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JustAGirl

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WELL i finally did it

 

i mean i was too chicken to do it myself but i provoked him to do it

 

yep, it's all over...

 

and i know it's for the best, for both of us, but that didnt stop me from crying for the past 4 hrs...

 

I'm rlly afraid of seeing him again b/c i'm afraid to show i'm upset. i want it to become a simple hi-bye thing, so that it isnt uncomfortable...

 

what i did was basically be cold w/ him and show that i wdnt care much if he wasnt there... he finally realized today where all this is leading and sent me an e-mail saying he shd get away from me, that i dont love him, that all he can do is be sad for a while until he completely forgets me.

 

so the 'staying friends' deal is definitely off.

 

i'm planning to act normal, as i do w/ any acuintance(SP!)

 

i hope it's the right thing to do...........

 

when i read his e-mail i was really relieved but started crying immediately

 

i'm so afraid he'll come back asking to get back together, cuz it'll take ALL my strength to say no...

 

I know i'm just used to him, it will be hard to change some routines that relied on him... but i'm also very happy to move on...

 

i am not really asking a question; it mostly feels good to just type this out...

 

this saturday was supposed to be the anniversary of the day when we started spending a lot of time together... (out first LONG conversation) ...

 

I'm trying to stay cool. I'm going out dancing tomorrow, if i can. if not - i'll just study.

 

I know this is just a period, i have to go thru this b4 i move on, and its good, cuz i am curious about lots of guys & all...

 

but i know this experience will scare me off from making my life so connected to someone else's ... i'm an idiot to have done it at my age (18) ... i learned though... i know better...

 

it just hurts too much to remember our dates, the names he made up for me, etc...

 

also - i'm not sure what to do with his gifts - i dont want to throw them out, or give them back- should i just let them be all over the house?

 

(this was a 9 months relationship so lots has accumulated)

 

What if he does wanna stay friends? i dont think i want that... it's only gonna hurt me more... we're just not meant to be, i wish i realized it earlier... but i'm young... and silly.. and emotional...

 

sorry for making this so long

 

but it made me stop crying right now =)

 

i wonder how long it's gonna take me to get rid of this empty feeling inside... a week? amonth? i hope not more than that......... it's just hard cuz it's my first real break-up... HURTS... ARRRG!!

 

i'll go sleep now.

 

thanks to anyone who reads this.

 

- just a girl =)

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Break ups aren't fun. They can ruin your whole day. I've been through a few of them.

 

Be kind and patient with yourself. Don't think about how it might have worked if this or that would have happened. You tried and it didn't work and that's really all that matters at this point.

 

Healing takes time. Spend time with friends, do special things for yourself. You'll have good days and bad days. But after a week or so, each day will get better.

 

Talk about your feelings with close and supportive friends...but don't burn their ears off repeating stuff. You get through this soon enough.

 

And don't even think about another relationship until most of the pain is behind you.

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