lolablue17 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 It was very out of the blue, just said "I need a break", I straight up asked her if she found someone else or cheated, she swore she didn't, but its not like she'd tell me anyway. I told her I don't do breaks, theres no such thing, and said its over. She tells me that she feels she cant stay "locked in" and wants to be an "independent free spirit". I have an idea... You can just call her, meet her and in the meeting say that you want to stop the games, and "What is the matter with her"? "You don't base a serious relationship on misunderstandings like this one. Do you love me? Do you want to be with me and we will work on thins together? Yes or no, no games"... Be straight forward with her. You will get an answer - Yes or no. If she says no, it's final, some inconvinience, but you just can move on without looking back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I think that once the ego and pride become more important than being with the other person, there's no point. If you truly loved someone and wanted to be with them, you wouldn't be putting anything in the way of doing so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TZilla11 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 I think that once the ego and pride become more important than being with the other person, there's no point. If you truly loved someone and wanted to be with them, you wouldn't be putting anything in the way of doing so. Logically speaking thats true, but attraction isnt a logical conscious effort. Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Logically speaking thats true, but attraction isnt a logical conscious effort. Doesn't matter. We all have feelings or urges that aren't logical or conscious efforts, both good and bad. What matters is how we act on them. By choosing to obey what ego and pride are telling you to do, you're consciously choosing a reaction to your attraction to your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TZilla11 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 So after a few days of NC, got a text from the ex today saying "nice tinder profile". I didn't respond, but a few hours later noticed she deleted all pics of us together from Facebook. Funny thing is, I saw her on tinder a few days after breakup, I don't see how I'm in the wrong here despite her passive aggressive text. But does this hurt or help my chances of getting back together? Link to post Share on other sites
NoLeafClover Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Listen she is trying to hurt you. She is pissed of the fact that you are not begging. My ex was the same way and we are mid to late 20s. She broke up with me and when I stopped talking to her and sent her stuff back she left at my house, she started to act just like your ex. It started with mean messages to nasty I hate you voicemails from my ex. There is no reason why your ex needs to let you know she saw your account. She is pissed. She deleted your pics because she wants to hurt you. Dont listen to people saying she might miss you and wants a reaction..I disagree, she is actually abusive. Getting hot and cold and wanting to go on vacation while still looking at other options on tinder. Its one thing to want attention and it's another to actually look for another option. YOU on the other hand claim to not bow down to someone who broke up with you ...but you have yet to block her. I think I get it, you both like to push and pull each others buttons. Whatever healthy relationship this is. Everyone take example... Couldn't wait to run into a partner like that. I'd have no problem calling my phone company to put that number on the blocklist..and. I'm someone that hates to be on hold for over 5 min..but for an ex id wait hours no problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Thecondor1991 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Someone breaking up with you in their choice. Don't ever feel bad about a decision that they made. I made that mistake myself and it ate me up inside. The best thing to do is to tell yourself that you tried you best in the relationship but your best wasn't good enough for that person, if they decide to let you go, don't worry about what they blame you for, they made the choice to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 The whole " you didn't fight for me " Garbage is one big circular game. When I love some one, I sure has hell don't play with their emotions to see how they would react. That's the most evil thing a person can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TZilla11 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) Listen she is trying to hurt you. She is pissed of the fact that you are not begging. My ex was the same way and we are mid to late 20s. She broke up with me and when I stopped talking to her and sent her stuff back she left at my house, she started to act just like your ex. It started with mean messages to nasty I hate you voicemails from my ex. There is no reason why your ex needs to let you know she saw your account. She is pissed. She deleted your pics because she wants to hurt you. Dont listen to people saying she might miss you and wants a reaction..I disagree, she is actually abusive. Getting hot and cold and wanting to go on vacation while still looking at other options on tinder. Its one thing to want attention and it's another to actually look for another option. YOU on the other hand claim to not bow down to someone who broke up with you ...but you have yet to block her. I think I get it, you both like to push and pull each others buttons. Whatever healthy relationship this is. Everyone take example... Couldn't wait to run into a partner like that. I'd have no problem calling my phone company to put that number on the blocklist..and. I'm someone that hates to be on hold for over 5 min..but for an ex id wait hours no problem. I don't think she wants to hurt me, I think she's hurt instead by the fact that it didn't take me long to move on, that I wasn't pining over her - her quote was "you let me go like this whole thing was nothing to you". Basically she feels like I'm the dumper and shes the dumpee, even thought she initiated the breakup As for why I didn't delete her number, in my head I still want to get back together at some point, I know its not for the best, but I havent emotionally accepted that well never be together again Edited June 3, 2015 by TZilla11 Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Go see her talk to her stop playing games Link to post Share on other sites
NoLeafClover Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I don't think she wants to hurt me, I think she's hurt instead by the fact that it didn't take me long to move on, that I wasn't pining over her - her quote was "you let me go like this whole thing was nothing to you". Basically she feels like I'm the dumper and shes the dumpee, even thought she initiated the breakup As for why I didn't delete her number, in my head I still want to get back together at some point, I know its not for the best, but I havent emotionally accepted that well never be together again You are delusional. People that don't want to hurt you will leave you alone and respect your no contact. They also don't tell you they want to break up because they want to try other guys. They don't play mind games and go hot and cold, ask to hangout and then get on tinder to look for a hookup. Your ex is not the ex your dated anymore. The more you think the more you will struggle with this. You were NC and doing fine before because you had accepted the breakup for what it was. She then threw some breadcrumbs and you fell right back to square one. She will constantly do this and each time she contacts you, it will f### with your mind. For your own good , accept its over and block her. Once you are there you will be much better off trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TZilla11 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 Go see her talk to her stop playing games You're right, I'm too old for this game playing bs. She texted me last night saying "I really miss you", and I responded the truth, I told her I miss her too Link to post Share on other sites
Author TZilla11 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 So a little update - ex messaged me Friday night asking me what I'm up to, acted civil and told her nothing too much, asked her why shes asking, and she says "I'm bored". I know she wanted me to invite her over, but I didn't, that I'm bored message came off as egotistical to me, kind of like a "provide me entertainment" kind of thing, rather than just telling me that she wanted to talk - so I straight up told her to stop playing head games, were too old for that, and that if she wants to say something to just tell me directly. She responds "Ok", I never responded and she sent me another I miss you the next morning. Been NC since. Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Sounds like she's missing you a bit and she'd be quite happy to spend an evening with you and maybe even go away with you but she's nowhere near ready to recommit to a long term relationship. She's definitely not giving you enough to work with, at least not yet. Stay the course and she'll either drop off the radar like she did before, or she'll try harder to get back with you, at which point you can decide if she's worth giving another chance. But if you go that route, don't go all in, play your emotions close to your best because this one has a lot of shaking out to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) She messaged me again today saying "I want to go on vacation with you". A little back story to this - prior to breakup, we were supposed to go to the Dominican Republic for a week next month, but clearly those plans fell through once we broke up. I simply responded "No, thats not a good idea right now", she said "If you really insist", to which I responded "Right now I do" and haven't said anything since. So weird. HAHA!!! WHAT?!?!? Let me guess, you were the one that made the reservations, booked the resort, got the tickets for the both of you. And even though she dumped you, she still wants to go on vacation with you?!?! Yeah, free trip for her with someone that would probably be the Ice Queen towards you. She'd probably get in a fight with you on purpose so she could storm off and go to the clubs while you waited back in the room for her return. Nah, doesn't sound like it would be fun. Could explain why she's still contacting you with the "I miss you's" because it might not be too late for you to change your mind about the trip. Nah dude, cash that in or change the location and take a friend with you and go to the Bahamas (Don't go to DR because it will only remind you that it should have been her with you on this trip). You deserve some time way. Edited June 8, 2015 by Chi townD Link to post Share on other sites
Author TZilla11 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 HAHA!!! WHAT?!?!? Let me guess, you were the one that made the reservations, booked the resort, got the tickets for the both of you. And even though she dumped you, she still wants to go on vacation with you?!?! Yeah, free trip for her with someone that would probably be the Ice Queen towards you. She'd probably get in a fight with you on purpose so she could storm off and go to the clubs while you waited back in the room for her return. Nah, doesn't sound like it would be fun. Could explain why she's still contacting you with the "I miss you's" because it might not be too late for you to change your mind about the trip. Nah dude, cash that in or change the location and take a friend with you and go to the Bahamas (Don't go to DR because it will only remind you that it should have been her with you on this trip). You deserve some time way. Nah we didn't book anything, the I miss yous aren't trip related, we ironically were supposed to book our trip the day of the breakup Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Nah we didn't book anything, the I miss yous aren't trip related, we ironically were supposed to book our trip the day of the breakup Screw it then, I still say book a trip somewhere. The Bahamas, St. Thomas, St. Kitts, Turks and Caicos....anywhere! Hell, if you were going to book the trip, you've probably already saved up for it! Just go! Gives you time to decompress and de-stress. Plus, it would probably burn her ass to find out that you went somewhere without her. OH WELL!!! If she wasn't playing stupid games and worked on a relationship like a real adult, it would have been her going with you! HER LOSS!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 My ex said the same **** to me after the guy she fled to after me fought like crazy to keep her after we were supposed to go on a date. I wish I would have replied with "if you cared enough you wouldn't have left to begin with", instead I decided to show her I'd fight. you handled this well and shouldn't regret it. She's lying, that's not what she wanted, she wanted to be free and meet someone else, not for you to be crazy and clingy and fight for her. I like the perspective given above about her wanting to know you cared and that's why she's saying this. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Why not consider offering her a taste of what she wants? Tell her you've thought things over and you are agreeable to dating her and other people, and if you do that, you won't miss each other. Best of both worlds. Then offer her Tuesday nights as your date night. Tell her that you need to leave Friday nights open for girl-hunting, Saturday nights open for taking new girls out, and Sundays for getting to know the new girls in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TZilla11 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 So nearing a month post break up, and I can confidently say I'm 95% over her and moving on, shes been texting me a lot, but my responses have been short and distant, not on purpose but because I'm not as interested anymore, plus talking to two other girls. Anyway she's asked me three times this week to meet up, told her I'm busy this week, but we can meet up sometime next week. Going to go on a casual date, and take things slow, she's going to have to earn my commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 If you're 95% over her and have two other options lined up, why bother? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TZilla11 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Went on facebook today, to see a thing pop up on my newsfeed that shes back together with one of her ex boyfriends who she told me was "gay". Honestly haven't felt so betrayed in a long time, everything during this past month was a lie, all her need for time alone was a lie, my entire relationship was a lie. Literally one week ago she asked me to hang out, and told me how much she misses me, and one week later back with her ex. Took her 4 weeks to drop 1.5 years of our relationship, honestly feels worse than the initial breakup, I thought I was over her, not even close. Link to post Share on other sites
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