ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz These are some good suggestions. I guess I can tend to let things go too far sexually at too early of a time. I do wait at least a month in most cases however, after dating steadily. Even then, they will eventually call me a fwb after it happens. It really hurts me deep inside I don't mean to get too emotional here but it does. I guess i could try waiting at least 3 months instead but then I always worry they will just go get it somewhere else Then the answer to that is: "Good Riddance..." This is why waiting longer is a GREAT suggestion in this case. If they'll say "see ya" that quickly, they were never really interested in a lasting relationship. So nothing gained is nothing lost, right? or..they a lot of times know about my past so it would seem weird for me to hold out THAT long. I am extremely honest about my past so maybe that is what is hurting me. Not to give too much information but I have slept with 26 people and a few of them were other women. Do you think that once I am honest with this information that the men will then not see me as a girlfriend prospect? Should I lie about this? I won't ever reveal that information unless they ask but when they do i feel I should be honest with them. Is this a mistake? i want them to know that I am not that person anymore and sleeping around does nothing for me. i feel like i always be branded with the stigma. As long as you sleep with them soon, as long as you talk about how many sex partners you've had, you're going to be labeled.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 But what do I do when they ask me outright? Should I just refuse to answer? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 You don't have to bring up how many people you've slept with. However, if you feel you must, then divide 26 by 5 and round to the nearest number. That'll make you look more respectable. Why do I feel that your life is an open book? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz But what do I do when they ask me outright? Should I just refuse to answer? You realize all this could be avoided with a simple lifestyle change, right? Stop sleeping with people so quickly. By default that would slow down the sex partners. To answer your question, I'd avoid the subject or just try not to be specific. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Do not use a decimal, even if you're on your period. Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz These are some good suggestions. I guess I can tend to let things go too far sexually at too early of a time. I do wait at least a month in most cases however, after dating steadily. Even then, they will eventually call me a fwb after it happens. It really hurts me deep inside I don't mean to get too emotional here but it does. I guess i could try waiting at least 3 months instead but then I always worry they will just go get it somewhere else or..they a lot of times know about my past so it would seem weird for me to hold out THAT long. I am extremely honest about my past so maybe that is what is hurting me. Not to give too much information but I have slept with 26 people and a few of them were other women. Do you think that once I am honest with this information that the men will then not see me as a girlfriend prospect? Should I lie about this? I won't ever reveal that information unless they ask but when they do i feel I should be honest with them. Is this a mistake? i want them to know that I am not that person anymore and sleeping around does nothing for me. i feel like i always be branded with the stigma. They don't need to know about your past partners, at least not early on. That'll give them the wrong idea. Maybe if you explain to them somewhat early on that you've decided to make a change, want to take it slow, and be friends/companions before having sex. The good guys will understand this and will be happy to wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 what do you mean westernxer? most of my past accumulated in high school not as of recent. I went through a very rebellious stage that I now regret and that now haunts me. It is not the person i am now and i feel i will never be able to convey that to people. should I just give up? Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Do not use a decimal, even if you're on your period. 4.2 ex BF's? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 and I do think I wait a while before having sex. i always date the person for a while first. I was even great friends/companions with this one particular guy and didn't have sex with him until 6 months later. I really thought I loved him and thought his intentions were true. but even after 6 months of dating he called me a fwb after that. this hurts me terribly. Maybe I just do not deserve a meaningful relationship because of my stupid high school decisions. i feel like i might as well just forget it altogether because no one will respect me now and maybe i shouldn't blame them either because i did this all to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz and I do think I wait a while before having sex. i always date the person for a while first. I was even great friends/companions with this one particular guy and didn't have sex with him until 6 months later. I really thought I loved him and thought his intentions were true. but even after 6 months of dating he called me a fwb after that. this hurts me terribly. Maybe I just do not deserve a meaningful relationship because of my stupid high school decisions. i feel like i might as well just forget it altogether because no one will respect me now and maybe i shouldn't blame them either because i did this all to myself. Just a guess but I think your relationship problems have nothing to do with your looks. It's definitely your sense of self worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 please help me all of you! i am crying right now i feel like i am the most worthless person on the face of the earth right now. Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz and I do think I wait a while before having sex. i always date the person for a while first. I was even great friends/companions with this one particular guy and didn't have sex with him until 6 months later. I really thought I loved him and thought his intentions were true. but even after 6 months of dating he called me a fwb after that. this hurts me terribly. Maybe I just do not deserve a meaningful relationship because of my stupid high school decisions. i feel like i might as well just forget it altogether because no one will respect me now and maybe i shouldn't blame them either because i did this all to myself. hmmm.... Maybe sit them down and make them explain their intentions before hand. Ask them, what they think your future together will be, what their plans are as far as wanting a long term relationship, etc. I don't get why these guys keep calling you a FWB, in anything a FWB relationship would be pre-arranged, wouldn't involve dates, etc. If I ever called a girl my FWB, I'd expect a punch in the mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 I think you lack respect for yourself. That's the biggest obstacle you face. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 i wrote that before I saw your reply confusedinoc. so maybe you are on to something. I don't think guys can sense this though. I am being very honest and open on here but this is not how i am in real life. I always try to look like I am a confident person. Even after I get rejected or told that I am a fwb I still keep my cool and never let them see me upset or crying. I wait until I am alone to let out the sadness i feel. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz please help me all of you! i am crying right now i feel like i am the most worthless person on the face of the earth right now. You are not worthless, you just think you are. You need to value who you are as a person before anyone else will. If you want some inspiration, read "The Purpose Driven Life." You don't need men or sex to prop up your sense of self worth, you need to instill that in your mind first before you'll find happiness. Read the book. Link to post Share on other sites
april Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Ah, and all along I thought it was because most men usually don't choose women with exagerated, fake boobs as girlfriends. But ConfusedInOC - you are right! Originally posted by ConfusedInOC The problem may have nothing to do with her appearance. Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz please help me all of you! i am crying right now i feel like i am the most worthless person on the face of the earth right now. Your not worthless, your beautiful, and you sounds very sweet, nice, and sincere. IT"S NOT YOUR FAULT! If these guys can't see the real you, they are idiots. Stay positive. If guys won't put in the time, energy, and $$, that it takes to win your heart, kick them to the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 bigb i am afraid that if i sat them down and asked them those questions that i would surely scare someone off! I can't exactly do that in the beginning of dating someone without making them run from me and think I was psycho or something! well in my cases it has not been pre-arranged. It will go something like this: go out on dates with him hang out with him date for a while have sex THEN i get the question "hey so are we fwb?" OR they will then only call me when they want sex and will carry on with other women. I define this a "eff buddy" also just not said outright. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by april Ah, and all along I thought it was because most men usually don't choose women with exagerated, fake boobs as girlfriends. Speaking of women with fake boobs, have you noticed the ratio of guys to girls in this thread? Just food for thought... Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz i wrote that before I saw your reply confusedinoc. so maybe you are on to something. I don't think guys can sense this though. I am being very honest and open on here but this is not how i am in real life. I always try to look like I am a confident person. Even after I get rejected or told that I am a fwb I still keep my cool and never let them see me upset or crying. I wait until I am alone to let out the sadness i feel. Next time a guy says something like that call him on it, right then and there. Stand up for yourself, tell them that it won't be tolerated, and make them earn your respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 confusedinoc I have read the book, i even suggested it to another person on here. I still want a relationship so badly and i know i shouldn't look at men as my source of happiness but I do feel like my life is unfulfilled if i do not find my true love and a man to spend the rest of my life with and have a family. I'm scared i will never attain that. Link to post Share on other sites
Natural9 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 You would make a good poker player in the lower limit games. Link to post Share on other sites
Auz Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Whats important is who you are now, not who you were. If your guy does not appreciate who you are now, then is he really worth being with? The way I see it, you at least have the guts to look back and appreciate your mistakes and wrong decisions for what they were. If he cant, then tell him to take a hike. If you can forgive yourself for those, then the guy for you should be just as willing to forgive - and yes there are guys like that out there. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz i wrote that before I saw your reply confusedinoc. so maybe you are on to something. I don't think guys can sense this though. I am being very honest and open on here but this is not how i am in real life. I always try to look like I am a confident person. Even after I get rejected or told that I am a fwb I still keep my cool and never let them see me upset or crying. I wait until I am alone to let out the sadness i feel. You are clingy when you meet a guy you like? Do you call them a lot? Email/IM them a lot? A lot about your sense of self worth is not necessarily by what you say but by how you act. Trust me, I know. I so overcompensated for my Ex's lack of interest in our relationship that my self worth plummeted. I probably could have kept her if I hadn't over-compensated and felt like I wasn't worth much. You may be giving the subtle sings that show you feel you aren't worth much. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz confusedinoc I have read the book, i even suggested it to another person on here. I still want a relationship so badly and i know i shouldn't look at men as my source of happiness but I do feel like my life is unfulfilled if i do not find my true love and a man to spend the rest of my life with and have a family. I'm scared i will never attain that. Then you further cement my theory you don't think much of yourself. Here's some good advice: "No one else will love you if you don't love yourself." You must be confident in who you are and your self worth before anyone you are interested in will. Link to post Share on other sites
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