i still need some advice, i'm so confused!

[greta]

okay so i posted this problem a couple days ago and after reading the responses i've decided that i did not make things real clear so please bear with me while i try again.

 

i've been with this guy almost three years now, we are both in our thirties. in the beginning we had alot of problems such as my jealousy and control and his sarcastic, hollier then thou attitude.

 

well we have come along way on both parts, and i have learned that he is fairly trustworthy and he has learned to control his temper.

 

so what is wrong with me then? we have a life together, we work out together just about six days a week, we have our little place we go to every sat. night.

 

we have our talk time in the morning and in the evening we watch movies and or t.v. and once in a while go out.

 

at times i feel like i hold him back from living his life. he does not want to sit at home all the time, he likes to get out and do things.

 

he wants to go out more, he wants to go on short vacations, etc. and i am such a home body. tho we never really fight or argue about these things still i feel that i hold him back.

 

so, i don't think it is him or us i think that it is something in me wanting to be free or something for a lack of a better reason i say free.

 

i almost yearn for a fight and for him to become the way he use to be so i can leave and feel justified about it.

 

i have done so much soul searching on this and i just for the life of me can't figure out what i want.

 

i think if i left him i would miss him horribly for a long time, yet apart of me just wants to up and go!

 

what to do what to do? any ideas? thanks for the previous help, maybe if i had been more detailed then i would not have to sit and do this again.

 

but thanks to all again for listening and helping me.

[Juds]

Dear Greta

 

From what you have described, your relationship does sound pretty normal for the most part, perhaps lacking a little excitement, but there seems to be an overall level of comfort that most relationships end up at.

 

Personally I think that this "wanting to break free" of yours sounds like boredom. Do you spend much time with your friends? Do you do things that YOU want to do? Pursue hobbies etc.? Perhaps you need to get out and about and do your own thing. If you spent a little time pursuing your own interests, I can bet you'll lose this "freedom" thing. As soon as you feel a little happier about yourself, then I'm sure that will shine through in your own contentment within your relationship.

 

My personality is much the same as yours and whilst I am now in a happy relationship, the "freedom" thing never really leaves me - I think I'm just a bit of a free spirit.

 

Your relationship sounds pretty good and you say you love him, so think very carefully about leaving just because you're in a rut. Good relationships aren't easy to come by, so I would try everything before just walking.

[sparkle]

Hi Greta,

 

The only problem I see here is boredom. You are spending way too much time with him and getting bored. Look at the way you described your weekly schedule with him:

 

"we work out together just about six days a week"

 

"we have our little place we go to every sat. night"

 

"we have our talk time in the morning"

 

"in the evening we watch movies and or t.v. and once in a while go out."

 

You're in such a predictable routine with him. Everything is the same every week. Of course you're going to be bored. Be spontaneous. Put some variety in your life. I'm SURE he's probably bored out of his mind. He even indicates that he wants to go out and do stuff. What makes you hold him back?

 

Do you hang out with your girlfriends? Do you hang out with co-workers or classmates or family every now and then? Do you do things on your own?

 

You need to have a life OUTSIDE of this guy. You need time away from him. That does not mean you love him any less. He needs time to hang out with his guy friends and not be with you 24-7. It doesn't mean he likes you any less either.

 

I guarantee, the more things you two start doing on your own and incorporating your own interests and friends in your daily life, the less you two will be bored with each other.

 

Like the quote, "absence makes the heart grow fonder". When you're away from him, you'll probably think about him more, you'll probably desire to be with him more.

 

You have to make your relationship interesting too. Change your routine. Don't always go by schedule. Let him work out on his own. You can do the same sometimes if you want. Go out and do other activities besides sitting home and watching TV.

 

Don't just give up without even TRYING to make this relationship better. You can't just leave him without at least working things out. Make your relationship more interesting and less of a planned routine, and if it still doesn't make you feel better, then you can consider leaving him.