very educated, I just do not feel the need to list my degrees on here for internet social status. And yes, I am very proud to have served my country. Enjoy your day. Edited July 13, 2015 by RobbieA Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Robbie, you're too kind. And I mean that in all the best ways possible. -10th Engineer Harrison. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) Robbie, you're too kind. And I mean that in all the best ways possible. -10th Engineer Harrison. Thank you very much. That is how I am wired. Up until a few days ago, I received tremendous support for the decisions I have made and am making throughout this treacherous part of my life. I am man of integrity & character, and although I showed restraint to the poster with the agenda, I will not sit back and let someone who clearly is deflecting her many issues with life and failure at interpersonal relationships make me feel bad for the decisions I have made in my life. This is all about me, not my ex, I am the one who is trying to heal. Although I have shown compassion for my ex, the focus is on me. Self preservation is key. I was the one who was wronged, in a very traumatic way. I am truly flabbergasted how any of this could be my fault. But then again, when you are the other woman, I guess being bitter and lashing out in rants comes with the territory. I just hope she gets the help she needs. And thank you, you have given me some great words of wisdom thus far 10thEngineer which I am very appreciative of. Edited July 16, 2015 by RobbieA Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Robbie, If that is you in your avatar, you're going to have no problems replacing your lying/cheating ex. *swoons* Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Hello Winterina, thank you for taking the time to share how you feel. I very much disagree with everything you said because it seems you have an agenda to push, but I respect your right to share your opinions. At the end of day, I am 100% confident that I am a man, I made the right decisions in life, and I am very educated, I just do not feel the need to list my degrees on here for internet social status. And yes, I am very proud to have served my country. Enjoy your day. All class (ten characters) Link to post Share on other sites
goingcrazy111 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Dear Robbie, I came across your thread by accident, as I just found out my fiance cheated and was looking at reactions of other people to whom something similar has happened (although I think what happened to you is much much worse). It strikes me when you said that you will never love again. My fiance has cheated on me (apparently a one time-thing with a hooker), I don't think I can forgive him, and I have the same exact feeling that I will never be able to love again and that there are no "good" ones out there who won't cheat. Please be assured that there are very honest people out there who would not be capable of cheating!!! That is what I tell myself in order to get through it and not regret the husband and children I now am not going to have for a long time, if ever. Good luck with your further recovery, and much respect to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RobbieA Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Dear Robbie, I came across your thread by accident, as I just found out my fiance cheated and was looking at reactions of other people to whom something similar has happened (although I think what happened to you is much much worse). It strikes me when you said that you will never love again. My fiance has cheated on me (apparently a one time-thing with a hooker), I don't think I can forgive him, and I have the same exact feeling that I will never be able to love again and that there are no "good" ones out there who won't cheat. Please be assured that there are very honest people out there who would not be capable of cheating!!! That is what I tell myself in order to get through it and not regret the husband and children I now am not going to have for a long time, if ever. Good luck with your further recovery, and much respect to you. I am so very sorry you are going through an awful situation, and thank you for the kind words. The initial shock/trauma of what happened had me going through a myriad of emotions. I was lost. I was thinking, "If she can do this to me, emasculate, destroy, rip our relationship apart, could I ever love again?" A lot has happened since I initially found out and was handed facts and proof. Yes I still hurt, but I try to think in a positive manner everyday. It is not that one situation is worse then another, betrayal of the worst kind hurts anyway you spin it. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Robbie, Please ignore that idiotic post you just received. How anyone could defend what your fiance did because of their political views just says she has consumed too much cool aid of the wrong kind. Thank you for your service to your country, stay safe, and put this sick woman of a girlfriend you had behind you as quick as possible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I am so very sorry you are going through an awful situation, and thank you for the kind words. The initial shock/trauma of what happened had me going through a myriad of emotions. I was lost. I was thinking, "If she can do this to me, emasculate, destroy, rip our relationship apart, could I ever love again?" A lot has happened since I initially found out and was handed facts and proof. Yes I still hurt, but I try to think in a positive manner everyday. It is not that one situation is worse then another, betrayal of the worst kind hurts anyway you spin it. The human heart is amazingly resilient. Do not fret about never finding someone to love again. You will. Some gal will come along who will be leaps and bounds better than your ex. You are still young. You should enjoy your 20s and not be too much in a hurry to settle down. Enjoy these days because you will never get them back. Link to post Share on other sites
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