Author OldSoul86 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Share Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) I read this entire thread and you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. No question about it. Your personality comes shining through in your posts, and you describe her very fairly. She is never going to change and that would have been a miserable life for you. As I read the thread I was actually wondering what you ever saw in her. People like you are exactly the types that make wonderful fathers. And you have the family support and good background to ensure that this will carry on. That reason alone is enough for you to move on... but her lack of manners and just outright rude behavior is inexcusable at her age; I don't care what kind of upbringing she had. Her emailing you and being sorry is just words. If she's sorry, that's just fine, but it's too little and too late. Her being sorry will NEVER make her change. She isn't sorry that she behaved the way she did - she is just sorry she lost you. And if her timing was to upset you on your happy day, then all the more horrible - an emotionally manipulative person you DO NOT need in your life. As the poster above said - block her contact if she is refusing to respect your wishes. I had a somewhat similar experience in that I received unwanted "apologetic" contact from a LDR after I had repeatedly asked for it to stop - and it set me back too. But it didn't set me back in that I wanted him or the relationship back - just that it stirred up memories that were negative and kept me (VERY temporarily) from moving on, something I desperately wanted/needed to do. Do not second-guess your decision! Best to you Thank you so much for your thoughtful and inspiring post Hope Shimmers! Your post was pretty much exactly what I needed to read right now, spot on! Having never dumped someone, I have never thought so hard about a decision in my life. The amount of thought I have put into this over the last little while is staggering. It is nice to know that people who are objective and have my best interests at heart see that I made the right decision. Personally, my emotions are still pretty raw - and once I have had some time to digest this and get some much needed objectivity I am sure that I will be thanking my lucky stars that I made the decision I did. I mean it is one thing to second guess yourself if one or two people saw things they didn't like about the relationship, but it is completely another when everyone shares the same sentiment (also people had noticed my once positive vibe drastically taking a negative turn.) I honestly think that she came into my life when I was feeling particularly lonely, and I latched on to her because she was the only woman giving me the attention I sorely desired. This is something I REALLY need to be cognizant about now, because loneliness played a large part in developing the relationship. I too agree with you that she's only sorry because she lost me. A lot of the things she said in the email truly point to that. It's much like "you're only sorry you got caught" in some strange similarity. Once again thank you for your input, and your post that truly resonated with me. Edited June 14, 2015 by OldSoul86 Clarity Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 You're absolutely right that I need to stop giving in and responding to contact from her. I use a Gmail account and you currently cannot block access to an email address... Hmmm... Really? You might want to take a look here. Best, TMichaels 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OldSoul86 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Share Posted June 14, 2015 Hmmm... Really? You might want to take a look here. Best, TMichaels Thanks for the link TMichaels. I think I will just go ahead and create a new email address all together, filtering seems like a bit of a half-measure and in my case I'd struggle to not look in the spam/trash folder. I appreciate the help though. Link to post Share on other sites
Starchild6877 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Hi. I can relate to your girlfriend because I have social anxiety as well. I can almost assure you that she's not trying to be rude to you or your parents. Its just a genuine fear for some people to meet social anxiety because in our minds, we're worrying about every last detail and it's very hard to relax when you're constantly stressing yourself over something. When she didn't say thank you, I bet that she was so nervous that she wasn't living in the moment. I get like that myself, wanting to hurry up and escape a social situation so badly that I might not notice some things. As far as you being her first serious relationship, how is that a red flag? Some people like to figure out what they want before they get into relationships and you might have been the only guy that she really likes. That's not her fault. As far as your family, they seem kind of intrusive to me. They're judging her because she has social anxiety and I'm sure that you're girlfriend senses it. Whenever people like us feel inadequate, it's hard to even function socially with whoever's making us feel that way because we'll feel like no matter what we say, we're being judged negatively. I suggest that you sit her and your parents down all together but talk to them separately beforehand. You should explain to your girlfriend that it's important to you that her and your family get along and to put in a little more effort and you should tell your parents to go easy on her and be patient. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her that skype is very important to you since you two are in a long distance relationship and that you'd like if she visited more. Tell he that you feel that you're putting in all the effort. Also, discuss the issue about kids with her and tell her that you may want kids in the future and see what she says from there Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Starchild6877 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Just saw that you dumped her. I'm sorry to hear that but I still wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OldSoul86 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 (edited) Hi. I can relate to your girlfriend because I have social anxiety as well. I can almost assure you that she's not trying to be rude to you or your parents. Its just a genuine fear for some people to meet social anxiety because in our minds, we're worrying about every last detail and it's very hard to relax when you're constantly stressing yourself over something. When she didn't say thank you, I bet that she was so nervous that she wasn't living in the moment. I get like that myself, wanting to hurry up and escape a social situation so badly that I might not notice some things. As far as you being her first serious relationship, how is that a red flag? Some people like to figure out what they want before they get into relationships and you might have been the only guy that she really likes. That's not her fault. As far as your family, they seem kind of intrusive to me. They're judging her because she has social anxiety and I'm sure that you're girlfriend senses it. Whenever people like us feel inadequate, it's hard to even function socially with whoever's making us feel that way because we'll feel like no matter what we say, we're being judged negatively. I suggest that you sit her and your parents down all together but talk to them separately beforehand. You should explain to your girlfriend that it's important to you that her and your family get along and to put in a little more effort and you should tell your parents to go easy on her and be patient. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her that skype is very important to you since you two are in a long distance relationship and that you'd like if she visited more. Tell he that you feel that you're putting in all the effort. Also, discuss the issue about kids with her and tell her that you may want kids in the future and see what she says from there Good luck Thanks for the reply Starchild. I completely sympathize with her social anxiety and that was not the deal breaker at all (although I hope and pray that she sees this as a huge learning opportunity to work through some of her anxieties for her next relationship.) In fact I tried multiple times to help her integrate with the people in my life, but it just did not work. The distance worked against us too, being that it was hard for her to get time off of work to come and get to know the people in my life. In the end, I was not happy and being in a long distance relationship is not for me - I need to find someone local who I can share my life with. I think I did both of us a favour, even though right now it hurts us both. The deal breaker was her not wanting to have kids and me wanting to have them. I loved her regardless of her social anxiety, but I could not get past the fact that we want different things in our lives and the fact that being with her was turning me into somebody I never want to become (negative and reclusive.) Edited June 16, 2015 by OldSoul86 Clarity Link to post Share on other sites
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