Cheated-reigniting the flame?

[czen]

So, long story short, I've been with this one woman for two years now. Both still in college, but graduating soon and moving to a new place over the summer.

 

Now, she is gone for the entire month, for some internship somewhere. So I had plenty of free time, and with that I decided to act like an idiot and meet up with some girls.

 

Now I sorta went on a date earlier this week. It was mostly for me to " get it out of my system". I even told myself "This is the last time you're ever going to do something like this." I had a pretty boring sexual life (was the awkward kid throughout highschool, had to long relationships after that) so I never really led that single life.

 

Date went quite well, it really felt quite liberating, as I finally could be all flirty and confident again. I also started noticing that this wasn't about the prospect of sex or anything like that. I did kiss her though, but I ended things there.

 

Now I have been thinking a lot about this, and I hope someone can make sense of my thoughts.

1. As I said, I vowed not to do any of this stuff again. But now I went on this date, I've been thinking about going on another date with this girl. Not for the sex or anything, but just to feel like that single ladies man I guess.

2. Another reason is that I'm noticing I am falling for her. Now, this quite worries me, but I am assuming this is merely the result from feeling liberated, but still. There is no real future with her though, as like I said, I am leaving. Plus I want to stay with my current girlfriend...

3. But since the date I have been questioning this. Obviously something is wrong if that date was probably the highlight of my year so far. Especially lately we have been quite tense, talking about problems, she is getting caught up in shows I don't like, etc. So we have been a bit distant. And definitely not flirty.

 

Now I am assuming the advice is that I let the fire go out in the relationship and I should reignite it, but how? Or maybe me and her are not a good match after all?

[smackie9]

When you get married you should have absolutely no doubt in your mind that this is the woman you want to be with for the rest of your life....you ain't even close to that. If you have gone out to get something out of your system behind your GF's back, then no you both are not a match.

[Darren Steez]

So one date "to get it out of your system"

One kiss "to get it out of your system"

Another date (because obviously you're still in contact with her) "to get it out of your system

And you're falling for her "to get it..."

 

Here's an idea. Break up with your lady, or tell her that's you've been going on dates and talking to other women.

 

Then you can go on as many dates as you want.

 

So simple!

[czen]

So one date "to get it out of your system"

One kiss "to get it out of your system"

Another date (because obviously you're still in contact with her) "to get it out of your system

And you're falling for her "to get it..."

 

Here's an idea. Break up with your lady, or tell her that's you've been going on dates and talking to other women.

 

Then you can go on as many dates as you want.

 

So simple!

Good advice, but I don't want to do that.

 

Yeah, I know what I did was wrong, which is why intend to not do it again. It was more of an experiment than anything else, how awful that might sound. However, the whole experience showed me how, I wouldn't say unhappy, but how mundane life has become with my girlfriend. I did not expect it to do that.

 

I'm a true believer in that a relationship is work, and that it for a big part depends on if you can put in the effort. Like with this new girl, I'm sure it's mostly the grass is greener thing and with her the newness would wear off after a year or so.

 

So what can I do to reignite it? Or are you not supposed to ever reignite it and just let it go?

[ExpatInItaly]

Good advice, but I don't want to do that.

 

Yeah, I know what I did was wrong, which is why intend to not do it again. It was more of an experiment than anything else, how awful that might sound. However, the whole experience showed me how, I wouldn't say unhappy, but how mundane life has become with my girlfriend. I did not expect it to do that.

 

I'm a true believer in that a relationship is work, and that it for a big part depends on if you can put in the effort. Like with this new girl, I'm sure it's mostly the grass is greener thing and with her the newness would wear off after a year or so.

 

So what can I do to reignite it? Or are you not supposed to ever reignite it and just let it go?

 

You stop cheating, first and foremost.

 

Then you ask yourself why you thought it was a good idea to go on dates with other women.

 

You need to be honest with yourself. You're bored and the current situation isn't working. Drop all contact with all other women immediately. Focus that attention on your girlfriend. Sometimes a relationship just runs its course. People grow apart. I personally think you're not ready for a long-term relationship if that's how you chose to deal with the challenges.

[No Limit]

Break up with your girlfriend and pursue the single life. If curiousity is enough to make you cheat and betray your partner you aren't long-term relationship material, and college relationships don't last anyway.

[Lois_Griffin]

Look, you and your girlfriend are still very young - you're both in college.

 

The relationship has obviously run it's course. That's what happens when you're young. Your desire to want to pursue someone else is a clear indication that your present relationship is no longer enough for you, and that's just how it is - whether it's right or wrong.

 

It IS what it is.

 

Sure, you can try to breathe new life into it and that may work for a spell. But at your age, I don't know why you feel your current relationship HAS to be he only one you'll ever have.

[smackie9]

Asking how to re-ignite your feelings for your GF is YOU being in denial of what is truly happening to you. Lois is right, your relationship has run it's course, admit it you lost that lovin feeling for your GF. Time to face reality.