leave him alone or press on?

[aliya34]

My ex-boyfriend and I have not been talking because we both think we need some time apart, even though he sounded really hesitant when he said it, and said a whole of lot of things that would imply he wanted to marry me/be with me. He has a girlfriend though, and he's comfortable with her, so understandably he doesn't want to break out of this comfort zone. Now I'm not going to criticize this, he's not weak, just human. Plus, our friendship is/was pretty deep.

 

So now I've been staying away from him for a while, about two months, and should I continue doing so until he contacts me? Or does it show I don't care anymore and have moved on?

 

We're both pretty young, and yes I'll probably see other guys (although it'll be hard), but I'm wondering if this kind of thing works out, where Guy is young and sorts out his life, gets a stable career, and goes back to his original girlfriend. We didn't have big differences, it was just that he was my first boyfriend and I was his second girlfriend. So it was pretty early on for us both.

[HoldOn]

It's late and I'm tired so I'll make it quick.

 

He has a girlfriend = he's not that into you.

He hasn't contacted you in 2 months = he's not that into you.

 

Forget about him and move on with your life, please.

[aliya34]

HoldOn, Thanks for responding to me... Just some clarification though:

 

He got into the other girl because he thought I was mad at him (he was scared of me and felt really ashamed, and his friends urged him to move on-- he agonized over me just as I am now agonizing over him).

 

By the time I came back, he was already into the relationship with her for a year.

 

I am wondering if he is not contacting me right now because he does not know what he wants right now in his life, or is trying to get back at me (make me feel how he felt) and this (his present situation, being w/ girlfriend) is what comes easiest. And mostly everyone takes what comes easiest, it doesn't make them "not worth it" or a bad person... Plus he is at a confusing and hectic time, graduating, making big changes. So I am wondering if I should just give him time. For all it to settle, for him to think it over. Because he did say it was a big decision.... (whether to break up with his girlfriend and get back with me). I forced him to make it quick so he said he would stay with her. But even as he said it, he slipped a lot of things in the conversation that implied he really wanted to be with me. She has him whipped I think. Do whipped guys come around? Lol.

[SinceIvebeenlovingU]

Let me get this straight...you dumped him...and then he moved on...and a year later you contact him again expecting him to break up with his current gf....you have a lot of nerve...i only hope that my ex gf can see in a year that i'm with someone else...I'd call her while having sex with the new woman as a matter of fact...(spits on the mutual direction of the ex)...amen

[HoldOn]

Sorry, sweetie, It's over. over. over. Please leave him alone.

 

He's been dating her for a year. 100 times more time than a guy needs to decide who he really loves.

 

He got into the other girl because he thought I was mad at him (he was scared of me and felt really ashamed, and his friends urged him to move on-- he agonized over me just as I am now agonizing over him).

 

Ancient history. I agonized over my high school bf, but that was 10 years ago. Who cares?

 

Because he did say it was a big decision.... (whether to break up with his girlfriend and get back with me). I forced him to make it quick so he said he would stay with her.

 

So? He made a quick decision based on his feelings and he didn't chose you. Sorry.

 

But even as he said it, he slipped a lot of things in the conversation that implied he really wanted to be with me.

 

? huh? If he really wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He was probably just saying these things not to hurt your feelings. I mean unless he was handcuffed to his new girlfriend or something, he's a big boy and he made this decision all by himself.

 

She has him whipped I think.

 

Ha! So either he is soooo much of a wimp that he can't dump his gf for his true love OR he's just not that into you.... Hmmmm. either way. what's the point.

 

BTW, he is not whipped. He chose her. it's time to find your own man.

[aliya34]

i guess i royally screwed up... there was a time when he wanted me back very badly (but he originally cheated on me) but out of pride i rejected him... i really regret this.. i don't know if he feels "in the right" now, like he never did anything bad and it was my fault i didn't reveal how much i cared for him before...

because that isn't true.... and that bothers me...

[SinceIvebeenlovingU]

Aliya ~ I'm sorry my post was so blunt, I didn't know he cheated on you...regardless...If that's the case...You did the right thing by dumping him and you should be glad he's not in your life anymore...I don't hope for someone that you can't trust...life is too difficult as it is...you don't need to be worring about the one you are with all the time...take it as a blessing it is over and find someone who you can trust..

[jen03]

Hey girl, I know what you're going through. My best friend in high school who was pretty high maintenance was dating this ass. Bad match I guess you'd say They had a lot in common, though, and apparently she connected with his more "mature" side. That's why she held on to him, and he to her. BUT, he cheated on her just as this guy did to you. He simply wasn't ready to give her full commitment, despite how much he said he cared for her.

 

Anyhow, they rifted because he claimed she was too high maintenance, and she claimed she couldn't trust him. However in college they met up again (through me, ha ) and he seems to have matured up quite a bit. They're giving it a second go round. Basically what I'm trying to say here is, NOTHING in life is certain. Even if you were going out with him, you'd probably be worrying he was cheating on you. (Just like SinceIveBeenLovingU said!!) SO, no matter what, you can't achieve true happiness.

 

You both sorta screwed up here, but no one's perfect. At least you showed him all of you, how much you cared, and he did too. If he grows up and thinks about it, maybe he'll see your value. I'm telling you, everyone grows up, it's inevitable. So yeah, there will be a time in the future GUARANTEED that he regrets not holding on to you. Whether he decides to take action is up in the air.

[heart2heart]

Been there, done that and worn the t-shirt Aliya and with a guy (my first love), who came back after 10 years!!!!!! So you know, you could be waiting a LONG time for this guy to grow up and mature, for him to reflect upon and to miss what he had with you. Like I said, I waited 10 years to see my day with the ex........nevertheless it happened.

 

I was in the same boat with a guy, all those years ago, as you are now. We'd had an on/off relationship for a few years, we broke up because of his lack of committment to me, he immediately meets some other woman after we break up.......yet he still wanted me too! Because there was another woman in the picture, I refused to have anything to do with him, so we drifted apart and lost contact, but he was never far from my mind and I often pondered over the fact, should I contact him or not, as you are now. I decided to leave well alone - if he wanted me, then he'd return!! A few months after we'd lost contact, he reappears in my life, only he's now married with a child........he tells me he still wants me, misses what we once had, that he still loves me and he will always love me. But getting back with him is now out of the question as far as I'm concerned - what we had is finally over, he's married, it's too late for us.

 

It was at that point that I decided to let him go and finally move on with my life. Shortly afterwards I met my future husband and we moved long distance from my ex.

 

10 years later and out of the blue, he reappears in my life once more.

 

It's my belief that if an ex ever thought of you, then they WILL return, they WILL miss what they had with you............sometimes just takes them a LONG, LONG time to finally grow up and mature, to miss what they had - but I wouldn't be waiting around for that to happen. Move on with your life as I did and if it's meant to be, then fate will see that it does.