Lona.loba Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Hello, i usually live with my bf on weekends and other daays i live in the university dorm. last night i was texting him when i was at dorm and i was like: what are u doing, he said he was watching foot ball, then he asked me which team i liked better i told him Manchester because their players are hot. im not really into sports so. then he didnt reply to me but read the text, i asked him what was wrong he said hes pissed off me always saying that other guys are hot. he also told me that i cant be trusted because i check guys out which is not quit true. then we continued chatting and fighting and he was clearly still mad at me, then everything became better and he stopped being mad at me and sent me kisses and hugs etc... the thing is he gets pissed of quickly whenever i say that some guy is hot, although he knows that i think hes the hottest guy ever which is true to me and my female friends say that as well. he also gets really mad at me if i hang out with my male guy friends. once i told him that im going out with my friends a group of guys and girls and he was like ok but you better not do anything wrong with the guys although he knows that i would never ever cheat on him. so clearly he doesnt trust me. i love him so much, hes my whole world, and he loves me so much as well and even has plans of marrying me in the future. the question is how do i make him trust me although i do nothing wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) Sounds like he got burnt pretty bad in a past relationship. More than likely he was cheated on. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not excusing his behavior because, logically, we see people from the opposite (or same sex) that are attractive and we're going to look. We're only human. I'm sure he does it too. What I would suggest to you is to keep those thoughts of another guy being "hot" to yourself. You already know that voicing it out only causes drama. I would also re-assure to him that he is the only guy for you and that you belong to him. Stroke his ego a little bit. Give him a boost every once in a while until it starts to sink in that you aren't like his past relationship where he probably got screwed over. Now, if you consistently do this and he STILL behaves over the top jealous, then you're going to need to have a serious talk with him or consider ending the relationship. Edited May 28, 2015 by Chi townD 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maisu Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Your BF is insecure. anyway if he cant trust you its goind to be hard for you, I became like that in my ex gf too but i didnt tell her. I just act that i dont trust her. I thni talking to him and reassuring him that you love him that much or whatever you feel is the only answer right now. My ex gf never reassure me. So that might help him. Now , if he still didnt trust you after reassuring him. Well, If up to you wether you can date the one who cant trust you or not. Overall just chill. Its just a simple problem. dont take it serious. If he didnt reply dont panic and do your own life until he reply. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 the question is how do i make him trust me although i do nothing wrong? First stop thinking he's your whole world. Another person can't be your whole world. That is co-dependency, not mature love. Second, look at what you are doing. You are not blameless in this. You know it upsets him when you check out other guys & say that other guys are hot yet you keep doing it. While you can look at whomever you want & say whatever you want, there are consequences. When you do this, you upset your BF. What do you want more: him or freedom of speech? Yes it would be nice if he could calm down & be more secure but he isn't. So you either have to stop making things worse or break it off with him. If he were here posting & complaining I'd tell him to get over it or break up with you because it's unlikely you are going to change. You do have the choice to change. Not saying you have to but think about what your words do to him when you say them. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Respect is number one in a relationship. Making comments about how hot guys are, is ok to say to your GFs but is inappropriate and being disrespectful to your BF. I totally understand we like to look or check out someone who is attractive, BUT you need to learn to not make it obvious. You wouldn't like it if your BFs head snapped around when a pretty girl walked by. Now we all get jealous, paranoid in the early stages of a relationship, and hate to think our other half finds others attractive, or think about sex with others. In a perfect world it would be nice, but it's human nature to get these thoughts. We would rather dismiss it and believe we should be the only one they think about. If you want things better with your BF, make the effort to snuff out those comment, and keep your eyes to yourself when you are with him respectfully. If he still harps on you about how you can't be trusted when you go hang out with your friends, then he is way too insecure, and you should breakup with him. He is too controlling, and that is abuse. It's way too much of an unhealthy situation to be in. If you don't remove yourself from that situation, you will find yourself in constant turmoil and sadness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Hello, i usually live with my bf on weekends and other daays i live in the university dorm. last night i was texting him when i was at dorm and i was like: what are u doing, he said he was watching foot ball, then he asked me which team i liked better i told him Manchester because their players are hot. im not really into sports so. then he didnt reply to me but read the text, i asked him what was wrong he said hes pissed off me always saying that other guys are hot. he also told me that i cant be trusted because i check guys out which is not quit true. then we continued chatting and fighting and he was clearly still mad at me, then everything became better and he stopped being mad at me and sent me kisses and hugs etc... the thing is he gets pissed of quickly whenever i say that some guy is hot, although he knows that i think hes the hottest guy ever which is true to me and my female friends say that as well. he also gets really mad at me if i hang out with my male guy friends. once i told him that im going out with my friends a group of guys and girls and he was like ok but you better not do anything wrong with the guys although he knows that i would never ever cheat on him. so clearly he doesnt trust me. i love him so much, hes my whole world, and he loves me so much as well and even has plans of marrying me in the future. the question is how do i make him trust me although i do nothing wrong? You pay attention to the things he tells you are bothersome to him and respect that. "i do nothing wrong" -- It's not about doing anything wrong, it's about what makes him uncomfortable. If you care about his feelings, and this is really such a small thing, what's the harm in curtailing it. And, whenever you are together, you make sure you tell him and show him that he is special to you. How many times have you told him you think he's hot or that you appreciate him? It better be more often than you text him or comment on how hot other guys are. If you're doing that kind of thing often and hanging with other guys, I can understand a little bit of insecurity. He didn't forbid you to go out with them, so he's not trying to control you, but he's given you a heads up that he's feeling insecure and it's not without a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 If you were complaining about him always pointing out women and saying how 'hot' they were, you'd be told by everyone that he's a disrespectful low-life and should be kicked to the curb. Well now, it's the same thing but in reverse. Nobody likes to be disrespected. It's one thing to have a 'crush' on a rock star or movie star, but quite another to be commenting often on random guys you think are hot. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 You pay attention to the things he tells you are bothersome to him and respect that. "i do nothing wrong" -- It's not about doing anything wrong, it's about what makes him uncomfortable. If you care about his feelings, and this is really such a small thing, what's the harm in curtailing it. And, whenever you are together, you make sure you tell him and show him that he is special to you. How many times have you told him you think he's hot or that you appreciate him? It better be more often than you text him or comment on how hot other guys are. If you're doing that kind of thing often and hanging with other guys, I can understand a little bit of insecurity. He didn't forbid you to go out with them, so he's not trying to control you, but he's given you a heads up that he's feeling insecure and it's not without a reason. i actually only commented on how famous guys are hot just three times about guys i never met or will meet in my life. i tell him that i love him and hes hot evry time we are together or talking since i sometimes live with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 If you were complaining about him always pointing out women and saying how 'hot' they were, you'd be told by everyone that he's a disrespectful low-life and should be kicked to the curb. Well now, it's the same thing but in reverse. Nobody likes to be disrespected. It's one thing to have a 'crush' on a rock star or movie star, but quite another to be commenting often on random guys you think are hot. im not constantly pointing at guys and saying theyre hot, i only talk about how hot famous guys that i never met are. like a few days ago when i told him thta the football players on the manchester team are hot which clearly i never met or will never meet them in my life and another time i was talking about adam levine etc.... i never pointed at random people in the street saying that they are hot or to anyone i know because i know that that will be disrespectful to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 Sounds like he got burnt pretty bad in a past relationship. More than likely he was cheated on. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not excusing his behavior because, logically, we see people from the opposite (or same sex) that are attractive and we're going to look. We're only human. I'm sure he does it too. What I would suggest to you is to keep those thoughts of another guy being "hot" to yourself. You already know that voicing it out only causes drama. I would also re-assure to him that he is the only guy for you and that you belong to him. Stroke his ego a little bit. Give him a boost every once in a while until it starts to sink in that you aren't like his past relationship where he probably got screwed over. Now, if you consistently do this and he STILL behaves over the top jealous, then you're going to need to have a serious talk with him or consider ending the relationship. im going to keep these comments to my self and i dont really know about his past relationships i never asked him, but i think one of the causes to this problem is his friend. he once told me that some of his friends comment that im hot and they want to have sex with me, i was actually shocked and disgusted when he said that , and he told me that he hit them when they said that but he still talks to them and is still friends with them. i usually dont hang out much with his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Haerts Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Doesn't matter where it comes from: it's clearly insecurity. He's insecure you'll ditch him for someone who's hotter, which leads to not trusting you. Like d0nnivain said, if you know it's something that upsets him, then stop saying it. It's perfectly normal to find other people attractive; I'm sure your boyfriend finds other girls attractive too, but he doesn't like to hear it, then you should stop. It's not a big deal after all, you have your friends to comment about these hotties out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 im going to keep these comments to my self and i dont really know about his past relationships i never asked him, but i think one of the causes to this problem is his friend. he once told me that some of his friends comment that im hot and they want to have sex with me, i was actually shocked and disgusted when he said that , and he told me that he hit them when they said that but he still talks to them and is still friends with them. i usually dont hang out much with his friends. Well, there you go. You have no idea if he got burnt in a prior relationship, so I guessing he did. You got one of his friends saying your hot and he'd want to have sex with you. THEN, he has you pointing out that other dude's are hot periodically (whether they're obtainable or not). Each time something like this happens is an instance where his insecurities go up and his male ego goes in the toilet. He probably doesn't feel special in your eyes and easily replaceable. He knows that you have options available and it doesn't make him feel special at all. So, I can see where he's coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 the thing is he gets pissed of quickly whenever i say that some guy is hot( Then stop saying other guys are hot when you're around him. Save that talk for your girlfriends. He clearly doesn't like the comparison, despite how you may regard his "hotness". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 ok i will stop saying such stuff. i dont want to loose him Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Would you be ok if he says Megan fox is hot or he loves the look of Taylor Swift. I bet you would start to wonder : "I look noting like them. What if one day he met someone that looks like them". Does not matter celebrity or not, just don't comment on other guys looks. Why would you even want to comment on their looks anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 (edited) If you know he doesn't like you calling other guys hot then why in gods name did you continue to talk to him about how hot other guys are? Can you blame him for having zero trust in you? If a guy was blatantly disrespectful to you..would you be feeling very trusting of him? Edited May 31, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Off topic rant 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 thanks all, problem solved now Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 So what happened?? Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 the question is how do i make him trust me although i do nothing wrong? Stop telling him that you think other guys are hot. Talk to him like he's your boyfriend, and not your girlfriend. Nobody wants to hear their significant other talk about other people being attractive, and especially not on a regular basis. Link to post Share on other sites
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