much appreciated

[DexterLS]

Proud of you brother.

 

Keep up the good work

[SankeCoffee]

I was suppose to go with my ex to Thailand, Cambodia, India, and Indonesia thats funny, She is still going cause a friend of hers is getting married, kinda bummed I have to miss out, Ill just have to go on my own another time. It looks amazing from what I have seen. As for the BU, stay strong. Im 1.5 months post BU, and went NC 3 days post BU . I still miss her at times, but I'm moving forward. It gets better

[Yummm]

So I am currently having a lovely BBQ with my friends this evening and suddenly I get a Facebook private message from my ex.

 

I haven't read it all, but from the pop up it isn't anything personal, just a generic message about her fundraising for cancer.

 

Thing is, she is mutual friends with all my friends having a BBQ with me, and she hasn't send ANY of them this message, which makes me believe that she is just looking for attention??

 

I don't think i'm going to read the message, and i'm definitely not going to reply. Just wanted find out what you people think?

 

Bear in mind, after a brief eye to eye encounter yesterday, she messaged me on whatsapp saying "Lol talk about bad timing" and I didn't respond.

 

Today another message (after previously 3 weeks NC)!

 

I hate silly games

 

Still feeling good though, even more so that I deleted her message and didn't respond. WIN for me

Edited June 4, 2015 by Yummm

[Yummm]

Why now? She's over you and assumes you feel the same way and that you can be "friends" now. Ugghh.

 

You don't owe her a response to that text.

 

It's not worded so any response is called for -- it's a statement, not a question.

 

The only message you need ever reply to is: I made a huge mistake and want to get back together.

 

Keep moving on -- and if you're not strong enough to block her completely on your phone, then just delete it and ignore.

 

Sorry, Ruby, I didn't see your response!

 

Thank you for this, I guess it makes sense.

 

If you look at my last post, you can see that she tried to approach me once again last night, are you sure it's just a friendly gesture and not an attention call?

[DexterLS]

Sorry, Ruby, I didn't see your response!

 

Thank you for this, I guess it makes sense.

 

If you look at my last post, you can see that she tried to approach me once again last night, are you sure it's just a friendly gesture and not an attention call?

 

It's an attention call, alright. Don't fall for her silly games and stick with NC.

[Yummm]

I agree, thanks mate.

 

I can't start assuming things either, she would be very immature if she thinks that i'm completely over her and we can be 'friends', I told her on the day of the BU that if she broke up with me I will be out of her life and not come back.

 

I also believe that it's an attention call, if she was respectful and didn't want me in her life, she wouldn't have responded and would have respected NC like we have been doing for the past 3 weeks.

 

I will NOT respond, don't worry. Hopefully a good weekend to come

[Yummm]

Tonight so far has been pretty hard, racing thoughts etc.. But I guess that's because I was on quite a high this week after the events that happened and now is some alone time.

 

Will ride it through and look forward to tomorrow evening!

 

Why she has reached out twice in 2 days still dwells on my mind.... please leave me alone girl!

[aloneinaz]

 

Why she has reached out twice in 2 days still dwells on my mind.... please leave me alone girl!

 

If you'd replied to her other contact, she would of disappeared again, happy and content that you're still her little pet with a wagging tail, waiting for her to love you again. The fact that she's being ignored is bothering her as she thinks she's lost her power over you. I say it here all the time "people hate to be ignored", especially when the person they dumped never had the balls to do it before.

 

 

It feels great to have the power back and know you have control now. She ended it and now you're in control by ignoring her stupid attempts at playing with your head.

 

 

When my ex ended our lousy relationship. I vanished. Dead silence. 5 1/2 months later she reappeared. She first stopped by my house (I was napping). Next day long, apologetic text. I deleted it and ignored her. Two weeks later an email saying she was trying to reach me. It was long, falling over herself, saying she didn't realize what she had, would beg for another chance, blah, blah, blah.. This pissed off my GF. She demanded I let her know I had a GF and good luck. This didn't stop her. She emailed again a month later and didn't stop despite me ignoring her.

 

 

People are simply selfish as is your ex. She dumped you and now won't let you move on and heal. It comforting to her knowing you're still out their longing for her love again (which hopefully isn't the case). She wants to keep you attached to her emotionally for her ego and so she's has a fallback plan.

 

 

You know absolutely what you should do.. Dead silence from your part. I bet she'll keep F'ing with you as she probably views this as a challenge and a game to get you to reply to her. If she tries in person, simply smile and walk away. She'll eventually take the hint.

 

 

In the mean time, when you're ready, start getting out there and finding someone who wants you in their life. There's a gazziloin women out there.

[philsach890]

Aww man Yummm your story resonates with me to the core and i can tell you that i have felt all the same emotions you have been feeling even though my relationship was a bit longer (3 years). I can totally relate i tried to fight for the connection but she said that it was gone and didnt want to fight for it.

 

I remember her telling me that her feelings have changed and she has changed and didnt want it anymore. I felt like i was talking to a complete stranger and i cant even begin to tell you how i felt at that point. One thing thats similar with you and i is that things were fine and then life happened. The going got tough and i was in a position where i became extremely stressed and vulnerable and with that comes sort form of negativity. The thing that made me so angry which im sure you can relate to is the fact that when the going got tough she just bailed on me. Just bottled it up and didnt communicate then one day tell you they dont love you anymore.

 

I feel you brother. Putting everything you had into the relationship and even dreamt and saw a future with them only to have snatched away from a complete stranger who resembles nothing of the happiness you saw previously.

 

I know im giving advice that i struggle myself to even take and understand but keep your head up and stay strong we can get through this. The hurt will be there and that might not change drastically but i got to a point where i almost committed suicide and i turned into a feral animal. 6 weeks later im alive and eating and sleeping and most importantly im living. I had 3 years taken from me and although i still feel pain and regret and guilt i fight everyday and take one small step at a time.

 

Keep it up brother

[Yummm]

Thank you for the kind words guys.

 

Yes, I know strict NC is what I should do and I will continue to do so.

 

Yesterday was a hard day, but today is better and can't wait to head out for drinks with my mates. Got a few ladies who used to be interested in me before my RS coming, so I can take a few pics and have a laugh... hopefully i'll feel good about it!

 

The pain is still there, but I'm thinking alot more logically over the past week. Heading into 5 weeks post BU and almost 4 weeks NC, still looking to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I feel it coming in the near future

 

Need to enjoy being single again!

[philsach890]

Thank you for the kind words guys.

 

Yes, I know strict NC is what I should do and I will continue to do so.

 

Yesterday was a hard day, but today is better and can't wait to head out for drinks with my mates. Got a few ladies who used to be interested in me before my RS coming, so I can take a few pics and have a laugh... hopefully i'll feel good about it!

 

The pain is still there, but I'm thinking alot more logically over the past week. Heading into 5 weeks post BU and almost 4 weeks NC, still looking to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I feel it coming in the near future

 

Need to enjoy being single again!

 

Maaaaate you have the best attitude honestly! Its good to hear your making progress, at 6 weeks post BU iv been thinking more logically aswel. I wish i had the same positivity and excitement as you have regarding my situation! Im sure il get there at some point, myt take a little longer with me being in a LTR but im happy your digging at it bro just keep riding towards that light

[aloneinaz]

Maaaaate you have the best attitude honestly! Its good to hear your making progress, at 6 weeks post BU iv been thinking more logically aswel. I wish i had the same positivity and excitement as you have regarding my situation! Im sure il get there at some point, myt take a little longer with me being in a LTR but im happy your digging at it bro just keep riding towards that light

 

 

You'll get there. We all do. Think how far you've come already in 6 short weeks.

 

 

Also, don't view your relationship as 3 lost years. That's not going to help. My ex and I spent 1.5 years together. She was a nightmare the last 6 months of it. I still view the time w/her as a good life experience even though the outcome wasn't great. We have to be thankful to have had time w/our exes and or friends we are longer on good terms with and take some positive out of the experiences. Just like we should chose to forgive them for their short comings.

 

 

Just my view.

[Yummm]

Hey guys, just posting my update:

 

So last night was a blast, it was the first time I got drunk and went to town clubbing since my breakup 1 month ago.

 

I genuinely had a great night, had a load of lady company, a load of dances and pictures taken..Although there were times when a song came on that we used to dance to, I felt a little low, but I had great mates who snapped me out of it and ended up having a great time!

 

Resisted the urge to drunk call my ex which I know you'll all be glad about, but the crazy thing is that I didn't actually have that many urges to do so!

 

I'm not sure if you would call this breaking NC though, on our way home, one of my friends said to me: 'Have you seen her FB status??' I told her I didn't and I don't plan on knowing, but because she was drunk she insisted on telling me 'her status says "what a lovely day with mommy but she now has to go home, so i'll be drowning my sorrows in vodka alone tonight".

 

So on my way home, drunk as a skunk, I give in and end up checking her facebook profile. Nothing new apart from her fundraising for cancer and going skydiving (WTF? she said she HATED skydiving and I was the one who always wanted to do that) and this latest status that I saw.

 

I didn't feel good nor bad about her telling me that, nor did I feel good or bad about stalking her FB profile... but would that be called breaking NC? I really hope not as I've done so well...

 

Anyway, overall a pretty fun night, feeling the hangover today though and a little less positive, but to be expected!

[Woon]

Good on you my friend! My 3year relationship ended 2 weeks ago, but not on totally bad terms. Actually spent a few hours with the ex today and yesterday. Also got a big weekend planned nexr weekend, lady friends and all that. And after reading this i feel that it is exactly what i need! Just some fun with the other sex, other than my ex.

[aloneinaz]

Yes, stalking an exes FB is breaking contact as you're now seeing what's she up too. You should have her blocked on FB so your not temped to view her and block on everything else.

 

 

The big rock here is you had a great time last night 30 days after the break up. That's huge. You're well on your way to consistently feeling better and putting that FAILED relationship totally behind you.

 

 

It's only going to get easier and easier to stay NC and hopefully in the near future, you'll start to casually date. Nothing helps our damaged self esteem than to be on a date where the person likes us and enjoys our company.

[Yummm]

Wow, i'm a bloody idiot.

 

Well there goes my good mood today. She was tagged in a picture with some mutual friends (I unfollowed them all so I have NO idea how it came up) and there we go.. stalking this morning.

 

She is wearing the dress I bought her which she was meant to wear for my birthday, looking ABSOLUTELY STUNNING.

 

I feel so rotten, and I know I brought it onto myself

[DexterLS]

Wow, i'm a bloody idiot.

 

Well there goes my good mood today. She was tagged in a picture with some mutual friends (I unfollowed them all so I have NO idea how it came up) and there we go.. stalking this morning.

 

She is wearing the dress I bought her which she was meant to wear for my birthday, looking ABSOLUTELY STUNNING.

 

I feel so rotten, and I know I brought it onto myself

 

Block all mutual friends. Stalking is breaking contact my friend. I did the same yesterday night and felt like **** for the rest of the evening.

 

I blocked my ex, her family, her friends and all our mutual friends have been instructed not to share anything with me.

[hunk]

Just block her, seriously. There is zero reason to have her on any form of social media. You're torturing yourself, kick the chair and block her.

[Woon]

Agreed. Ignorance is bliss.

[Pastmen]

I keep stalking my ex for some confirmation... It's like I want to see her with another guy on a picture kissing or something to just get it out of my head. Don't know why though because it would make me feel horrible. But at the same time I would lose all hope and that will help me in moving on.

I'm looking for a reason to hate her, or a reason why she broke up with me. If I see her with another boy I know it's probably GIGS or something.

[DexterLS]

I keep stalking my ex for some confirmation... It's like I want to see her with another guy on a picture kissing or something to just get it out of my head. Don't know why though because it would make me feel horrible. But at the same time I would lose all hope and that will help me in moving on.

I'm looking for a reason to hate her, or a reason why she broke up with me. If I see her with another boy I know it's probably GIGS or something.

 

It will not change anything.

 

I listened to audio messages of my cheating ex of 7 years telling how the other guy ****ed her. I also found photos of her with the other guy on her bed.

 

I still think about her every single day. You have to get rid of all the hopes by yourself. If you truly stick to NC, it will go away in time.

 

Good luck.

[Pastmen]

It will not change anything.

 

I listened to audio messages of my cheating ex of 7 years telling how the other guy ****ed her. I also found photos of her with the other guy on her bed.

 

I still think about her every single day. You have to get rid of all the hopes by yourself. If you truly stick to NC, it will go away in time.

 

Good luck.

 

Wow man... That probably sucked big time for you i'm sorry you had to go through that wow. Just reading that makes me think about it and if I would see that right now I would have a mental breakdown. I think it's just for the best to not stalk her anymore on social media. She doesn't actually know i'm breaking NC because I only look on social media but I have to do this for myself. If I would've seen such pictures of my ex man... I would cry so much. Good luck to you too.

[DexterLS]

Wow man... That probably sucked big time for you i'm sorry you had to go through that wow. Just reading that makes me think about it and if I would see that right now I would have a mental breakdown. I think it's just for the best to not stalk her anymore on social media. She doesn't actually know i'm breaking NC because I only look on social media but I have to do this for myself. If I would've seen such pictures of my ex man... I would cry so much. Good luck to you too.

 

Oh I cried, a lot. She intentionally uploaded photos on her Facebook to make me see as well. It's been hell, I won't lie to you.

 

But I have had enough of this. I am young and have all of my life ahead of me. I am successful, going to do my masters' degree and have everything ahead of me to live for.

 

Slowly, but surely

[Yummm]

Ugh... so that blip yesterday really set me back a little.

 

I'm not miserable, but she's on my mind alot more than she has been over the past week. Seeing her in that dress just knocked me back, perhaps she did it because I ignored 2 of her breadcrumbs last week.

 

I deleted all of our mutual friends and her family from my facebook today... I haven't been able to delete her yet, although I am much less inclined to check her out now that I don't have her friends and families status updates on there.

 

I know I should delete her and I'm prolonging my healing, but I just can't today

 

This morning was genuinely a big step, as I removed a few decent friends who I've made over the last few months, but hey it needs to happen.

 

Uhhh.....

[imbax]

Ugh... so that blip yesterday really set me back a little.

 

I'm not miserable, but she's on my mind alot more than she has been over the past week. Seeing her in that dress just knocked me back, perhaps she did it because I ignored 2 of her breadcrumbs last week.

 

I deleted all of our mutual friends and her family from my facebook today... I haven't been able to delete her yet, although I am much less inclined to check her out now that I don't have her friends and families status updates on there.

 

I know I should delete her and I'm prolonging my healing, but I just can't today

 

This morning was genuinely a big step, as I removed a few decent friends who I've made over the last few months, but hey it needs to happen.

 

Uhhh.....

 

Hey Yummm, may I suggest just blocking her on Facebook? It's a lot easier and that's what I did. She rolled her eyes at me when I told her I blocked her on Facebook when we met up last week but whatever, its for the best!