Cheat

[Katie446]

What stages do cheaters go through once they're caught? What are their feelings towards both people involved, especially if neither knew?

Edited May 24, 2015 by Katie446

[No Limit]

Depends on the person. What they all go through is the "hell no" phase when caught, in which they will attempt to gaslight you as good as possible no matter if you have proof or not - what matters to them is whether the betrayed believes and falls for their acting or not. If it works they'll see to it that they improve their stealth, if not they will react differently - depending on the person;

 

1. Eternal regret and misery; "oh my God I can't believe I could ever do this to someone I love"

2. Anger; "I can't believe I got busted, this will ruin my reputation if people find out", the betrayed partner will be their new enemy #1

3. Just don't care; rugsweep everything

[Satu]

They all say,"I needed xyz, and you weren't giving that to me."

 

Then you can get really clear in your head that its all your fault.

 

Then you can get really clear in your head that you're just not good enough.

 

Then you can get really clear in your head that you must do better.

 

Or, you can look at it this way:

 

They did it because they wanted to, and it has absolutely nothing to do with anybody else.

[TaraMaiden2]

I'm going to be very controversial here...

 

Let's say you have a dish which is your absolute favourite.

Let's just say it's T-bone steak with a peppercorn cream sauce, french fries, fresh peas and a cold glass of beer.

Yum.

Love that meal.

 

Ok, now let's say you have to eat that, three times a day, for the rest of your life.

Nothing else, ever.

No variation, just this meal. Day in, day out, every day, every week, every month, year, decade....

 

Tell me now, in all sincerity, you wouldn't get tired of it, and crave a little variety.

 

Yet when we see people get married, that's what we have implied they have to do, with their partner. Star with them, and only them, for the remainder of their lives.

No variety, nothing. Same dish, different day....

 

Heck, there are as many people on this planet, as there are different cultural dishes and ways to make them.

 

so I'm going to make a confession which may not be all that popular.

I would fully expect someone I am with, to have a desire to be with someone else, now and then.

And that's ok.

Furthermore, if they cheated, I wouldn't be hurt by it, or feel betrayed.

And I can say that with all honesty, because it's happened to me.

 

And I don't or wouldn't expect to be considered the top dish of the day either; There may be other women who will be better in bed than I. Who like different things and have sex in different ways.

The adage 'Variety is th spice of life' is a suitable adage, here.

 

But - and it's a big BUT:

 

Be honest.

Don't promise me crap you can't live up to.

If you tell me, with all sincerity that you will remain faithful to me for ever, then do so.

If however, down the road, you feel "Jeesh, I just can't do that any more..." Then be honest and tell me.

Discuss it with me.

let me know how you feel. Everything is negotiable.

Everything can be brought to the table and discussed.

The physical aspect of having sex with someone else, doesn't honestly worry me.

The subterfuge, deceit and underhandedness, is in my eyes, the real bone of contention.

 

I would happily seek an alternative bed-fellow to my husband, at the drop of a napkin.

 

But I never will.

Why?Because he is of a different mind-set.

And when he made his vows, I knew, for damn sure, that he meant every syllable.

so I could not possibly inflict on him, what he would find absolutely abhorrent, and would never do, to me.

 

He's no angel. There are undoubtedly aspects of his character and temperament which may need tweaking, by anyone's standards.

But unfaithful? Nope.

He simply doesn't play that way.

 

So, neither shall I, ever.

Because the pain my deception would cause and inflict, is just really not very nice to even think about.

 

Cheaters might well feel a great degree of guilt.

But a lot of it is down to the pain of discovery.

It's rare for cheaters to confess at a point prior to the danger of being found out....

[petsrule]

They all say,"I needed xyz, and you weren't giving that to me."

 

Then you can get really clear in your head that its all your fault.

 

Then you can get really clear in your head that you're just not good enough.

 

Then you can get really clear in your head that you must do better.

 

Or, you can look at it this way:

 

They did it because they wanted to, and it has absolutely nothing to do with anybody else.

 

I had all those excuses from my ex-fiance a few years ago, in the guise of "explaining" why he cheated on me dozens of times before he slipped up on social media and then disappeared on me which meant I had to move again.

 

Your partner cheating is never your fault, no matter what you-know-what they tell you.

[smackie9]

Someone who cheats without the disclosure of being in a relationship or married is most likely a con artist, liar, has no conscience. Most likely would only feel disappointed that he or she got caught, and fakes remorse, to smooth things over.

 

Those who date multiples and hides it, has a narcissistic type personality. They are only out for themselves.

[Katie446]

Thanks for all the replies. When I found out I was effectively the "other woman" his reaction was to beg the girlfriend for forgiveness, not to get back with him just to forgive him. I eventually got an apology but was originally blamed for it all and haven't heard from him since.

 

I found him blaming me an interesting reaction considering I was completely unaware he had a gf and fell for all his crap just as much as she did.

 

Im now left wondering whether he ever cared about me or if this was a knee jerk reaction to being caught.

Edited May 25, 2015 by Katie446

[petsrule]

Thanks for all the replies. When I found out I was effectively the "other woman" his reaction was to beg the girlfriend for forgiveness, not to get back with him just to forgive him. I eventually got an apology but was originally blamed for it all and haven't heard from him since.

 

I found him blaming me an interesting reaction considering I was completely unaware he had a gf and fell for all his crap just as much as she did.

 

Im now left wondering whether he ever cared about me or if this was a knee jerk reaction to being caught.

 

It was a knee-jerk reaction to getting caught. He wanted to take the blame off himself and it could either have gone the way it did (him blaming you) or he could have said to his girlfriend "I cheated on you with Katie446 because you didn't do this or that"

[Lois_Griffin]

Thanks for all the replies. When I found out I was effectively the "other woman" his reaction was to beg the girlfriend for forgiveness, not to get back with him just to forgive him. I eventually got an apology but was originally blamed for it all and haven't heard from him since.

 

I found him blaming me an interesting reaction considering I was completely unaware he had a gf and fell for all his crap just as much as she did.

 

Im now left wondering whether he ever cared about me or if this was a knee jerk reaction to being caught.

The number ONE rule for lying cheaters is to protect their ass. If that means selling YOU down the river, they'll do it. If it means lying their faces off (which they all do) in order to avoid being thrown out of the house, they will. They'll swear on their children's lives and their sainted Grandma's lives if it keeps them from being dragged to divorce court.

 

It's ALL about covering his ass. You were simply collateral damage in the end.

 

Jack-holes like this guy who pull this crap on innocent women need to be shot behind the barn.