Is there anything we can do?

[Bittersweetie]

I don't really have any experience with alcoholism or addiction and wondered if someone could offer any advice or experience on my BIL.

 

My BIL partied hard in high school. After one semester away from college, he returned home and spent time in a rehab (he was 19). I don't know the details as I met him a couple of years later. For at least 15 years he was sober, I do remember him calling my now-H on the day of his 10 year sober anniversary, he was so proud of himself.

 

About 5-6 years ago he worked in restaurant management and was thinking of being a sommelier. He'd drink but spit, like they do. That turned into a glass of wine or beer at dinner. Then the restaurant closed and he got a job as a distributor for a local liquor company. He is really good at the job (bonuses galore) and likes it. He's in line for a promotion for a larger area.

 

But now he drinks more and sometimes doesn't seem to know where to draw the line. This past weekend we had a large family event and he became so drunk and belligerent at the end that no one is even talking about it (my H and I had left a little earlier). We do know he was out of control and my MIL had to pay hundreds of dollars to clean up his mess, among other consequences (some of which my H had to deal with/pay for himself). My BIL is in his early 40s, with two very young children, a new house. My SIL is nice, but completely clueless.

 

I know at some point soon my MIL is going to call us all to discuss and we'd like to be better prepared. Is there a website we could read to learn more? TIA.

[d0nnivain]

You can try Al-Anon it's a group for people who love & care about alcoholics. Until he wants help, it's more about what you should not do -- i.e. clean up his messes. You can keep his kids safe. Some of the groups will tell you not to take his keys or chauffeur him around but I'd rather drive a drunk & I will forever own that enabling behavior rather than have the person potentially hurt or maim an innocent person; the advocates of not driving the drunk will say that the consequences of such an accident may help the person realize what a wreck they are but that price is too high for me. You have to do what's right for you.

[Bittersweetie]

Thanks D. I know from my own experience that one cannot be helped unless one wants to. I agree that he needs to start seeing some consequences of his actions. Because of his actions BIL now owes my H money, and my H says the next time he sees him he's going to ask for it (we don't live near each other) whereas in the past my H would've just let it slide. Maybe I can suggest my MIL ask for compensation on her side too.

 

I agree with you on the driving thing too. It's funny because for so many years, BIL was our designated driver and now I wouldn't step foot in his car if you paid me.

 

Thanks for the info, I appreciate it.