Reaching out for some light

[ASV]

... and by no means do I mean reaching out to HER.

 

Just wanted to compose ANOTHER thread on my miserable love story and its demise to try to shed some light for those who felt unable of moving on.

 

I've BEEN THAT ONE.

 

Gotta admit, I may be cheating. I'm taking a whole load of meds. They may be finally working to me. But believe me, even after having some of my most miserable sex life in months I feel like I'm at one of my strongest points ever.

 

If you feel hurt for your BU, please do yourself a favor and browse my older topics and reread this.

 

Remain NC. Don't eat breadcrumbs. Digest that, would s/he have been so awesome, s/he would have reached out or will do in a future.

 

Work on yourself, become your best friend. I cannot stress that last sentence enough, and I must be thankful to KBarletta for uttering that one in one of my first threads. Keep yourself busy with things you could like, even if you don't at the moment.

 

To be honest, deep in my gut I know some strange intoxication may have been taking place inside of me, for I feel so weird as I'm encouraging people to feel happiness or, in any case, to be content with their desperate scenarios. But I'm also starting to think that, as the drug it actually is, a failed relationship gets its poisonous chemicals evaporated sooner or later.

 

On the other hand, I must admit there's no single day I don't think of my ex. And sometimes I wonder if she's really feeling down at all for all this mess. At least once a week or a month. Still I'm fooling myself at reading posts on reconciliations that happened over the years, and I want to think that she will eventually revisit her experience and try to reach out to me for a second chance.

 

But, believe me, if that actually happens she won't ever need to dump me at all because I'm beginning to feel much more like THE sh*t rather than full of sh*t. And maybe she was right when she did bid me farewell before my request of remaining NC until the moment of an hypothetical reconciliation arrived: "maybe then you won't want to get me back". I do want her, but I really hope a possible reconciliation happens in some long time of self-reflection, for I won't take back a futile relationship doomed from the start anymore. See? That's where the real change seems to have been taking place.

 

Thanks for reading and hope this can be of help to someone. KBarletta, Ruby, Dyna, Jon, DannyCA, Firefly and the rest of people that has been interested in my case, this goes for you as well.

Edited May 25, 2015 by Van Norden

[ASV]

Hah, it hurts to re-read this thread. I'm exactly at day one again with no further updates. 6 months have passed since BU and not a single breadcrumb. It seems too clear how useless I was to her and how weird would it be that she reached out again at any point. I'm definitely better off dead.

[NopeNah]

Make it your goal to get laid this weekend! You're depressing me!!!

[Satu]

Life is never, ever, about just one person.

 

 

Be active – you don't have to go to the gym. Take a walk, go cycling or play a game of football. Find the activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your life.

 

Keep learning – learning new skills can give you a sense of achievement and a new confidence. So why not sign up for that cooking course, start learning to play a musical instrument, or figure out how to fix your bike?

 

Give to others – even the smallest act can count, whether it's a smile, a thank you or a kind word. Larger acts, such as volunteering at your local community centre, can improve your mental wellbeing and help you build new social networks.

 

Be mindful – be more aware of the present moment, including your feelings and thoughts, your body and the world around you. Some people call this awareness "mindfulness", and it can positively change the way you feel about life and how you approach challenges.

 

Source here.

[15Love]

I'm sorry you had a bad day. I did too. Broke nc and got nothing. Square one again. Just know you're not alone. Just keep going.

[darkbloom]

I'm 6 months NC and not a single breadcrumb. I knew it was over for good though. The happiness comes when you realize that you won't ever have to feel heartbroken over this person again. You've been through the worst parts of it and now it's just a dull ache. Time to experience someone new.

[FancyFace]

I am 7 months post BU (and 7 months NC).

 

Not. A. Single. Breadcrumb.

 

It hurt a lot in the beginning but now I realise that I cant be using that as a barometer of my ex's feelings towards me (post and pre breakup) or as some measure of validation as to my worth as a partner or person in general. The only person who can determine your sense of self worth and self love is yourself. In this lifes journey, so many people will come and go in and out of our lives for various reasons (death, breakup, distance etc.) so you need to put yourself (and God if you are spiritual) at the center, everything else just flows after that.

 

Also remember, never take anything that anyone else does personally. It is alwas a reflection on them and not you. It's never about you.

 

Keep your head up and keep on moving through the pain. There is peace and happiness on the other side.

[ASV]

Keep your head up and keep on moving through the pain. There is peace and happiness on the other side.

 

I don't think so. I still dread encounteering her again in concerts or social events as I did some months ago. It's like I'm not prepared nor I won't be. And believe me the only moments in which I feel relief is when I read happy ending stories with exes that have repented their decision and came back AFTER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME, since the short one has already passed. Still I hold her in the pedestal and it will take a lot more than just "getting laid" to get her back to the floor.

 

By the way Satu, I'm following your advice. I've even paid for a course I'll take soon. I'm learning new instruments. But I still feel unworthy of her or of any other similarly gorgeous and charming woman.

[Satu]

*Still I hold her in the pedestal and it will take a lot more than just "getting laid" to get her back to the floor.

 

By the way Satu, I'm following your advice. I've even paid for a course I'll take soon. I'm learning new instruments. But I still feel unworthy of her or of any other similarly gorgeous and charming woman.

 

*The truth is that she is a completely ordinary person, just as I am, just as you are.

 

I suspect that you are projecting the love you can't feel for yourself onto her.

 

The disparity between your feelings for yourself and your feelings for her is remarkable.

 

Rather than counselling, I think you might do well in psychoanalysis of the Kleinian type.

 

Projective identification.

 

Take care.

[ASV]

*The truth is that she is a completely ordinary person, just as I am, just as you are.

 

I suspect that you are projecting the love you can't feel for yourself onto her.

 

The disparity between your feelings for yourself and your feelings for her is remarkable.

 

Rather than counselling, I think you might do well in psychoanalysis of the Kleinian type.

 

Projective identification.

 

Take care.

As I've said on other threads, maybe I'm guilty for some self-pity I tend to use in a semi-humorous way. Thing is that I like myself as I am, buf I've been unable to find anyone but her to accept me being that way. And it didn't last too long.

 

I know I've joked too on the size of her breasts, on how gorgeous she looks to me and how their looks are irreplaceable. But that's, again, just the tip. Still I think she had something I haven't found anywhere else.

 

Thanks for the resource - I'll take a look once I'm at home.