What causes men to be violent towards women?

[elaine567]

Some men hit women, because they know they can, and there is little comeback.

They are justified in doing so, because she is to "blame", she deserves it. She needs putting in her place, she needs to be controlled...

 

Many are not "violent" blokes in that they are picking fights with everyone, many are just choosing to be violent to women and usually only their SO.

Some violent abusers are "charming" and "lovely" to other people. It is just when behind closed doors and alone with their victim, that their violent personality emerges.

The "red mist" of anger is often pretty selective.

It descends when confronted with a 5'5" female, but quickly disappears when the subject of their anger is a 6' tall, ripped male.

[Radu]

Some men hit women, because they know they can, and there is little comeback.

They are justified in doing so, because she is to "blame", she deserves it. She needs putting in her place, she needs to be controlled...

 

Many are not "violent" blokes in that they are picking fights with everyone, many are just choosing to be violent to women and usually only their SO.

Some violent abusers are "charming" and "lovely" to other people. It is just when behind closed doors and alone with their victim, that their violent personality emerges.

The "red mist" of anger is often pretty selective.

It descends when confronted with a 5'5" female, but quickly disappears when the subject of their anger is a 6' tall, ripped male.

These ppl are also great judge of characters and one of the reasons that they will hit the women and be nice with others is because he has chosen one who is with low self-esteem, or who's self-esteem has been lowered over time [or is in the process of getting it lowered].

 

It all comes back to ... control.

[elaine567]

These ppl are also great judge of characters and one of the reasons that they will hit the women and be nice with others is because he has chosen one who is with low self-esteem, or who's self-esteem has been lowered over time [or is in the process of getting it lowered].

It all comes back to ... control.

 

Very true, that woman has "victim" written on her forehead.

She may be a highly successful single woman, OR she may be down on her luck with four kids struggling on her own, but something about her will make him think she is a suitable candidate for abuse. Someone he can ultimately control.

[Rejected Rosebud]

The basic problem is that men and women play be a different set of rules. For example, no one thinks much of a woman slapping a man. But turn that around and all hell breaks loose. So some women feel entitled to be as vicious as they want with no regards for decency. And sometimes they push men beyond their limits including by being physical.

It is still assault if a woman hits a man, it's not okay, it is a crime, but there is a pretty big difference in strength between a man and a woman IN GENERAL so the aspect of violence towards someone unlikely to be able to defend themself against you is different when it's man on woman violence. Bottom line is that if a person is violent towards another person unless it's in self defense it is abuse. A person's vile behavior (in your example it's women of course!!!) doesn't have anything to do with the violence that results that is ALL on the person doing the violence. Unless it is literally in self defense.

[elaine567]

It is still assault if a woman hits a man, it's not okay, it is a crime, but there is a pretty big difference in strength between a man and a woman IN GENERAL so the aspect of violence towards someone unlikely to be able to defend themself against you is different when it's man on woman violence. Bottom line is that if a person is violent towards another person unless it's in self defense it is abuse. A person's vile behavior (in your example it's women of course!!!) doesn't have anything to do with the violence that results that is ALL on the person doing the violence. Unless it is literally in self defense.

 

Woman rarely do damage with a slap.

For most men, there is little real threat from most women, it is not a fair fight.

Most men, even weaklings, have huge upper body strength compared to most women, so whilst a woman's slap may sting, most of the damage done is due to pride being hurt, as opposed to real tissue damage. A male slapping a female could send her to hospital.

Therefore the significance of the slap is magnified hugely when we consider male to female, as opposed to female to male.

Saying all this, it is far better if relations never get to the stage where violence even in the form of a slap is ever engaged in, in anger.

[carhill]

Another component, if the violence is towards people the man otherwise purports to love and in fact has shown actions and words of love with, can be two-fold, going back to my prior post; one, he believes this 'passion' is part of love, based upon his socialization and/or two, he was inadequately trained to handle expressed emotions in an intimate situation. In general, though I've noted some change in younger men, men are socialized to actively suppress emotions, other than anger, and anger, with attendant violence, is one area where men are molded, some to the extent that they perform violent acts professionally, and dispassionately. Again, it goes back to the mind and training.

 

ETA, an example of that locally (to me) was when a woman wanted to kill her husband but lacked the strength to do so, even though he was historically a non-violent man, so she enlisted the help of another man to disable him, then help her place him alive but unconscious in a barrel of acid to kill him. She wouldn't have been able to do that if not for the additional strength and violent intent of the tool she trained, a man.

Edited May 29, 2015 by carhill

[frogs88]

I do think violence towards men is too accepted and downplayed in general. Not that violence aimed at women

is over emphasized or anything. But at least the general consensus is that its pretty disgusting. With men it's just apathy. I don't think that's right.

[Phoenician]

Violence is a sickness ,it is mental disorder as any other pd.

 

There are 2category of men ,nirmal ones and mentally disordered.many factors amakes them sick(social,genetic,social etccc

The above is clear to me,but the interresting is answering the question,will a normal man think about hitting a woman or even do it ?

 

"any man that's 'pushed beyond his limits' needs to do the same thing we advise: Walk away and not rise to the bait. If a situation is beyond limits, then it's unacceptable, and perfectly right to detach from."

 

Agree

[Phoenician]

A normal will respond to any kind of button pushing by nonviolent actions, for me fir ex what makes me feel confident that im normal is that with all the buttons pushing my wife doed ,i have not hit her nor committed suicide.

 

Broke a phone and threw a notebook on floor in 18 yrs of rocky marriage,not sute if this can be considered vuolence

[Michelle ma Belle]

Having worked with domestic violence issues for several years, I will tell you that violence is a learned behavior.

 

No one is born angry or violent. They learn it.

 

That goes for being passive/submissive.

 

Many of the abusers tend to be men for many of the reasons already stated in this thread.

 

If children are witnesses to the violence in their home, the boys often learn to mirror their father's behavior (violent/aggressive) while the girls mirror their mother's (passive/submissive).

 

There are exceptions of course but the stats show this to be a very typical cycle and one that is perpetuated over and over again often for generations.

[carhill]

IMO, it goes further than that (learned behavior) in that parents who wish to install a non-violent behavioral set in their male children should actively suppress his violent nature and teach non-violent methods of interacting. Watch any young boy for signs of this. Watch him, as a toddler, hit his sister. Then watch how the parents, well, parent. No one taught him to hit his sister. It's simply a natural response, unfiltered by intellect, to stimulus. She took his toy so he hits her. IMO, it all starts there. Are some males impervious to socialization and destined to a lifetime of violence? Yeah, probably. Take a good look at our prisons and the recidivism rate for violent offenders. Sometimes it's in the genes.

[Taramere]

My ex burnt my dinner so I hit her with a right hook.

 

She shook it off and beat me down with the cooking pot and then poured hot grease on me.

 

Then she purposely burnt food every night of the week.

 

Is this a joke?

[Auspecial]

Why are men so violent?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/experiments-in-philosophy/201202/why-are-men-so-violent

 

Interesting article, and discouraging.

[123321]

I got the idea for this thread from the firearms prohibition thread.

 

 

Of course not all or even most men are violent towards women. Statistics do prove that the vast majority of violent crimes are committed by men. Why is this? Is the cause biological or societal? Is testosterone a factor or even a root cause? Is our patriarchal society the cause? Something else? Opinions please.

 

I think violent people will be violent when they feel like it and believe they can get away with it. The physical and emotional power imbalance that often exists between men and women just tips things that way for them more often, I think.

[Phoe]

An ex got violent with me. While it's no excuse, I definitely was behaving in a way that egged him on and would never do that again.

 

It happened in the middle of the breakup. I'd found out he'd cheated, so I drove to his house with all his things. When I arrived I started tossing said things out on the lawn, pretty sure I was shouting nonsense at him. He was shouting back at me, and as his stuff hit the ground he seemed to snap, and he grabbed me by my shoulders, shook me, threw me against my car and hit me across the face. I could tell by the look on his face that he instantly regretted what he'd just done. Too late. I quickly got in my car and drove away, never saw him again.

 

My most recent ex once was play wrestling with me, when he went too far and pinned my foot, then flipped me backwards, snapping my ankle. While it was always considered an accident, it has been suggested by others more than once that he did so intentionally as a means of having control over me... by making me somewhat dependent on him in some way. He never seemed fond of my independent nature. In the fights shortly before our breakup, he cited my ankle as being a reason for me "changing", how he saw it as me having a bad reaction to loss of control. Was he expecting me to suddenly switch gears and be the helpless needy girlfriend he hoped for? That I suddenly view him as my wonderful savior, coming to my aid when I'm unable to walk? Funny how he'd put so much thought into that... makes it seem more than just an accident.

[Tayla]

I found the article insightful from a Biological and evolutionary stance. Neither discouraging or encouraging. It explains a reasonable and viable indicator.

 

For the most part it does sidestep that with human behavior, it can be modified (both in positive and negative ways) when conditioned.

 

A co worker summed it up in his observation one day of the gender difference ( and I say this not to spark a gender war here)...it was an observation that merits thought. He said, a guy will punch another guy out...and later that day, will look at him and say hey! Wanna go out for a beer? And off they go. Yet a Lady will hold a grudge and carry spite for decades ,...she will remind you of every wrong or injust thing you may have done. Yet a man...quickly forges on after displays of aggression. Again its food for thought and holds true more times then not in a somewhat civilized world. I use the word civilized gently as violence is rarely a gentle act....

[123321]

If I'm trusting someone to care for the kids and whatnot, while we go out and kill a Mammoth, that's EXACTLY the mindset I want her to have; if there is a threat, she needs to ruthlessly eliminate it until it is double plus good dead.

 

As for our expedition, Bork and Gorg might disagree on who gets the tusks this time but after they work it out and stop bleeding, we still need to work together and kill the damn thing before dark.

[carhill]

A co worker summed it up in his observation one day of the gender difference ( and I say this not to spark a gender war here)...it was an observation that merits thought. He said, a guy will punch another guy out...and later that day, will look at him and say hey! Wanna go out for a beer? And off they go. Yet a Lady will hold a grudge and carry spite for decades ,...she will remind you of every wrong or injust thing you may have done. Yet a man...quickly forges on after displays of aggression. Again its food for thought and holds true more times then not in a somewhat civilized world. I use the word civilized gently as violence is rarely a gentle act....

 

Yes, I alluded to this in an earlier posting and elsewhere on the forums regarding this aspect, which is due to how the male brain is wired. It's why we can kill people and then go home and hug our kids and kiss our wives. We compartmentalize the violence away from the 'box' which contains our love and affection.

 

Also, it refers back to what I called an 'anger orgasm' which essentially erases the slate, hence why two guys can pound each other until neither can stand, then go out for a beer later. They expended all the violence until nothing was left and then put it away and moved on.

 

IMO, it's related to how the male brain is wired and also due to how we're socialized, essentially taught at a young age to ignore pain and suppress emotions.

[Radu]

It is still assault if a woman hits a man, it's not okay, it is a crime, but there is a pretty big difference in strength between a man and a woman IN GENERAL so the aspect of violence towards someone unlikely to be able to defend themself against you is different when it's man on woman violence. Bottom line is that if a person is violent towards another person unless it's in self defense it is abuse. A person's vile behavior (in your example it's women of course!!!) doesn't have anything to do with the violence that results that is ALL on the person doing the violence. Unless it is literally in self defense.

 

While if you compare pure physical strength there is a completely different ballpark, here's something to consider :

- women will use their full strength, they will go all out while men won't; even when abusing his wife ... if a man is to use his full strength she would wind up dead, beaten to a pulp

- women can and often use knives/whatever is handy

- women are often underestimated so even the victim or the victim's friends will often not take it seriously

- women tend to go for critical stuff; the eyes. I have personally never heard of a man trying to scratch out another man or woman's eyes

 

Woman rarely do damage with a slap.

For most men, there is little real threat from most women, it is not a fair fight.

Most men, even weaklings, have huge upper body strength compared to most women, so whilst a woman's slap may sting, most of the damage done is due to pride being hurt, as opposed to real tissue damage. A male slapping a female could send her to hospital.

Therefore the significance of the slap is magnified hugely when we consider male to female, as opposed to female to male.

Saying all this, it is far better if relations never get to the stage where violence even in the form of a slap is ever engaged in, in anger.

 

Most men need respect; in fact many have voted emasculation and disrespect as bigger threats than cheating.

And from talking with others who have divorced, it is confirmed.

I decided myself to not offer an engagement ring because her humiliation was done in public [she had belittled and humiliated me before but it was in private and i always turned it around in my head].

 

Emasculation is a very very big thing.

A slap in public from a woman, while not having any physical consequences on a man, will have tremendous psychological consequences.

Edited May 30, 2015 by Radu

[SoleMate]

What causes men to be violent towards women?

What caused you to ask that question in a manner that assumes male violence has an external cause, of which they are the presumably blameless victims? Wouldn't it be more reasonable to ask, "Why do men choose to be violent towards women?"

 

ANSWER. Because it serves their need or suits their purpose.

[anika99]

There was a shocking Yale study a couple of years ago that found that children are not "born good" at all. They have to be trained to be nice people. They did some different age groups, including infants and toddlers and up around 7, I think it was at different times, different studies. They found that even young toddlers were greedy and punishing to other young toddlers. One finding was they liked best those who liked the same thing they did. But they also found that if they were given treats they could share or not and the option to share them or not, they would take fewer treats for themselves if it meant being able to totally withhold a treat from the other child. So it was something like I can give you 2 treats and the other child gets 1 treat OR I can give you 1 treat and the other child gets none -- and they'd choose the latter. Greedy little nits!

 

 

You can find the study by googling Yale infant study and then once there, you can find the other studies. So anyone who is raising their kid thinking love and modeling alone will guarantee a considerate child is wrong. You have to actively teach them to be nice to others or in some cases they will just take and take.

 

That's actually not shocking at all. Everyone knows that babies and toddlers are extremely self centred and self absorbed. They have not learned empathy, and they are not capable of understanding the feelings or needs of others. I've actually always regarded abusive men as severely emotionally stunted, like they ceased to emotionally mature past a certain age in childhood. Angry tantrum throwing 2 yr olds in a man's body.

[johndoe2]

Most differences between male and female behavior trends are probably biological.

 

That said, I will bring up one peculiar thing that I learned that might explain some of the greater prevalence of male violence. A study (which I don't have offhand and will post if I find it) found that when infants cry, parents respond quicker to female infants than male infants. This illustrates that from a very young age, infancy even, males are instilled with a greater tendency to suppress emotions, be stoic, etc. It's not a stretch to see to this would translate into more violence. Even getting beyond evolutionary biology, societies historically relied on males to do most of the physical labor, and also, concomitantly, most of the physical violence, such as to protect the community from pillagers or what have you. A biproduct of this conditioning was that sometimes it violence would occur within the community; but warriors were necessary nonetheless, so it would have been tolerated to some extent.

 

Also, although it was an old post, I really have to argue with TaraMaiden's post on page 1. There was no prehistoric time when societies all worshiped goddesses and then men manufactured 'patriarchal' religions and began oppressing women. The typical pre-modern gender roles were nearly ubiquitous in some form as far back as the existence of civilization, and they owe their existence primarily to the fact that pregnant/nursing women are not very productive economically nor in aself-defense capacity; and were of course physically weaker than men, so not as good at almost any pre-industrial 'job' as men. This meant men inherited almost all of the 'work' out of the home: farming, initially, and eventually mining, craftsmanship, and eventualy manufacturing; and of course the defense roles also went to men (again, considering the importance of upper body strength in war even today, it was certainly necessary in less technologically advanced times).

 

It is therefore not surprising that social conditioning that trained men to be physically and psychologically prepared for physically grueling and dangerous labor, as well as war, would also render men more likely to be physically violent.

Edited May 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[johndoe2]

They have not learned empathy, and they are not capable of understanding the feelings or needs of others. I've actually always regarded abusive men as severely emotionally stunted, like they ceased to emotionally mature past a certain age in childhood.

This type of behavior, stunted psychological growth, often correlates with physical or psychological abuse as a child.

[spiderowl]

Probably for the same reasons that men have always tried to control women. Usually they controlled through social rules or through religion, but the result was the same: women were not allowed to talk to other men; they had to cover themselves in some way and be modest; they were chaperoned or confined to the home.

 

Freud argued that the society's greatest taboos stem from deep desire and temptation. The stronger the feelings/passions something aroused, the more likely it was that there would be strict taboos surrounding that object or person. In other words, feelings of temptation lead to a stronger urge to control. Like most impulses, a person's ability to control themselves when under the influence of a passion of any kind is crucial.

[Haydn]

Violence towards me was pretty standard with my ex. She asked me to hit her back.

 

I never did.

 

She said. `I was not a man` for not hitting back.

 

Anyone who smacks anyone in a RS should leave. (I did not)

 

But in answer to the question.

 

I don`t know.