Trying NC again

[Kenzie88]

Around 3pm today I blocked MM, again.

 

I'm really trying to go cold turkey. I know the replies to my other thread about backing off to gain perspective - for myself and for him - are right. But this isn't the first time I will be trying NC.

 

It's so hard when someone's been in your life in some form or another for over 7 years. But I have to try.

 

I don't want to be that OW whose naive and blind and hopeless.

 

Do I still believe we have a chance? Yes.

 

I also know in some people'a eyes that makes me pathetic. But it's the way I've always been... Especially with MM. I've always felt like we would find our way back to each other.

 

But it's true... His actions aren't matching his words. And I've told him as much before, and let him know if things didn't start changing I'd have no choice but to walk away.

 

And my biggest fear right now is that the W will get pregnant. It terrifies me for my sake and for hers.

 

So begins my attempt at Nc again. I've picked this time because he's going away for work for several days.. So contact would have been sparse anyway.

 

Is it so wrong to hope though... That after all these years... And all the growing we have done,.. That MM and I will get our chance?

[Lurkeraspect]

You may (or not) get your chance with this man, though for the life of me, I don't know why you'd want it. You had your time with him, you didn't want him then, you broke up, you both moved on, and once he got a serious girlfriend/fiancée/wife, you suddenly want him.

 

This man doesn't sound like he has many redeeming qualities worth wasting your youth and fertility over. He frankly sounds like a conflict avoidant, typical cheating MM. He married who he wanted and is happy to have you whenever he pleases. That isn't very complimentary of you.

 

But yes, of course, you can hope, wait, hurt, lie, deceive, throw away happiness and the hope of children. Who knows, he may divorce his sexless wife, or she may wind up pregnant and that'll become his next excuse as to why he can't leave. So then he'll ask you to wait another 18 or so years.

 

I guess the real question is; how much of your life are you willing to give him? 10 years, 20, a lifetime?

 

I hope you will finally realize that he is an EX for a reason and you're worth a ton more than waiting in the wings for a divorce that's highly unlikely.

[viciouscircle]

So what is your goal of NC? From what you wrote it seems more like your hoping he fears losing you and will leave his wife more than you realizing this relationship will go nowhere and you need to move on.

 

Your going to have to change your mindset. Your need to quit worrying if he gets his wife pregnant and things like that. You need to start focusing on yourself and your life. You've waited too long on him.

[Kenzie88]

You may (or not) get your chance with this man, though for the life of me, I don't know why you'd want it. You had your time with him, you didn't want him then, you broke up, you both moved on, and once he got a serious girlfriend/fiancée/wife, you suddenly want him.

 

This man doesn't sound like he has many redeeming qualities worth wasting your youth and fertility over. He frankly sounds like a conflict avoidant, typical cheating MM. He married who he wanted and is happy to have you whenever he pleases. That isn't very complimentary of you.

 

But yes, of course, you can hope, wait, hurt, lie, deceive, throw away happiness and the hope of children. Who knows, he may divorce his sexless wife, or she may wind up pregnant and that'll become his next excuse as to why he can't leave. So then he'll ask you to wait another 18 or so years.

 

I guess the real question is; how much of your life are you willing to give him? 10 years, 20, a lifetime?

 

I hope you will finally realize that he is an EX for a reason and you're worth a ton more than waiting in the wings for a divorce that's highly unlikely.

 

 

 

I've wanted him since before, when we were both single. Right before he met his current W.

 

 

But yes... he is a coward, and avoiding conflict with his wife.

 

 

He's willing to keep me in limbo, just so he wont hurt his wife "yet".

 

 

Why do we do this to ourselves???

 

 

The worst part is, is that I DO love him.

 

 

*Sigh*

[Lois_Griffin]

I think you're smart to stand back and regroup a little. Good on you.

 

If it was meant to be, then it will be.

 

But you have to do something or it would never change.

 

Good luck to you.