BigB Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz bigb i am afraid that if i sat them down and asked them those questions that i would surely scare someone off! I can't exactly do that in the beginning of dating someone without making them run from me and think I was psycho or something! well in my cases it has not been pre-arranged. It will go something like this: go out on dates with him hang out with him date for a while have sex THEN i get the question "hey so are we fwb?" OR they will then only call me when they want sex and will carry on with other women. I define this a "eff buddy" also just not said outright. IMO, between "date for a while" and "have sex" there should be "discuss our relationship" things like: what are you looking for? are you dating anyone else right now? etc. again IMO, if that conversation is uncomfortable, it's too soon to have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 natural9 what does that mean? confusedinoc, i don't think I am clingy at all. I only return calls after the guy calls me. I don't pressure them. I don't use im at al. the only problem I have is drunk dialing sometimes so i try to not do that because then i can ring someone's phone off the hook and make myself look stupid lol. alcohol = bad. lol. maybe i am sending off vibes of low self-esteem, i'm not sure. I'm not sure how i can know? i do know that i don't pressure men with lots of phone calls. I really am clueless as to what I'm doing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Speaking of women with fake boobs, have you noticed the ratio of guys to girls in this thread? Just food for thought... I noticed that too I figured most of the regular girls are in in bed by now... We could use a girls opinion here. RecordProducer? Merin? care to chime in? Maybe in the AM. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Angel, I think you're trippin' for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 i really don't see how I can feel much self worth when no body wants a relationship with me! How can i really get self-worth back when it is so low right now? How does anyone feel completely happy with their self with no signifcant other to share their life with? I'm sorry but I just do not see myself as a happy and fulfilled person without that and the longer i go without it the worse i feel...can any of you honestly say you are happy with your life right now although you are alone? I just don't see how I could. and how could i? I am seeing all of my best friends marry off and start having children and I can't find a boyfriend whatsoever. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't experienced what a real relationship is like but now that i have had a taste of how wonderful it is I feel even worse for not being able to attain that again. Link to post Share on other sites
Natural9 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz natural9 what does that mean? You keep check raising and everyone keeps calling but no one will put you all in and trap you. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz ...can any of you honestly say you are happy with your life right now although you are alone? It's not so bad from my point of view. Not bad at all. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz i really don't see how I can feel much self worth when no body wants a relationship with me! How can i really get self-worth back when it is so low right now? How does anyone feel completely happy with their self with no signifcant other to share their life with? I'm sorry but I just do not see myself as a happy and fulfilled person without that and the longer i go without it the worse i feel...can any of you honestly say you are happy with your life right now although you are alone? I just don't see how I could. and how could i? I am seeing all of my best friends marry off and start having children and I can't find a boyfriend whatsoever. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't experienced what a real relationship is like but now that i have had a taste of how wonderful it is I feel even worse for not being able to attain that again. But having or not having a man shouldn't define you. I'm single and happy right now. You should feel self worth because you are a kind, goodhearted person. You will find a boyfriend. But you shouldn't make it your life goal right now. You need to focuz on your self too. You self worth & self respect above all.. Once you have that, it'll all fall into place. Don't worry.. you're not gonna like die alone Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz i really don't see how I can feel much self worth when no body wants a relationship with me! It's a self-perpetuating problem. One you will never get out of until you value yourself first. How can i really get self-worth back when it is so low right now? How does anyone feel completely happy with their self with no signifcant other to share their life with? Because your sense of self worth seems to be based on what others think of you instead of what you think of yourself. Until you make a concious effort to change that way of thinking you will always be in this rut. If you want to change and are serious about it, learn to say to yourself "I am worth this guy's time and if he doesn't want to call me, it's his loss", etc. I'm sorry but I just do not see myself as a happy and fulfilled person without that and the longer i go without it the worse i feel...can any of you honestly say you are happy with your life right now although you are alone? I can. Each day that goes by without talking to my Ex my "powers" return. I find myself valuing who I am. I have a GREAT life. Great business, fun hobbies, etc. While I am down about my Ex, I know what I did - which is what you're doing now. I gave my Ex all the power. I'm taking it back now. I just don't see how I could. and how could i? I am seeing all of my best friends marry off and start having children and I can't find a boyfriend whatsoever. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't experienced what a real relationship is like but now that i have had a taste of how wonderful it is I feel even worse for not being able to attain that again. Again, your sense of self worth is based on what others think of you not what you think of yourself. The ONLY way to fix that is an attitude adjustment. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz i really don't see how I can feel much self worth when no body wants a relationship with me! How can i really get self-worth back when it is so low right now? How does anyone feel completely happy with their self with no signifcant other to share their life with? I'm sorry but I just do not see myself as a happy and fulfilled person without that and the longer i go without it the worse i feel...can any of you honestly say you are happy with your life right now although you are alone? I just don't see how I could. and how could i? I am seeing all of my best friends marry off and start having children and I can't find a boyfriend whatsoever. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't experienced what a real relationship is like but now that i have had a taste of how wonderful it is I feel even worse for not being able to attain that again. I've managed to make a pretty happy life for myself being single for that last 7 years. Took me a few years, and at times it sucks being alone. Sometimes I feel just like you do now, that a SO is the only thing that'll make me happy..(usually when I'm drunk) but I work through it, keep myself busy, and try to stay positive. I know the right girl for me is out there, and I just hope I'll run into her soon... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 I guess I am worrying too much but I am feeling so disheartened and burned out on getting my heart broken time and time again. Maybe some people are meant to be alone and I am one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 All of you have such great outlooks on being single! I wish I could be more like that. I think the pressure is on me so much right now. I have been to 3 of my friends weddings in the past year alone. It just gets to me sometimes. But I really like everyones attitude on here and I will try to be more like all of you. it's just so hard. I don't know exactly how to make this attitude adjustment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 i also guess that I should add that i have endometriosis. Not sure if you guys know what that is but it has been suggested to me by my doctor that if I wait too long to have children then odds are I will never be able to have them. My time is limited on having children because of the endometriosis. So my problem is not so simple to solve with that regard. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz I don't know exactly how to make this attitude adjustment. Ain't life grand? Now you've got a reason to live. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 honestly would any of you even consider dating me knowing my past and going by my looks? if you wouldn't i would like to know. I won't be offended by honesty. I'm sorry I sound like such a whiner tonight Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 also those lines like "well its his loss" or whatever... That doesn't work with me. Those are just silly cliches that people say to other people so they feel better. it doesn't make me feel better to hear that. It is not going to be his loss it is mine when I am laying in bed crying over it and he doesn't even give a second thought about me. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz honestly would any of you even consider dating me knowing my past and going by my looks? if you wouldn't i would like to know. I won't be offended by honesty. I'm sorry I sound like such a whiner tonight Your looks isn't the problem. I am sure most guys would be interested in you, even knowing your past. But you're going to have to gain some self worth to attract and keep any guy. Same goes for me, so we're both in the same boat except that I think I know what to do and how to act. You, I think you need an attitude adjustment. Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by AngelEyz honestly would any of you even consider dating me knowing my past and going by my looks? if you wouldn't i would like to know. I won't be offended by honesty. I'm sorry I sound like such a whiner tonight I would. I try to judge people by who they are, not who they used to be, or what they look like. I'm also going to bed, (or home from work at least) I'll try to catch up on the thread in the AM. ((hugs)) g'night. And keep posting how you feel, and writing it out, it will make you fell better. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 I'm not mean at all. But I'll tell you the truth as I see it rather than sugarcoating and pretending junk because I don't think that's fair. If you want to be considered seriously, dress differently and act differently. I know the conventional wisdom is that to get a guy, you must 'look hot' but that only gets you so far, and often that gets you a man who wants sex with a hot woman. Buy some shirts with buttons that don't fit skintight and button them up. Then practice being friendly and warm rather than being sexy. It'll get you another sort of man - the sort that's more likely to want to settle down. However, as the others have said, none of these things will be of any use if you don't learn to be your own human. What you are doing at this moment is walking around with a big hook that you want to hang on someone - at the end of which is the entire responsibility for your happiness and self-worth. No human wants to have to deal with that sort of thing. Rather than focusing on yourself and what you want and what you need, find yourself some outside interests which occupy your time and thoughts and which help develop you into a more independent human. Maybe do volunteer work or join some clubs. Take a course in something that will give you confidence - dance or martial arts. ButI do feel like my life is unfulfilled if i do not find my true love and a man to spend the rest of my life with That's called desperation and men can smell that at a thousand yards. So you absolutely must work on losing it. How does anyone feel completely happy with their self with no signifcant other to share their life with? Because we have work and accomplishments and friends. Because we've worked to understand ourselves, including our good points and bad. Because we've learned to enjoy life. can any of you honestly say you are happy with your life right now although you are alone? Absolutely. And, mark my words, my life isn't perfect, but I find things to enjoy every single day and the happiness from all those daily joys fills me with pleasure. It was a spectacularly beautiful day today. I had a tasty snack with a friend and then we went for a walk by the sea and I took photos with my new camera. There was a sailing race and the sailboats had their spinnakers up so they were really lovely. I got some things done that I wanted to do. I talked to a dear friend. It's a drag that I have to go to bed shortly because I love staying up at night but there has to be a bit of dullness in even the best day. But tomorrow I'll go work with people I like a lot and, even though the job's a bit dull, the folks are great. I have my home and my car and enough food and pretty much everything I need to live comfortably in a world where an awful lot of people don't even have that much. So I'm extremely grateful every day. See how easy it can be? Every single day has pleasures in it - and if you waste your time looking at what you don't have, you'll miss out on the pleasures that do exist. People like to be around happy people. Develop a happy attitude and you'll not have trouble attracting people. I don't Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelEyz Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 Thank you for your reply moimeme. I have read over it 3 times already and everything you said made a lot of sense to me. You are not mean It almost brought tears to my eyes when you talked about your day today and I know I need to start enjoying the small things and stop worrying and obsessing so much about the lack of love in my life. I do find it difficult to do things with friends now because they are all in relationships. Are your friends single or married? Maybe I could try to seek out more single friends. I feel like I spend an ungodly amount of time alone. I go weeks sometimes with no contact with other people. I sit alone in my apartment many nights and watch tv alone, surf the net, or listen to music. It gets very lonesome. I will see about getting in some dance or martial arts classes, that should give me something to occupy my mind. I will also try wearing a different style of clothing. It is different now with the large breasts because I find most shirts will still reveal cleavage so I will go for a button-up and maybe do my hair and makeup differently, perhaps more conservative looking. I know that I look a bit wild and I wasn't sure how to correct the problem. I love makeup but I bet I might need to wear it a bit lighter. I also have tattoos (again from my wild days) so I will try to keep them covered up more. Thanks again Moi, your advice really has helped me and I have copied and pasted it to a word document because I want to read over it when I feel this way. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 I find it incredibly hard to believe that it's tough for you to find a guy who's interested. Something doesn't add up. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin I find it incredibly hard to believe that it's tough for you to find a guy who's interested. Something doesn't add up. And some would say it's hard to believe you're still single. I don't think the problem is her finding a guy that's interested. It's about finding a guy that's interested in her for who she is.. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Yeah but I'm not looking for anything. Not the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme If you want to be considered seriously, dress differently and act differently... Then practice being friendly and warm rather than being sexy. It'll get you another sort of man - the sort that's more likely to want to settle down. Because we have work and accomplishments and friends. Because we've worked to understand ourselves, including our good points and bad. Because we've learned to enjoy life. Spot on, as ever, Moimême. To get a long term relationship, one has to bring more to the table than just hot looks. You have to develop - and display - other qualities. Having a good attitude, good social skills and being kind and warm in conversation helps. So do accomplishments. So cover up, get out and make some platonic guy and girl friends, learn some new skills, be dynamic. Link to post Share on other sites
purple21 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Angel - hope you are feeling better today And just so you know you aren't alone - sometimes I have some of the same thoughts - it happens I think Moimeme had some great words of advice along with everyone else. I have been without my ex for about a year now and within that year I went to my younger brothers wedding - he's 24 I'm 31, 3 of my best friends got married, 1 had a baby, one is now in a serious relationship. So along with not having my ex around a lot of my friends haven't been around like they once were. So there were times I felt really alone and hearing comments from friends and families saying "oh you're next" and even my mom telling me she is sick of worrying and praying for me - craziness. I also went through a string of string of guys - some one night stands or fwbs - nothing to write home about - I just think of it as I was going through a little wild phase that I never went through in my twenties - lol But now I've learned my lesson about a few things and I'm really starting to think about things differently and treating myself better. Yeah sometimes the weekends are still hard but I also have a lot more time to do what I want. I understand know that I have to be happy myself before I can be in another relationship. I'm currently working on it So I just wanted to let you know that I understand some of those insecure thoughts you are having - hopefully you can start turning some of those around - it is possible even though at times it doesn't feel that way. You look beautiful in your picture. Keep posting and reading other threads here on LS - there are people here with some great advice. Good luck - we are all here for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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