My little twist on getting an ex back ...

[SolidGoldTurd]

If you're not familiar with his work's, Corey is all over YouTube and has his own website @ DELETED BY MODERATION. Succeed more. Learn More. Grow more. Life is... relationships. ? Enlightened Self-Help[/url]

 

If you're curious in what he does, please do visit his website and watch his truly inspirational and mind blowing videos.

 

You'll be happy that not all of them are focused on getting an ex back.

 

 

===================================================

 

 

You can find all this on his website, if you'd rather read the real deal. This is just my take on it with some added feelings:

 

 

 

You've been dumped, you don't know what to do, you're desperate, you're clingy, you're everything anyone would despise. You beg them for a second chance, you beg them for forgiveness, but to no avail. They walk away and ever look back.

 

Lucky enough I didn't do the whole begging bull**** when my relationship broke down. Admittedly it was a very confusing one which left me thinking "who broke up with whom?". I think the safest position is to think "she broke up with me" because at least there I know I'll get something out of it, rather than apologising and going no where (I'll explain this later).

 

 

First of all, I want to point out very, VERY bad misconceptions amongst those who dwell on relationship forums when giving advice on "How to get an Ex Back".

 

Misconception #1

 

I've seen people claim you need to do 30 Days of No Contact before sending them a letter/text saying you understand the break up, blah blah blah.

 

This is bull**** and won't work

 

Contacting a dumper ex in any way is acting insecure, clingy and desperate. It tells them you haven't moved on and they can easily pick you as a plan B.

 

People follow these so-called "Relationship Gurus" because they're blinded by love and desperation. People will spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on 1 to 1 emails and phone calls with these guys in hope they'll get their ex back in 30 days.

 

No Contact is primarily used as a method to get over your ex and move on - that's it, nothing more, nothing less.

 

 

Misconception #2

 

 

More worryingly I've noticed people claim that: "If an ex wants you back, they'll let you know"

 

Come on guys, do you seriously think that a dumper is going to run the risk of being rejection by saying "Omg I made such a stupid mistake, please take me back"??

 

They are FAR more likely to shoot little initiation texts/calls/emails to test the water ... and it's YOUR deal to assume they like you and ask them out (more on that it a second)

 

Misconception #3

 

By far the biggest one here: the No Contact Rule.

 

Since it began, it's been used, reused and twisted into all kinds of horse****. I've come across "Passive NC", "Limited NC", "Active NC", "Butthurt NC" ... it's terrifying how the REAL sense of NC has been lost under all this ****e!

 

No Contact : Cutting an ex GF/BF/wife/husband/sex buddy/date/hobbit/gingerbreadman out of your life, walking away and NEVER looking back. This is something Corey Wayne keeps emphasising "Learn to WALK AWAY and NEVER LOOK BACK".

 

 

 

Now. Let's move on to the more nitty-gritty stuff shall we?

 

 

How do I get back with my ex?

 

 

You've got to follow Corey Wayne's "Principals of getting an ex back". You can watch the full video on his website, or simply type it in Google or YouTube (which I highly recommend), or you can sit back and read it here. It's your choice.

 

 

 

Let's take this scenario:

 

Adam gets dumped by his GF of X years/months.

 

She wants to be "just friends". You don't want to be friends with an ex, don't fool yourself

 

Adam tells her that he's "Not interested in being friends, because he's romantically interested in her"

 

Alex (the ex) refuses, she wants the break up to stand.

 

Adam tells her "Well it's a shame we have to part like this, but give me a text/call if you ever chance your mind. See you around" This is the BEST position to be in at this point. You've taken control from her.

 

 

 

This is when NC comes in ... REAL No Contact, not the phoney ****.

 

Basically what you've done here is what Corey Wayne says you should do "Walk away and never look back". You're in a far stronger position than that of someone who begged, pleaded and cried for their ex to rethink.

 

 

Moving on ...

 

 

 

If your ex has a FRACTION of interest/attraction left for you ... she'll likely start to think things like "Did I make the right decision" or "Have I lost him for ever?". She'll likely start to freak.

 

This can take days ... weeks ... or months. But usually if she hasn't reached out in the first 2 weeks to 4-5 months, possibly 6 ... it's done.

 

But if attraction still remains, she'll reach out in that period - pretty much guaranteed.

 

 

The penultimate stage is asking her out if she reaches out.

 

 

When an ex reaches out ... for WHATEVER reason ... assume she wants to see you. Get to the point (don't blabber pointlessly) and ask her "Hey, it's great to hear from you, I'd love to meet up. When are you free?".

 

 

 

Two scenarios here.

 

Either she says no OR Either she says yes and you make a date. See how simple it is?

 

 

If she says No, just say "That's alright. Just let me know if you change your mind in the next 2-3 weeks. Catch you later".

 

Either she'll say "OK fine" and you can set up and EVENING date ... or you'll go back to NC with her.

 

 

IF she says YES however you set up an EVENING date. So, according to Corey, an example of a date could be for her to bring a bottle of wine, some coffee or tea over to your place ... and you could make dinner together. MAKE SURE it's at YOUR place NOT hers ...

 

If she says "Oh please come to me" say "It's been a long week and I'm tired out. If you change your mind let me know in the next 2-3 weeks". She'll likely say "OK". If not go back NC.

 

In the words of Corey Wayne "As a man you need to provide and opportunity for fun and sex"

 

 

 

 

When you've done the first date DON'T contact her. DON'T even think about GF/BF labels at this moment. Settle with the sex and continue dating.

 

REMEMBER let her contact you 100% during this time. When she does say "It's nice to hear from you how about we do (insert fun thing that leads to sex)" and keep doing this until it's HER idea to make it official.

 

When she does ONLY contact her once a week to set up dates.

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer: I might of missed some things along the way ... I'm doing this by memory. If you want to make sure you've got the greatest chance of getting them back ... READ HIS ARTICLE NOW!

 

 

 

 

 

Final thoughts:

 

 

I came across Corey Wayne's video whilst desperately trying to fix a 1 month "relationship" last year. Although I now really how stupid I was back then, I totally disagreed with it all. I thought it was almost manipulation and bullying. But after watching maybe 30 to 40 videos and then 10 to 15 articles, I realised that his **** WORKS.

 

There are plenty of genuine success stories out there thanks to Corey.

 

He's very straight to the point, and doesn't beat around the bush like most of the Gurus, and even the people on this very site (no offence).

 

He's got a LOT of experience too and, like I said: it WORKS.

 

Thanks to him I've become a more confident male. I intend to read his 99 cents book 8 to 10 times over to get better with girls/women.

 

 

 

 

I hope you guys found this post entertaining and interesting. I'm not here to say "This is the truth, you have to follow it" I just think it's your best shot at getting an ex

 

 

GOOD LUCK!

Edited May 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SolidGoldTurd]

P.S ... All rights to this "method" lie with Coach Corey Wayne. In NO WAY am I trying to impersonate him, or steal his ideas ... I have NOTHING to do with this, I am only spreading his experienced word to people who need HIS help.

 

 

 

P.P.S.

 

I wouldn't mind myself speaking to people who want to try and get their ex back and maybe help them through the process, with their consent of course.

 

I'm not a "Coach" I'm not a "Guru" ... I just like hearing people's tales.

 

Thanks!

[OldRover]

Interesting.... thx for the post.

 

I've had two ex's come back and the approach to getting them back was totally different, but both had some of the principles you mention.

[Ruby65]

Misconception #2

 

 

More worryingly I've noticed people claim that: "If an ex wants you back, they'll let you know"

 

Come on guys, do you seriously think that a dumper is going to run the risk of being rejection by saying "Omg I made such a stupid mistake, please take me back"??

 

They are FAR more likely to shoot little initiation texts/calls/emails to test the water ... and it's YOUR deal to assume they like you and ask them out (more on that it a second)

 

 

Really -- you want to encourage Dumpees to respond to breadcrumbs now?

 

First of all, if you're doing No Contact properly, the Dumper has been BLOCKED -- so they won't be sending casual little texts/calls/emails at all.

The Dumper is now in a position of having to WORK to reach you.

 

So them pretending to be *casual* at first is off the table because they've had to figure their way around blocks to reach you at all. Much, much better position to be in than blindly hoping their lame "how's it going" text means they want to get back together!

 

Secondly, speaking as a dumper, I had NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER asking for my ex back after almost a year of complete No Contact.

 

I've also had a few dumpers reach out after long periods of NC -- one lasting for several years -- asking to reconcile with their initial contact.

 

If someone wants to be with you, they do what it takes to make it happen. I've seen it in my own life, the lives of my friends, and countless stories online.

 

As a Dumper, it's MUCH easier to ask for a second chance than it is to break up with someone -- especially someone who you know wanted to stay together. Breaking up is very very difficult by comparison.

 

If they can muster the strength to break up with you, they can do what it takes to reconcile. Your best course of action -- whatever happens -- is to work on accepting the breakup and moving on with your life. For real -- and that means blocking them, healing, dating others when you're ready, and walking away emotionally from an ex who's decided they don't want to be with you anymore.

 

Of course, nobody's going to make any money preaching this on YouTube...

 

[William]

Mod note: Do not post links to any commercial websites for dating coaches or dating websites. Tell people to Google for it if you must. Only post links to free information sources, preferably scholarly sources.

[Mrlonelyone]

I have seen Corey Wayne's videos and I agree with much of what he says. It aligns with what I have seen in real life in my own relationships and those of relatives.

 

 

You do go NC you do move on. You do cut off things like social media.

 

You do not change your phone number/email address.

 

Then you move on as if they will not come back. IF they do come back, doing what Corey says asking them to meet in person, makes it clear that you have romantic interest in them.

 

It is crucial that you not let an EX make you a purely platonic friend. Let them know that the only way they get you is in a romantic context or not at all.

[OldRover]

Misconception #2

 

 

More worryingly I've noticed people claim that: "If an ex wants you back, they'll let you know"

 

Come on guys, do you seriously think that a dumper is going to run the risk of being rejection by saying "Omg I made such a stupid mistake, please take me back"??

 

They are FAR more likely to shoot little initiation texts/calls/emails to test the water ... and it's YOUR deal to assume they like you and ask them out (more on that it a second)

 

 

Really -- you want to encourage Dumpees to respond to breadcrumbs now?

 

First of all, if you're doing No Contact properly, the Dumper has been BLOCKED -- so they won't be sending casual little texts/calls/emails at all.

The Dumper is now in a position of having to WORK to reach you.

 

So them pretending to be *casual* at first is off the table because they've had to figure their way around blocks to reach you at all. Much, much better position to be in than blindly hoping their lame "how's it going" text means they want to get back together!

 

Secondly, speaking as a dumper, I had NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER asking for my ex back after almost a year of complete No Contact.

 

I've also had a few dumpers reach out after long periods of NC -- one lasting for several years -- asking to reconcile with their initial contact.

 

If someone wants to be with you, they do what it takes to make it happen. I've seen it in my own life, the lives of my friends, and countless stories online.

 

As a Dumper, it's MUCH easier to ask for a second chance than it is to break up with someone -- especially someone who you know wanted to stay together. Breaking up is very very difficult by comparison.

 

If they can muster the strength to break up with you, they can do what it takes to reconcile. Your best course of action -- whatever happens -- is to work on accepting the breakup and moving on with your life. For real -- and that means blocking them, healing, dating others when you're ready, and walking away emotionally from an ex who's decided they don't want to be with you anymore.

 

Of course, nobody's going to make any money preaching this on YouTube...

 

 

A lot depends on the person and their traits. I've known dumpers and dumps that wanted the other back but would not make the move for whatever reason... usually because they didn't want the pain of failure.

 

I dumped a lady that after a short time wanted her back and it was totally NC, and it was very difficult, but did work. Took a lot of effort. Another time, I wanted the ex back and it wasn't hard at all. So, it really depends on the situation, people and reasons of the dump.

 

I've had a few after the dump that never got reconciled and neither contacted the other again.... ever. And they were relationships that could have worked just fine.

[SolidGoldTurd]

 

 

 

 

Really -- you want to encourage Dumpees to respond to breadcrumbs now?

 

First of all, if you're doing No Contact properly, the Dumper has been BLOCKED -- so they won't be sending casual little texts/calls/emails at all.

The Dumper is now in a position of having to WORK to reach you.

 

So them pretending to be *casual* at first is off the table because they've had to figure their way around blocks to reach you at all. Much, much better position to be in than blindly hoping their lame "how's it going" text means they want to get back together!

 

Secondly, speaking as a dumper, I had NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER asking for my ex back after almost a year of complete No Contact.

 

I've also had a few dumpers reach out after long periods of NC -- one lasting for several years -- asking to reconcile with their initial contact.

 

If someone wants to be with you, they do what it takes to make it happen. I've seen it in my own life, the lives of my friends, and countless stories online.

 

As a Dumper, it's MUCH easier to ask for a second chance than it is to break up with someone -- especially someone who you know wanted to stay together. Breaking up is very very difficult by comparison.

 

If they can muster the strength to break up with you, they can do what it takes to reconcile. Your best course of action -- whatever happens -- is to work on accepting the breakup and moving on with your life. For real -- and that means blocking them, healing, dating others when you're ready, and walking away emotionally from an ex who's decided they don't want to be with you anymore.

 

Of course, nobody's going to make any money preaching this on YouTube...

 

 

 

 

First of all, the action of blocking someone out of your life (ex, friend, family, work colleague, etc ...) is basically telling them "I'm done, I don't want to speak/see or hear from you again in my life.

 

I can vouch for that: my 2 previous exes blocked me from absolutely everything you can think of after just a few days. We've had no contact since.

 

I can also say that I tried contact them a couple of weeks after ... I got no response.

 

I'm doubting your story about someone coming back to reconcile after years and just saying "I want you back". There had to be something before, i.e a conversation initiation like a "hey how are you" for example.

 

NO WAY would they just say "I want you back".

 

Anyway ... I don't have to follow what you're saying. This is what I follow in life, you can follow whatever you want.

[SolidGoldTurd]

A lot depends on the person and their traits. I've known dumpers and dumps that wanted the other back but would not make the move for whatever reason... usually because they didn't want the pain of failure.

 

This.

 

So many dumpees Google such things as "how do I get an ex back who dumped me" and land desperate on sites like these full of bitter, self-entitled bigots who'll not only bully them and lack any compassion, but will tell them "If they want you they'll tell you".

 

I'm going to say 90% of the time it happens like you said, they'll reach out somehow and it's YOUR job to ASSUME they want to see you (i.e meet up).

 

It DOESN'T mean they want you back, I don't see why Ruby thinks I think they want me back, it MIGHT mean they want to meet up ... so just assume they do.

 

If you don't assume anything, you're going to go round in circles and over analyse **** so much.

 

A scenario like this would happen:

 

"Hey how you doing?"

 

"Yeah I'm OK, you?"

 

"I'm ok what you doing?"

 

"Not much, you?"

 

End.

 

I mean what the **** is that lol?

 

 

Or it could be

 

 

"Hey how you doing?"

 

 

"Oh hey it's great to hear from you, it'd really like to see you. When are you free?"

 

 

"OK, I've got time off next week on Wednesday"/"No sorry"

 

"How about Wednesday 8pm my place, bring a bottle of wine and we can have dinner"/ "That's a shame, contact me in 2-3 weeks if you change you mind. See you around".

 

 

 

Which one do you honestly think is easier? I think I know.

[SolidGoldTurd]

I have seen Corey Wayne's videos and I agree with much of what he says. It aligns with what I have seen in real life in my own relationships and those of relatives.

 

 

You do go NC you do move on. You do cut off things like social media.

 

You do not change your phone number/email address.

 

Then you move on as if they will not come back. IF they do come back, doing what Corey says asking them to meet in person, makes it clear that you have romantic interest in them.

 

It is crucial that you not let an EX make you a purely platonic friend. Let them know that the only way they get you is in a romantic context or not at all.

 

And, to add, you do NOT block them. That's effectively the last straw, it's telling your ex that you're done and don't want to hear from them.

 

If anyone blocked me, that's what I'd be thinking straight off the bat.

 

I agree that you shouldn't change your phone number and/or email too. A phone change symbolises you want to move on completely too. Both these are the likely lines of communication your will use when they reach out.

 

And finally I agree with you, it tells them that you want something romantic, not platonic ... if they're properly reaching out because they regret it all, they'll accept the date and you can proceed with the rest of the "plan".

 

 

That being said *anything* an ex sends to you should be taken as a "reaching out". Unless it's professional, something to do with the kids, or something like that, it's imperative you assume they want to see you.

 

I can't help but emphasise this, because if you don't, that door is shutting and they'll just assume you've moved on.

 

Attraction doesn't just die out after a break up ... it lingers. When you go No Contact your ex is bound to question themselves, and if that level of attraction is enough, they'll contact you/reach out.

[Simon Phoenix]

First of all, the action of blocking someone out of your life (ex, friend, family, work colleague, etc ...) is basically telling them "I'm done, I don't want to speak/see or hear from you again in my life.

 

I can vouch for that: my 2 previous exes blocked me from absolutely everything you can think of after just a few days. We've had no contact since.

 

I can also say that I tried contact them a couple of weeks after ... I got no response.

 

I'm doubting your story about someone coming back to reconcile after years and just saying "I want you back". There had to be something before, i.e a conversation initiation like a "hey how are you" for example.

 

NO WAY would they just say "I want you back".

 

Anyway ... I don't have to follow what you're saying. This is what I follow in life, you can follow whatever you want.

 

I've had someone come out of the blue after an extended No Contact telling me explicitly that they missed me and that they wanted me back. My now brother-in-law did that with my sister after nearly a year. My friend did that with his now wife after 6-7 months. Another friend of mine did that with a girl he broke up with after a few months. People like to poo-poo it on here like it doesn't exist, but it exists a lot -- at least in my life it's been the most common successful reconciliation step by far.

 

There are definitely people who would rather send out feelers first, but the vast majority of dumpers that send out feelers aren't interested in reconciliation, which is why dumpees that are still recovering aren't advised to gobble those breadcrumbs. Some dumpers reach out due to guilt, some miss the friendship aspect of their relationship with the dumpee, some are bored, some are just looking for a quick fix. What not answering does is flush out the dumper's true intentions. If it's for reconciliation, they'll be more fortright and persistent moving forward. If it's for one of the temporary fixes that I mention, they'll slink away or continue to be vague in their contact.

 

And I don't buy that a dumper who genuinely wants reconciliation will get scared of rejection and slink away at the first sign of resistance. First of all, this dumper wasn't scared of breaking the dumpee's heart (at least not enough to not do it), so they aren't going to be scared of a rejection that isn't nearly as cathartic. Secondly, a mature dumper (assuming that they weren't a forced dumper due to infidelity or other sorts of betrayal) realizes that they broke it, so they have to do the majority of the work (especially in the beginning) to fix it.

 

All this being said, if a dumpee is recovered and has no real emotional investment in getting back with the dumper, they can do what they want as far as answering. If there's no agenda and they are just talking to a person they used to know, then do what you feel you need to do. But when you're still recovering and raw, eating breadcrumbs can be a tragic faux pas.

Edited May 25, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[SolidGoldTurd]

People like to poo-poo it on here like it doesn't exist, but it exists a lot -- at least in my life it's been the most common successful reconciliation step by far.

 

Nah, I don't agree. On this site in particular 90% of the time people will say "If she wants you back, she'll let you know explicitly".

 

Maybe it's just the type of girls you deal with(?) They are assured and know what they want (which is often not the case with women, or at least younger women).

 

I reckon personality is a major factor in all this.

 

 

There are definitely people who would rather send out feelers first, but the vast majority of dumpers that send out feelers aren't interested in reconciliation.

 

I'm so surprised people still think like this lol ... You'll never know if it was "breadcrumbs" or not if you don't assume they want to see you and ask them out.

 

 

 

Anyway ... it's up to a dumpee what he or she ultimately does.

 

He can either do what Corey suggests and assume they want to meet ... OR they can ignore completely which, if the ex WAS reaching out, the ex will assume the dumper is done and won't contact again ... OR the dumpee responds and the conversation goes no where.

 

Dumpees are often left over-analysing with the "what ifs?" ... isn't it so much easier that they just *ASSUME* the ex wants to see them and get a 100% answer from that??

[darkbloom]

There is so much wrong with this post.

 

The biggest flaw of this argument is that there is NO work done to solve the issues that caused the breakup. The author is relying on sex to bring both parties back together. If sex could fix the issues then everyone here would still be together with their ex.

 

Also, in what world does it make sense for two people to start hooking up again with no title or boundaries set up? That IS a disaster waiting to happen. Heartache and deceit.

 

Honestly

[SolidGoldTurd]

There is so much wrong with this post.

 

The biggest flaw of this argument is that there is NO work done to solve the issues that caused the breakup. The author is relying on sex to bring both parties back together. If sex could fix the issues then everyone here would still be together with their ex.

 

Also, in what world does it make sense for two people to start hooking up again with no title or boundaries set up? That IS a disaster waiting to happen. Heartache and deceit.

 

Honestly

 

The topic of fixing the actual relationship will inevitably come up AFTER the couple has chosen to get back together.

 

Getting back together DOESN'T happen as soon as the dumper agrees to meet up. It happens further down the line when the DUMPER brings up the thought of getting back together.

 

That being said, being back to GF/GF should be at the back of the dumpees mind. It HAS to be the dumper's idea to do so.

 

I admit, this is all more for the male dumpees then the female dumpees.

 

 

" If sex could fix the issues then everyone here would still be together with their ex." no lol, because the thing that broke you up in the first place has, in most cases, not got anything to do with sex lol

 

You want a romantic relationship, not a platonic friendship ... so sex is going to be involved any way

[Simon Phoenix]

Nah, I don't agree. On this site in particular 90% of the time people will say "If she wants you back, she'll let you know explicitly".

 

Maybe it's just the type of girls you deal with(?) They are assured and know what they want (which is often not the case with women, or at least younger women).

 

I reckon personality is a major factor in all this.

 

I'm not sure what you disagree with. And it's been girls and guys and it's not just something that's happened to me -- been all sorts of people of different ages, genders and backgrounds.

 

I'm so surprised people still think like this lol ... You'll never know if it was "breadcrumbs" or not if you don't assume they want to see you and ask them out.

 

If they aren't breadcrumbs, the dumper will try again and be more direct. How serious could they possibly be if they gave up after one feeble feeler? Not very. Dumpers (at least mature ones) realize that a dumpee is going to be skeptical of their motives and realize that it's up to them to be clear about what they want. It's not the dumpee's job to hold the dumper's hand.

 

Anyway ... it's up to a dumpee what he or she ultimately does.

 

He can either do what Corey suggests and assume they want to meet ... OR they can ignore completely which, if the ex WAS reaching out, the ex will assume the dumper is done and won't contact again ... OR the dumpee responds and the conversation goes no where.

 

Dumpees are often left over-analysing with the "what ifs?" ... isn't it so much easier that they just *ASSUME* the ex wants to see them and get a 100% answer from that??

 

Easier? Not in my opinion. It can confuse the issue even more. What's easier is the dumper coming correct with their intentions, be it reconciliation or friendship.

 

An unrecovered dumpee answers and all of a sudden they're "what does this mean?" "what does that mean?" "does he/she want me back?" "mixed signals?!?" and websites like this get tons of clicks and become quite profitable. They might get a 100 percent answer but not want to acknowledge it or look for ways around it (if the answer is no reconciliation). Unfortunately, dumpees that are still in recovery don't know how to flush out the answer because emotions are clouding the logic. Contact more often makes the dumpee an overanalytical, emotional mess at this stage. If they are recovered, then they are better equipped to get a "100 percent answer" or even go with the flow and see where things lead. But "going with the flow" for dumpees that haven't recovered usually results in careening into a tree or flying into a ditch.

 

Ultimately you're right, it's up to the dumpee to do what he or she wants. That being said, the road you are advising is a dangerous one if embarked on without the adequate preparation IMO.

Edited May 25, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[darkbloom]

The topic of fixing the actual relationship will inevitably come up AFTER the couple has chosen to get back together.

 

Getting back together DOESN'T happen as soon as the dumper agrees to meet up. It happens further down the line when the DUMPER brings up the thought of getting back together.

 

That being said, being back to GF/GF should be at the back of the dumpees mind. It HAS to be the dumper's idea to do so.

 

I admit, this is all more for the male dumpees then the female dumpees.

 

 

" If sex could fix the issues then everyone here would still be together with their ex." no lol, because the thing that broke you up in the first place has, in most cases, not got anything to do with sex lol

 

You want a romantic relationship, not a platonic friendship ... so sex is going to be involved any way

 

of course the issues will come back up after you get back together. That's the problem. The issues need to come up BEFORE you decide to get back together to see if they can be solved. Sex just complicates and clouds the emotions of both parties involved.

 

I think you missed the authors point. He is trying to imply that when you start sleeping with your ex, they will magically get back together with you and all problems will be solved. This is flawed. Because to your point, the issues are rarely to do with sex.

[forumman83]

While I can't argue with some of the points made, I believe the overall context in which this advice is presented is dangerous for those in post-breakup recovery mode.

 

Advising people to lap up any "sign" of interest and act on it (when not emotionally healed) is incredibly dangerous.

 

 

The dumpee's emotions are running rampant and desperation fuels most of their thoughts and perceptions. Further, the dumpees confidence is shot. Now is NOT the time to be acting at all. Now is the time to heal, change, and grow, and fix any issues that led to the breakup (including becoming needy, possessive, and/or clinging for it is said "he who grasps lets slip).

 

Only when either of the following occurs:

 

a. dumper reaches out with a clear clear clear sign of wanting to reconcile (even this is dangerous if the dumpee is not healed and capable of deciphering signs or handling the emotions of a potential reconciliation)

b. dumpee is completely healed and indifferent to any perceived positive or negative outcome (we often fool ourselves into believing we are healed even when we're not).

 

 

should the dumpee respond to, or initiate, any contact with ex.

 

 

heal first or you're setting yourself up for massive failure.

Edited May 26, 2015 by forumman83

[OldRover]

Im not sure healing is necessary before getting back to the ex. Getting back can be the healing that is needed, if successful, however, no guaranteed.

 

Also, the dumper can be hurt and need healing just as much as the dumped. It's not exclusively one sided. I've been the dumper a few times and it was emotionally difficult. I've also reconciled with an ex, way before emotions ended and sometimes it worked very well, and sometimes it didn't.

[ZiggyZoo]

A dumper absolutely can reach out through NC with a letter and ask for a second chance without putting out any feelers first. My most recent.ex did that very thing a month or so ago.and I did TRUE NC, didn't leave any avenue of communication open to him. He told me that he figured he had nothing to lose, he already lost me. So there's at least one person out there who will lay it on the line and risk rejection for a second chance.

 

I agree that this method is dangerous for vulnerable dumpees. It puts the re-establishment of the relationship soley on the hands of the dumper, and I think that sort of imbalance isn't going to work out. I see this leading to a lot of dashed hopes and broken hearts when the dumpee learns that they were a Plan B or a FWB for the dumper. So you're not allowed to discuss the relationship, but it IS encouraged to have sex on the first "date"? Yeah, that doesn't say healthy reconcilation AT ALL.

 

As far as the dumper's feelers leading to mixed messages or not, take a look at the other posts on here. I'd say half of them at any given time are written about confusion about what a dumper really means. Assuming it's to get back together is a terrible idea. Much better to hold your head high and assure yourself that you deserve nothing less than an honest effort to truly reconcile.

[Mrlonelyone]

Your situation does not prove me wrong. They reached out with a letter. The kind of NC Ruby and others advocate would make even that impossible. (You can have the post office return all mail from a certain address to sender without you ever getting it. Most people just don't think of it.)

 

They want them to do what Lloyd Dobler did.

 

We learned from "How I Met Your Mother" with a really funny way of putting it it's the Dobler-Dahmer theory. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGyGEcEmQRg If your ex wrote you that letter and you had not been into it he could have gone to jail.

 

So you want the dumper to risk a restraining order, a charge of harassment, etc to get you back. :/ Really :\

[Simon Phoenix]

Your situation does not prove me wrong. They reached out with a letter. The kind of NC Ruby and others advocate would make even that impossible. (You can have the post office return all mail from a certain address to sender without you ever getting it. Most people just don't think of it.)

 

They want them to do what Lloyd Dobler did.

 

We learned from "How I Met Your Mother" with a really funny way of putting it it's the Dobler-Dahmer theory. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGyGEcEmQRg If your ex wrote you that letter and you had not been into it he could have gone to jail.

 

So you want the dumper to risk a restraining order, a charge of harassment, etc to get you back. :/ Really :\

 

Quit being overdramatic. If they haven't contacted you in six months or whatever then subvert a block to contact you, they aren't going to risk a harassment charge. No rational person is going to threaten that. They might not like it, but they aren't going to be taking the dumper to court or get the law involved (assuming the dumper wasn't an abuser beforehand). You keep typing this over and over and it's just an incredibly absurd point. Stop making up doomsday unrealistic scenarios to make this point.

Edited May 30, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[OldRover]

A dumper absolutely can reach out through NC with a letter and ask for a second chance without putting out any feelers first. My most recent.ex did that very thing a month or so ago.and I did TRUE NC, didn't leave any avenue of communication open to him. He told me that he figured he had nothing to lose, he already lost me. So there's at least one person out there who will lay it on the line and risk rejection for a second chance.

 

I agree that this method is dangerous for vulnerable dumpees. It puts the re-establishment of the relationship soley on the hands of the dumper, and I think that sort of imbalance isn't going to work out. I see this leading to a lot of dashed hopes and broken hearts when the dumpee learns that they were a Plan B or a FWB for the dumper. So you're not allowed to discuss the relationship, but it IS encouraged to have sex on the first "date"? Yeah, that doesn't say healthy reconcilation AT ALL.

 

As far as the dumper's feelers leading to mixed messages or not, take a look at the other posts on here. I'd say half of them at any given time are written about confusion about what a dumper really means. Assuming it's to get back together is a terrible idea. Much better to hold your head high and assure yourself that you deserve nothing less than an honest effort to truly reconcile.

 

You're talking about the dumper making the contact to get back..... I don't see it dangerous and reconciliation is in the hands of BOTH, as they will both have to agree. I'd suspect that with the dumper making the move, and has a reasonable explanation of why they did the dumping, the chance of getting back together would be very good.

 

Also, an honest effort should be made, but some are a bit timid and elect to just give a positive message, however, if followed up on by the dumpee, that's probably a pretty good signal to precede with getting back together.

[Kevin_D]

I actually watched a couple of his videos by mistake the other day, but I had to stop watching because I wanted to punch that smug smile off his face so badly.

[Simon Phoenix]

Quit being overdramatic. If they haven't contacted you in six months or whatever then subvert a block to contact you, they aren't going to risk a harassment charge. No rational person is going to threaten that. They might not like it, but they aren't going to be taking the dumper to court or get the law involved (assuming the dumper wasn't an abuser beforehand). You keep typing this over and over and it's just an incredibly absurd point. Stop making up doomsday unrealistic scenarios to make this point.

 

And my copy-editing is sh*t. Let's try that second sentence again.

 

If they haven't contacted you in six months or whatever then subvert a block to contact you, they aren't going to get a harassment charge against them. No rational dumpee would threaten that.

[SolidGoldTurd]

I actually watched a couple of his videos by mistake the other day, but I had to stop watching because I wanted to punch that smug smile off his face so badly.

 

Settle down key board warrior

 

Corey definitely has more success than you in life (not just women)