"Fit/Skinny" Shaming

[Gloria25]

For all you people that think we fit/thinner people don't get bullied, "shamed", or what-have-you, please read the following article:

 

http:// http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/oddnews/new-mom%E2%80%99s-instagram-abs-selfie-3-days-after-delivery-draws-attention-221131107.html

 

Not to toot my own horn, but that is one reason I dress down - especially around other women who aren't the same....

 

I get snide back-handed comments about me...

 

One time at a Halloween party I went as a Flapper and got the dirtiest looks from my so-called gf (who I got rid of recently for many reasons) and her "friends"...That same gf, some guy she liked was hitting on me (we were wearing wetsuits and he wanted to unzip mine to check out my tatts) and to calm her down I had to reveal I'm not into black guys.

 

Another, I wasn't even dressing hot, we went out with her and her gfs and they started just talking how they need to start working out again, and I'm like WTF, I didn't even start this convo...so, "something" must be bothering them.

 

Unfortunately, this is the times we live in...where hard work and accomplishments are shunned. If you work hard on your body and go online to show how proud you are of your hard work, you're a narcissist/show-off and are shaming those who aren't "blessed" with your good fortune. BUT, go on the cover of a magazine and be overweight and/or obese, you are "celebrated" as a "plus size model" with confidence and courage that should be admired on ten continents...

 

Mind you, the body that "I" and many other women have does not comes from witchcraft, genes, and a gift from God...it comes from soreness, pain, sacrifice, hard work. Being a "plus size model" takes no effort, and also is based on what you were "born" with - which is a pretty face.

 

Also, lots of men diss us. Some men put women on a scale of 1 to 5 - with 3 being "average"..someone who is cute, but most guys won't be able to take from them/compete for...So, a fit woman often falls into a 4 or 5 where guys - especially how lazy guys are in dating now a days, ain't gonna put time/effort into a 4 or 5. And then, men now a days are very out of shape and lazy too, so, they don't want a fit woman wanting them to have a certain body and/or level of physical activity.

 

In our school systems and sports, everyone gets a prize/trophy for just showing up. Achievements like valedictorians are being taken away because we don't wanna hurt the other peeps "feelings" who didn't work hard and sacrificed to make the grade.

 

Sadly, no one sees or cares to look at the bigger picture of this - which is, as a society we are being taught that anyone who stand out from the "group think" is to be bullied back into the herd, cuz our leaders sure don't want anyone questioning the status quo.

 

My fav podcaster says that she surrounds herself by equally strong/accomplished women. Cuz strong women don't take pot-shots at each other. They strive and learn from each other. They respect the accomplishments of each other and push each other to succeed. When I see a woman I respect and admire (ie, Angelina Jolie, my fav podcaster), I don't sit around and hiss and stew in anger...I get off my duff and see what "I" need to do to reach their level or get close to it....Sadly, you do not see that in this generation - especially amongst women.

 

So, in sum, we "skinny" and/or "fit" women don't have it made. We get bullied, ridiculed, and even dissed by guys who are too lazy and/or intimidated by us.

[123321]

I don't notice bullying much, I learned to grow pretty thick skin early on and very little bothers me unless I respect the source of the comment an awful lot.

 

Having said that, I do notice a lot of thin person hate directed at my GF when we go out. I don't know if that's bullying per se but it's sort of uncomfortable for her sometimes. She's quite small and very sweet as a person and she really doesn't deserve the hate.

 

More pronounced is the snide crap we get as a couple due to our obvious difference in attractiveness, but I don't let it bother me, I just assume it's good to be me and must suck to be them.

 

 

 

BTW: Good luck, but I doubt this thread gets much traction.

[todreaminblue]

so if you know what it feels like why do you shame others...and want to make them feel bad about themselves gloria....explain it to me.....i would never want you to feel shame......because i know what shame feels like....tell me why you dont have a problem shaming others.....i really want to know.....how it makes your life better ....deb

[Gloria25]

B

so if you know what it feels like why do you shame others...and want to make them feel bad about themselves gloria....explain it to me.....i would never want you to feel shame......because i know what shame feels like....tell me why you dont have a problem shaming others.....i really want to know.....how it makes your life better ....deb

 

The difference is that people shame thin/fit people despite the hard work and effort they put into looking how they look, but are somehow "offended" when telling a fat and/or obese person a "fact" about their health and appearance.

 

Yes, some terms like "Shammu" and "fatties with cute faces" are intended to hurt/ridicule, but again, when you simply state a "fact" to overweight and/or obese people - you still offend them.

[davidromero43]

NFC! (No Fit Chicks) lol

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

There are A LOT of thin people who can gorge on whatever they want, not exercise and maintain their weight. Please, let's not act like all thin people worked hard to get that way.

[123321]

There are A LOT of thin people who can gorge on whatever they want, not exercise and maintain their weight. Please, let's not act like all thin people worked hard to get that way.

 

That's really not true. If it happens, it's rare.

 

I've had a slim person in captivity for observation for a while, and she just forgets to eat. So for her, yes, being slim is easy, but she absolutely doesn't gorge herself.

 

She does eat what she wants (plus what I bring and ask her to eat) but it's not a lot.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

That's really not true. If it happens, it's rare.

 

I've had a slim person in captivity for observation for a while, and she just forgets to eat. So for her, yes, being slim is easy, but she absolutely doesn't gorge herself.

 

She does eat what she wants (plus what I bring and ask her to eat) but it's not a lot.

 

Give me a break. I know quite a few naturally slim people who don't have to watch what they eat, and hell they'll even have children and bounce back right away, while others struggle to work that weight off.

 

Acting as if every thin person has dedicated their life to being thin is really ignorant.

 

Now, FIT people... That's a different story. You can be thin without being fit, just as you can be fat and not be fit. Genetics goes a long way. My sister has always been a size two, never has to work out but has no muscle definition. I, on the the other hand, have to work out but have still always been curvy.

 

This is getting out of hand. It's like the fat shamers on here will do anything to justify their nasty remarks, and it's the same usual suspects. People came into the other thread shaming the fat shamers so the fat shamers make their own thread about the plight of being skinny. Try being a fat person in this world. Like it or not, it's a lot harder.

 

Knowing there are people on this forum with this mentality, well it makes me almost not want to post anymore. Shame.

[Taramere]

If somebody's shaming people for being healthy, that's pretty bizarre. I can see that a person with serious health problems might complain "you're healthy - don't know what it's like to go through what I'm going through..." but that would suggest they were trying to shame them for lack of understanding rather than shaming their actual bodies.

 

Gloria. In all honesty - and I really am not trying to be mean here - a lot of your recent posts on here have a pretty disturbing tone about them. I don't say that out of any kind of dislike. Your posts often entertain me, but in the last few days I've seen some really furious posts from you. Over on the fat shaming thread (or whatever it was called) and a few on my Monica Lewinsky thread too.

 

I don't think I've seen anybody on here call you a narcissist or shame you on account of being slim and healthy. Apart from anything else, people here don't know what you look like...so presumably what you're talking about here is related to things you're contending with in real life. You mention:

 

Another, I wasn't even dressing hot, we went out with her and her gfs and they started just talking how they need to start working out again, and I'm like WTF, I didn't even start this convo...so, "something" must be bothering them.

 

That doesn't sound anything like fat shaming to me. It's a bit like if you go round to somebody's home and it's immaculately cleaned, you might say something like "oh God, this looks great. I really must get my own place tidied up a bit." It's a good thing. It's a way of saying "you're inspiring me to make improvements." I think if you're criticising those girls for that, then you're really being quite unfair to them. I read that and I think, "God, it would be quite difficult to spend time in Gloria's company and not find yourself being misconstrued in some major way - or have all sorts of nasties attributed to perfectly innocent comments you made."

 

If you're in great shape, then that's something to feel proud of. It's a worthy accomplishment. However, if you're physically in great shape - but on an emotional level you're buzzing with anger then it's time to take stock. Good health is important to aspire to - and that means good health inside as well as on the outside. You don't sound as though you're in a particularly healthy place emotionally, right now. If you're feeling shamed or criticised by/coming into conflict with people in your real life environment, then I suspect it may be related to the way you're expressing yourself more than the way you look.

[123321]

Acting as if every thin person has dedicated their life to being thin is really ignorant..

 

Never said that, in fact I said it's easy for her; I just said she doesn't get to gorge herself, for whatever reason her eating is self limiting.

[Taramere]

I've had a slim person in captivity for observation for a while, and she just forgets to eat. So for her, yes, being slim is easy, but she absolutely doesn't gorge herself.

 

She does eat what she wants (plus what I bring and ask her to eat) but it's not a lot.

 

Forgive my curiosity here, but keeping a person in captivity for observation seems like an unusual pastime to say the least. Are you conducting this experiment in a clinical setting with a paid subject?

[todreaminblue]

B

 

The difference is that people shame thin/fit people despite the hard work and effort they put into looking how they look, but are somehow "offended" when telling a fat and/or obese person a "fact" about their health and appearance.

 

Yes, some terms like "Shammu" and "fatties with cute faces" are intended to hurt/ridicule, but again, when you simply state a "fact" to overweight and/or obese people - you still offend them.

 

gloria....i love your passion normally.....i really do...you make me smile......you are funny often and have a quick wit....but

 

 

 

no where in your post back to me here does it say how shaming others makes your life better...more so what you have written is an excuse fro what you say that is hurtful to others.....you have to watch your words ...everyone does......we all slip and fail sometimes....thats normal i guess.....

 

i am saddened to think if we were to meet...you would just see my weight and not me gloria..i used to eb athlete fit gloria.....my weight is not who i am.....i am.the person who has smiled at your words often....i would accept you gloria as a person but you would judge me......would you look into my eyes and as you have said on here say those things to me.....while i was smiling at you....would you really do that......

 

you say its fact that offend...well no its not facts that offend its the ignorance behind said facts.....some people are overweight for other reasons besides laziness and apathy.......there are some who have medical issues......psychological issues....and shaming a person with a psychological problem can sometimes lead to serious damage...loveshack is gfull of damaged people already.....we are meant to help others....support in a compassionate and understanding way....when i read the blurb when i first joined loveshack i joined because i wanted to be in a community that was compassionate caring and united in helping others......i wanted help myself...so i thought by helping others ....i might have enlightenment of my own coem my way.........not all peopel who get shamed react with a fight...some curl up and wither away....like kids i guess who are constantly shamed.....they want to make themselves invisible and small so they arent noticed.......like my girls........like me......

 

 

i am sorry if you felt shame because you are fit and healthy...i respect fit and healthy people but then again i respect people........and facts as they are known to you and your interpretation of fact,doesnt give you the excuse to shame others on fact....or to say in the slightest you are doing it because it is fact........one fact happens to be.....depression often leads to weight gain or the other way ....loss.......be careful gloria....words arent everything but to some......they mean a lot maybe posters on the board whom you have no clue of who they are or facts pertaining to them and their lives.....you are making assumptions based on your own personal views..............you are not in the right gloria....for making someone feel bad about themselves.....never...respect should be given to all peoples..all souls..no matter what skin it is they are in..........deb

 

 

for you gloria....... i am putting my picture back up so you can judge me gloria...this was me at size 18..in america i would be a size 20...look at the woman....and try not see my size ...just do it for fun......judge me.....or...you could say .....hi deb....so this is you...deb....

Edited May 28, 2015 by todreaminblue

[123321]

Forgive my curiosity here, but keeping a person in captivity for observation seems like an unusual pastime to say the least. Are you conducting this experiment in a clinical setting with a paid subject?

 

Well, compensation is different for everyone, right? She's free to leave, but she inexplicably opts to stick around. I know, I don't get it either, but she gives me something fascinating to watch.

[deadelvis]

Oh boy. I see both sides of this. My girlfriend used to be a fitness fanatic and now she's sick and on medications that cause weight gain so she has put on some extra "cushion". Do I judge her? No. But there's a difference between gaining a few pounds from being sick and "letting yourself go". We are both above our ideal weight. I should drop about 15 lbs of beer I've been carrying around and replace it with muscle. She should drop about 20 lbs and get back to her pinup figure. Why don't we? Because we are comfortable together. We aren't single or out dating new people, so it hasn't been an issue, but we both get plenty of attention from attractive people even in this physical shape. We recently joined a gym and we're starting to get back in shape. Hopefully soon we'll be back to our ideal weight/figures. Is it easy or fun? No. But that being said... I have a friend who is (male) about 5'8" and weighs about 350 lbs. Being that fat is a full time job. He eats twice as much food as me and mostly garbage like fast food. I drink, eat and smoke as much as I want, rarely work out and I still look pretty damn good naked. I can't imagine how lazy and gluttonous I would have to be to get really fat like him. I don't have a tapeworm or some magic genetics. But I'm also not a lazy slob. My girlfriend is in a wheelchair half the time and she still looks amazing naked. She can hardly climb stairs or walk to the car, yet she still looks awesome. Why? Because we eat sane portions of relatively healthy food instead of ordering fast food for every meal. Watching my obese friend eat is disgusting. He eats a bucket of chicken wings for breakfast, a whole pizza for lunch and eats 3 cheeseburgers and a shake for dinner. Then he drinks 30 cheap beers and falls asleep. Thats what it takes to be 350 lbs. It doesn't just sneak up on you. It's a lifestyle of laziness and gluttony. All I'm saying is if I can work in an office, eat takeout for half my meals, drink beer on the weekends and still have a decent body, imagine the amount of garbage I would have to eat to become fat. Nobody made you fat. Nobody made me skinny. You did it to yourself. They say addiction is a disease. Thats bulls**t. Addiction is a choice you make every day. Food addiction and laziness are no different. I don't pity a fat person any more than I pity a junky or an alcoholic. I've done drugs, drank alcohol and eaten unhealthy food, but I have enough self respect not to ruin my life. I think Gloria has every right to be proud of her fitness. Being mean to anyone, fat or skinny is wrong. I would never be mean to my fat friend, or my alcoholic or junky friends either. But I certainly don't see anything wrong with being proud of being fit, healthy or sober either.

 

My girlfriend did not choose to get sick. Thats genetic. But thats a whole lot different than becoming obese. Even with her severe health problems, she is able to maintain her figure. She might not be the swimsuit model she once was, but she's a long way from being fat.

Edited May 29, 2015 by deadelvis

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

My fav podcaster says that she surrounds herself by equally strong/accomplished women. Cuz strong women don't take pot-shots at each other. They strive and learn from each other. They respect the accomplishments of each other and push each other to succeed.

But ... you say such awful and terrible things about other women all the time!!! So does your "fave podcaster"!!!! I guess that is why her son had that website with those cartoons depicting raping women in front of their families and all that stuff??? She did an awesome job of spreading her respect for women to him oh well if I had that heinous skeletor for a mom I guess I'd hate women too!!! OK rant over, if you don't think the woman is strong and accomplished it's ok to call her pig or whatever???

 

Also sorry I have read this about thin, fit and beautiful people speaking out about how they're SHAMED for being so fabulous and on the one hand I know it hurts when people say bad things about you whether you are fat or thin, but our society DESPISES fat women and WORSHIPS thin women so at least you always have that to fall back on!!

[deadelvis]

Shaming someone for being disciplined? That's a stretch.

[Robert]

This thread is getting closed and will remain closed...as will any future topic on this backward's thinking.

 

The fact is..no matter how short, tall, thin or fat you are...the hair color, the six pack, your eye color or your intelligence............YOU are JUST YOU. And if ANYONE demeans you for being you, it's wrong. But it does not give you suit to do it to others. (And yes, there is a female alternate moderator, so this is not a man stating his opinion, ladies.) Thread closed.