mysterywoman Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I Had an EA turned PA about a year and a half ago and it ended when my husband found me texting MM on my phone. He actually found his number from a bill and called him, telling him to stay away and threatening him if he didn't stay away from me basically. I denied it all to husband but too much evidence was found. There is a lot more to the story but basically, I fell 'in love' with this man never had such a strong connection to a man before. He was the only man I have been with besides my husband for over 25 years. I reached out to him and we emailed/texted but he basically ends it again and tells me I should move on and find someone else. So sad.... Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Read this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 Yes thank you I read that and believe that is probably what it started off as. I think its changed because we have been off and on communicating since May 2013.. Funny are you from Scotland? He is from Scotland...living and working in the US. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) No more affairs. If your M isn't working for you, divorce. Be glad you live in a place that allows a woman to divorce a man, because it sounds like your husband would prevent it. Edited January 12, 2015 by Popsicle 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 I've been in NC for about a month. Hardest thing I've ever done. Still he is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think about before bed. I reached out twice but heard nothing just felt bad after and wished I hadn't. Tomorrow is his birthday and I will not wish him a Happy Birthday. I really want to be with him again, I care about him and miss the affair so much still... Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 1 month isn't long enough, and if you reached out and he didn't respond than that seems to be your answer. I'm sorry I know it hurts like hell but it's for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 What do you mean one month isn't long enough? He told me to move on and try to forget him. Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 What do you mean one month isn't long enough? He told me to move on and try to forget him. I would guess the poster means that one month is not enough for you to be out of the pain you're in right now. It is so tough - I don't know your back story - but any kind of break up when you are emotionally invested and still have the "what ifs" about how it all could have been different, is dreadfully painful. Hang in there - if he's not responded to your previous reach outs then don't reach out again - as hard as that is. You will just end up feeling more rejected. I'm sorry you're in pain. I get it. Hugs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 What do you mean one month isn't long enough? He told me to move on and try to forget him. He has ignored your recent texts, he ended it, told you to move on and forget him. I know you miss him and want the A back, but that isn't going to happen. Get mad!!!! You're wasting tears on someone who isn't even crying over you or thinking of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 The back story is my husband found his cell number(checked my phone records) and called him threatening him basically. There is so much more to the story. I had an EA followed by a PA and got caught. Both of us married with fairly young children. Link to post Share on other sites
inappfriendly Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 MysteryWoman, I feel you. Similar backstory as you. Both married with young kids. After a *****storm of a DDay, he eventually told me the same thing. To move on. Stupidly I held out hope for far too long and TWO years later, I still don't feel like I am completely over it all. It's still early on for you (although I know what an eternity one month feels like!) Make the choice now to take his words to heart and move forward with your life without him. It's gonna hurt, I'm not gonna lie! But trust me when I tell you from personal experience that you DO NOT want to be where I am now. It's pathetic! Your kids and H deserve a woman who is ALL IN. Take this as an opportunity to figure out what and who you truly love and value in real life, as well as who truly loves and values YOU. Wishing you all the best 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Mysterywoman, how are you today? I hope you're feeling strong enough NOT to text happy birthday. No more excuses! The guy is scared and wisely so. You should be too! Your H confronted him directly. How would your H feel if he knew you reached out to your MM again. Don't force your AP into a corner where he feels like he has to tell your H you've been contacting him. Please remember one month is "early days." The end of an A can take many months, even a year or more to process and to accept. Remember you didn't lose anything valuable, only something enjoyable. Though it may seem to last forever, your heartbreak is a temporary state. It will pass but not without a lot of pain and self-doubt. That is normal. You can't get around it, so plow through it. Are you in counseling? Perhaps you should consider it to better understand your motivations for having an A and for attempting to prolong it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 I was stuck in a pathetic place contacting him off and in my Dday was June 2013! It has been a long road and I had do much more in common woth him the chemistry was off the charts. It wasn't just that it was the daily communication with him. Sad thing is he suggested I go to counseling too... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Sorry for the typos in that last email, rushed bècause I'm at work. I honestly wish I met him 25 years ago.i feel torn between my husband and him for different reasons..!! The sex was amazing him him. He is a far better lover than my husband. But it wasn't just the sex..I have a string connection to him so hard..!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 That would be a "strong" connection. Can't explain it so many things about him.. Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Do not contact him today. Just make it until tomorrow. You'll feel a sense of victory Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 I never admitted anything to my husband. He is still suspicuous of me anywhere I go. I swore to my lover I would take the secret to the grace. This is really really hard!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Do not contact him today. Just make it until tomorrow. You'll feel a sense of victory I did not contact him on his birthday-feel victorious!! At least for now, LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 The back story is my husband found his cell number(checked my phone records) and called him threatening him basically. There is so much more to the story. I had an EA followed by a PA and got caught. Both of us married with fairly young children. It sounds like your AP woke up a "sleeping giant" in you and made you feel wanted and special which spilled over to great sex. If you don't feel that connection with your DH why don't you let him know. Maybe it is your AP that you really want to be with. Either way, you will feel better about yourself if you lived your life with integrity and honor. After a while that sneaking and lying will destroy your self worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 He blocked me on the dating site for married people -because I was spying in him to see of he would talk to me-after he broke it off when my husband called him. If anything I'm the one who is worried about saving my marriage not him. His wife knows nothing...!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 It sounds like your AP woke up a "sleeping giant" in you and made you feel wanted and special which spilled over to great sex. If you don't feel that connection with your DH why don't you let him know. Maybe it is your AP that you really want to be with. Either way, you will feel better about yourself if you lived your life with integrity and honor. After a while that sneaking and lying will destroy your self worth. Let him know what? That I don't feel the connection with him? I don't . Even when he was his best he was never as good as my lover. That's another thing I have to live with. Guess I just have to live with the good memories of what good sex/making love can be. It was never just sex with him it was so much more. He doesn't want to get out of his marriage. I don't either really but I miss him and what we had, I miss being close emotionally and physically with him. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Let him know what? That I don't feel the connection with him? I don't . Even when he was his best he was never as good as my lover. That's another thing I have to live with. Guess I just have to live with the good memories of what good sex/making love can be. It was never just sex with him it was so much more. He doesn't want to get out of his marriage. I don't either really but I miss him and what we had, I miss being close emotionally and physically with him. I get it. You fear you'll never experience that again. In your shoes, I'd D and find that type of love and passion with someone who I felt capable of feeling that for/with. Link to post Share on other sites
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