much appreciated

[Yummm]

Emotional overload guys.. Was having a great day then this happened:

 

4 weeks post BU and i'm dying to contact my ex, but I haven't.

 

It doesn't help that she works 2 minutes from me, so let me recap you on what just happened.

 

I went out for lunch, walked down the road and guess what? She was there, looked straight into my eyes and continued walking, as did I.

 

GUESS WHAT? I just got back to the office and after 3 weeks no contact she just popped me a message: 'Lol talk about bad timing' .............................

 

I haven't yet responded, and am unsure whether or not I should. Is she digging at me and being rude? Or is she just wanting attention?

 

Please help

[imbax]

I wouldn't think of it too much, just send her a polite carefree text like "lol yeah" and go back to NC

[Ariess10]

Emotional overload guys.. Was having a great day then this happened:

 

4 weeks post BU and i'm dying to contact my ex, but I haven't.

 

It doesn't help that she works 2 minutes from me, so let me recap you on what just happened.

 

I went out for lunch, walked down the road and guess what? She was there, looked straight into my eyes and continued walking, as did I.

 

GUESS WHAT? I just got back to the office and after 3 weeks no contact she just popped me a message: 'Lol talk about bad timing' .............................

 

I haven't yet responded, and am unsure whether or not I should. Is she digging at me and being rude? Or is she just wanting attention?

 

Please help

I wouldn't respond , I mean think about it what is it really gonna help if you do? I don't know what I would do if my ex texted me , I would have to really think about it. I mean nothing is gonna change, so why go backwards ?

[Yummm]

Imbax, I appreciate your response but I think sending that text is pointless, and unnecessarily breaks NC.

 

The annoying thing is, if she were to say 'hey how are you, I just saw you' I would feel much LESS inclined to message her back as it is just breadcrumbs, but 'Lol talk about bad timing' - is she just being rude and digging at me? What does it mean?

 

I've seen her before recently, she's even gone past my house and waved at me with no contact, why now and why this ****ty message?

[Ruby65]

Why now? She's over you and assumes you feel the same way and that you can be "friends" now. Ugghh.

 

You don't owe her a response to that text.

 

It's not worded so any response is called for -- it's a statement, not a question.

 

The only message you need ever reply to is: I made a huge mistake and want to get back together.

 

Keep moving on -- and if you're not strong enough to block her completely on your phone, then just delete it and ignore.

[aloneinaz]

 

I've seen her before recently, she's even gone past my house and waved at me with no contact, why now and why this ****ty message?

 

 

Because she's TESTING you to see if you're still all gaga over her and she still has you wrapped around her finger. She's playing games, nothing more, nothing less. If you reply in any fashion, she will know she still has all this power over you and you can still be her fall back plan.

 

 

Don't be her floor mat! Stay NC and keep healing and moving on with your life. Hopefully soon, you'll come to the realization that you don't EVER want this person back. You'll then move on and meet someone who does want you in their life. Think how good it would feel to walk by the ex with you new GF at lunch and then get to walk by her!

[DexterLS]

Don't respond. She wants to know if she still has control over you. Ignore her.

[Yummm]

Thank you all. I overcame my 'blip' and feel much better.

 

I deleted the message and know that deep down it's the right thing to do.

 

The thing playing on my mind is why she said that. If it was me, I would have said 'hey, I just saw you, hope you're okay' or something like that! Obviously I can't look into exactly what she said too much as it's unhealthy, but 'Lol talk about bad timing' just seems so cold and unnecessary.

 

I know she wants attention, or she wouldn't have made contact, but that response seems like she thinks i'm stalking her, or she's angry that I went on her road during lunch, who knows, just confusing...

 

Plus, when we were together, she told me she instantly deleted her ex's phone number after they split, why has she still got mine? Even I have deleted hers...

 

Ehh

[DexterLS]

Thank you all. I overcame my 'blip' and feel much better.

 

I deleted the message and know that deep down it's the right thing to do.

 

The thing playing on my mind is why she said that. If it was me, I would have said 'hey, I just saw you, hope you're okay' or something like that! Obviously I can't look into exactly what she said too much as it's unhealthy, but 'Lol talk about bad timing' just seems so cold and unnecessary.

 

I know she wants attention, or she wouldn't have made contact, but that response seems like she thinks i'm stalking her, or she's angry that I went on her road during lunch, who knows, just confusing...

 

Plus, when we were together, she told me she instantly deleted her ex's phone number after they split, why has she still got mine? Even I have deleted hers...

 

Ehh

 

Stop thinking too much about it. It will drive you crazy.

 

You did the right thing.

[aloneinaz]

Stop thinking too much about it. It will drive you crazy.

 

You did the right thing.

 

 

 

My man, you are massively over thinking this. Never mind the content. The MEANING of her contact was to see if she still had power over you. Nothing more, nothing less..

 

 

Kudos to you for not biting at the bait! It speaks VOLUMES of her character that she's doing this silly $hit. Let her action reinforce your decision that she is not right for you.

[Yummm]

Thank you guys, much more calm now. You all really helped.

 

I get the context doesn't matter, just felt it was strange the way she approached it.

 

Do seemingly good people really get a kick out of that $hit? If I dumped somebody who I genuinely cared about, I would do the right thing and not contact them again unless I was so sure I made a mistake that I would do everything to make it right.

 

Do people really have this power trip stuff going on? Is it really all about power?

[aloneinaz]

 

Do people really have this power trip stuff going on? Is it really all about power?

 

In many cases, yes. They want to know that them contacting you will rattle you and provide them with some attention and adulation. In some cases, their intent MAY not be to be mean but rather it's driven by their insecurity. It's comforting to them and their egos to know someone is out there wanting them again. When the dumped vanish and don't respond to them, it can rattle them and their egos, especially after a few months. Why? cause maybe the grass wasn't greener. They are finding dating to suck or they've had one or two short relationships that were a disaster.

 

 

Often times, after 5-6 months of finding the grass isn't greener and the dumped have vanished from their lives, they will reappear wanting another chance due to be lonely, missing the comfort of a familiar relationship or being shocked and scared the dumpee has moved on.

 

 

My ex reappeared at 5 1/2 months. I had moved on and had a much better GF. She was told NO thanks. I'd NEVER go back to her again.

 

 

Keep ignoring her and stay strong. The longer you go in NC, the quicker you'll feel better and want to start dating to find someone who won't dump you.

[Dontunderstan]

I'm with you yum, I don't understand either. My story is a little different since the girl I was interested in wasn't completely over her ex which I was aware of from the start. She went back to her ex for the third time about a month ago and I was heartbroken. I still am actually. She still texts me everyday and she'll call and we talk for hours. I've been offered a job about an hour from her. Currently we are 16 hours apart. She's pretty excited about me moving closer.

 

Anyway, you have a pretty good head on your shoulders. I bet she regrets her decision and is wondering what might have been.

[aloneinaz]

She went back to her ex for the third time about a month ago and I was heartbroken. I still am actually. She still texts me everyday and she'll call and we talk for hours. I've been offered a job about an hour from her. Currently we are 16 hours apart. She's pretty excited about me moving closer.

 

 

I bet she regrets her decision and is wondering what might have been.[/QUOTE]

 

My friend, I see you're new here and I hope you spend a lot of time reading on this site. What you're doing by having daily or any contact with the girl who dumped you and went back to her boyfriend is letting her have her cake and eat it too. You're doing yourself zero favors by staying in contact with her. She sleeping with her ex boyfriend and getting/having contact with you as a back up plan if she decides to leave him or he dumps her. This is 100% wrong and I hope you come to realize this. At the end of the day, you're going to do what you want but I think you'll come to realize it's not in your best interests for you to move onto someone who wants you only.

 

 

If the OP's ex regrets her decision, then she needs to come out and tell him that and suggest they try again. Anything else from her is simply BS. If she does say she wants another try, then the OP can take a risk of giving it to her and getting dumped a second time.

[minime13]

Thank you guys, much more calm now. You all really helped.

 

I get the context doesn't matter, just felt it was strange the way she approached it.

 

Do seemingly good people really get a kick out of that $hit? If I dumped somebody who I genuinely cared about, I would do the right thing and not contact them again unless I was so sure I made a mistake that I would do everything to make it right.

 

Do people really have this power trip stuff going on? Is it really all about power?

 

I don't think she's getting a kick out of it, and I don't think she is intently doing this. She saw you, and then acted like you didn't even exist, in person. That text was likely just a reflection of guilt over the break-up and that encounter. I don't think evil motives were in the works here.

 

Either way, good job for not responding. It's precisely what you needed to do. It will get better.

[Yummm]

Aren't all these games terrible? Since when does life and love have to be a whole bunch of games.

 

I guess I'm just too naive, I'm straight to the point, honest and have integrity - it sucks that a lot of people don't.

 

Whether or not she got a kick out of it doesn't matter to me, and to be clear, I do NOT want to get back together with her. The longer she has gone without crawling back to me saying she has made a mistake, the more I am distancing myself emotionally. I did love her, and do care for her, but possibly now just love the idea of the relationship we had. Once I start feeling comfortable in my own space and enjoying single life again, I believe i'll be over her pretty quickly (I hope )

 

Still think that 'Lol talk about bad timing' is such a weird way to start a conversation considering you haven't spoken for weeks. Perhaps she was just trying to make light of the awkward situation? Yeah, I know I shouldn't be caring or worrying what/why she did it, and I won't act on it, but it's still playing on my mind!

 

Once again thank you for your posts, you guys have really helped me get through the day

[DexterLS]

Aren't all these games terrible? Since when does life and love have to be a whole bunch of games.

 

I guess I'm just too naive, I'm straight to the point, honest and have integrity - it sucks that a lot of people don't.

 

Whether or not she got a kick out of it doesn't matter to me, and to be clear, I do NOT want to get back together with her. The longer she has gone without crawling back to me saying she has made a mistake, the more I am distancing myself emotionally. I did love her, and do care for her, but possibly now just love the idea of the relationship we had. Once I start feeling comfortable in my own space and enjoying single life again, I believe i'll be over her pretty quickly (I hope )

 

Still think that 'Lol talk about bad timing' is such a weird way to start a conversation considering you haven't spoken for weeks. Perhaps she was just trying to make light of the awkward situation? Yeah, I know I shouldn't be caring or worrying what/why she did it, and I won't act on it, but it's still playing on my mind!

 

Once again thank you for your posts, you guys have really helped me get through the day

 

When you do good things, you expect good things to happen to you. The truth is, it doesn't always work this way.

 

Even though you do not want to get back with her, you still seem to have a lot of unresolved feelings towards her.

 

I just pray that you stick with NC and get over this asap. All the best mate

[Dontunderstan]

I think she was just trying to make light of the situation. Maybe she ran the whole encounter back through her mind and realized she could have come off as rude so she sent the text to make light of it all.

[aloneinaz]

Aren't all these games terrible? Since when does life and love have to be a whole bunch of games.

 

 

Yea, I thought the same thing in high school and couldn't wait to get older so these stupid games wouldn't be there. Guess what. Games never go away. In all relationships. Some are more blatant than others but everyone does it.

 

 

I do NOT want to get back together with her.

 

 

This has to be your daily affirmation to yourself. It sounds corny but it works. Reinforcing with yourself that getting back together with her will only bring the same BS and risk you getting dumped again. Who wants that? When someone kicks you out of their life, they've lost all integrity. How can you ever believe them again? Clearly, they were perfectly fine letting you go and knowing you'd eventually find another person to sleep with and love and that thought didn't bother them.

 

 

 

Perhaps she was just trying to make light of the awkward situation? but it's still playing on my mind!

 

 

I think she was simply seeing if you'd reply to her since you've given here zero attention. She also knew it would get you thinking about her which is what she wanted. Many people absolutely BLOCK exes phone numbers or get new numbers so they don't have to deal with these issues.

[Yummm]

This has to be your daily affirmation to yourself. It sounds corny but it works. Reinforcing with yourself that getting back together with her will only bring the same BS and risk you getting dumped again. Who wants that? When someone kicks you out of their life, they've lost all integrity. How can you ever believe them again? Clearly, they were perfectly fine letting you go and knowing you'd eventually find another person to sleep with and love and that thought didn't bother them.

 

100% agree, and I keep telling this to myself daily. The longer she goes without crawling back the more genuine my belief of this is. I wouldn't be able to trust her again, nor want to have somebody so quick to drop me, romantically in my life again. But yeah it's only 4 weeks post BU so emotions still do run high hence my little blip earlier.

 

I've moved past why and what she said now. I guess my emotions are now telling me: "$hit, does this mean it's really over now? I ignored her and know that she isn't the type of person to come running back, she's stubborn, so does this mean she'll get the picture and never speak to me again?"

 

I also know that if she doesn't contact me again, it's best for me, but as BU is still pretty fresh this is also quite a frightening thought.

 

I think she was simply seeing if you'd reply to her since you've given here zero attention. She also knew it would get you thinking about her which is what she wanted. Many people absolutely BLOCK exes phone numbers or get new numbers so they don't have to deal with these issues.

 

I don't think i'm that desperate to do so, apart from getting into friendly banter on my birthday (1 week post BU) and smiling and waving to her when she did to me (2 weeks post BU) I have had really good self control and have either snapped myself out of it, or posted on here to help me through my negative times.

 

To be honest, I get more of a kick knowing that she can see my facebook, see my whatsapp timestamps and know that I haven't responded to her message today.

 

Meanwhile I haven't stalked her on facebook in over 2 weeks and deleted her number from my phone and whatsapp last weekend.

 

9:30pm - feel pretty positive! Tomorrow is 1 month after breakup!

[aloneinaz]

100% agree, and I keep telling this to myself daily. The longer she goes without crawling back the more genuine my belief of this is. I wouldn't be able to trust her again, nor want to have somebody so quick to drop me, romantically in my life again. But yeah it's only 4 weeks post BU so emotions still do run high hence my little blip earlier.

 

I've moved past why and what she said now. I guess my emotions are now telling me: "$hit, does this mean it's really over now? I ignored her and know that she isn't the type of person to come running back, she's stubborn, so does this mean she'll get the picture and never speak to me again?"

 

I also know that if she doesn't contact me again, it's best for me, but as BU is still pretty fresh this is also quite a frightening thought.

 

 

 

I don't think i'm that desperate to do so, apart from getting into friendly banter on my birthday (1 week post BU) and smiling and waving to her when she did to me (2 weeks post BU) I have had really good self control and have either snapped myself out of it, or posted on here to help me through my negative times.

 

To be honest, I get more of a kick knowing that she can see my facebook, see my whatsapp timestamps and know that I haven't responded to her message today.

 

Meanwhile I haven't stalked her on facebook in over 2 weeks and deleted her number from my phone and whatsapp last weekend.

 

9:30pm - feel pretty positive! Tomorrow is 1 month after breakup!

 

 

You need to rip the cord my friend. Block her on Facebook and everywhere else. She didn't want you in her life. As such, you should not allow her to see anything about your life on FB or anywhere else.

I know it sounds scary to think about "I'll never" when you're fresh from a break up. We all did that. As time passes w/NC that thought will pass quickly and you simply won't care.

 

 

I'll share a secret. I moved on from my last ex and found someone I really connected with that I'm still together with today. I blocked my ex from FB the day after we broke up because of what I said to you. About 5 months after the ex ended us, I un-blocked her. I was still harboring some anger even though I loved my new GF. She obviously wasn't a friend and could only view things that were set public. My current GF likes to post pics of us doing things and some "accidently" got on FB in the public setting. Now mind you, my new GF is better looking than my ex. Was it childish? Yup! Was it game playing? YUP.. Did it mean I still cared what she thought? Yup! But I'd never get back w/her.

 

 

Ironically, the ex did come back after 5 1/2- months with full blown dumpers remorse. Maybe the pictures on FB rattled her to know I was moving on. I know she acknowledged she saw them in one of her emails to me. Either way, she was told no thanks and best of luck!

 

 

You'll get there too. Hopefully you have a hotter GF if you ex shows back up and can tell her to pack sand too!

[Yummm]

Haha love the positivity oozing out of your posts mate!

 

I'm really happy for you and your new lady, hope it's a long future for the two of you.

 

I'm sure the time will come, not ready to remove her from facebook yet, probably for selfish reasons (as I know she's been looking at my profile). Been out with mates who are in love with their FB and IG apps and love taking pictures of us when we're out and posting them up, hehe!

 

As I said, taking it day by day, considering this afternoon was a complete meltdown, I've had a genuinely positive day! Hopefully tomorrow continues

[Yummm]

Hey guys!

 

So today is 1 month post break up.

 

The sun is out, feeling relatively positive today. After yesterdays melt down I proved to have alot of self control, I feel proud of myself.

 

Today, more of the realisation that "Damn, maybe she got the picture that I ignored her and she won't ever speak to me again" is playing on my mind, but ultimately I know that this is the best thing for me.

 

I really wish I didn't have to see her daily, once again this morning on my way to work she drove past my workplace on the way to her work, I made no eye contact.

 

Let's see how today goes!

[aloneinaz]

Hey guys!

 

So today is 1 month post break up.

 

The sun is out, feeling relatively positive today. After yesterdays melt down I proved to have alot of self control, I feel proud of myself.

 

Today, more of the realisation that "Damn, maybe she got the picture that I ignored her and she won't ever speak to me again" is playing on my mind, but ultimately I know that this is the best thing for me.

 

I really wish I didn't have to see her daily, once again this morning on my way to work she drove past my workplace on the way to her work, I made no eye contact.

 

Let's see how today goes!

 

 

Good for you my man! Proud of ya!

 

 

When I was dumped, I REALLY felt empowered when I went NC. I KNEW her not hearing from me was going to bother her. I personally didn't think she cared at the time nor did I think I'd hear from her again. I just simply felt like I was back in control by stay NC. Each day that passed made me stronger and felt better and better.

 

 

Stay on track w/this. You MAY hear from her again down the line and have the opportunity to say NO THANKS to a reconciliation. As soon as you're up to it, dip you toe back in the dating pool. Your next great love is out there waiting for you.

[Yummm]

Thank you buddy

 

This afternoon has been a little stale at work, hence being in my own head a little and having some negative thoughts, but hey, comes in waves right?

 

Going to power through work this month, hit the gym hard, focus on my health and get ready for a lovely holiday in July (going to Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia)!

 

I was meant to be going with her, so that still plays on my mind, but still ending up going with a bunch of good mates, so hopefully I have a blast and get over her even more.

 

Hopefully by the time I get back, I'll be happy with myself and can get back into the dating scene, I can't wait to find myself somebody who appreciates me for who I really am!

 

Hope you're all having a good day x