Are men younger than you really less likely to commit?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I had this conversation with my brother tonight. If I am mid 30s and date guys that are in early 30s, he says that all they want is sex. That they would never get serious with an older woman.

 

How true is that? Obviously someone in their 20s is different, but less than 5 years younger?

 

I actually had bad experiences with men in their late 30s/early 40s as they seemed even more obsessed about getting a younger woman.

 

My brother is pretty wise though

[candie13]

I just met a new younger man myself - must be something in the air, ES. I think... it all depends on how strong the feeling is. If the feeling is strong, you should still see the guy, but give yourself a time frame - say 6 to 9 months. If the guy is not really inlove and has no intention of having a family with you, you should read the signs and get going. But I don't think that young men are more into sex compared to older ones.

 

The real question, in my book is: are you looking for a relationship or for a family? Technically speaking, the younger the partner, the better chances the baby has to be healthy . kiddin'... don't be so stuck up on these things... if there's love and freedom, anything can happen. For instance, my sister dated a guy 5 years younger and they ended up getting married (no trick pregnancy involved). They did date for 5 years though... it's a tough one, follow your guts.

[RedRobin]

Character and values aren't attached to one's age.

 

 

I don't believe older men are necessarily interested in committing anymore than younger men.

 

 

You have to find a way to weed out the less serious, no matter who you choose to date.

 

 

I haven't dated anyone older than me since my fiancée died. I've dated up to nine years younger, but the average is about 2-5 years younger, which I consider same age. They were committed to me, not FWB or anything like that. During the time we were together, we were getting to know each other for the potential of marriage... and only broke up when we realized we weren't the best fit for a life together.

 

 

My current BF is exactly my age... a few months younger, actually.

 

 

A man five years younger than you when you are in your 30s is basically same age, if you ask me. So no, I don't believe your brother is accurate. He's just stating his own interests. That's all.

[eleve82]

I had this conversation with my brother tonight. If I am mid 30s and date guys that are in early 30s, he says that all they want is sex. That they would never get serious with an older woman.

 

How true is that? Obviously someone in their 20s is different, but less than 5 years younger?

 

I actually had bad experiences with men in their late 30s/early 40s as they seemed even more obsessed about getting a younger woman.

 

My brother is pretty wise though

 

Not true.. where I am everyone single is younger (1-5years) than me and some of them more serious about dating me than I am about them

 

 

But Just for trivia I am dating someone in his late twenties and it DID start out casual lol

[Male]

I had this conversation with my brother tonight. If I am mid 30s and date guys that are in early 30s, he says that all they want is sex. That they would never get serious with an older woman.

 

How true is that? Obviously someone in their 20s is different, but less than 5 years younger?

 

I actually had bad experiences with men in their late 30s/early 40s as they seemed even more obsessed about getting a younger woman.

 

My brother is pretty wise though

 

Most "single" men out in the dating world just want sex. Any woman that doesnt get that had better learn very quick.

 

But it doesnt really matter because most women are not attracted to the guys that dont want "just sex", or are "obsessed" with younger women.

 

So either you are in the minority if you want a regular nice guy, or you better learn how to deal with all the jerks, liars, game-players, and users just like most women do.

[mammasita]

BS - although it might be true in some cases, its never been true for me. I've never been in a LTR with a man older than me. My current is 32, I just turned 40 (GAWD, I need a drink, I can't even admit that **** to myself yet.....I'm only 28 in my head )

[darkmoon]

look out for signs of a guy playing cassanova, much different to a respectful guy, look for cheesy words of love that do not play out IRL

 

test him, not a test impossible to pass, see how he treats you if/when you are ill, does he help, not try to help, a phrase with its hint of inability, look for does he care about you?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I call BS as well.

 

I've dated a massive age range of men and if anything, I've personally found that younger men (primarily in their late twenties and very early thirties) were the ones who were far more interested in commitment than any of the older men I dated :/

 

My current partner is 33 (13 years younger than me) and he's nothing if not ALL about commitment!

[mammasita]

i call bs as well.

 

I've dated a massive age range of men and if anything, i've personally found that younger men (primarily in their late twenties and very early thirties) were the ones who were far more interested in commitment than any of the older men i dated :/

 

my current partner is 33 (13 years younger than me) and he's nothing if not all about commitment!

 

rawr!!!!

[gaius]

It's never been an issue for me, once I find the right woman. And all but one of those have been older than me. Past 5 years even.

 

I don't know why it's so hard for some people to grasp that certain guys actually go for what they want, and not what everyone else thinks they should want. =/

[MissBee]

Character and values aren't attached to one's age.

 

I don't believe older men are necessarily interested in committing anymore than younger men.

 

 

You have to find a way to weed out the less serious, no matter who you choose to date.

 

I haven't dated anyone older than me since my fiancée died. I've dated up to nine years younger, but the average is about 2-5 years younger, which I consider same age. They were committed to me, not FWB or anything like that. During the time we were together, we were getting to know each other for the potential of marriage... and only broke up when we realized we weren't the best fit for a life together.

 

 

My current BF is exactly my age... a few months younger, actually.

 

 

A man five years younger than you when you are in your 30s is basically same age, if you ask me. So no, I don't believe your brother is accurate. He's just stating his own interests. That's all.

 

Precisely.

 

It's not simply a matter of looking at age, especially in your thirties, and making a blanket deduction from that. It's about being intentional and asking questions of the men you date and listening to their answers. It's about finding men who are looking for commitment and looking for that with you, regardless of age. A man can be 30 or 50 and still not be interested in commitment.

 

So I wouldn't get hung up on thinking that you'll know exactly what a man wants because of his age. Ask, listen, be clear about your own intentions and go from there.

[preraph]

There are always exceptions, and that isn't much of an age gap that it ought to matter, but because it falls in what most people still consider birthing cutoff time for women, it becomes a very significant barrier for men who are marrying or having kids for the first time. Now the age for having kids has generally gone up a few years, but 35 used to be the magic number. I know once I was in my mid-twenties, I could in general feel guys blowing me off for anything serious. It was an overall feeling I would sense off of them of "Well, as long as you're giving it away, but I'm not putting anything into this."

 

I still believe you could meet the right guy and this would not happen. I have an aunt nearly 80 who got a new bf as soon as her long-term husband died. They send photos and are like schoolkids.

[Diezel]

Mid 30's... Early 30's...

 

Remind me what's the difference? Are you saying you are 38 and he is 30?

I don't get it. It's not such a huge gap. I don't think you being 36 and him 32 is going to make him any less committed. It's not necessarily the age, it's the mindset.

 

Now if you were 35 and he's 21... whole different story.

[joystickd]

I'm 32 and married. The thing is men commit to women they see as worthy of committing too and sometimes women can be desperate to commit. If a man just doesn't want to commit then it's not that he is scared or wants to run around. It's that he didn't want to commit to you. I've personally known guy that were considered players and met that one woman that brought her A game to the interaction and reeled him in. On the other hand you do have guys that like the thrill of meeting new women but those are the ones that when they meet that one then they fall hard for her. It's just about being the best person you can be and not take someone not wanting to commit so personally

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well, in general men are looking for sex...but generally yes, If I were a woman in my 30's or late 30's - early 40's, then I wouldn't be too keen on getting a younger man for a long-term commitment.

 

I think the balance in the dynamic is that "hopefully" you are a bit wiser and smarter than your younger competition in the dating world and have developed a wisdom in selecting the kind of men that are offering the kind of commitment most women are looking for...you have the advantage of experience and knowing the kind of things men say to women just to say them, you should at some point be able to filter things out.

 

However, if you're not any good at that, if you're not effective at weeding non-committal men out, if you can't get past the butterflies/romance and all of that and just fall into that cycle where you blind yourself to your senses that know better, then you're going to have a rough time at any age, with any age of man and your whole philosophy in finding the "right man" is merely based on luck and whether you do find the man that wants to commit.

 

Most guys are in committed relationships and marriages, without the actual mentality that it is forever or that they are truly "stuck" in that relationship...men tend to have the illusion that they're always free, even if they are "tied down"...which makes them much bolder than if they realized what was really happening and the consequences in their actions. Talk to any divorcee with kids who's a guy and he'll tell you how stupid he was.

 

Generally I'd say older men are more likely to settle down IF they are looking for that family with children...and men usually choose younger for that, if they're not interested in kids than you could be 65 for all he cares to an extent.

 

I can attest without any bias that younger women have become much more attractive as I've gotten older, for no apparent reason without any desire to feel that way. I really enjoy the maturity and refinement of an older woman, she brings a certain sexiness to the dynamic...however, younger flesh is a bit more lusting, and primal for men, and that's probably due to procreation more than anything, and unfortunately with men and their purpose by nature being here to procreate, it's a pretty strong pull.

 

I think men are just genetically wired to target younger women for off-spring, that's why I think you notice the older man/younger woman dynamic. And socially, it's just a higher form of status than having a woman your own age or older...shows that you can shoot down the ladder and still be appealing to the target demographic with the highest sex appeal overall, but even so if you are older.

 

And I honestly think those are strong enough motivations for most men, they're "small things" but weigh a lot on the scale of desire.

 

However as a man and knowing men, I cannot with any certainty recommend a target male demographic determined by age (hope I'm speaking right today, I'm all mixed up hearing other languages all the damn time) I think you're going to have to just focus on someone who is more commitment oriented, understanding that the younger men may be a bit unreliable in their promises and the older men feigning a long-term commitment because they're still on the prowl for something hotter and younger on the menu.

[Elam]

I had this conversation with my brother tonight. If I am mid 30s and date guys that are in early 30s, he says that all they want is sex. That they would never get serious with an older woman.

 

How true is that? Obviously someone in their 20s is different, but less than 5 years younger?

 

I actually had bad experiences with men in their late 30s/early 40s as they seemed even more obsessed about getting a younger woman.

 

My brother is pretty wise though

 

Men who are eager to commit to women are either extremely sexually attracted to the women they want to lock-down, like, seriously attractive women, or they don't have any options and want to secure a woman because sex is still sex. I am younger than you and I have no interest in anything serious. My uncle is in his 50s and he's still single and moves from women to women.

 

Men who have options(most) don't care that much about relationships because its easy to get up and find another woman who is into you. Unless she's extremely attractive what is the point of being with someone. Not that her exquisite looks make her imunne to being dumped.

 

Oh, that is only natural. Younger women tend to be more beautiful(at the very least more naturally beautiful) they also don't have emotional baggage, the chances of them being hung-up on an ex boyfriend are low, and they're easy to date because they are not used to men having money. Its remarkable how attractive women in their 20s are happy with a trip to a burger joint whereas women in their 30s expect a guy to spend money on them. In expensive avenues. No, thanks.

 

Also, young women are finding themselves and they aren't looking for anything serious, usually. Women past the age of 25 look at me like they're evaluating me for the role of a husband. Its cute. I have no intention on being saddled with marriage/co-habitation. Not interested in having kids. No real reason to date women my age or older.

Edited May 27, 2015 by Elam

[RedRobin]

I can attest without any bias that younger women have become much more attractive as I've gotten older, for no apparent reason without any desire to feel that way. I really enjoy the maturity and refinement of an older woman, she brings a certain sexiness to the dynamic...

 

 

That's great, but you know, lots of us don't like looking at aging male flesh either. As I've gotten older, I find a much bigger disparity between how I look at my age, and how most men look at my age. So, yea, I'm going younger too.

 

 

I also don't find much benefit in whatever people claim as 'maturity and refinement' in older men either. Usually they've been burned by an ex-wife or are perma-bachelors. Pass.

 

 

ES, I think you are the perfect age to find the man of your dreams even up to 10 years younger, if you prefer. You have a better chance of finding someone in that age group who is more unconventional anyway. The 40+ guys are mostly sticks in the mud who were raised to be more traditional. I could be wrong, but I don't see that as your thing.

[joystickd]

Sometimes guys don't want to commit because they meet women that are desperate to commit and just push and push. The guy just ends it because he is tired of being pressured and the sad thing is if the relationship had just took a natural course he probably would have committed.

[hotpotato]

My former crush who is 5 years younger was engaged and in a relationship for several years. There are young men who commit, and older men who still want to play the field. It's not always about age.

[Elam]

That's great, but you know, lots of us don't like looking at aging male flesh either. As I've gotten older, I find a much bigger disparity between how I look at my age, and how most men look at my age. So, yea, I'm going younger too.

 

 

I also don't find much benefit in whatever people claim as 'maturity and refinement' in older men either. Usually they've been burned by an ex-wife or are perma-bachelors. Pass.

 

 

ES, I think you are the perfect age to find the man of your dreams even up to 10 years younger, if you prefer. You have a better chance of finding someone in that age group who is more unconventional anyway. The 40+ guys are mostly sticks in the mud who were raised to be more traditional. I could be wrong, but I don't see that as your thing.

 

And? Back in college I had several classmates of mine who were older. One was in his mid 30s, one was late 20s. I also knew of other guys in other undergraduate degrees who were dating women who were 18-22 years old.

 

All of the young women were attractive, emotionally mature and they all had options with attractive men their own age. Before anyone goes and call them gold-diggers'' let me just say that the women's family had more than enough money.

 

Heck, even one of the older guys who was dating a beautiful 20 year old wasn't at all good-looking, but she was still crazy for him. And as a man in my late 20s I always feel myself swell with pride when I notice attractive women who are 18-24 notice me. Some come up to me straight up and strike a conversation. Some just stand there staring at me and trying to get me to talk to them.

 

Women my own age I don't notice much. Maybe because most of the women in their late 20s who are attractive are married, or maybe because this is a town college and there are a lot more young women than there are older. Don't know. It doesn't really bother me lol.

 

If a man takes care of himself he can attract the attentions of attractive, much younger women well into his 40s.

 

I now a guy, an ex-marine who is in his 70s and has a lot of attractive girlfriends in their late 20s and late 30s. Not only that, this dude gets a lot of gifts from women.

[RedRobin]

^^ If you aren't taking care of your skin like lots of women do, aren't willing to get hair transplants or plastic surgery like a woman would, then no amount of exercise is going to make you look young. That's what lots of guys consider 'taking care of themselves'... That, and a belly that's the size of a beach ball, but no bigger.

 

...and I am going to quote something you might have said earlier... Don't believe everything a guy tells you. Just because he is seen with those women doesn't mean he is having sex with them... Even if he says he is. I have two very good male friends who are both old enough to be my dad, but that's all we are... Friends.

 

Anyway, I never got the idea that the OP felt one way or the other about age... I always got the idea that she just went for who she was attracted to... And if the guy happens to be younger, I see no reason why it couldn't work out.

Edited May 27, 2015 by RedRobin

[Elam]

^^ If you aren't taking care of your skin like lots of women do, aren't willing to get hair transplants or plastic surgery like a woman would, then no amount of exercise is going to make you look young. That's what lots of guys consider 'taking care of themselves'... That, and a belly that's the size of a beach ball, but no bigger.

 

...and I am going to quote something you might have said earlier... Don't believe everything a guy tells you. Just because he is seen with those women doesn't mean he is having sex with them... Even if he says he is. I have two very good male friends who are both old enough to be my dad, but that's all we are... Friends.

 

Anyway, I never got the idea that the OP felt one way or the other about age... I always got the idea that she just went for who she was attracted to... And if the guy happens to be younger, I see no reason why it couldn't work out.

 

I have very white skin. I very rarely get out into the sun. Its even more appealing to women because most of the women around here have dark skin caused by the weather and I'm fair. I'm not going to lose my hair. All of the men and women in my family, going back generations and generations have full heads of thick hair with no thinning, no receding hairline.

 

I've never took a smoke in my life. I don't spend time with people who smoke. I don't drink anything besides water and natural juices. I spend several hours a day working out. I'm 6'6'' and I have broad-shoulders. I'm charming. i'm sweet. I'm captivating and I can talk to anyone about anything, making shy people open up.

 

I've spent quite a big deal of money getting that Brad Pitt perfect smile. I spent a lot of money on clothes and all sorts of lotions and what not, perfume included. I don't have anything else to spend my money on lol. I don't have a girlfriend and I don't have kids. I'm not interested in video games.

 

The 70 year old ex marine was a boss of mine when I was a teenager. I spent quite a bit of time with him. i slept in his house and I even slept in the guest's room when we were working on site and man, was it funny how women would cheat on their husbands of a long-time with my boss. My room was right next to them, I should know.

 

I also saw this guy many times in public avenues opening up to women, women far younger than him by 50 years, very attractive women and he still managed to get them back to the hotel, no fees charged by them.

 

That guy is a god.

 

He doesn't even look like a lost brother of Mr. Clooney. He has a dad bod, big belly, white hair, hairy chest. But the sexual hold this guy has on women. Damn. He's even beaten me to women I wanted to be with. Wish my dad was like him. I wish he was my dad. Instead, my dad is the perfect husband. Boring.

Edited May 27, 2015 by Elam

[spiderowl]

I think that generally a much younger man is unlikely to want commitment (real commitment as opposed to sexual exclusivity which is what most guys want from a woman they are sleeping with). However, sometimes guys fall in love! It has been known to happen and it can happen with an older woman. I have seen guys write to the forums on here because an older woman doesn't seem to be as involved as they are and she isn't taking them seriously. They are quite distraught! It's the same for any of us though; if we fall in love it's a whole different ball-game. That's why I'd suggest anyone take their time getting to know a guy because those deeper bonds take longer to form. If you leap into a relationship with guy without letting real affection develop, he's likely to remain in 'detached, fun' mode rather than form bonds.

Edited May 27, 2015 by spiderowl

[gaius]

I think my girlfriend and I actually have Michelle beat when it comes to the age gap by a couple years. And I have no plans to go anywhere else.

[123321]

I think statistically younger men are MORE likely to commit; as time goes by if a guy is inclined to really commit, he will, and by definition will be off the market.

 

More to the point is, how likely to commit to YOU.

 

Tougher, and depends on the definition of commit. But as we all know when a woman says commit she's really saying marry. For many guys, the reason to marry is to start a family. So you're looking for a guy who wants a family and thinks you are a good partner for that project.

 

So it boils down to you.