Tell the children they have siblings from affair?

[Raena]

See my comments in caps above.

 

I actually do have him blocked from my own personal account. This was just a way for him to connect with his child.

 

You are right though... he did spend a lot of time telling her all sorts of stories about me to make me out to be this awful person. she is jealous and deranged and I do occupy a great deal of her thoughts. That is VERY evident by the way she handles herself. I just can't believe she's STILL acting like this after all this time. My best friend says that it's because summer is coming. The girl is worried that my son will have to come be with his father and she's hoping against hope that it won't happen... she doesn't like my son very much.

[sandylee1]

Raena,

 

I fully understand about the FB , you've explained clearly.

 

Block the crazy OW2/GF as well. She really is a non entity to a degree. Although your son isn't seeing his dad right now, if it means him not being near that woman who has no regard for you or him, then see it as a cloud with a silver lining.

 

As you've already said, you don't bad mouth his dad. In time he'll see his dad for what he is, a man who didn't give a damn and distabilised his home life.

[merrmeade]

You clearly work as hard as anyone could at being the best parent possible and love your child better than anyone in the world. You know him better than anyone and will weigh the advice given here based on your knowledge, values and research. You'll make a good, responsible decision and continue to monitor and assess his activities and needs as people and circumstances change.

 

That's all a parent can do.

[merrmeade]

Even if you don't implement some of the suggestions, they're worth filing away for future reference, practical advice that covers developments you might not have considered.

[No Limit]

Thanks for sharing, NL. You're a great example how kids can be all right in spite of awful parents. You've got things in perspective.

 

Only because of fortunate misfortune. Otherwise I would have become a snobby entitled little b!tch - no offense to my hypothetical me.

 

Maybe it would also help Raena to say what helped you the most when you were little, what you wish or think would have made it easier for you, what your mom did/said or didn't say when you were her child's age and what you think about that now.

 

Problem is every situation is unique in its way - I was never all that attached to my father to begin with because in the end he wasn't around that much, and even when he was - I learned early on that he had 2 faces; to the outside world he was the perfect man, at home the atmosphere was tense at best. And when you see your father yell at your mom, kick your mom out of the car or giving your cousin who was barely able to walk a slap and a hell lot more - there's more fear than love left, even when he didn't mean to act up at times.

 

As for what it felt like - I never felt anything. Found the story of the OW funny and laughable, but yeah, since I was the "main kid" and was never attached to my father to begin with I felt neutral about it, never even thought of it except when my mom brought it up while reminiscing a few years ago (and of course when reading the entry post). But her son obviously wants to be acknowledged by his father - which complicates things.

 

P.S. I hope your mom knows what a great kid she reared.

 

Aged 10 she called me a monster and "just like your father" (I was playing with the dog, at one point I held the long stick of a broom out to make her jump it but she came at it too fast, tripped and yelped - guess with me holding a broom and the dog limping slightly for a few moments it must have looked like I had beaten her, but that "mommy-daughter-bond" broke right at that moment). So yeah, not all mom's care all that much, which makes threads like Raena's much more encouraging.

 

 

Raena, I believe it won't do much harm for him to know the other kid is his half-brother - but I think the feeling of being #2 will hurt. I have little doubt that this will be apparent to him over time though, if not now it will certainly come in his teen years. I'm sorry.

[summerdowling87]

My father has other daughters he didn't tell me about and one day my half sister friend requested me on FB to say the least I was highly surprised and hurt that my dad didn't tell me about my older half sis.

 

My mom didn't know but he knew.

 

I say tell your son the truth.

[Noirek]

Tell your son the truth. If he is as quick as you say he might have sensed you lied to him and be afraid to ask further. It is always good to give children the truth on these things before they get older and it is more of a shocking revelation.

 

I also think you should consider a reputable child councillor. While I have issues with adult ones I know a lot of children who have benefited from having that safe person to talk to outside of their parents who they seek approval from.

[Raena]

I told him today. I didn't get into a great deal of detail and he didn't ask a lot of questions. He did get a little upset because he connected the fact that he never sees his father to the fact that his father is spending time with this other child all the time. I basically just said to him that I thought he should know so it wouldn't be a surprise to him and that yes, the boy in that photo is his half-brother. Like I said though, he's a thinker and a dweller. He will come back at a later time after he's thought about it. I'll be ready then to answer his questions. Today he mostly just said "Oh, I can't wait to meet him"

 

It's good that he has a positive attitude about it... for the moment. I'm hoping it stays that way because really, how it all happened is something he doesn't need to know. Not now. Someday he'll make the connection in their ages, but for now... for today...he doesn't need to know and he seems ok with it. Maybe it won't ever really matter to him.

 

He did also ask me... "have you always known about this other boy?" and I told him yes, that his father didn't want me to tell him but now things have changed. He asked me if that's why his father and I split up. I tell you, the intuition this child has astounds me sometimes. It's not the whole reason, but it's certainly part of the big picture. I told him there are many adult reasons for that and he didn't need to worry himself about it and reminded him again that it isn't his fault.

 

Maybe I over-thought this one or maybe I thought about it enough to know that he needed to know and that the shortest version of the truth was the best route. Either way, he handled it a lot better than I imagined he would... for the moment. It's the future repercussions that I worry about but I can't plan for everything.

 

Interestingly enough... he didn't want to call his father tonight. He didn't even mention it. But that could just be that we kept busy right up until bedtime today.

 

Thank you to all of you who responded though... it helped me to think through what to say and how to handle it.

[Methodical]

You handled his additional questions marvelously well. Glad you were truthful about how long you've known, and assuring him there were many adult issues that caused the split. Proud of you!

[whichwayisup]

Just love him. Make feel safe, secure and loved. You are his rock!

 

Always be honest but let him know there are some details and things he's still too young to understand but you will try your best to answer his questions, explain things and that he can talk to you about anything.

 

As he gets older, he's going to see more and more who his father 'is'. He sees it now, may not 100% get the full picture but he knows something isn't right and his dad isn't acting like a real dad.

 

Rae, you're amazing and should be proud you've raised a son who is wise, is smart and aware of what's what.

[Wondering33]

You're in an extremely tough situation. Though some of this you have enabled. When you forgave your husband, you enabled him to ignore his other child & evidently were fine with it. Your husband was in the wrong but you knew he had another child (children don't go away) & hid it from your son, that isn't your husband's fault or OW...that was your decision. You stayed with a man that was treating his other child like crap & only left him bc he cheated on you again & now your mad at the other woman for posting pics of her child to their father's FB page? Your husband is jerk but you're not owning your own part in the situation. No, it is not your fault he cheated but you willing lied to your child & are blaming others for that. It's good that you finally told him & I understand you not liking the OW but she shouldn't have to hide her child bc you couldn't be honest with yours. The other children have right to their father no different than your child...they are just as much victims of a bad man as you & your son...unfortunately.

[minimariah]

No, it is not your fault he cheated but you willing lied to your child & are blaming others for that.

 

the OP isn't blaming others for not telling her child the truth. the truth wasn't on HER to tell -- it was on her then HUSBAND.

 

also -- it is not on the OP to make sure that her husband is being a good father to the 1st child. why on Earth should she give a damn about the 1st child...? that child has a mother and a father -- it is up to THEM to take care of the kid, NOT the OP.

 

so the OP really didn't do anything wrong.

[Popsicle]

I think this should be in the parenting section of this forum and of course you should tell him.

[Wondering33]

the OP isn't blaming others for not telling her child the truth. the truth wasn't on HER to tell -- it was on her then HUSBAND.

 

also -- it is not on the OP to make sure that her husband is being a good father to the 1st child. why on Earth should she give a damn about the 1st child...? that child has a mother and a father -- it is up to THEM to take care of the kid, NOT the OP.

 

so the OP really didn't do anything wrong.

 

Its about seeing someone's character. If a person treats one child like crap...a part of them. Where would one think they wouldn't do it to another one of their kids? So it's ok to enable (man or woman) to treat part of their blood like that & own no responsibility that you also put your own child in that situation? I'm not saying worry about the other child, I'm saying putting your own child in the situation to trust a person you knew that has shown to be untrust worthy. She was out for her own (which is fine) but now is upset that OP is posting pics of "her" child. Can't be out for your own & mad when another woman is doing the same.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I think Wondering33 has a valid point. It seems like ALL the adults...I think the count is 4?, have failed in various degrees in regard to the adage "treat others as you would like to be treated".

 

It is hard to be the ONLY adult treating others respectfully, when the other 3 had no issue in lying, cheating and treating you disrespectfully.

 

However, this poster has taken their responsibilities on. She has opened herself up to be judged by her own child.

 

It would have been much better if the other 3 adults gave a heads up to what was coming down the pike for this young boy. There was no need to blind side him, or make him collateral damage...just to give a poke at the OP.

 

I also find it disturbing that a Father would be so willing to have his children played off against each other. He should be trying to protect them all from any further hurts. He should be the one brokering a peaceful existence for his children, as he is the parent that they have in common.

[pteromom]

Yes, tell him. Finding out later will be much more painful. Also, keeping this secret gives your ex and his gf power over you and your child. By being honest, you take that power away.

[minimariah]

Its about seeing someone's character.

 

again -- none of this is the OP's fault. not seeing someone's character doesn't make you "partially to blame" for getting crapped on. it's as simple as that.

 

If a person treats one child like crap...a part of them. Where would one think they wouldn't do it to another one of their kids?

 

i actually have more than dozen examples of specifically men taking care of one child (the one they wanted) & being a FABULOUS fathers but never even giving a penny to the other kid (the one they DIDN'T want) - so there is that. that's not even a rarity -- a person being an amazing parent to one kid but totally ignoring the other. the OP wanted to preserve her family unit & pushed it while it was working out. nothing wrong with that.

 

So it's ok to enable (man or woman) to treat part of their blood like that & own no responsibility that you also put your own child in that situation?

 

the OP didn't enable him -- she simply lived her own life and took care of her own family. and no, she didn't put her child in that situation -- how on Earth did she "put" her child in a position to be abandoned by his own father?

 

the victim blaming is absolutely ridiculous! once again, the OP did NOTHING wrong. like, do you think it is that easy to pick up your kid & separate him from his father just because the father isn't taking care of some random kid he had with the OW so you're worried that he'll do the same to you? especially if he was an okay, good dad to the OP's kid priror to him leaving?

 

besides, it is actually quite usual for men to NOT take care of their illegitimate children. that doesn't mean at all that they don't take care of the legitimate ones -- most of them do.

 

I'm not saying worry about the other child, I'm saying putting your own child in the situation to trust a person you knew that has shown to be untrust worthy.

 

the man is that child's father -- the child WILL trust him, like it or not. and the OP did the right thing because, as painful as it is, the child needs to realize for himself how untrustworthy his father is.

 

She was out for her own (which is fine) but now is upset that OP is posting pics of "her" child. Can't be out for your own & mad when another woman is doing the same.

 

you got some things confused.

 

the OP is upset because the father refuses to tell his son the truth & isn't monitoring what appears on his FB -- knowing that his kid will see it. the OP is upset about father not being careful (the OP did what she could, filtered the FB & the other things...). also, the OW who is not the other child's mother keeps posting those pictures to taunt the OP & her family - THAT'S what makes the OP mad. not the fact that this dude decided to be a good father.

Edited June 3, 2015 by minimariah

[Wondering33]

again -- none of this is the OP's fault. not seeing someone's character doesn't make you "partially to blame" for getting crapped on. it's as simple as that.

 

 

 

i actually have more than dozen examples of specifically men taking care of one child (the one they wanted) & being a FABULOUS fathers but never even giving a penny to the other kid (the one they DIDN'T want) - so there is that. that's not even a rarity -- a person being an amazing parent to one kid but totally ignoring the other. the OP wanted to preserve her family unit & pushed it while it was working out. nothing wrong with that.

 

 

 

the OP didn't enable him -- she simply lived her own life and took care of her own family. and no, she didn't put her child in that situation -- how on Earth did she "put" her child in a position to be abandoned by his own father?

 

the victim blaming is absolutely ridiculous! once again, the OP did NOTHING wrong. like, do you think it is that easy to pick up your kid & separate him from his father just because the father isn't taking care of some random kid he had with the OW so you're worried that he'll do the same to you? especially if he was an okay, good dad to the OP's kid priror to him leaving?

 

besides, it is actually quite usual for men to NOT take care of their illegitimate children. that doesn't mean at all that they don't take care of the legitimate ones -- most of them do.

 

 

 

the man is that child's father -- the child WILL trust him, like it or not. and the OP did the right thing because, as painful as it is, the child needs to realize for himself how untrustworthy his father is.

 

 

 

you got some things confused.

 

the OP is upset because the father refuses to tell his son the truth & isn't monitoring what appears on his FB -- knowing that his kid will see it. the OP is upset about father not being careful (the OP did what she could, filtered the FB & the other things...). also, the OW who is not the other child's mother keeps posting those pictures to taunt the OP & her family - THAT'S what makes the OP mad. not the fact that this dude decided to be a good father.

 

Bottom line if a man has a kid with anyone & doesn't own up...he's a piece of crap & if a woman thinks that's ok in any situation...she's no better. So it's ok to say it's only the father's responseablity to tell the child they have a sibling but if the lie later on effects that same child, the mother has no part in that? Um no, the mother of the child has every part in that bc she helped enable the lie.

 

Once someone has a child all rules change. She knew he had another kid, just bc you forgive the A doesn't mean that child goes away & it's never a child's fault...EVER! So that kid shouldn't have to "hide" bc their father is a jerk & another woman thinks they should. The father is a jerk & it's his fault he had a child out of wedlock but in no way should that child be told he should stay hidden bc it hurts the other family! That kid has EVERY RIGHT to have pics on his father's Facebook. No kid should suffer bc the parents are idiots & jerks! Be mad at him for A be mad at OW for A but to say how dare her posts pics of his kid, is ridiculous. That kid is every ounce the father's child as her's is... Like it or not.

[minimariah]

Bottom line if a man has a kid with anyone & doesn't own up...he's a piece of crap & if a woman thinks that's ok in any situation...she's no better.

 

i disagree.

 

So it's ok to say it's only the father's responseablity to tell the child they have a sibling but if the lie later on effects that same child, the mother has no part in that? Um no, the mother of the child has every part in that bc she helped enable the lie.

 

yeah, it is ONLY the father's responsibility because the kid is ONLY his and it came as a result of HIS affair. furthermore -- the OP (& both the father) were actually RIGHT to lie to their child about the sibling because the OP's child is only around 8 years old. you need to be careful with infos like those and disclose them when the child is old enough to understand what's happening -- sooner IF the circumstances force you to (like in this case). you're acting as if lying to the kid about the affair child was wrong - it wasn't.

 

Once someone has a child all rules change.

 

rules change for the PARENTS of that child and for nobody else.

 

She knew he had another kid, just bc you forgive the A doesn't mean that child goes away & it's never a child's fault...EVER!

 

we agree -- it is never a child's fault but i really fail to understand what does that child have to do with the OP. that's just another random kid to her, she isn't responsible for that kid, that kid's wellbeing isn't her responsibility. like, i am sure she really doesn't care about that child & wishes him or her no harm and you're trying to make it seem as if the OP somehow wronged the kid. nah.

 

So that kid shouldn't have to "hide" bc their father is a jerk & another woman thinks they should.

 

again - that's not ANY of the OP's business.

and the problem is not about publishing the pics on the FB, it's about taunting another kid with them without that kid knowing the truth.

 

The father is a jerk & it's his fault he had a child out of wedlock but in no way should that child be told he should stay hidden bc it hurts the other family!

 

the OP isn't saying that the child should stay hidden. the OP simply thinks that the info should've been disclosed BY THE FATHER before those pictures were posted on the FB. in this situation -- the child #1 found out about the child #2 literally through FB. again, the affair kid shouldn't be hidden but there is a time & a way to disclose that information.

 

also, the kid #1 can decide if he even wants to have a relationship with the kid #2. they don't even have to meet if the OP's child doesn't want to.

 

That kid has EVERY RIGHT to have pics on his father's Facebook. No kid should suffer bc the parents are idiots & jerks! Be mad at him for A be mad at OW for A but to say how dare her posts pics of his kid, is ridiculous. That kid is every ounce the father's child as her's is... Like it or not.

 

again -- for the OP & her child, that other child is completely irrelevant. like it or not. let his father deal with him, how is that ANY of the OP's business? it IS the OP's business when that same father hints at having another kid to his first kid through FACEBOOK.

 

the thing is - you cannot post the kid's pics on FB when your other kid doesn't even know about it and YOU KNOW they'll see the pictures with captions and wonder. it just isn't right. again, nobody gives a crap about the pictures on the FB -- but it's awful that the pictures were published and posted KNOWING that the other kid will be affected by it. it's irresponsible, that's all.

 

the OP's only focus is HER CHILD and nobody else. that being said, she needs to protect her child = remove the father from the FB or monitor the timeline and delete the pics with that other kid. no mother will allow her child to be taunted by the pictures like that. worry for you and yours, who cares about the affair, affair partner and affair child. that's someone else's business, as simple as that.

Edited June 3, 2015 by minimariah

[Sub]

It's good that you finally told him & I understand you not liking the OW but she shouldn't have to hide her child bc you couldn't be honest with yours.

 

Reread the OP. It wasn't OW2/GF's child. It was the child of the first OW that OW2 was posting a picture of.

 

And Raena has handled this situation as best she could, all things considered. I don't blame her for anything.

[Wondering33]

i disagree.

 

 

 

yeah, it is ONLY the father's responsibility because the kid is ONLY his and it came as a result of HIS affair. furthermore -- the OP (& both the father) were actually RIGHT to lie to their child about the sibling because the OP's child is only around 8 years old. you need to be careful with infos like those and disclose them when the child is old enough to understand what's happening -- sooner IF the circumstances force you to (like in this case). you're acting as if lying to the kid about the affair child was wrong - it wasn't.

 

 

 

rules change for the PARENTS of that child and for nobody else.

 

 

 

we agree -- it is never a child's fault but i really fail to understand what does that child have to do with the OP. that's just another random kid to her, she isn't responsible for that kid, that kid's wellbeing isn't her responsibility. like, i am sure she really doesn't care about that child & wishes him or her no harm and you're trying to make it seem as if the OP somehow wronged the kid. nah.

 

 

 

again - that's not ANY of the OP's business.

and the problem is not about publishing the pics on the FB, it's about taunting another kid with them without that kid knowing the truth.

 

 

 

the OP isn't saying that the child should stay hidden. the OP simply thinks that the info should've been disclosed BY THE FATHER before those pictures were posted on the FB. in this situation -- the child #1 found out about the child #2 literally through FB. again, the affair kid shouldn't be hidden but there is a time & a way to disclose that information.

 

also, the kid #1 can decide if he even wants to have a relationship with the kid #2. they don't even have to meet if the OP's child doesn't want to.

 

 

 

again -- for the OP & her child, that other child is completely irrelevant. like it or not. let his father deal with him, how is that ANY of the OP's business? it IS the OP's business when that same father hints at having another kid to his first kid through FACEBOOK.

 

the thing is - you cannot post the kid's pics on FB when your other kid doesn't even know about it and YOU KNOW they'll see the pictures with captions and wonder. it just isn't right. again, nobody gives a crap about the pictures on the FB -- but it's awful that the pictures were published and posted KNOWING that the other kid will be affected by it. it's irresponsible, that's all.

 

the OP's only focus is HER CHILD and nobody else. that being said, she needs to protect her child = remove the father from the FB or monitor the timeline and delete the pics with that other kid. no mother will allow her child to be taunted by the pictures like that. worry for you and yours, who cares about the affair, affair partner and affair child. that's someone else's business, as simple as that.

 

I'm sure you do disagree but unfortunately the courts disagree with you. If the mother in the U.S. goes for child support,the father will have to pay & if he doesn't he goes to jail & they don't care if he's married...& i don't care how many men you know that have ignored their kids. Doesn't make it right & its abusive. If you don't want a kid, use protection. Sounds like you know a lot of really irresponsible people.

[Wondering33]

i disagree.

 

 

 

yeah, it is ONLY the father's responsibility because the kid is ONLY his and it came as a result of HIS affair. furthermore -- the OP (& both the father) were actually RIGHT to lie to their child about the sibling because the OP's child is only around 8 years old. you need to be careful with infos like those and disclose them when the child is old enough to understand what's happening -- sooner IF the circumstances force you to (like in this case). you're acting as if lying to the kid about the affair child was wrong - it wasn't.

 

 

 

rules change for the PARENTS of that child and for nobody else.

 

 

 

we agree -- it is never a child's fault but i really fail to understand what does that child have to do with the OP. that's just another random kid to her, she isn't responsible for that kid, that kid's wellbeing isn't her responsibility. like, i am sure she really doesn't care about that child & wishes him or her no harm and you're trying to make it seem as if the OP somehow wronged the kid. nah.

 

 

 

again - that's not ANY of the OP's business.

and the problem is not about publishing the pics on the FB, it's about taunting another kid with them without that kid knowing the truth.

 

 

 

the OP isn't saying that the child should stay hidden. the OP simply thinks that the info should've been disclosed BY THE FATHER before those pictures were posted on the FB. in this situation -- the child #1 found out about the child #2 literally through FB. again, the affair kid shouldn't be hidden but there is a time & a way to disclose that information.

 

also, the kid #1 can decide if he even wants to have a relationship with the kid #2. they don't even have to meet if the OP's child doesn't want to.

 

 

 

again -- for the OP & her child, that other child is completely irrelevant. like it or not. let his father deal with him, how is that ANY of the OP's business? it IS the OP's business when that same father hints at having another kid to his first kid through FACEBOOK.

 

the thing is - you cannot post the kid's pics on FB when your other kid doesn't even know about it and YOU KNOW they'll see the pictures with captions and wonder. it just isn't right. again, nobody gives a crap about the pictures on the FB -- but it's awful that the pictures were published and posted KNOWING that the other kid will be affected by it. it's irresponsible, that's all.

 

the OP's only focus is HER CHILD and nobody else. that being said, she needs to protect her child = remove the father from the FB or monitor the timeline and delete the pics with that other kid. no mother will allow her child to be taunted by the pictures like that. worry for you and yours, who cares about the affair, affair partner and affair child. that's someone else's business, as simple as that.

 

 

BTW- yes a mother can post pics of her child to the father's page at anytime she wants! & you say she should protect her child but then say it's was only the responsibility of the father to tell her child that they have a sibling. You're not making any sense at all.

[Wondering33]

Reread the OP. It wasn't OW2/GF's child. It was the child of the first OW that OW2 was posting a picture of.

 

And Raena has handled this situation as best she could, all things considered. I don't blame her for anything.

 

It doesn't matter what OP was. All I'm saying is it's his child. He's a jerk but this time it just didn't "happen" to her. She knew he had a kid from the 1st OW, she forgave him & was ok with him ignoring that kid & lied to her son about having a sibling. I feel bad for her that she married a jerk but she made a choice to go back with him while knowing he had another kid. All I'm saying is the 2nd time around, she has to own her part in the lie to her son. She justified it by telling him but she can't be blaming everyone else when she knew & was part of the lie.

[Mrs. New Wife]

His current ow turned gf makes a point of rubbing things in my face... she's been doing it since we split up. I guess when she didn't get a response from me, she decided to up the ante so to speak and is now doing things to hurt my child. Lately she's been making sure to post pictures of my ex with his other child, to my exes fb page. My son is "friends" with his father on fb so that he can message with him and share pictures. I honestly think this girl is so jealous of me and of my child that's she's going out of her way to cause problems. This time it's about my child instead of me.

 

Just as an aside, but my husband's ex wife would swear up, down, left, right and sideways that I "rub things in her face" and that whatever I post on FB is really about her or somehow a dig at her. I won't even get into the hysterical drama that was my Facebook status update on Christmas Eve of "Running out the door to spend the holidays with my family, blah blah blah" and she lost her marbles because she thought I was referring to their kids as "my family" when, in the real world, my husband was getting the kids to surprise me and my family, aka my parents, who I was rushing out the door to meet for the holidays. Hysterical phone calls, walls of texts, furious claims I was attacking her, hurting the kids, or whatever my crime was that week when the problem wasn't me "attacking her" or using the kids as a weapon, but she was spying on my page, took something out of context, and flipped her lid.

 

Same with Pinterest. Same with Twitter. As we speak I pinned a motivational quote for running to a board that says "Running Tips" and she's yelling hysterically at my husband that I'm attacking her on social media again on what should have been his nightly call to his kids. And your ex is probably having the same discussion with his girlfriend that my husband will have with me when he hangs up... "Man, that woman is freaking mental."

 

Point being, while she may be doing these things to irritate you, she also may not be. Either way, the problem is easily solved by not going to his page, unfriending him, blocking them both, and going about your life.

 

And it really isn't your place to tell him what his girlfriend should and shouldn't post on his social media channels, especially if it implies he shouldn't acknowledge a child who's just as much a child of your ex's as your child is.

 

It's good that he has a positive attitude about it... for the moment. I'm hoping it stays that way because really, how it all happened is something he doesn't need to know. Not now. Someday he'll make the connection in their ages, but for now... for today...he doesn't need to know and he seems ok with it. Maybe it won't ever really matter to him.

 

And if he does, I'm sure you will answer him in an age-appropriate fashion. "Well, your Dad and I were having a rough time and during that time, he had a baby with somebody else. The important thing is we love you very much and we want nothing but the best for you."

 

Interestingly enough... he didn't want to call his father tonight. He didn't even mention it. But that could just be that we kept busy right up until bedtime today.

 

That day of all days, you should have really encouraged him to call his Dad. This is where co-parenting sucks. You have to do what you can to protect his relationship with his father when your child is with you as you do cultivating your own relationship with your child. All part of the "fun" of kids who have multiple households.

[AlwaysGrowing]

At the end of the day....the father should have been the one to disclose this information in a sensitive way. Instead, he allowed another woman to stir the pot. A pot...in which she put two young boys in....with no regard to their emotional well-being. OW2 sounds like a very reckless/self-absorbed person.

 

 

I think it is harsh to blame the OP for this mess. She is the only one willing to act like an adult. I do not understand condoning of what OW2 has done...in the slightest. To use a child to hurt their mother is about as low as a soul as you can get.