Why does my ex (the dumper) like to push my buttons when he sees me?

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

Thank you, BC. I've been reading articles from what website you recommended and it helps.

 

I'm just so embarrassed about the other night. I made an absolute fool of myself in front of so many people. I cried and held onto him for dear life. I remember saying "I loved you so much. Why did you leave me?" I don't know why I did it, because in my everyday life I haven't cried over him in a couple of weeks now, and I know in my heart that there's someone out there better for me.

 

Also, I hate for exes to look back on me with regret, hatred or embarrassment. I know it shouldn't matter, but I hate for people whom I shared my life, time and memories with to think of me that way. I don't think any of the things I've done have been half as bad as what his ex wife did, and he forgave her.

 

I'm just beating myself up a lot now. You're right in that I have developed some unhealthy coping mechanisms that just make the situation worse. This regret is just making me feel worse.

[BC1980]

Thank you, BC. I've been reading articles from what website you recommended and it helps.

 

I'm just so embarrassed about the other night. I made an absolute fool of myself in front of so many people. I cried and held onto him for dear life. I remember saying "I loved you so much. Why did you leave me?" I don't know why I did it, because in my everyday life I haven't cried over him in a couple of weeks now, and I know in my heart that there's someone out there better for me.

 

Also, I hate for exes to look back on me with regret, hatred or embarrassment. I know it shouldn't matter, but I hate for people whom I shared my life, time and memories with to think of me that way. I don't think any of the things I've done have been half as bad as what his ex wife did, and he forgave her.

 

I'm just beating myself up a lot now. You're right in that I have developed some unhealthy coping mechanisms that just make the situation worse. This regret is just making me feel worse.

 

I think opinions can soften with time and distance, but, in the grand scheme of your life, it doesn't matter what he thinks of you. I have no idea what any of my exes think of me, and I don't worry about it. I'm sure they don't care what I think of them either. Everyone has done stupid stuff and made a fool of themselves over a breakup. I think that's a universal part of growing up and learning. I did some pretty embarrassing stuff in college after a breakup, and I know people who have done worse. It's not really beneficial to beat yourself up over any of it, but you do have to learn from it.

 

You've made your mistakes, so now it's time to learn from all of this. No more excuses if it happens again. One of the really great things about NC is that it saves you from yourself. You remove yourself from any potentially volatile situation because I can guarantee that you aren't going to be able to keep you cool around your ex. No matter how far along you think you have come. You never know how you will react until you are put in that situation.

[thekarmacist]

i'm sorry this jerk is taking every opportunity to be awful to you. what was it again you saw in him? seriously?

 

also..how old is he? he acts like he's in high school.

 

stop drinking and stop giving this fool more ammunition to torture you with.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

I think opinions can soften with time and distance, but, in the grand scheme of your life, it doesn't matter what he thinks of you. I have no idea what any of my exes think of me, and I don't worry about it. I'm sure they don't care what I think of them either. Everyone has done stupid stuff and made a fool of themselves over a breakup. I think that's a universal part of growing up and learning. I did some pretty embarrassing stuff in college after a breakup, and I know people who have done worse. It's not really beneficial to beat yourself up over any of it, but you do have to learn from it.

 

You've made your mistakes, so now it's time to learn from all of this. No more excuses if it happens again. One of the really great things about NC is that it saves you from yourself. You remove yourself from any potentially volatile situation because I can guarantee that you aren't going to be able to keep you cool around your ex. No matter how far along you think you have come. You never know how you will react until you are put in that situation.

 

I was really proud of myself before this happened the other night. I was being strong. He hates it when I ignore him. The first time I went NC, that's when HE got emotional when I saw him. The second time, when I saw him next and he made the rude gesture to me, I know he was doing it to rile me up.

 

Did I technically break NC since I was drinking? I have not spoken to him since.

 

i'm sorry this jerk is taking every opportunity to be awful to you. what was it again you saw in him? seriously?

 

also..how old is he? he acts like he's in high school.

 

stop drinking and stop giving this fool more ammunition to torture you with.

 

He's 24, I'm 28. You would think he'd be more mature, given he's in the military. His friends are just as rude to me when I see them, too. Apparently one of them wanted to hit me the other night because I was so emotional. I guess I would have deserved it if he had. I was a mess.

[thekarmacist]

umm...you would NOT deserve to be hit. classy bunch, they are, willing to hit a woman because she's upset.

 

what do you see in this guy?

[BC1980]

I was really proud of myself before this happened the other night. I was being strong. He hates it when I ignore him. The first time I went NC, that's when HE got emotional when I saw him. The second time, when I saw him next and he made the rude gesture to me, I know he was doing it to rile me up.

 

Did I technically break NC since I was drinking? I have not spoken to him since.

 

 

 

He's 24, I'm 28. You would think he'd be more mature, given he's in the military. His friends are just as rude to me when I see them, too. Apparently one of them wanted to hit me the other night because I was so emotional. I guess I would have deserved it if he had. I was a mess.

 

You really don't need to do NC to get under his skin. I know it's hard not to feel a little satisfaction, but you need to start moving towards the idea of NC to heal. Anyone hates to be ignored. It's human nature, so he's no special or different because you going NC bothers him. He's just extremely over the top in his reaction to it.

 

His being in the military doesn't mean he will be more mature. My ex was in his 40s and had the emotional maturity of a child. He had been married and had a child. All of that means nothing if you don't want to grow and look at ways to better yourself.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

umm...you would NOT deserve to be hit. classy bunch, they are, willing to hit a woman because she's upset.

 

what do you see in this guy?

 

I guess his friend (his roommate) said something and I got confrontational, and he wanted to hit me. I don't even remember half of what happened that night, just that I was literally on the floor crying because I was so emotional. i hadn't eaten that day, so the alcohol affected me even worse. I regret being so upset. I overestimated my tolerance, because I was drinking on an empty stomach.

 

As for what I saw in him: everything was good in our relationship for a good 9 months. I guess I kept trying to hold onto those good memories and it made me miss him, instead of thinking of all the times he let me down, and how he most likely cheated on me several times (there were signs).

 

You really don't need to do NC to get under his skin. I know it's hard not to feel a little satisfaction, but you need to start moving towards the idea of NC to heal. Anyone hates to be ignored. It's human nature, so he's no special or different because you going NC bothers him. He's just extremely over the top in his reaction to it.

 

His being in the military doesn't mean he will be more mature. My ex was in his 40s and had the emotional maturity of a child. He had been married and had a child. All of that means nothing if you don't want to grow and look at ways to better yourself.

 

I actually was doing NC both times with the intent to heal and move on, and trying to erase him from my life and move on. As for the military stuff, he cares way too much about what his Army buddies think. He flat out told me at one point that they came before our relationship. He's never even been deployed, and acts like he's gone to battle with these guys. I will never understand how he could put these guys above a relationship. Perhaps I'm being insensitive but I always supported his career, and I understand that military is his career. But for him to flat out tell me that his Army pals come before me was painful. Makes me wonder what it would have been like being married to him.